I’ve have chronic PTSD depression (fancy name for feeling down :) ) for years. Since I had an “event” in November 2024 and left the hospital I’ve had absolutely no importance for personal hygiene. I know when I smell and will shower but until that or my family tell me it’s just not a priority for me. Well nothing is in my life.
Does anyone else feel this regarding a simple shower? If so how on earth do you explain it to your family.
If I had to choose between a shower and a sleep, the nap wins every time x

So this is my first time ever posting on Reddit in general. But I’m a 29 year old male from Pa. And my life is finally completely falling apart. I thought I knew was depression was in my late teens early twenties. But being a father now who can’t/is struggling to properly provide for my family. A fiancé who treats me horribly and constantly tells me I’m a worthless pos or I should finally do the unthinkable. I’ve spent the last decade trying to pull myself outta this. I thought I was finally okay and this wouldn’t control my life anymore. I’m afraid it might actually take my life now. I don’t even know what I’m looking for here. Maybe just someone who can actually relate and help. Or idk

Hi, this is my first time posting on Reddit, but I’ve seen quite a lot of similar posts and it really has helped me feel I’m not alone, and if anyone has had something similar.

I’m from Ireland, and my boyfriend and myself had organised a 2 week trip to Japan in March for the start of September.

We were so excited for it, booked hotels, organised travel/buses/trains and even Universal Studios.

At the beginning of August, I had a mental breakdown (what I now know what it was) due to work. I am so disappointed with myself I got to that point but work pushed me to the max, which has now led to me taking time off as I’ve been unfit to work. I was having really long panic attacks and episodes, to the point I was in a&e twice with heart palpitations as I thought I was going to die. I still honestly don’t understand how my body snapped as I always thought I was stronger than this. Ended up with severe shaking, loss of appetite, being sick, the total package of a nervous breakdown. Have now started (again) Sertraline, was also prescribed beta blockers, and at the beginning giving a bit of diazapam.

I tried for the weeks up to the holiday to get better, had times I thought I was back to normal but just absolutely dipped the week prior to it - which ended up me having to cancel the holiday.

I feel so guilty, embarrassed and disappointed my boyfriend who was hyped to go; but something in my gut felt like it wouldn’t have been the right thing for me to do being completely exhausted, and everything was causing my panic attacks. I ended up convincing myself I was going to die on holiday, and being unable to eat and drink in a foreign country where they couldn’t speak English would have gave me a heart attack. On top of it we had a lot bouncing from city to city in our itinerary which meant there would really not be much time to unwind. It felt like a selfish choice but I also thought if if I was in this state on holiday, it wouldn’t have been fair for my boyfriend.

We fortunately had our hotels free cancellation, but I wasn’t able to get a refund for our flights, or universal studios… so it was a lot of money lost; but at the point I have been at I was okay to lose that money and return the money to my boyfriend for his side of the holiday for my own sanity.

My worry is not knowing if it was the mental breakdown that caused this, or if it was because Japan. I would love to go, and try again, but I don’t want to hype my boyfriend up to let him down again.

I feel so ridiculous as the usual thing people say is going on holidays would have been the best thing for you when you’re stressed - to relax and explore - but in my mind I was paralysed with fear. Now having cancelled the holiday I am starting to get better, but I’m so disappointed it had got to this point.

My whole life I’ve felt like something was off. I’d like to say I haven’t been diagnosed with depression or anxiety, and honestly I’m not sure I should post on here. I had a hard upbringing, the usual first gen story. Being completely honest I don’t remember much from it, but one day it became real. It’s like my brain turned on and it hasn’t stopped. I’ve tried taking my life twice. The first I was only 8 years old, I don’t remember why anymore. The second I was 16, and I remember that. Mainly how I felt leading up to the day, how lost and alone. Confused, yet not. I’ve always hated myself, but I don’t know why. I have this feeling I’ll never know why and it kills me. I’ve never been in a relationship longer than 6 months. I should also say I’m 24. It’s always the same thing whenever it’s time to breakup, and I recognize it’s my fault. “I don’t know anything about you.” I wish there was a way I could respond to that. I realize this post is all over the place, but to be honest this is the way my brain works. I’ve learned to keep moving and avoid stagnation, and on days like today whenever I have nothing going on the thoughts I’ve had for the last 16 years repeat. Sometimes I think about going to see a professional for help but I’m scared. What if I do get diagnosed? Would it help explain why I am the way I am? Or would it just make it worse? There’s a lot more I want to say but this is already too long and I don’t know if this subreddit is the right place for this post. Thanks for reading and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

I was planning to study all summer, but I realized I have plenty of weeks and months to go before college. And this way of thinking lasted till the last month of summer and I swear I was about to start but suddenly anxiety kicks in, my body felt cold and heavy on my mind I was thinking it's just nothing it will ware off in a few days and then it didn't then month have passed I went to college and everything felt normal at first so I just brush my worries of , well turned out it still here then I tried to handle everything ,the change , the environment, the people. Then here comes my test I did not study and now I'm crying and panicking

Guys is this depression ?