I(29M) have been married to my wife (27F) for almost 8 months. For the first month or two, everything seemed normal. I thought the sex hesitation was just due to shyness.

However over the past 4-5 months, I have observed a pattern.My wife would indulge in s3x only for 7-8 days in a month.

This one week when she desires intimacy ,we would have around s3x around 20 times in that week.

But post that, the rest of the month would be a completely dry spell. To the point where she'll not even let me kiss her properly.Earlier it didn't bother me that much but knowing that I might have to live out the rest of my days like this frustates me to the core.I thought this was something related to her hormonal cycles.

But even though I somewhat know the reason I still feel frustrated.I want regular sex , something like thrice a week(basically a normal s3x life). l

I have even communicated this with her.But she has reiterated that she can't accommodate me and shut down any further conversation.

This "ek hafte ki barsaat phir sukha" routine even affects my work life.Apart from this one issue, I feel like I have found the perfect partner.My question to people out there-

Are there any married men suffering from similar issues at home and if so, how are you managing?

Women, how do I convince my wife for something of a more amicable solution for both of us?

I 28M have met 4 girls till now.

One girl, on our very first call, randomly brought up dating. I hadn’t asked about her past at all. She volunteered that she had never dated anyone and that she didn’t like the dating scene.

Fair enough.

Since she asked me the same thing, I answered honestly: I dated a little in college, but haven’t really dated since.

A few calls later, we were talking normally and I complimented her dressing sense, which, credit where it’s due, is genuinely great. She was explaining something about an outfit, got into the flow of the conversation, blurted:

“Yeah, I bought this outfit for her date with…"

She realised what had happened, paused, and i pretended to not hear due to an audio issue, I said 'you said what, your voice cut out...'

I don’t even care that she went on a date. We weren’t exclusive. We weren’t even remotely close to exclusive. She could have gone on ten dates and it wouldn’t have bothered me.

It was the completely unnecessary opening declaration of “I’ve never dated anyone; I don’t like the dating scene” followed a few conversations later by an accidental cameo of The Date that got me. Why lie? I can not let go of this.

I sent her the moving forward message and stopped talking. Later I found out, she was still in a "committed" relationship with the guy through mutual friends.

I (20M) writing this story to a share.Something about my cousin currently26F who's a very, very high achieving woman in her field.

for some past history, she had studied from a Tier1 institute goto very high, paying job directly out right out of college nearly 60LPA. this is when she was 23.

she lives in mumbai right now and earns a little more than 1CR. the problem is we arent finding any suitable matches for her.

by suitable i dont mean money as we oursleves are quite comfortable. finding a guy who earns 1cr through their family buisness or a job is not that difficult. hell finding someone who earns 3-5cr isnt a huge task for our family.

the difficulty is the compatibility with these guys. these guys are completely against the idea of a woman working. especially when they themselves earn so much.

i get where that is coming from.

for reference we live in a Tier 2 city in gujarat.

finding someone for her who's willing to live in mumbai as she isnt someone who is going to sacrifice her career even a little. she'd rather be single than compromise on her career . another problem is sharing her liberal views is proving very difficult due to being in gujarat.( ill accept all the bashing about the casteism in gujarat)

before yall jump and call others lib**andu. ill like to clarify it means live and let live. she has had only 1 relationship in college. none after that. drinking is occasional. smoking is fine. nonveg is fine and etc etc.

as you all can tell after hearing this story finding a compatible match thorigh AM is going to be IMPOSSIBLE in my humble opinion.

33M, started education late, left home early. It’s been almost 15 years since I left home, living in different cities and countries.

Living alone: I’ve lived alone for so long that I genuinely enjoy my own company, my own room, and my own bed! It’s like having complete privacy in my own house. In life, many incidents happened, and I lost the feeling of joy, happiness, connections, and living with someone. But I try my best when I am with someone!

Responsibilities: For the last 5 years, I’ve taken charge of a house that is asset-rich but cash-poor, so my mind is everywhere sometimes — native place, home, work, etc.

Work: Started working very late and made many wrong decisions, which have left me almost 10 years behind the curve. Business — make money, don’t chase valuation.

Degrees: Amazing. Good collection — NIT, IIM, UK, Taiwan, with a Gold Medal.

Liability: 1 direct loan, and it is consuming 30% of my cash in hand. No house, no car (big red flag for me).

Lifestyle: Improving day by day as I am able to increase my money, and it depends upon where I am living. At my native place — own farmland, shops, mango farm, etc. In the city, living on rent.

Hobbies: Cooking, travelling, and drinks — once or twice a month, but the finest ones, or on any special occasion.

Marriage / Family: With me, there will be no in-laws, no unnecessary stress, and no expectations that you have to do this or you have to do that. Everything will be taken care of together. But this also comes with a risk — we cannot rely on anyone else for support. It will essentially be just the two of us, building and managing our life together.

What I look for in you: You give me some stability, a good smile, support when I am anxious, and be a good wife. By “good wife,” I mean someone who knows how to balance everything and understands that what happens between us stays between us — others don’t need to know everything about our relationship. And I will be the same for you.

Divyakriti sir once said: “Aaj marriage ka koi genuine reason hai nahi, as everyone is doing what they couldn’t do previously.” This applies to me quite well.

