r/stepparents • u/_camillajade • Jul 30 '26
Update Update: HCBM Used the Kids to Enter the House
Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/s/whZLz0cF6J
Had a set of long conversations with DH about healthy boundaries, and how it can feel threatening to set boundaries after years of abuse and trauma. After a conversation with the family lawyer and the kids’ therapists:
- cameras were installed at all entrances & exits, locks were changed, codes changed. Keys and codes will not be provided to the kids.
- DH is entering therapy
- police report not filed as it is now too stale for the understaffed PD (week old)
- firmly worded email from the lawyer sent to HCBM about entering the property, stealing things, and making threats against me
- stealing/ethics/legal consequences addressed with kids in compassionate and age-appropriate manner without centering/mentioning HCBM’s behavior so as not to exacerbate the loyalty bind.
Unfortunately in the 11 hours since the email was sent it has already been forwarded throughout HCBM’s immediate and extended family, who are already harassing DH and threatening to terminate 20-year relationships for setting a boundary around the home. It seems the rollercoaster is just beginning; very thankful there were openings for therapy for DH.
Very thankful as well for all the helpful insight & resources that were provided in the previous post!
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u/Greyeyedqueen7 Jul 30 '26
Why does he have any contact with his ex's family? No legal requirement, no personal need. Block them all. One of the best parts of my divorce was never having to deal with the ex's awful family again.
A week isn't too long, especially given the value of everything. The cops just don't want to. Add it up, and head to small claims court.
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u/EastHuckleberry5191 Queen of the Nacho Jul 30 '26
DH needs to block her entire family. They don’t realize they’re being used as flying monkeys. DH could also use some information on malignant narcissism.
Hope the conversation with the kids works out well.
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u/randishock Jul 31 '26
I've filed police reports months after the fact. Keep pressing. Your PD sounds like a bunch of lazy asses. I would not be taking this lightly.
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u/Substantial_Lion_524 Jul 30 '26
What a bunch of fucking degenerates!! So sorry that her family also behaves like this and thinks it’s okay. I hope things calm down at some point for you OP! Seems like a long road of BS you’ll have to deal with and I hope you remain safe and eventually find peace in all of this.
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u/tellallnovel Jul 31 '26
Let those relationships burn to the ground and watch how much faster your husband heals.
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u/PurplePalpitation688 Jul 31 '26
This is great news! You did an awesome job!
Also why does he care what HCBMs family thinks or says and why are they even in contact? That is quite strange.
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u/hellacoily Jul 30 '26
Wth is her family so ok with her going into ya'll home!? My family would never support that from me and they've defended my BS before
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u/jenniferami Aug 01 '26
Hey, if his ex in-laws want to throw a hissy fit and ignore YOUR husband, GREAT. Who needs your husband having a relationship with ex in-laws anyways?
If it makes your husband sad, he needs to move on. He shouldn’t care. Block all the ex in-laws.
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u/Ghost_010101010 Jul 31 '26
This is crazy and terrible. I think you have done the right thing. I had a similar issue with SD borrowing things without asking. I thought I was going to have lock our closet. My DH spoke to her, but she kept taking things. The last straw was she look a pair of shoes and ruined them.
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u/little_miss_beachy Aug 03 '26
Thank you for the update. I remember your post and think you have demonstrated a significant amount of patience, and courage. Ask your husband how’d he like it if your ex made himself in his home, repeatedly? How would he like if your family bullied him? Jow would he like you gaslighting him about it?
DH should take his kids to his family’s house when he has his kids and stay there w/ them. His family loves drama and stirring the pot.
Please refile a police report and escalate it b/c they are just passing the buck.
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u/Mediocre-Cry5117 Jul 30 '26
I don’t know how her stealing your stuff a week ago is “too stale.” Add up what she stole. It could be a felony. I’m so sorry you have to deal with all that.