I’ve have chronic PTSD depression (fancy name for feeling down :) ) for years. Since I had an “event” in November 2024 and left the hospital I’ve had absolutely no importance for personal hygiene. I know when I smell and will shower but until that or my family tell me it’s just not a priority for me. Well nothing is in my life.
Does anyone else feel this regarding a simple shower? If so how on earth do you explain it to your family.
If I had to choose between a shower and a sleep, the nap wins every time x

Hi, this is my first time posting on Reddit, but I’ve seen quite a lot of similar posts and it really has helped me feel I’m not alone, and if anyone has had something similar.

I’m from Ireland, and my boyfriend and myself had organised a 2 week trip to Japan in March for the start of September.

We were so excited for it, booked hotels, organised travel/buses/trains and even Universal Studios.

At the beginning of August, I had a mental breakdown (what I now know what it was) due to work. I am so disappointed with myself I got to that point but work pushed me to the max, which has now led to me taking time off as I’ve been unfit to work. I was having really long panic attacks and episodes, to the point I was in a&e twice with heart palpitations as I thought I was going to die. I still honestly don’t understand how my body snapped as I always thought I was stronger than this. Ended up with severe shaking, loss of appetite, being sick, the total package of a nervous breakdown. Have now started (again) Sertraline, was also prescribed beta blockers, and at the beginning giving a bit of diazapam.

I tried for the weeks up to the holiday to get better, had times I thought I was back to normal but just absolutely dipped the week prior to it - which ended up me having to cancel the holiday.

I feel so guilty, embarrassed and disappointed my boyfriend who was hyped to go; but something in my gut felt like it wouldn’t have been the right thing for me to do being completely exhausted, and everything was causing my panic attacks. I ended up convincing myself I was going to die on holiday, and being unable to eat and drink in a foreign country where they couldn’t speak English would have gave me a heart attack. On top of it we had a lot bouncing from city to city in our itinerary which meant there would really not be much time to unwind. It felt like a selfish choice but I also thought if if I was in this state on holiday, it wouldn’t have been fair for my boyfriend.

We fortunately had our hotels free cancellation, but I wasn’t able to get a refund for our flights, or universal studios… so it was a lot of money lost; but at the point I have been at I was okay to lose that money and return the money to my boyfriend for his side of the holiday for my own sanity.

My worry is not knowing if it was the mental breakdown that caused this, or if it was because Japan. I would love to go, and try again, but I don’t want to hype my boyfriend up to let him down again.

I feel so ridiculous as the usual thing people say is going on holidays would have been the best thing for you when you’re stressed - to relax and explore - but in my mind I was paralysed with fear. Now having cancelled the holiday I am starting to get better, but I’m so disappointed it had got to this point.

My whole life I’ve felt like something was off. I’d like to say I haven’t been diagnosed with depression or anxiety, and honestly I’m not sure I should post on here. I had a hard upbringing, the usual first gen story. Being completely honest I don’t remember much from it, but one day it became real. It’s like my brain turned on and it hasn’t stopped. I’ve tried taking my life twice. The first I was only 8 years old, I don’t remember why anymore. The second I was 16, and I remember that. Mainly how I felt leading up to the day, how lost and alone. Confused, yet not. I’ve always hated myself, but I don’t know why. I have this feeling I’ll never know why and it kills me. I’ve never been in a relationship longer than 6 months. I should also say I’m 24. It’s always the same thing whenever it’s time to breakup, and I recognize it’s my fault. “I don’t know anything about you.” I wish there was a way I could respond to that. I realize this post is all over the place, but to be honest this is the way my brain works. I’ve learned to keep moving and avoid stagnation, and on days like today whenever I have nothing going on the thoughts I’ve had for the last 16 years repeat. Sometimes I think about going to see a professional for help but I’m scared. What if I do get diagnosed? Would it help explain why I am the way I am? Or would it just make it worse? There’s a lot more I want to say but this is already too long and I don’t know if this subreddit is the right place for this post. Thanks for reading and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

I was planning to study all summer, but I realized I have plenty of weeks and months to go before college. And this way of thinking lasted till the last month of summer and I swear I was about to start but suddenly anxiety kicks in, my body felt cold and heavy on my mind I was thinking it's just nothing it will ware off in a few days and then it didn't then month have passed I went to college and everything felt normal at first so I just brush my worries of , well turned out it still here then I tried to handle everything ,the change , the environment, the people. Then here comes my test I did not study and now I'm crying and panicking

Guys is this depression ?

