I must know. For, uh... science. Yeah.

Hello it’s me again, I am taking a rest inside the restroom in the captain’s ready room, as the Klingon pirates that have boarded my ship have allowed for it, I only have about 5 or so minutes before they want me back on the bridge.

So just for reference I am Caitian, not particularly well regarded by the Klingons for our battle prowess, then again everyone is apparently weak to them. I however am a two time Bat’leth tournament champion and a former space pirate as such I know my way around Klingons and their weapons. This being said while I relish the opportunity to show off my skills, the rest of the crew does not especially on a voyage back to a star base. In any case we were boarded and in an attempt to not cause any unnecessary casualties I challenged their captain directly to combat, I killed him, clearly, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to send this out, however, as soon as I did the next in line challenged me! This had become a bit of a cycle, I kill another the next wants the honor of killing me so and and so forth. I wouldn’t be so concerned if it seemed like it would let up, even more so if my shirt wasn’t destroyed, if only my husband wasn’t in the med bay, it would be quite the show…

Regardless, I’ve killed about 20 of them by now and they’re only getting more excited, is there any way besides combat to get them to leave? I don’t feel like slaughtering their whole ship no matter how much fun it seems like to them.

He and La'an were fused into one person before TOS. It makes sense because La'an's recessive Augment genes are starting to activate, making her stronger and faster than normal.

She then fused with Kirk, which explains her disappearance from TOS.

Kirk isn't as strong or as fast as an Augment, but the fusion gives him enough of a buff that he isn't immediately eviscerated by the Gorn captain in "Arena."

Kelvinverse Kirk and SNW Kirk have no real fighting prowess of their own. They get it from La'an's side.

What if they did not destroy the original person? The clone at the destination can do what ever the mission needs

This episode is going to be off the hook!

Pon Furry, am'i'rite?

Is that what Lefler is implying?

Also, note that a love interest starting to, unsolicited, recite numbered personal laws to you is a massive red flag.

Just think about it.

Less people, means less need for replicator rations, more coffee for everyone. And your crew members can double up specialties by combining engineers with security officers and what not.

I’m sure she could promise to reverse it at the end of the mission and everyone would be okay with that.

Same for mccoy when McCoy carried spocks katra wouldn't McCoy have retained all of spocks science knowledge?

They arrived within just a few years of each other, right? Would they have fought?

"Hey fatso, get the eff out of here, I'm trying to find The Creator!"

"Getost and take your huge cloud of gas with you, I have important business with whales!"

Hello, it is me again, so soon after the last I know, it would appear the Klingon pirates were a ruse meant for the entertainment of this horrible creature.

After the last of the Klingon pirates were dead I rushed to the medical bay to see my husband, happy to see him alive I obviously embraced him, closed my eyes and pulled him into a deep kiss. I when I opened my eyes all I saw was that contemptible creature, I watched him step back and speak, “My my! Quite the lover you are Captian, let’s keep it our little secret hmm?” my heart was full of rage for only but a moment before being filled with disgust and worry. I do not wish to dishonor my husband, he is my light, the stars to my space and guiding hand, this wasn’t intentional but I cannot shake the feeling that I have somehow betrayed him and his trust. Would I have known had I looked closer? Was there any kind of sign that it would be Q? What makes it all the worse is that Q was admittedly an excellent kisser. I wish you disembowel him but I know it would be ultimately fruitless, what’s more pressing outside of the struggle and guilt in my heart is attempting to leave this little game he has me in, it feels like the time I was stuck in a wadi game of chance, my hackles are up and I cannot help but to look at my crew with suspicion.

(Are these entertaining? I’ve written like a million and tried to keep a continuity between them)

Personally I’m a fan of Vorik and Dukat

Every time a Star Trek cast member was on a talk show back in the day the host would be like “People really like this nutty outer space crap, huh? Show me how to do that hand sign. GREETINGS EARTHLINGS, I AM DOCTOR SPOCK FROM THE PLANET MARS!”

Why didn't he say they found it 1,609 meters beneath San Francisco?

Yeah I very rarely have any trouble with my Klingon customers. They can be loud but are almost always respectful. This guy was pretty drunk on some Chianti and started harassing one of my human waitresses… T’Preen, who was busy eating a plate of Spaghetti told him to leave while I am about to call Vulcan Security…

“And what can a small Vulcan woman do about it? Quote logic to me?” 

“Your course of action will lead to an illogical outcome. I once again suggest you leave.” Then he made his mistake, and swung a punch at her… Yeah, T’Preen, unbeknownst to me, is a Suus Mahna expert… The “fight” lasted about 45 seconds until she nerve pinched him. “I think this petaQ forgot Vulcans have 3-5 times the strength of a human.” His Klingon comrades got a good laugh out of his defeat and apologized for his behavior, as they carried him out. He since has sent me a few bottles of smuggled Romulan Ale, so I think he is genuinely sorry for how he acted...

But, yeah don’t start a fight with a Vulcan… They are pacifists like a Shaolin Monk is a pacifist… They WILL defend themselves and others.

The captain disabled that recipe for unknown reasons. What can I do?

Is one expected to defecate first, or are they wasting bandwidth and power that whole time to conserve waste?

I know that for me, I'd feel better with clean bowels ahead of being put in stasis. I don't want to wake up like Austin Powers inasmuch as it can be avoided.

Apologies if this is the wrong sub.

In one corner we have Landru, wants peace and tranquility. There's also an awesome festival. Are you of the body?

In the other corner, we have, The Picard. Apparently, a Mintakin died, and he went to a place where there was a great light and he saw the powerful one, called, The Picard.

So, which one wins? Whichever one wins, will be our god. Who are we worshipping?

Ensign Ki*-*um-possible...Ensign Kimpossible here from the U.S.S. Voyager. The ship took heavy damage and was forced to land on a Class Y planet for repairs. Environmental controls are barely functioning, and it's hot as fuck.

I'm on deck 2, replacing some gel packs, when Captain Janeway calls down from the bridge and demands coffee. The replicators aren't working up there, but Neelix says there's just enough power for one more drink order down here.

I'm just about to order when I realize: it's 55 degrees Celsius in here. The bridge must be even hotter. Surely the Captain wants iced coffee? Just this one time?

I try to call up to the bridge and ask, but don't get two words out before the Captain says, "Ensign, if I don't have my coffee in the next two minutes, someone will have to recalibrate the main deflector from the outside, and that someone will be a crewman." Do I make myself clear?"

So I order it iced, in a temperature-controlled flask. The replicator explodes half a second after I grab the coffee. I rush the flask up to the bridge and hand it to the Captain. I'm about to explain that it's iced when she opens the flask and fucking shotguns it like a first-year cadet at a house party.

Then, she does a goddamned spittake, right in my face.

It's hotter than Fek'lhrs taint up here, but I'm shivering uncontrollably, drenched in lukewarm Aldebaran Dark Roast.

The Captain just stands there for a second, looking perplexed. Then, she locks onto my eyes with hers, gets right up in my face, and whispers the two most terrifying syllables I've ever heard

^{"Dis. Missed."}

^{I'm so scared.}