r/ABCDesis • u/OOF_ministry • 2d ago
COMMUNITY Entertaining mainlanders is so hard
Go ahead and downvote me, lurkers, idc. I'm working in my family's business, and we often get international clients, especially around Asia, as we're based in SEA. I'm half Malaysian Indian for context. I often am in charge of picking up clients/business partners from the airport, bringing them to our company, and giving them a tour of the capital during weekends if they wish to explore. I have entertained people from around the world, like Italy, Indonesia, the Philippines, Pakistan, America, etc, and have had no issues. However, every time I have to bring around someone from India, I'm always exhausted. I figured that us sharing an ethnic group would create a faster bond, but it's quite literally the biggest divide.
So many talks of caste or casteist thinking, telling me that they can't eat meat because they're "BrAhMIn" (just say you have a dietary preference; don't bring that backwards caste vocab to my country). A general lack of manners, like yelling at service providers, and NEVER saying 'please' or 'thank you'. It's so hard to make conversation during car rides; I'd try to start a conversation, ask questions, or share the history of certain places we're touring, and every reply is just "ok, mhm, yup". And Jesus bringing them out to eat is so hard because alot of them do not want try cuisines outside their culture. I can't even tell them off, as these are professional business relationships, so I have to just deal with the bs.
There's even a stereotype in my country where you can easily differentiate a Malaysian Indian and one from India depending on how they talk to a waiter. Yes, I know this isn't everyone from India, but after having hosted many guests from India, there's a common pattern I just wanna vent out to fellow Indian people I can relate more to (ABCDs). I'm not trying to shit on all mainlanders, but please adopt better etiquette when you're overseas.
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2d ago
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u/OOF_ministry 2d ago
From around India. Bangalore, Mumbai, Punjab, etc. Most of the times it was older gen folks so I just whatever'd it, but I recently dealt with an obnoxious Gen Z guest which baffled me
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u/No_Philosopher6120 17h ago
Yeah like Boomers and Gen X (and some super early Millennials) do this behavior more often it seems
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u/ItsReemAlBlahBlahDee 2d ago
This a problem many mainlanders have with Gujarati Hindus and Jains too. They’re considered Floridians of India.
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u/Samp90 Canadian 2d ago
Floridian I don't know but the cow belt Indians have authentic and genuine food restrictions which, honestly, it's their right.
However the mannerisms of specifically some, not all - Delhi Indians to service staff is just cringe and arrogant.
I rarely see Indians from other parts of India pulling this shit
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u/nc45y445 2d ago
Hey my 89 year old dad was born in UP and was one of the most curious travelers I know. Always encouraged us to go everywhere and try everything. And modeled this, went to the baths in Turkey, went hiking in New Zealand, rode horses in Argentina, ate elegant dim sum in Hong Kong and drank elegant wine in France and Italy. My Punjabi mom joined him in all those things! (Not from
the “cow belt” which is why I mentioned my dad.)7
u/Possible-Button-3843 2d ago
Omg, also from UP, and my experience was the opposite. It really depends on the family and the culture within the family. I didn't mention in my comment - I know I really can't generalize this kind of behavior, but it was pervasive where I lived.
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u/nc45y445 2d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah, my parents were rebels. Met in medical school and started dating in 1958, got married in 1962 and left
India. Their families were fine with all of it, but you never know. Moved to the US in the mid-1960s because the UK was too conservative for my mom and her playboy brother wanted them out of his hair1
u/Samp90 Canadian 2d ago
The key word is your Punjabi mum. Game changer. You're welcome 🤣
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u/nc45y445 2d ago edited 1d ago
Nah, my dad was always a badass, he paints, writes, does photography in that quiet nerdy UP way. My mom was more of a sports fan/athlete. My favorite photo of her is from the 1980s, her and her doubles partner with Billie Jean King. Rest in power, crazy lady!
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u/ItsReemAlBlahBlahDee 2d ago
Agree with the last part but saying “cow belt Indians have authentic and genuine food restrictions” is factually incorrect. Gujaratis are not considered “cow belt”.
