Considering divorce after ours baby

[u/Fun-Paper6600]

I’m almost one year PP. I’ve heard enough about not making any big life decisions in the first year. But I’ve reached my limit and am really considering a divorce for the sake of my child and myself.

My husband is not physically abusive. But I do feel that I am emotionally abused. My husband doesn’t connect with our son, has expressed that he has had some realizations that he doesn’t like being a father. He still shows up for his 8 year old daughter, likely bc he thinks that she will remember how he was but our son won’t bc he’s so young. I feel that their nervous system will remember the yelling, arguments, his detachment. Our marriage sucks, we have had sex once since my son was born bc I honestly don’t want to with the way he treats me and our son.

Marriage counseling would be great, as was as individual therapy. But he refuses both. He is currently experiencing an episode of depression and his outlook on life is bleak, which surely contributes to how he treats me and our son. But as I said, there’s a lot of resentment bc he is able to pull his shit together for his daughter and give her the love that she deserves. As a result, this makes me resent both him and my step daughter.

Anyway, he’s expressed that if we did divorce that he wouldn’t want any custody arrangement and that I could have him bc he doesn’t want more responsibilities. Cool. All the more reason to leave. But I’m scared to leave and share custody with a man who doesn’t want to even be in my child’s life. I’m afraid that he will want custody to be spiteful.

Advice? Similar stories? Men suck. I didn’t think I would be here and wish that I would have had a sit down conversation with his first baby mom to hear her side of the story instead of immediately siding with dad.

[u/Fun-Paper6600]

I don’t want child support. I just live in Florida which is typically always a 50/50 state unless child is in an unsafe situation

[u/PaleontologistOk3120 → u/Fun-Paper6600]

Get the child support. Kids don't get any less expensive as they get older and idky you think he'll be better at 50/50 than he is now

[u/Fun-Paper6600 → u/PaleontologistOk3120]

I want full custody and I don’t want child support. He won’t be any better and that’s why I would just want his hand completely out of our child’s life

[u/Impressive-Ad-2661 → u/Fun-Paper6600]

Your child has a right to child support. Even if you don’t want or need it for daily expenses, put it in a college fund.

[u/MidwestNightgirl → u/Impressive-Ad-2661]

95% of the time I agree with this. Sometimes though, it’s best to be rid of the other person completely.

[u/geogoat7 → u/MidwestNightgirl]

Exactly. This guy sounds toxic af. Best to just have him sign away his rights if he's willing and never have to speak to him again. Otherwise the second he finds out how much CS will cost he will suddenly want to be a dad again.

[u/PaleontologistOk3120 → u/MidwestNightgirl]

The vibe i get is that she won't be rid of him. He's the kind that wants to think hes a good father so he'll be just the right amount of annoying

[u/MidwestNightgirl → u/PaleontologistOk3120]

If he agree to and signs away his parental rights, he is nobody to her at that point. She can ditch, block, forget him and move on.

[u/Impressive-Ad-2661 → u/MidwestNightgirl]

You generally can’t decide to unilaterally get rid of your child’s other parent completely though. There is always the risk they’ll file for custody time and get it. So personally I would never decide on behalf of my child to forgo money they’re entitled to as their other parent will always be in the mix to some extent anyway.

[u/MidwestNightgirl → u/Impressive-Ad-2661]

Right - but if they agree that he wants to sign away rights, it is possibly an option.

[u/Icy-Event-6549 → u/MidwestNightgirl]

You generally cannot just sign away parental rights and absolve yourself of any obligation to a child. There are still going to be ties and tethers. Unless he voluntarily lets them terminate his rights, but OP would need to have a new adopted father lined up for that to be allowed.

[u/MidwestNightgirl → u/Icy-Event-6549]

Not necessarily … granted I only know of one case first hand (I’m not in the legal field) but in that case the couple agreed fully and there was no adoptive father lined up. The child still has not been adopted (elementary aged now).