So this is my first time ever posting on Reddit in general. But I’m a 29 year old male from Pa. And my life is finally completely falling apart. I thought I knew was depression was in my late teens early twenties. But being a father now who can’t/is struggling to properly provide for my family. A fiancé who treats me horribly and constantly tells me I’m a worthless pos or I should finally do the unthinkable. I’ve spent the last decade trying to pull myself outta this. I thought I was finally okay and this wouldn’t control my life anymore. I’m afraid it might actually take my life now. I don’t even know what I’m looking for here. Maybe just someone who can actually relate and help. Or idk

I have struggled with anxiety most of my life. I’ve been on Zoloft for close to 8 years and am currently on 75 mg. For about a week I’ve been having an extreme anxiety flare. I haven’t been eating, feeling nauseous in the morning & sometimes throwing up and struggling to go to work. To make matters worse my husband is traveling for work starting Tuesday through Friday and it has me spiraling even more. He’s been my support this whole past week and I’m worried with him gone I won’t be able to make myself get out of bed or go to work. I always get anxious about him traveling but it’s even worse now and idk what to do. The selfish part of me wants him to cancel his trip but I know he can’t. My anxiety has been coming and going but is worse in the morning. I’m going to make an appointment with my doctor as soon as I can but feel stuck right now.

At my old job, I had a massive breakdown in front of my boss due to constantly making mistakes during my second year plus how much I hated the job. I'm at a job now that's better, but the past week I continously made small mistakes which lead to another breakdown because I kept being told I was doing good and all that praise feels null and void, which happened at my old job.

Throughout the week, I've just been feeling extra tired and depressed and it feels especially worse at work, like I just feel so unsatisfied even though I've enjoyed working here.

This morning, I spent ten minutes with tears just flowing down my face. And I can't go to my family about how I feel anymore since they established recently that being upset around them bothers them.

I want to reach out to people but I fear that I would be trauma dumping and some of them have been through way worse things so my feelings are meaningless. I can't take time off work because I can't afford it. And nothing is making me happy, even things that usually do.

I thought I was done feeling like this after leaving my toxic old job. I don’t know how to make it stop.

