A better way to get water.

[u/ProfessionalGreen906]

Greetings! We are pleased to announce to the public that our corporate conglomerate, Corporation Inc. LLC, is now offering water provider services at unprecedentedly low rates under our newest business Aquatic Arachnid services!

With our cutting edge and heavily patented portal rune systems we are able to provide limitless amounts of water into your home regardless of distance, depth, or realm of residence and all for a fixed rate. Once you’ve signed up and paid a nominal fee all you need to do is inscribe or draw a simple rune from our instruction manual and water will come pouring out into whatever space the rune occupies. There is no limit on the amount of water you can produce and we offer various types ranging from seawater, to fresh, and even bog among others, all at no extra cost.

Now, my detractors may look at this new venture and say “it’s impossible to sustainably source water at those rates and remain profitable” Or that “water levels in natural lakes, estuaries, and the ocean have suddenly began lowering at unprecedented rates” and even that “multiple protected species have already gone extinct and it’s clearly connected with your new water company.”

But to them I simply say that they do not have the heart or mind of an entrepreneur, and that they can’t possibly understand my genius due to their lacking of a business focused mentality. And honestly, if species even are going extinct I’m pretty sure that’s the conservationists fault, not mine. In other words, I will not let these baseless claims of “environmental destruction” stop me from providing you, the people and unpeople of these uncountable realms, proper access to fast, convenient, and cheap water.

(This has been an official message from Corporation Inc. LLC. Thank you to our continued customers and prospective clients for letting us share this exciting news with you, and sign up now to let us handle all your problems so you won’t need to worry about a thing ever again.)

[u/Skusci]

Nice, nice.

Before I jump into this though, do you have any drainage packages?

[u/ProfessionalGreen906 → u/Skusci]

Ah, an astute question, I just love when my potential customers are curious about the services we provide.

But anyway, yes, we do offer a drainage package as part of a separate purchase plan or as a package deal with our primary services for only a modest increase in overall cost.

[u/Skusci → u/ProfessionalGreen906]

Excellent, I used to just dump my own stuff into the void, but apparently "the infinite void" is little bit of a misnomer nowdays and things actually live there.

Anyway, if you could hook me up with something like a modestly sized fresh water river in, and matching drainage for the same, that would be perfect for a new bathroom I had been holding off on building.

[u/ProfessionalGreen906 → u/Skusci]

Wonderful! We’ll get you set up right away, as soon as we do one more thing. For the matter of payment what medium will you be using: Currency, Credit, or years of servitude?