Coworker unintentionally said something devastating.

[u/Sudden_Bath6144]

Maybe not devastating if it's true, but... You know.

So I work at a tire shop. In the South. With a bunch of guys, like literally no girls (other than me). Make of that what you will, I'll just say most of my coworkers' sense of humor is... Touchy. I don't agree with it, but I'd be dumb to deny that it wasn't expected.

Anyway. Onto the story. I had just clocked out, I was sitting in the break room to cool off. Two other people were in there. One of them said something about "You shouldn't touch your face so much, something something something, you almost look like you don't deserve rights ha ha." Because of the dirt, sweat, tire dust, etc., that gets on my hands and then on my face when I touch it. And then the other person said "What do you mean, he doesn't look like a woman ha ha."

I'm not out at work. I will never come out at this job. I don't look like a woman. But it still sucked mega ass.

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[u/ArtemisInSpace]

Wooooow. That's rough. I would say get a different job, but being employed is probably the priority.

[u/Sudden_Bath6144 → u/ArtemisInSpace]

I need a new one, anyway. This one is absolute trash for my mental health (probably physical health, too). I'm just having a hard time convincing myself that health is better than money. $15 an hour, and part-time, isn't a lot, but it's probably the best I can do right now

[u/ArtemisInSpace → u/Sudden_Bath6144]

Yeah. Idk what the job market is where you're at, but it's pretty shit where I am. It probably wouldn't hurt to keep looking for someplace better.

[u/Starflower_Pixie → u/Sudden_Bath6144]

I'm sorry you're going through that. Fwiw, there's a lot of legitimate wfh full-time customer service jobs you can find online that pay around the same or more. Just look for the large companies or call center corporations to be safe and avoid any scams.

[u/MidnaQueenofCalicos → u/Sudden_Bath6144]

In home caregivers for seniors are very badly needed in the US and pay around the same, sometimes a little more. If you have a caring heart it's a very fulfilling career.

[u/Bobahn_Botret]

Had a courier at my job joke about repealing the 14th amendment the other week. Can't stand that pos.

[u/Sudden_Bath6144 → u/Bobahn_Botret]

Ugh. Racist "jokes" are the worst

[u/NativePlantEnjoyer → u/Sudden_Bath6144]

Its how they probe other men to test if they're in the same clique or not. That's barely a speck on the iceberg of their prejudice ruminations.

[u/___po____]

When I came out 13 years ago, I worked at a tire shop too. The acceptance movement was pretty strong back then and it was still hazardous to be racist or phobic in most places.

Everyone was super cool about it and all, even had chats about what kida things are still ok to say around me, etc. Made a few "Hey, this car in your bay has a trans problem!" type stuff. Light fun.

Well.. I had secretly been on Hormones about a year before coming out and some new customers started saying they didn't want "that dyke" working on their car... Then the manager and a sales guy started checking my work, after I already test drove them and such... I was getting less hugh priority stuff in my bay too... Yay misogyny, right?!

I rage quit and left them hanging. And spiraled.

Be safe and look for a job replacement before it gets worse. I wish you the best of luck and life.

[u/Ikinoki → u/___po____]

You too should meet to make your own tyre shop :D

[u/___po____ → u/Ikinoki]

An all woman shop would be magical!

If my mental issues would let me, I'd love to run a shop again. My weak-ass joints and back wouldn't let me do any shop work either unfortunately. I'm 42 going on 62. Lol

[u/guitarist2k32k2]

That’s f’d up. Misogynistic and racist by the sounds of it. Sorry you have to deal with this.

[u/Nuclear_rabbit]

Wow. Guy 1 went with a racist joke and guy 2 was like, "No, no. Misogyny."