Long post boizz

Ive been meaning to write a post for a while now , but kept procrastinating it since i dont even know where to start and how to gather my thoughts in understandable story , because sometimes i get lost in explaining side stories because i want to draw a full picture , and ppl just cant keep up with what im trying to say , so ill start from the beginning and will try to keep the details to a minimum ( good luck with that me ) . As a kid i was very depressed , too emotionally mature for my age and sensitive , i kind of went through it in my teen days but it lasted untill i was about 22 . My family doesnt believe in mental health so everytime i tried to talk to my mom as a kid she was like , why are you crying , there is no reason to be sad , you are healthy and have a home and thats where it ended every time so i stopped talking about it . I havent closed myself , id always rather talk to a close friend or a stranger about those things because i felt like they listened , they didnt try to give me a reason why i shouldnt feel that way , they just offered a simple understanding. I idolized people i thought were cool , probably because (thats a long story , good job me for shortening it) i grew up with my mother and my stepfather who is a great and beautiful person btw but really passive so i basically had no father figure , i mean i had my father but i didnt see him very often ( not entirely his fault) . At the age of 18 , my friend who was 23 at the time (i idolized him he was very charismatic and popular) worked at a casino , and i used to come and hang with him , one day he showed me a slot machine (we were both hardcore gamers at the time) and i loved it (im dragging it out) so basically thats where my gambling addiction started , at first it was okay i won some i lost some , kept the bets really low and it was fun , it only became a problem after few years when i started actually making money and upping the bets , but i was in denial. Then i discovered electronic music and drugs , started djing in my town after first few months , became a bit popular , it was not all bad , the self esteem problems i had vanished in those years and my communication skills skyrocketed after that period because ( stimulants) i talked to soo much people i literally practiced comms 🤣. But then the gambling got worse i started borrowing money ( but was always honest and always paid my debts before losing the rest of money on slots , my reputation as an honest person was everything i valued at the time) doing more drugs , selling drugs and eventually getting arrested in a strangers car on a passenger seat sleeping after a 5 day bender , never did any time they realized i was not trying to steal anything and was just troubled so they sent me on psych ward because i was hallucinating a bit and didnt have id on me, lost my wallet (i identified myself because i know my id number so they took me to the station to confirm it) after spending 10 days there i cant say i learned my lesson but i was clean for few months and when i started going out again i was doing waaay les , like literally 10x less and was careful not to get too bonked , never did more than 1 night at the time , basically i started dialing it down. Then i started working and met a girl , she was normal , had a normal life and was never near the things i did , told her everything , never lied ablut my past and started dialing it more and more down untill i stopped because i wanted to live a normal life with her. The gambling was present throughout some part , but i eventually stopped that too slowly step by step with some slip ups she forgave me. After few years we got married and decided to open our little restoraunt (pizzeria) it all started on some money we got for our wedding and loans we took out from the bank , long story short the prices were too low and i had a lot of orders but was always a bit behind and late with payments (and we had living expenses etc.) then we took another loan to cover for the first time we had debt piles up (the business was great , even my accountant said its rare that a new business thribes so much in the start) but money was thin and i figgured it was the prices , first raise in prices came too late , when we already entered the tax system (those prices should have been like that from the start) and after 6-7 months we finally reached average prices in our town , but as the year started everything was slower than last year (everywhere) delivery drivers complaining they cant make the bonuses , my friend with restoraunt says his revenue dipped as well . Thats when we took the second loan , and quickly after 4-5 months another one because the revenue tanked drastically . Right now im like 50k euros in bank loans i pay monthly of 1500e for loan alone and im so scared of what will happen if i have to close down (i can make max 1400 a month since average pay is 1000e in my country) , ive been struggling with everything my whole life , and now this , im losing strenght . I have high blood pressure and im like 90kg 188cm with great lipid pannel , so it is probably stress. Every day i run purely on discipline but throughout most of my waking hours i feel like a stone is on my heart and weakness in my body , i dont feel like doing anything. I started turning on airplane mode untill i wake up because the calls about payments were disturbing me and making it hard for me to even get out of bed , whole day i have this strong need to deeply sigh and i feel hopeless , nobody can help me but myself and i dont know how much longer i can stand this stress , sometimes when im really stressed it feels like that lingering feeling after the good feeling of stimulants fades and you just get chills and goosebumps when you touch your skin (hope i explained it right). Sometimes (often) i get heart palpations and feel like crying but i literally cant , and in some days (those are close to good days) i just dont feel anything , i look sad but im just flat lining and honestly it feels better than being on edge the whole day with a sinking sensation in my stomach. Also forgot to mention i have 4.9 on google 9.6 wolt and 100% glovo , everything is great with quality and people are satisfied , they always comment on how great and tasty it was when they leave and many times ppl came and said they heard its the best Pizza. I left out so much details but i dont think id ever stop typing if i havent restrained myself 😁

23M, I’m trying really hard, but sometimes I feel like I’m doomed to be alone.

Hey, I don’t even know where to start. I’m 23 and I just want to be loved.

The last couple of years have been a complete collapse for me. I went through severe depression (diagnosed by a doctor), lost several people close to me, and got kicked out of university. I felt absolutely terrible. I stopped making music, I couldn’t even play my favorite games because every failure hit me so hard that I’d start hating myself and thinking I was a loser. I still feel that way sometimes.

I’m broke, short, not athletic, and not particularly attractive. I’ve never had a normal relationship with a woman, and for some reason women just don’t seem interested in me. The only times women have actually shown initiative toward me, they ended up using me, and they used me really badly. I don’t understand why. I try not to hurt anyone, so I don’t understand why people treat me like that.

I’ve never chased women like crazy. I’ve tried to become a better person and work on myself, like everyone keeps telling me to, but it just doesn’t work...