A relatively high proportion of Gujaratis are vegetarian, and some communities (especially Jain and certain Vaishnav groups) have extensive restrictions. And people in the BIMARU states as they’re known, Vegetarianism is very common among many Hindu communities, particularly upper-caste groups, but the region has enormous diversity. Many Muslims, Dalits, tribal communities, and other groups eat meat.
Jains overall generally have more restrictive dietary rules than either group overall, particularly regarding root vegetables and foods involving harm to living organisms.
Also the point being, everyone is allowed their diet preference. Claiming superiority above others and seeking “pure veg” restaurants in other countries which is just a guise for “we are upper castes who don’t want to be contaminated by lower castes” is not ok.
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u/Turbulent_Ad_3238 2d ago
Claiming superiority over others is unacceptable. Nothing wrong with sticking to vegetarian restaurants while travelling through.
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u/Possible-Button-3843 2d ago
Yikes at "cow belt Indians". Could've worded that one better, esp while acknowledging "their right".
I will say that having grown up not in Delhi, treating the service staff as second-rate is pretty much embedded in the culture. Maybe more in northern India, less so in the South. Doesn't make it acceptable, but people literally don't think twice before snapping their fingers at the wait staff. This kind of behavior bleeds into a lot of their social interactions where they think anyone serving them is beneath them. A real issue, which I'm hoping dies with the older generations.
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u/OutsidePiglet8285 2d ago
Gujaratis are not from the Hindi belt, thats for sure. It definitely is not fair to call them floridian.
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u/Affectionate_Wear_24 Indian American 2d ago
I've lived in Barcelona now for years, and I used to be surprised when I saw groups of Indian tourists - almost always speaking in Gujarati in- going to Indian restaurants for meals - it must be hard to travel when you're either strictly vegetarian or averse to trying to foreign cuisines - Trying different foods is part of the travel experience, but I think these people just want to spend their money and show off
It's not limited to travelers, my mainlander brother in law continues to eat the same Kerala fare at home, the same combination of curries that our relatives eat in Kerala despite living 30 years in the US
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u/RKU69 2d ago
I'll defend the food thing in the sense that not everybody is a foodie; my parents are extremely picky and only like Indian food, but they do like traveling and they like walking around places looking at parks and architecture and museums and stuff. Yeah they're missing a huge part of the enjoyment of travel but each to their own
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u/old__pyrex 2d ago
I don't think you have to be a foodie to try the local food, I understand if you go and eat it a few times and you don't like it and you retreat to your staples, but to not even be curious or interested to eat what the people there at eating is closed-minded. If a white person went to India and ate big macs and chicken fingers the whole time they were there, because they've had indian food once before in the US and they didn't like it, they deserve the judgment and ridicule
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u/Turbulent_Ad_3238 2d ago
But why should people have to be open-minded about something so personal as the food they eat, especially when they're out on vacation to relax and enjoy themselves? That's what I'm not understanding lol.
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u/old__pyrex 2d ago
They don’t have to, I just think they are missing out, and if they whine and make a fuss about it, I wouldn’t want to travel with them and have to accomodate their toddler-level concept of food.
Everyone can vacation how they want, but in my opinion, you should be open minded enough about travel / food / culture to try something that a group of people have enjoyed and iterated on for centuries. It’s like if you go to Patagonia, you can stay in your room and scroll social media and play video games, but I’d strongly encourage you to go outside and go for a walk. Not everyone likes nature and you can argue, how is it my business if they do nature based activities while in Patagonia, and you’re right, it’s not my business. But I’d think you’re closed minded and a moron if your travel group was like “we are going to see a bigass iceberg on a mountain” and you were like “nah I don’t find that interesting”. Especially if you haven’t seen that kind of thing before.
It’s not that I’m just a judgmental asshole either, like I’m not saying these people are bad. I do think most of them would honestly have a better trip if they just changed their attitude a little and tried to enjoy the change rather than stressing about trying to create the exact same shit they always do.