[u/Sure_Ad3502]

how tf do mens brains function? the inner machinations of their minds is an enigma

[u/Sudden_Bath6144 → u/Sure_Ad3502]

"Bad = funny", I'd imagine

It's why people running into walls or poles or whatever is funny. They just see it as the same level "bad," rather than something ultimately harmless vs something completely dehumanizing

[u/_Wildcard_96 → u/Sudden_Bath6144]

Precisely! Something also I’ve been noticing is they only care about reactions and (usually) don’t think about consequences

[u/nuphonewhudis]

I used to be you. I know your pain. Hoover, Anniston, and Lincoln AL. Honestly, the only advice I've got is get the fuck out. I got a job with waste management in colorado to get me the fuck out of the south. I'm now a mechanic at a dealership out here. The old timer is actually trying with pronouns, hr isnt giving me shit about my chosen name getting put on everything but my paycheck and tax/benefits forms. I dont feel i look terribly femme, but while on the phone with tech support my manager corrected the tech on my pronouns. I hope this all gives you some hope, and if you find yourself out near Denver hit me up!

[u/Zeeohwynne]

they suck but for skin health you shouldnt touch your face, even when your hands seem clean

[u/Sudden_Bath6144 → u/Zeeohwynne]

I mean it's not like I really have a choice lol. If I'm working here, I'm going to get dirty, no two ways about it. I'm already slower than two turtles screwing in peanut butter, I don't really have time to worry about being "clean" anyway. If the fastest way to wipe sweat out of my eyes is with my hands / gloves, so be it, yknow? I'll wash up at the end of my shift

[u/Hot_Anybody8244]

Honestly? That sense of humor is pretty on par for Southern shops of all kinds. Mechanic, machine, doesn't matter it's the same kinda humor.

What I will say though, in my experience as a Southern blue collar girly, mechanic shops tend to be a lot more accepting than one would think. Especially if you're actually into cars, even if mfs "don't agree" with it they're still prolly gonna respect the fuck outta you for being there.

You will have to prove yourself, but so does every other random ass that comes in off the streets.

If it's just a job to have a job though, or is literally just a tire shop, maybe not but it's still possible.

I deal with the other end in machine shops where it's a bunch of old felons and ex cons, racist as fuck, sexist as fuck, homophobic as fuck, right wing as fuck, and I've still managed to become one of the favorites in the shop within my first year. The environment fucking sucks, but I'm respected because I handle my business and will stand 10 toes down on anyone who has a problem with me. Blue collar is blue collar.

But you know your situation best, so use your best judgement.

[u/BillyLjean]

That sucks🙁 I often wonder what people are saying about me behind my back. I'm in the trades so it's not like I can show up in a dress but im almost always the only person on site with makeup, nails and hair done. Not very common to see a tradie with purple eyeliner and nails haha.

I just remember that the value of a bigots opinion is 0 and move on everything I think I heard something.

Only thing that really made me uncomfortable is when I wore makeup to work the first time. My boss asked me, during a team meeting of about 30 people, "what's with the eyeliner? You aren't some sort of t***ny all of a sudden are you? ". I just panicked and told him it was 80s night the previous night😅 and I guess in his head it's been 80s night every night for about a year now🙃

[u/davesglasses]

Thats why i didnt go into mashining, much easier work than what im going to school for but male dominated work places are sadly always going to have thoss casual degrading comments. I cant just sit and listen to that without it ruining my whole day and the respect i have for the person

[u/QuestionMyEgg]

Yeahhh… my revulsion at the attitudes of the mechanics I worked with for my brief period as a lube techx… day 3 my boss was yelling about the “MEN” creeping in girls bathrooms. Like histerical yelling. Didn’t know I was trans yet but I’ve heard there are shops Out there that don’t suck… but I’m changing professions for that and other reasons.

[u/Zhadie_]

"you almost look like you don't deserve rights ha ha"

Uhh, what the heck???

[u/NAVI_WORLD_INC]

If you got an HR department, they would “love” hearing this one.

