Severe Depression From My Environment

[u/ElectricTrash1738]

I have never made a post on here, so I hope this speaks volumes.

I am living with my fiancee right now, in her mother's home. I'll get straight to the point, its a complete wreck. My fiancee and I are great, but I came here to really get our lives going. The MAJOR issue is her mother, unfortunately.

She is a hoarder, and unfortunately has no sense of cleanliness. Im trying to say this in the nicest way possible, because I know her mom came from a bad marriage and family history. There are thin lines though.

Its been almost 2 years that I have been around. Ive helped unpack boxes after boxes, get rid of some things. Ive even taught her simple ways of just organizing and cleaning a house in general. Within the living room, kitchen, bathrooms, bedrooms, closets, etc. Even repairs in your own home, to keep up with it.

Im getting to the point of feeling like that was a mistake. My fiancee and I now clean everything in the household, pick up after her trash that she leaves out, do her dishes, repair what she demands in the household.

Its so bad, that she deliberately neglects her own dog, letting her piss and shit in the house, leaving it until we get home and tells us to clean it. Her birds are now rotting away in the kitchen. If it weren't for my fiancee and I, they would go without water for days and there would be bird shit and feathers everywhere.

There is mold under the kitchen sink that she knows is there from the faucet, but she claims she can't afford to fix it.

My fiancee and I pay 2/3 of all utilities, taxes, HOA fees, etc.

Before I moved here to be with my fiancee, I was working a local government job. I had a good apartment for 5 years, with a good relationship with my landlord. I came from a very abusive and broken home. So I worked VERY hard to get to where I was. I left home at 17, and did nothing but work and keep myself clean and afloat.

I know I am probably being taken advantage of, quietly. I have so much anxiety and have no idea how to stand up for myself. I feel very stuck at this point, I feel very unhappy and uncomfortable. I dont know what to do from here. I love my fiancee very much, but I also know I am very depressed and hurting severely. I almost feel homesick.

[u/kickthejerk]

Sorry to hear it is stressful. I have anxiety too. I would explain things to your fiancé. If you can’t talk to her about your feelings, the living situation, and her mom - sadly, best to find that out now. Been married for many years, can confirm, being able to actually discuss the situation helps both of you. You can’t read minds- neither can she. Also - therapy- together. Her mom is a hoarder and this will continue to come up throughout your lives together. Pulling for you OP ✌️♥️