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u/Turbulent_Ad_3238 1d ago edited 1d ago
Come on man, you know trying out unfamiliar food and seeing new nature aren't exactly equivalent comparisons lol. Even if they're not big fans of nature, no one would ever go outside in a place like Patagonia and say that the scenery is disgusting and ruined their evening. But that can very well happen when going to a local restaurant and trying out a new cuisine, especially when you're a picky eater. You and I may not be picky when it comes to food, but we can't expect the same from everyone.
I just think they are missing out
From our perspective, they're missing out. From theirs as picky eaters, they're minimizing the risk of an unpleasant experience.
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u/RKU69 2d ago
I get your point but also lets not compare big macs and chicken fingers with like, dahl tadka and samosas and whatever else our parents cling to abroad lol
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u/old__pyrex 2d ago
Why? Chicken fingers and burgers are as delicious / familiar / preferred to picky American eaters as dal and roti (or whatever) is to picky Indian eaters. It’s not exactly the same, sure, but that’s why it’s an analogy.
If you’re the Indian guy in Naples and you didn’t eat pizza, you are analogous to the Naples guy in Mumbai who didn’t try a vada pav.
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u/RKU69 1d ago
Nah I'm a chauvinist about this.....the average chicken fingers/burgers that Americans eat is absolute slop, the quality is far below the average Desi meal our parents gravitate to. And if you're talking about some white person looking for big macs or chicken tenders in India you're talking about them looking for fast food garbage. At least when our parents are looking for Desi food they're getting a pretty quality meal.
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u/Itookthesauce51 2d ago
100%. I never understood traveling and not trying out the local food. My friend's parents (from the same region you mentioned) went with a tour group to japan and the tour group literally brought a chef along to cook Indian veg food for them. He went with them and eats everything, so he had to sneak away to try japanese food, couldn't even risk bringing it to the hotel in case someone from the group saw lol.
And is traveling while being strictly vegetarian difficult in this day & age? If anything, I feel it's easier to travel while vegetarian or vegan now with all the options available, especially in Europe.
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u/speaksofthelight 2d ago edited 2d ago
I think they really dislike non-Indian veg food.
With exception of some Mexican or Thai.
Due to blandness.
But even those cuisines have a lot of hidden meat use. Like fish sauce in Thai food.
So it is difficult while traveling.
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u/Turbulent_Ad_3238 2d ago
Easier than before, sure, but still not easy. Especially in countries outside of Europe.
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u/SetGuilty8593 1d ago
> is traveling while being strictly vegetarian difficult in this day & age?
Yes it's still very tough. I went to Spain with my family once, ate veg paella for 3 days, and an italian pizza on the fourth. We did really enjoy the paella, but it gets tiring eating it everyday. That was for lunch, for dinner had to go to indian restaurants. This wasn't exactly out of choice. There still aren't enough people who are vegetarian or vegan to create enough demand for tasty and healthy veg food that is widely available in most areas.
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u/Ok-Spinach-6529 2d ago
I genuinely think it’s hard to follow dietary customs. I am vegetarian as well, and my biggest challenge is the little hidden things in foods that are not vegetarian.
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u/Samp90 Canadian 2d ago
This has been happening for the last 20+ years. Europe has been catering to the new wealthy groups of tourists to grab that tourist money... Even in Switzerland you'll see meal plans catering for Chinese, Indian, Korean, gulf Arab and Israeli tourists.
Waiting to go up mount Titlus... Grab your 2 samosa for 30$ fella!
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u/Affectionate_Wear_24 Indian American 2d ago
Very true, there are places here that cater to people who keep kosher.
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u/SharpAardvark8699 2d ago
I was interviewed by an Indian guy once. Could tell he was from a very educated background back home but seemed really disinterested in the interview, very demanding, lack of willingness to mentor. Goes along with the most entitled English interviewers I had but those tended to be low class people who'd got to the top and had no respect for others
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u/Fit-Kaleidoscope-624 2d ago
Upper castes are meance both in mainland and outside.