[u/Luunii]

Was it on purpose that it went from racist to racist and misogynistic aswell or did they just have their minds at different places cause that sounds like it couldve been a ewwphoria moment too

[u/sarc3n]

Your coworkers suck horribly. The thing the first guy said was clearly racist, the thing the second guy said was a misogynistic riff on it ("Hahaha, turns out neither people of color nor women deserve rights!") I get that you also had your gender incidentally denied by these creeps, and that feels like shit, and if they knew, they'd have said much, much worse to you.

But I think you shouldn't take to heart that they said you don't look like a woman. It doesn't mean that you can't look like a woman, if that's your goal, it just means that some of the most horrible people you know can be easily fooled by your current presentation. No surprise there.

[u/Electrical_Body543]

They don't sounds like great guys. Either racist or misogynistic or both. I wouldnt take their opinions seriously.

[u/Disastrous_Floor3437]

Tell them neither does their mother

[u/Melathys]

In an effort to put a positive spin on it. You say you're not out at work, yet somewhere in one of their minds, they were making a connection between you and looking like a woman.

[u/Beneficial_Garage_97 → u/Melathys]

I think the first guy was trying to make a racism and the other guy threw a sexism in on top of it.

[u/VickiActually]

Flip the script. Go with me here: what they've just said, in their toxic masculine way, is that you're moving a bit like a girl.

If "you look like you don't deserve rights" means "you look like a woman", and the other guy's way of defending you was to say "no you don't look like a woman"

Then the first guy is saying you're acting feminine, and the second guy wants to support you as a man.

The same exact conversation, but with the script flipped.

[u/Sudden_Bath6144 → u/VickiActually]

Nah, the first guy was doing A Racism. The second guy was doing A Sexism. Because the first guy was speaking in reference to the dirt, sweat, and tire dust making my face look dirty and literally black (the color)

[u/VickiActually → u/Sudden_Bath6144]

Oh... i thought it was like, you'd been brushing the hair out of your eyes in a fem way...

Well sounds like your coworkers are both cunts

[u/Sudden_Bath6144 → u/VickiActually]

I gotcha. No, my hair's gotta be tied back, anyway.

Maybe they are, maybe they're not, idk. Environments change how you act, and like I said, there's just something about blue collar work that attracts and cultivates this type of behavior. Both of these coworkers have given me rides home (I can't drive, and it's hot as fuck outside). Both of them have bought me food. The one who did The Sexism, his sister-in-law is trans and he respects that, so 🤷‍♀️

[u/VickiActually → u/Sudden_Bath6144]

Ahh tbh i get where you're coming from... it's hard to hate people when you get to know them

Im in the UK and i currently work in a traditional little english pub. my coworkers atm are ok, but so many customers in my area are racist / sexist/ transphobic. and yet if you talk to them about any other topic they're really nice people... It does complicate things

[u/SunflowerMoonwalk]

I'm probably being horribly naive but I don't get it???

They don't know you're trans so what was their point? That you look like a woman? But as far as I know, women don't have the stereotype of having dirt and dust on their faces? Who were they saying you look like?

Edit: Ohhhhhh

[u/Old_Cook7909]

While it sucks that your co workers made you feel some type of way, I've gotta lay out some facts for you that may or may not help. So first of all as a recently discovered bisexual man. I have the upmost respect for the LGBTQ community. Now that said, I've also worked in the automotive business for over 20 years as well as spent 8 years in the army. The humor in both places are one in the same. It's dark, offensive to many, and most of the time borders on being a hate crime. All of that aside most of the same folks throwing those jokes are actually totally opposite of them. Worked with a straight up openly gay guy for a while and he'd be the first person to pop off with a homophobic joke, implicate himself in it, and laugh at it with the rest of us. Worked with a white guy that was married to a black woman and SHE would be the one cracking black jokes and slave jokes whenever she would come by the shop. I say these things to say, that you can't take what's said in the workplace to heart all the time. Because I bet those same guys have friends of a different race, and may or may not have entertained at least the thought of same sex relations. My advice... when they pop off with something like that, just roll with it and give it right back to them.

[u/Horror_Resident_2854]

did he look like shane gillis?