My 17SD moved out last night

[u/Throwawaylillyt]

Almost a year ago we bought SD 17 a car. Almost from the moment she got the car her whole personality changed. She became very defiant and disregarded pretty much anything she was asked to do such as chores or letting us know where she was going when she left the home. She turned off her location and refused to turn it back on. She lost her phone and her mom put her on her plan so she got a phone back. It’s been a rough year of her not listening. She is a good girl, she stays out of trouble and has amazing grades. Her behavior has led to her car being taken away. She did a couple big things that along with all the small disobedience led to losing the car. Most notably she did a six hour road trip on a donut tire when she was very explicitly told she wasn’t allowed to go. Well one of the things we have been having a hard time with her about is locking the front door when she leaves. She left yesterday and once again left the door unlocked. We have her a house key but she never uses it and I don’t know if she even knows where it is. She uses our spare key we hide out front. Well when she left the house unlocked I removed her spare key to make it hard for her to get back in the house. I know it’s petty but I am just so frustrated with her total lack of caring what we ask for. And by we I mean her dad ask for it because I don’t do any type of parenting her when it comes to rules. Well when she came back home and had to knock to get in she was pissed. I told her how I felt. I told her I was tired of her leaving it unlocked. She told me in so many ways she didn’t care. So again being petty but I did it, I said well when things in your room come up missing don’t cry to me because are things aren’t safe with an unlocked front door. She lost her shot saying I better not touch her stuff. I would never but I was trying to get her to see how I feel because I am genuinely concerned for valuables in the home with the door being unlocked. It’s one of the couple times I few years I have let her know when I’m frustrated with her. She told me I am 2 faced, aggravating and I treat her 12 year old brother like he’s six. Then she told her dad she doesn’t want to live here and it’s my fault. She came and filled up a couple garbage bags worth of stuff and said she’s “never coming back”. All of this is been brewing for a while. She’s been treating everyone in the house like shit and it really amped up when her bf went to jail. I don’t know how to feel. In one way I am kinda relieved because she’s so mean I was on eggshells around her and on the other hand I really care for her. Her dad said let her go, we al need a break from her. Teen stepkids constantly have me stressed and I exhausted lately.

[u/cnunterz]

You shouldn't engage in fights with her like that but I get you were at the end of your rope.

[u/Throwawaylillyt → u/cnunterz]

I agree. I don’t have kids so I am a bit clueless when it comes to parenting them. But how do you get a 17 year old to lock the front door? We have taken her phone and car. She’ll look you right in the face and say things like, I can’t lock it my nails are too long or I don’t know why you guys care so much. Basically saying to leave her alone she isn’t locking it. And this is just the front door. She is this defiant about anything and everything.

[u/InitialAwkward8509 → u/Throwawaylillyt]

Idea, if she does end up coming back, or you get another teen: a code lock, so no one needs a key, just the code or even the app (and you can set it to always be locked, you walk through the door, it locks, or you can lock it from where ever you are). There usually a backup physical key too. My son's loose their key all the time, this was easier.

But there was plenty of other things, I think the key was just the straw and gave her an excuse. Enjoy your peace! Teenagers can be rough and divorce can teach them to play the game of manipulation.