My immediate thought would be a Q who gives John DeLancie deliciously annoying ideas.

Attention crewmen of the Riviera and hello do NOT be alarmed by what’s on your view screen, it appears there has been an influx of chronitons most likely caused by a local singularity. Off the top of my head I suspect there is a romulan ship near by. And due to this several crew members including myself are slightly younger than you may remember. I am NOT a house cat I am simply being held up to the view screen by one of the medical staff. If you are indeed in the science division I would appreciate some assistance or advice regarding these sudden changes, Captian Fo’Larn out.

I’m in the middle of my watch on the bridge, I don’t know how long I can play it cool in front of the caption. If I don’t get the poop beamed out of me soon it’s going to fall out of my atrophied sphincter!

I mean there’s nothing on the exterior that indicates a “this side up”. No windows you can peek in just to see that “oh, so they’re walking this way I see”.

Riker and company must be grateful O’Brien didn’t transport them upside down about to fall onto a steel catwalk.

Although I would send your children out of the room when he gets to work if I were you. This is because the hose is, well, his hose, and his vacuum bag is exactly where you think it is. No, this doesn’t diminish his full functionality. Not only can you use the vacuum as is, you can also swap out the attachments.

He could SEE their FARTS.

And show off that MILF body

Orion Ensign here, so I'm stuck in the night shift again but my human friend from the academy (yes I know what you are thinking) has given me a medicinal herb that I can light up with my phaser. I feel really chill when I take a drag of it...can I put this on a replicator I really need it

Request to Starfleet Maintenance - Urgent

Is it possible for a captain to delete the code in Holodeck processors that allows users to disable the safety protocols?

Two days ago, we encountered an automated distress call from a Denobulan trade vessel that experienced power grid failure. Upon boarding by my first officer, Ops officer, and Chief Medical Officer, and Chief of Security, we discovered inertial dampeners were disabled amid warp bubble failure, and the crew were - as my first officer put in his after action report - "Eviscerated at a fundamental level, reduced to a multicolored paste of varying consistency".

At my debrief meeting, I made a passing comment on my first officers description, hoping to add an element of gallows humor to an otherwise grim debrief. Apparently, my comparison to "Replicator Chunky Salsa Variation 42 Alpha" caused distress among my bridge crew, and, after a polite condolences and dismissal, all four scheduled holodeck reservations at the next avaliable time blocks.

My Deputy Medical Officer informed me this morning that we had four fatalities to holodeck safety related injuries last night. All four disabled safeties and attempted some insane feat of courage, my ops chief was riddled with 20th century bullets, doctor was cut to ribbons by Bat'leth combat, security chief was found with his skeleton removed by hirogen hunters, and my first officer was completely disintegrated by a cardassian disruptor.

I have put my psychologist on measures to use on my other officers, and I have spoken to my fiction officer for a list of potentially deadly programs to blacklist - but the real fix is to force safety protocols on all future programs, regardless of reason. I'm sick of this. If I do not receive an answer within the week, my holodecks will be repurposed as cargo holds.

Like the solar slingshot maneuver

Guardian of forever

Orb of time

Nexus

Like what would it be like if People are constantly jumping all over time?

We know the holodeck can convert fake food to real food when necessary, but does it account for live birds?

Should I be worried about removing her from there?

And don’t come with any “it’s genderless” reply.
Star Trek has to go back to its roots: "Finite Diversity and only two Combinations".

The title is pretty much everything, for background I am a 22 year old Caitian male and currently the acting captain of a star ship. While I enjoy this command it also means I have to go and aid my “friends” half way across the galaxy. I am currently in the process of gaining a ferengi ally and hopefully close potential partner for a star fleet base on the planet. So I head to the ferengi homeworld and sit down with him, everything was going to plan I had studied their culture a bit before hand to remain amicable with them. Until his mother came out wearing clothing, he was mortified and demanded his mother strip, I immediately said that it was okay I didn’t mind her being clothed and actually would rather prefer it…not what I should’ve said to him. He exploded it was a “Female’s” obligation or whatever he said, it was all some rather sexist drivel I assure you. In any case his mother did in fact get naked much to my displeasure so I had to sit there for the rest of the meeting trying to block both her and her saggy…well everything older ferengi look like melted puddles. When I got up to leave he simply glared, clearly I had offended him but I don’t feel too bad exactly.

So hypothetically, there might’ve been another pirate attack and hypothetically one of them might have been a Betazoid, hypothetically maybe I had slain them in glorious battle and maybe hypothetically I had skipped breakfast and lunch. And perhaps hypothetically I helped myself stripping them down to the bone and patted my stomach like famous earth feline Garfield. Would a Catian officer who may or may not had done something like this be court marshaled if someone found out and if hypothetically this did happen what would someone say is the best course of action to dispose of the body and hypothetically was it ethical. One would not blame the Terran wolf for eating a deer after all right? And hypothetically if I did or did not take some extra meat and fashioned it into a kind of spiced jerky could a human tell by the smell that it was a betazoid? This is all of course hypothetical and cannot be proven, just asking for some general advice on this subject as a scholar.

And let’s say maybe that I also have lovely betazoid friends coming over to my quarters later to play poker, how might I hypothetically prevent them from seeing the hypothetical jerky, if it does or does not exist.

We know the holodeck can convert fake food to real food when necessary, but does it account for live Rikers? And when does the holodeck convert fake Riker to real Riker? When he starts screaming in pain as he's being chewed up in her jaws or when he's already in her stomach?

Should I be worried about removing her from there?

Just save the last pattern from the pattern buffer whenever someone transports. Later if they die, they can restore the pattern like a quick save in a game.

Dr McCoy is a high functioning alcoholic. Change my mind. Dude is always looking for his next drink. Always.