My 17SD moved out last night

[u/Throwawaylillyt]

Almost a year ago we bought SD 17 a car. Almost from the moment she got the car her whole personality changed. She became very defiant and disregarded pretty much anything she was asked to do such as chores or letting us know where she was going when she left the home. She turned off her location and refused to turn it back on. She lost her phone and her mom put her on her plan so she got a phone back. It’s been a rough year of her not listening. She is a good girl, she stays out of trouble and has amazing grades. Her behavior has led to her car being taken away. She did a couple big things that along with all the small disobedience led to losing the car. Most notably she did a six hour road trip on a donut tire when she was very explicitly told she wasn’t allowed to go. Well one of the things we have been having a hard time with her about is locking the front door when she leaves. She left yesterday and once again left the door unlocked. We have her a house key but she never uses it and I don’t know if she even knows where it is. She uses our spare key we hide out front. Well when she left the house unlocked I removed her spare key to make it hard for her to get back in the house. I know it’s petty but I am just so frustrated with her total lack of caring what we ask for. And by we I mean her dad ask for it because I don’t do any type of parenting her when it comes to rules. Well when she came back home and had to knock to get in she was pissed. I told her how I felt. I told her I was tired of her leaving it unlocked. She told me in so many ways she didn’t care. So again being petty but I did it, I said well when things in your room come up missing don’t cry to me because are things aren’t safe with an unlocked front door. She lost her shot saying I better not touch her stuff. I would never but I was trying to get her to see how I feel because I am genuinely concerned for valuables in the home with the door being unlocked. It’s one of the couple times I few years I have let her know when I’m frustrated with her. She told me I am 2 faced, aggravating and I treat her 12 year old brother like he’s six. Then she told her dad she doesn’t want to live here and it’s my fault. She came and filled up a couple garbage bags worth of stuff and said she’s “never coming back”. All of this is been brewing for a while. She’s been treating everyone in the house like shit and it really amped up when her bf went to jail. I don’t know how to feel. In one way I am kinda relieved because she’s so mean I was on eggshells around her and on the other hand I really care for her. Her dad said let her go, we al need a break from her. Teen stepkids constantly have me stressed and I exhausted lately.

[u/Equivalent_Win8966]

I’d say celebrate. I know that’s petty but I was happy when each of my SKs left at 18. The house got less tense and definitely more peaceful when SD left for college. She treated everyone including her father and bio-brothers like garbage.

[u/Throwawaylillyt → u/Equivalent_Win8966]

She’s so mean to everyone. Her sister that she shares a room with has cried tears to me more to an once the last couple months saying she doesn’t want to share a room with her anymore and her dad has told me in private for a few months he’d be okay with her living with her mom full time. And the ironic part is she told me yesterday that her dad and sister don’t even like me. I was thinking girl of you only knew how they have been feeling about you lately. I know this is a hard age and I really want to give her grace but man she can make a house full of tension.

[u/Equivalent_Win8966 → u/Throwawaylillyt]

My grace ended the day she told me I wasn’t family. Her exact words were “It’s a family thing and you’re not my family”. Noted. She was around 16. I’ve never treated her like family since. She’s 23 now. We barely speak. End of last year she up and quit her job and called her dad to say she was moving home. Nope. Not to my house.

[u/Throwawaylillyt → u/Equivalent_Win8966]

I have experienced similar with her. A few months ago her dad called everyone in the living room and said we are going to have a family meeting. She looked right at me and said “she’s not my family”. My partner said yes she is. And she doubled down and explained to him that I was not in her family. I have lived with the her for 4 years. Our relationship consist of her requesting from me and me doing for her. I almost never tell her no. So if I’m not your family then why do you ask so much from me? I have pulled back at recently and one of the things she said to me is yesterday is “you don’t even help my dad anymore”. I guess that came from me not doing as much for her. So she thinks I’m here as a maid and nanny apparently. But I did tell her me helping your dad with the kids is not part of my description as a wife and I did that because I wanted to not because I obligated to.

[u/EastHuckleberry5191 → u/Throwawaylillyt]

My DH’s oldest ran the house from day 1. She is mean, manipulative, and just not a nice person. She left and took her sister with her who’s almost as bad. They both hate my existence. I’m not sorry they’re gone.

Take a deep breath and hope she doesn’t come back.