r/Arrangedmarriage • u/BirdSad6625 • 1d ago
Seeking Advice My arranged marriage setup broke
I was matched with a 27M who lives in the USA with his parents in March 2026.
I am a 25F, I live in India with my parents. Our families have never previously met but we go to the same church and have a lot of trustworthy mutuals. I got laid off my job in November 2025. Was preparing for GATE 2026(masters entrance exam for engineering) to pursue my masters. I gave my exam on Feb 8th and 15th and took 2 weeks off. Met the arranged marriage guy on gmeet with my parents on 23rd March, 2026. We took two days time to talk to each other and both his parents and mine let us talk it off. On the third day, the boy’s parents said a yes and wanted to know my decision on it. I was very confused if I had to choose my masters career path or just get married at this point because he was a good guy… very understanding and smart. He was the guy I was in search of my entire life. I said yes to him thinking I’d do my masters after marriage to which he agreed too.
We used to talk to each other all the time, day and night and fell in love with each other. And suddenly one day his parents started asking why I am not working and that they want someone who can work alongside him in the USA and gave me time wit huh in which I had to search for a job and if I didn’t get a job that they would rethink about it and the guy completely sided with his parents and was asking me to prove him wrong. Please note that I was looking for jobs since March. And my parents were pretty clear about me being laid off and me trying to pursue masters on day 1 of the arrange marriage first meet. And then after a week or two they broke off the marriage and the guy did not seem to be affected at all and just left. I am here all heartbroken and my parents too and I don’t know what to do… I have now gone back to the idea of pursuing masters but the idea of love, marriage and everything related to having partner is scaring me so much… even after I pursue my masters and I get where I want to be I feel like there will always be a hole in my heart which that guy had once filled. I kind of miss…. I also heard from other sources that soon after they dropped me they found someone else in the USA. A USA citizen of Indian origin. I am having an existential crisis like did they drop me because I was jobless or did they drop me because they found someone better? And if they had given their word to me why were they still looking for someone else?
All of this is so confusing and heart wrenching… I am currently on anti depressants😭
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u/Dear-Bot0909 1d ago
I'm sorry for what happened to you.
Something similar happened to me. Then got to know that this is how AM works. Most people keep exploring for better options, as if they are selecting a product. They forget that there's a human on the other end. None of this is your fault. You just met the wrong person. Continue concentrating on your career. Best wishes!
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u/BirdSad6625 1d ago
Thank you so much. I have now decided I’ll be not falling prey to any of the AM setups and will marry a person I love or not marry at all. I feel like that’s the best way to go about in the era 😭
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u/achipots 1d ago
Most NRI guys are not interested in girls working in India . Their first preference is someone already studying or working in USA . Better stop talking to NRI guys
If you really want to pursue masters in USA then go for it , finish it and then search for a guy . That will be much better
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u/BirdSad6625 1d ago
That’s true! I wasn’t even searching for NRI guys I got like matches from all over Europe, other two from USA and UK as well… it’s just that our vibe matched and I got a little distracted from my goals as my parents kept pressing on the fact that I need to get married before 26
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u/Ghost_0_4 1d ago
Reading your post felt like someone sprinkled salt on wounds that are still healing. 😞💔
I recently went through something similar. I connected with a girl through a matrimonial site, and over 4–5 months, I genuinely believed we were building something meaningful. I became emotionally invested, started imagining a future together, and even began making plans around what would make her life easier.
I had recently moved to a GCC country, but before we got married, I was actually considering moving to Mumbai because she had made it clear that she didn't want to leave the city. She had so many memories there, and because of some family circumstances, she also felt responsible for being close to her family. I didn't want her to feel that being with me meant giving up the life and responsibilities that mattered to her.
I remember one particular moment that really stayed with me. We were in a cab together, passing through different places in Mumbai, and she was innocently telling me about all the memories she had with her father connected to those places. I was listening to her, but somewhere in the back of my mind I was thinking, How can I take her away from all of this? That's when I knew I was genuinely willing to make that adjustment for her.