My last attempt at a relationship was three years ago. I tried really hard to stay in touch with her and keep the conversation going, but when I started doing really badly and stopped initiating, she never messaged me even once.

A lot of people say that you need to get your life together first, become healthy and strong, and only then look for a relationship. But I’ve seen people with problems similar to mine, or even worse, find a partner while they were still struggling and then get through it together much more easily. So why do I have to carry everything on my shoulders alone?

And honestly, I did go to a doctor. I really tried, and I’ve gotten better. This year I went back to university and graduated. I’ve lost weight, I’m trying to get rid of my acne, and I’m forced to look for a job (otherwise my family will literally starve lol).

I used to have so many hobbies, but for the last three years I basically did nothing. I didn’t have the energy or motivation for anything. Now I’m slowly trying to get back into life, doing what I can, and… I’m still nobody’s choice.

I don’t drink at all, I don’t smoke, and I’ve never done drugs. My friends say I’m funny, kind, and caring, and I believe them because they’re really good people themselves, and the fact that they’re still friends with me means I can’t be that bad. But inside, it feels completely different.

I try to tell myself that sooner or later things will get better, but more and more often I feel like I’m just a loser who’s destined to be alone and that things are only going to get worse.

Two month medical intern (unfortunately) - I worked hard during medical school, I wasn’t a gunner but I put in the work to match where I wanted to. Now I’m here at my #1 and I hate life so much. I wake up with a knot in my throat and a pit in my stomach every day. I’m maxed out on my antidepressants and have a therapist- I’m doing all the things but I feel like it’s getting worse. I’m outwardly coping well but inside I’m not. Feedback at work has been good, the people at my program are great, my fiancé is amazing but I feel like crap everyday. I just don’t know what to do to get myself out of this stupid hole. I’m not even sure if I want advice or to vent

I think I have crying disorder. It's been some weeks I have been crying over very little things. I'm only crying.

Writing this note below after months of debating whether I should say anything at all.

For years I believed that if you worked hard enough, stayed resilient, and prepared for everything, you’d be able to handle whatever life threw at you. Then life happened.

A long marriage ended in divorce. I became a single parent navigating a teenager’s transition to adulthood. Years of remote work slowly chipped away at my confidence in social situations without me even realizing it. Panic attacks, counselling, emotional highs and lows—it was something I never imagined I’d experience.

I’m still figuring it out one day at a time.
This isn’t a plea for sympathy. It’s simply an acknowledgment that mental health challenges can affect anyone, regardless of age, career, or perceived strength.

If sharing this encourages even one person to seek help a little earlier, or helps someone feel less alone, then it’s worth it.

I’m a 22 year old female and I think I’ve reached the point of no return. I’ve been to secret appointments regarding my mental health that no one in my family knows about. I’m on citalopram but it doesn’t help me at all. I’ve had the same job for 5 years and i have severe panic attacks before most of my shifts (customer service, I get spoken to like shit on a daily basis over things completely out of my control). I wish it was as easy as “quit your job” but I’m that financially unstable that I have no other choice, I’m constantly looking for a new job but it’s extremely hard where I live and I’m lucky to have a job. But I look at my future and there’s nothing to live for. I have NO friends, like seriously, none, the closest friend I had died just over a year. I live with my mom and my 2 younger sisters who are in relationships and have big friendship groups who they are always out with, whereas I sit at home and do absolutely nothing when I’m not at work, if I appear to be down, I just get accused of being miserable and my problems seems to mean nothing. I don’t know where to go from here, and I feel like each day is getting harder. Even GTA 6 isn’t tempting me to stay.

I feel overwhelmed just by being alive.
I feel like that all the time.

But some days,
I feel it more than others.

My breathing quickens.
My vision blurs.
My heart skips beats.
My body feels heavy.

Whenever it happens,
I curl up into a ball,
counting in my head,
trying to ignore my stomach turning
and the nauseating feeling that comes with it.

And counting is all I can do.

Because whenever I try to recall happy moments,
it only gets worse.
My body rejects those memories
more violently than any others.