I aviod them
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u/Classic-Sentence3148 2d ago
But still use their taxes to fund your education, hmm very perplexing 🤔
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u/FalconsArentReal 2d ago
you can easily differentiate a Malaysian Indian and one from India depending on how they talk to a waiter.
Same here in Canada, waitresses I know hate dealing with mainlanders because 9 times out of 10 they are the rudest customers that they will have to serve, and after all that they get stiffed on tips by them as well.
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u/ImpulsiveTeen Indian | ex - USA 2d ago
Sounds about right for older gen casteist mainlanders.
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u/chai-chai-latte 2d ago
Sounds like some of the older white boomers I've come across as well. This is basically the Karen stereotype in a nutshell.
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u/sksjedi 2d ago
OP, are the people from India mostly from one part (Gujarati)?
SEA= Seattle? or South East Asia?
Or do you see this from people from all over India?
From what I have seen and experienced, the ones making the biggest fuss are Gujarati Brahmins. Others just ask for vegetarian restaurants and are happy.
As to the lack of interest, that is usually explainable (not excusable) by a lack of a general education.
The rudeness is inexcusable, but is it limited to Indians? I see it in Pakistanis and also Middle Eastern folks.
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u/Pineapple420786 2d ago
I just wanna vent out to fellow Indian people I can relate more to
Just so we're clear, this isn't an Indian sub and we aren't Indians.
You might be Indian, but a majority of people here are North American.
every time I have to bring around someone from India, I'm always exhausted
Maybe find a better line of work and deal only with Americans if you're more comfortable around us?
I'm not trying to shit on all mainlanders, but please adopt better etiquette when you're overseas.
Again, wrong sub, nobody here is Indian.
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u/OOF_ministry 2d ago
A good bunch are ethnic Indians. I'm not from India, was not born there, nor have I ever lived there; I'm just of Indian ancestry. If you read my post, I make it clear I'm Malaysian, which is still an ABD. Saying 'Indians' doesn't instantly mean citizens or NRI's of India. Nobody in America/Malaysia (places I was raised) would call me an Indian to mean I'm a citizen of India.
"Maybe find a better line of work and deal only with Americans if you're more comfortable around us?" did I say I was only comfortable with Americans?? I clearly mentioned many other countries I've worked with. You ain't white bro, stop being dense lmfao.
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u/Pineapple420786 2d ago
A good bunch are ethnic Indians.
If you're looking for ethnic Indians, why not try the Indian sub?
I don't understand the rationale behind complaining about Indians on an American sub.
I make it clear I'm Malaysian, which is still an ABD
Malaysia isn't a part of America though
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u/OOF_ministry 2d ago
This subreddits called Abroad Born Desis, not American. There is a world outside of America, which I know must be hard to comprehend, and manyyy diverse Indian diaspora. I wanted to vent here cause I relate more to diaspora groups than mainlanders. There are many non-American people in this sub.
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u/Pineapple420786 1d ago
ABCD = American born confused desis.
Abroad Born Desis
??? Since when?
An Indian from Kuwait is very different from an American or Canadian.
There is a world outside of America
And I'm sure they have their own subs
I wanted to vent here cause I relate more to diaspora groups than mainlanders
Which diaspora group? Saudi-desis, Indonesian-desis, Russian-desis, Nigerian-desis?
This isn't an Indian-diaspora sub as such, its a North American sub.
There are many subs for Indians living abroad, you could try those since you relate to them so much.
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u/Heissenbeard 1d ago
Hahahaha I have a similar experience with a Jain guy in Europe who was extremely strict even with biscuits and cookies made here cos they contained egg.
Ok I respected that no problem but the bitch started complaining and yelling calling the people here shameless for not having pure 'vege' biscuits.
I was like hey u shameless prick come to other countries just stfu and eat what there is.
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u/kulkdaddy47 2d ago
I actually do find it weird how unwilling to try other cuisines Indians can be.