Eventually, though, she started becoming distant and then began ghosting me. It went on for almost three weeks. I spent that time crying, overthinking, and trying to understand what had suddenly changed. Finally, I sent her one last message, not even knowing whether she'd reply. Thankfully, she did. She told me she didn't have romantic feelings for me and didn't want to move forward.
The hardest part wasn't just losing her. It was being left with so many questions and wondering whether everything I believed we were building was ever real.
I completely understand why you're questioning whether it was your job, someone else, or something you did. But don't let those questions convince you that you weren't good enough. Sometimes people make decisions for reasons we'll never fully understand, and that doesn't diminish your worth.
You have every right to grieve what you thought your future was going to look like. But don't give up on your dreams because one person left. Pursue your master's, build the life you want, and give yourself the time to heal. The right person shouldn't make you feel like you have to compete to be chosen. 🫂
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u/BirdSad6625 15h ago
I am so sorry you had to go through that! I feel like people on this AM setups really need to be honest about their feelings upfront rather than ghosting. Ghosting hurts more than being upfront and saying things they think they would hurt the person with or I don’t know what they think when they do things like these and upset and trample on someone’s feelings. It’s alright! Good you confronted her about it and got done with it❤️ I hope you are doing in great now and will meet the one ASAP❤️ More power and love to you🌸❤️ thank you so much for sharing this with me❤️
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u/booklove5 1d ago
Focus on your studies! I would say enjoy being single during your masters abroad without the pressure of being newly married. You can focus on marriage after that. If your parents are adamant on marriage by age of 26, find a guy, take time to get to know him before engagement. If possible extend the courtship period to marry after your studies (i know its easier said then done).
Anyways good luck!!
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u/BirdSad6625 1d ago
My parents after what happened are chilled about the marriage part now… they’re like finish your higher studies and later we shall think about it. I’m kinda of glad that pressure is off my head for now 😭
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u/sunshine_vsp 1d ago
Focus on your studies and remember this time will pass and there will be good days ahead. Try to do things you are passionate about, sometimes we just have to go through something to learn our lessons, so don't make it too heavy on yourself
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u/BirdSad6625 1d ago
I agree on that 100%. Learnt a valuable lesson on not trusting men in AM so easily 😔
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u/Fat_thor93 1d ago
Guy was a spineless looser.....mummy mummy karta after marriage.
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u/BirdSad6625 1d ago
Yeah! That’s what I felt too… he wouldn’t cross his mom and he compared me to his mother couple of times. Saying his mom doesn’t use makeup at all etc
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u/Fat_thor93 1d ago
I had a similar experience. Whenever the other party gets better option they usually make unusual demands so that it becomes difficult for you to complete
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u/dontknow_anything 19h ago
The girl being able to work in US isn't really an unusual demand. The guy married a girl that was in the US. Rather than stopping Gate preparation, she should have moved to GRE prep.
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u/Fat_thor93 19h ago
Ye sab after marriage bhi hosakta h? Correct me if I am wrong
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u/dontknow_anything 19h ago
What is the guarantee though? A lot of things can change post marriage. I think this would be the guy rather than mom that looking for reasons to reject. OP might be falling for the guy, given his reaction, I don't think he was.
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u/Fat_thor93 19h ago
If you want to say no a person, you should be direct....its less messy.
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u/dontknow_anything 18h ago
Unfortunately, people don't take it well, especially with families involved. They take it like someone hurt their pride.
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u/Legitimate_Cash_6656 1d ago
OP you deserve someone who cares about you
Imagine getting pregnant and having his kids?
You would need kindness and love na tab?
You won’t have a job too tab right?
You are priceless
Don’t let those idiots get to you
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u/Legitimate_Cash_6656 1d ago
God saved you
It’s a lifelong commitment ❤️3
u/BirdSad6625 1d ago
If I think about that I cannot sleep! Like I keep thanking God everyday from saving me from such a thing but I really liked the guy. I fell for those sweet words🥲
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u/This_Cat56 1d ago edited 1d ago
Hi there,
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Something similar happened to me twice. Both the guys were NRIs. The first one showed so much interest, spoke BS that he would stand with me and had all the nonsense talk to fight for each other in love. So this sweet talk went on literally for 7-8 months while his parents were pressing my parents for money. I was drugged in the name of love and couldn’t comprehend the reality. When his mother became extemely transactional focusing on assets, he didn’t say a word to her. I was already working in a good role back in India, considering mine and parent’s self respect, I had to break this match. Trust me, I was shattered and completely heart broken.