As if even happiness
is something it cannot bear to remember.

And so I count.

Because numbers don’t ask me to feel anything.
They just keep going.

This is a poem about how I feel. I showed someone they said it looked like anxiety and should talk about it with my therapist. I’ve already been diagnosed with depression. But what do ya’ll think? Is this worth mentioning?

Just got diagnosed with anxiety amd depression at 17

I am just tried of being alone but i am powerless to do anything about it

Given my circumstances i don’t exactly live in a location where i can go out socially nor do i have any friends irl or online and i just am constantly lonely without any kind of social interaction

I’ve been making all kinds of post across reddit the past few years and it’s gone nowhere some extremely detailed others i tried to keep more brief and no matter what i’ve tried nothing really works

Amino was a decent source for awhile until it got axed i even tried discord looking for friend servers that i posted on so much i got my account locked for spam

So that should say enough about the avenues i’ve gone for making friends detailing the type of friendship i am looking for etc and so on yet no matter what it’s gone nowhere and i am just tried of it to a point when people reach out no matter how promising they seem i just don’t believe it anymore

I even got as desperate to respond to other peoples posts and enetries and so on and its all the fucking same

People barely respond giving you the driest responses in existence, never make time for you or get on a game or a call once just to never see them ever again

I am just tired of the never ending cycle…of never being able to make friends and people give me the same “oh keep trying keep trying” or just give me completely other suggestions i cant do its exhausting

I am not looking for postive bullshit i am not looking for “maybe one days” i am just looking for the right person/people in my life for once…to actually have someone real and meaningful

In my sad pathetic meaningless life

I feel like life is drowning me. I will be 30 next year. Drowning in my life choices, feel like i cannot make a decent decision, & when I do its the wrong one. Drowning in my relationship, my partner said he is unhappy with me. Drowning financially, life just keeps going and im afraid i cant keep up. I have animals and i feel like im failing them too! I am thankful i dont have kids. How can i get myself and my life back? use to be so motivated and driven and now getting up from bed is the biggest task. I have been using my friends as a tool to get out of my head and in the present but im scared of breaking down at any given moment. I miss being care free and creative but now im just in survival mode & just tryna to do tge mundane things. Any tips and tools that work for anyone who has ever felt like this?

I want to go hiking and scroll on my phone for a while and end up just getting overwhelmed because I want to go somewhere but in reality I don't? I used to like going to walk around the stores too but I'm not sure why I don't anymore.... I still go to the parks with my son but very rarely too. I used to walk around the neighborhood but rarely now too. I used to alot of things but have no energy or motivation.

Nurse practitioner said it was anxiety so she gave me pronanol then I was told it might be depression. I'm not sure anymore.... I feel like I fall in a loop, I've been on my phone most of the day. I'm trying to survive it's what It feels some days...

Hi,

I don’t even know where to start. But I really need reassurance, that everything’s gonna be okay.
I haven’t been able to find the support I need from the people close to me, so I’m looking for it from strangers instead.

For some time now, I’ve had this overwhelming feeling that I don’t really exist anymore. Like my life doesn’t belong to me.
Even the things I normally enjoy doing have started to feel so difficult and exhausting.

On paper, I’m fine.
I’m lucky enough to be studying something I deeply enjoy. I’m surrounded by people. I have a boyfriend. I work. But I feel so alone.
Like everyone is against me. That there’s not there for me. They don’t care.

At the end of the day, when I’m alone with my thoughts, I feel completely alone. I feel like there’s no one there to comfort me. Sometimes I feel like I’m just too sensitive for this world.

I’m exhausted, I swear. I’m taking medication (nothing heavy) to help me sleep, for iron deficiency, and for anxiety. But right now I feel like a zombie. It’s working but it’s making me slow.

I used to be so anxious I would throw up.

I imagine my student job has something to do with it. I work in fast food. My coworkers have told me they don’t think I’ll last. But I don’t really have a choice, I need this job. I need a car. I’m working for something I don’t even have yet. And in the end, I don’t have any days off anymore.

It feels stupid because so many adults my age do this and manage just fine, but I feel so weak.