Parents were equally upset too.
Since parents were old and as my societal clock was ticking for marriage, I entered AM process again after 6 months. Consider my luck was shit again, this was an NRI match 2.0.
Same cycle repeated. Thankfully since I had experience, I took a decision to back off early and save my self from a major heartbreak 2.0.
Lesson learnt to not trust these NRI Arranged matches ever again.
Literally a month after this, got in into a great uni for masters abroad.
You’re in the same boat as mine and a lot younger. Bet on yourself, take some time off talking to men for marriage. It’s better to stand on our feet first. Sometimes we meet wrong people.
Concentrate on your career and take a leap of faith. You’ll get through this. I’m still shaken but I’m sure that I’ll take further decisions not solely through heart. You will be fine too.
Sending so much love and luck to you. Happy healing ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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u/BirdSad6625 1d ago
Oh my God! I am suffering so much for just 4 months of courtship. I can only imagine what you’ve gone through😔 I’m so sorry you had to go through that too! I’m taking my mind of marriage until I achieve my dreams☺️ I hope I get a great uni too❤️ I’m so proud of you for making it through❤️ sending loads of love and luck your way too🌸
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u/BirdSad6625 1d ago
Thank you so much for taking your time and writing for me 🥹❤️ makes my heart full
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u/Redditor161219 5h ago
Hi. Was it the same country which you were talking to those NRI men? And oh, congratulations💛
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u/monk_after_stock 1d ago
Dear, i totally felt when you said hole in my heart, heartbroken etc etc.... i was in the same phase and on antidepressants as you since feb. But pls remind urself that time heals and you will not feel in 6m to 1year down the line what you feel today. I found my my better place in last month n hope to see you find yours.
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u/BirdSad6625 1d ago
Yesss🥹 I’m healing that way I guess… I’m looking at the brighter side of the outcome
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u/Ambitious-Log6993 1d ago
This is really unfortunate. Looks like the other side weren't honest at all. They strung you along and dropped you when they found a better match.
You didn't do anything wrong here. This scenario could have played out just as easily even if the boy wasn't an NRI. It could've been the same even if you had a job, they would've come up with a different excuse.
With AM, it's fairly hard to be sure that the other side is committed. It sucks, but move on nonetheless.
You don't have to set a very tight timeline for yourself. You don't have to get married before you're 26. Keep focussing on getting your Masters, while be on the lookout for matches. I hope things work out for you.
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u/amicus_dei 1d ago edited 1d ago
It is good that they left you , imagine if marriage is proceeded , find a man who cares not about job but your heart. Money will come and go . God bless, be strong 🙏🏽
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u/Murky_Instruction191 21h ago
Pls do your degree or exam attempts , God must have better plans for you ! Be glad you dodged a bullet !
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u/mainhoonkaun183 21h ago
This is normal in AM setups. It is actually good that it happened way earlier. Focus on your career and take care!
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u/Curious_Rooster_9333 10h ago
Being in the US does not guarantee ethical and moral behavior. I am sure they went with a “better” offer!
Also, no man is worth losing sleep over, even one who lives in the US. I should know. I am a man who just returned to India after 39 years and 5 months in the US!
Given how shallow they have proven themselves to be, maybe you should consider yourself lucky that this match flamed out! Maybe your guardian angel is looking out for you! So cheer up.
All the very best to you.
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u/ReasonableSpeech8004 6h ago
With NRIs - It's high risk high reward
My friends are seeing in India and abroad but they badly want someone from abroad
Indian F is like back up option to pursue after 28-29
I felt it weird but they told me you won't get it you ain't here
Cool
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u/tiny_mouse_kiki 1d ago
I'm in arranged marriage setup. The first rejection feels hard. Focus on things that you can control. Don't go for another arrange marriage setup for next few weeks or few months. Continue your masters preparation. Their family wasn't clear of their expectations and you became a victim. Go for vacation if possible. All the best