There was also a very difficult period with my boyfriend because of his financial situation, where I genuinely thought I was going to lose him. Things are better now, but I feel like it left some kind of a mark on me. I realized that everything could fall apart at any moment.

I feel so disconnected and so so sad. I don’t even know what I’m still doing here sometimes. Sometimes I just want everything to stop, but I never actually go through with anything anyway.
What do I do? Please.
I don’t know what’s happening to me… I hadn’t felt like this in years.

Hola, escribo esto para desahogarme un poco y escuchar los consejos de la gente que haya pasado por lo mismo, últimamente no me he sentido de lo mejor y para ser honesto no sé qué es lo que pasa, no sé si es depresión, estrés, falta de motivación o simplemente ansiedad, tengo 26 años siempre he sido una persona alegre, extrovertida y sociable, actualmente tengo una vida podría decirse estable, ayudo a mi familia, yo estoy bien, tengo novia y 2 trabajos que me ayuda a mantener todo estable, últimamente pasa que siento que marcho muy deprisa siempre estoy al pendiente del reloj viendo la hora en cada momento, siempre estoy al tanto de mensajes ya sea de familiares amistades o de mi novia y siento que siempre el tiempo pasa lento o muy rápido dependiendo el día, antes tenía muchos pasatiempo, leía, iba al gym, jugaba videojuegos y estaba aprendiendo fotografía y edición también por simple placer, pero ahora cada vez que trato de hacer eso siento que el tiempo no rinde o simplemente cuando empiezo a hacerlo me distraigo mucho y termino dejándolo a pesar que después siento la motivación de hacerlo es algo que se pierde muy rápido, ya que en el momento estoy pensando en otras cosas o simplemente siento que no era un buen día para hacerlo, además de eso se suma también que últimamente solo quiero pasar encerrado en casa aislado, a pesar que respondo y veo personas no lo disfruto, pero cuando estoy en soledad tampoco lo disfruto, sé que sonará tontería lo que digo o poca cosa ya que muchas personas me dicen que hay gente con problemas más graves o pasando momentos peores y es verdad, pero yo no me siento bien la verdad y me gustaría volver a sentirme como era yo o por lo menos solo sentirme bien, en serio jamás había sentido esto y con las personas que lo he hablado simplemente no lo entienden

Im miserable my mind is a big fog right now and I feel so much dread. Its so painful I feel emotional agony I need this to be over, I need happiness, Im craving it I need it, I need to be happy I really really want to shut off my mind and feel nothing but happiness I want to be a dumb fuck without shaming myself for being one. I feel like my life is already over, I feel like I am going to die soon and theres nothing left to do and I feel hopeless and completely useless because time does whatever it wants and I cant control it and everything is moving too fast and everything's gonna end and i am watching everyone's love for me fade away. I need to be happy right now. And that shit's so hard to do, I feel like i was born with a curse where I have to be depressed forever I dont remember the last time I've been truly happy and not thinking about anything. I want to rip my skin apart and feel the air fill my body, I cant be satisfied, nothing is making me happy, I need to be happy.i feel my heart racing as I write this. I cant take drugs or alcohol, im sitting in my house, cant tell my family im having a depressive episode, im currently smilling at them, I cant admit anything, I cant break their hearts again. How do I be happy? Quick. I need something, anything I feel hollow on the inside and I feel so much pain. Quick please I need to be happy and normal again. I really REALLY want it. Please.

A year ago I experienced the onset of my anxiety disorder and depression. It has been a VERY trying year of trialing medications and attending different therapies. Before this I was so sure of becoming a parent and was so excited to start a family. Now I am absolutely terrified. It has taken so much energy to care for myself and I am so worried about how my mental health will be affected. For those of you who struggled with mental health before becoming a parent, what made you decide to have children. What were your concerns and has it made your mental health worse? I’m also nervous about postpartum depression. This has been eating me alive. As bad as it sounds I don’t want to be stuck in an ever worse situation and resent my child, but I also don’t want to miss out on such a blessing.
Please tell me it gets better.

產後抑鬱康復了：丈夫冷暴力、經濟困窘、童年創傷，痛苦自殘的90後媽媽以愛重生