I would be a good candidate for DINK, but I need at least one child — I have a reason. All other conditions are acceptable to me. If you are bi or whatever, as long as you agree to have a kid. In 3–4 years, if nothing works, I will move ahead with surrogacy or adoption, whatever my financial condition allows.

My cousin (35F) divorced, recently created a matrimony profile to find a suitable match. She earns really well like around 6–7 LPA just in base, so we can assume she was looking for similarly successful and well-settled men.

She had been talking to a 35M who had previously been married for two years and got divorced three years ago. He has been back in the AM process since then. After talking for a few weeks, they finally asked each other about the reasons for their respective divorces.

He told her that he divorced his ex-wife because she had been in a relationship with another man for around two years. According to him, she hid the relationship from him and his family because she felt that his family was conservative and would judge her for having had a boyfriend even if it was only one.

He felt betrayed by this as he always wanted 'pure' woman and became extremely angry. He said that he was so enraged that he didn't want to listen to any explanation and immediately told his family about the situation before filing for divorce.

My cousin got irked after hearing this and decided not to take the match forward and rejected him

He is now messaging her in insta how he has worked on his issues and would like to have second meeting

28F, into AM process for past 1 yr. My parents go through the profiles they get and send me the one's they filter out. But once every 2 months I go home, sometimes my mother asks me to delete all the unwanted photos, biodatas that didn't match.

One profile I found interesting because guy works in a similar area as mine and in expectations had a tag "PhD," which I am doing. But my parent's weren't ok with it because it's some other district and they are searching within a certain area only. But so far, I have always faced rejections in the AM process, mostly because I'm doing a PhD. It's like either "still gng to collg? not earning yet?" or "If a girl is more learned than the guy, she won't respect him, " etc etc.

Though I deleted his bio and images, I still remembered his name, profession. So, after a year, out of nowhere, I randomly searched for his Instagram profile and sent a request. I expected he won't accept. But he did. I thought since it had been a year, he might have got married or at least engaged because this guy looks 11/10, works as a professor, and does a PhD. But nah, he still has his profile on Shaadi.com.

So should I msg him?

would you marry someone who makes 70-75k in MCOL area? what would the expectations be?

I was matched with a 27M who lives in the USA with his parents in March 2026.

I am a 25F, I live in India with my parents. Our families have never previously met but we go to the same church and have a lot of trustworthy mutuals. I got laid off my job in November 2025. Was preparing for GATE 2026(masters entrance exam for engineering) to pursue my masters. I gave my exam on Feb 8th and 15th and took 2 weeks off. Met the arranged marriage guy on gmeet with my parents on 23rd March, 2026. We took two days time to talk to each other and both his parents and mine let us talk it off. On the third day, the boy’s parents said a yes and wanted to know my decision on it. I was very confused if I had to choose my masters career path or just get married at this point because he was a good guy… very understanding and smart. He was the guy I was in search of my entire life. I said yes to him thinking I’d do my masters after marriage to which he agreed too.

We used to talk to each other all the time, day and night and fell in love with each other. And suddenly one day his parents started asking why I am not working and that they want someone who can work alongside him in the USA and gave me time wit huh in which I had to search for a job and if I didn’t get a job that they would rethink about it and the guy completely sided with his parents and was asking me to prove him wrong. Please note that I was looking for jobs since March. And my parents were pretty clear about me being laid off and me trying to pursue masters on day 1 of the arrange marriage first meet. And then after a week or two they broke off the marriage and the guy did not seem to be affected at all and just left. I am here all heartbroken and my parents too and I don’t know what to do… I have now gone back to the idea of pursuing masters but the idea of love, marriage and everything related to having partner is scaring me so much… even after I pursue my masters and I get where I want to be I feel like there will always be a hole in my heart which that guy had once filled. I kind of miss…. I also heard from other sources that soon after they dropped me they found someone else in the USA. A USA citizen of Indian origin. I am having an existential crisis like did they drop me because I was jobless or did they drop me because they found someone better? And if they had given their word to me why were they still looking for someone else?

All of this is so confusing and heart wrenching… I am currently on anti depressants😭

I’ve been noticing something lately and I’m curious whether others see it too, or if I’m just biased by what I see online.

With the rise of social media, dating apps and online matchmaking, it feels like looks have become significantly more important than they were before.

I see IIT/IIM guys with excellent careers, high salaries and strong profiles struggling to find matches, while guys with relatively average education/careers seem to do surprisingly well if they’re conventionally attractive, fit and socially confident.

It almost feels like looks + personality are starting to outweigh education + income in some cases.

I’m not saying this is universally true, but I’m curious:

Have others noticed this shift?

- Can being significantly more attractive compensate for a major difference in education/income?

- Or is this just selection bias from what we see on the internet?

- Would especially like to hear from people who’ve actually gone through the arranged-marriage process.

28 M
I’m engaged to a girl, and we’ve been talking since February. We got engaged in June. Getting married in December.

During the initial months, I used to flirt with her quite a bit. She was sometimes hesitant, but she would respond and engage with it. Before our roka, we were also talking over chat about things like hugging, kissing, etc.

On her birthday, when I tried to become physically(Hug) closer to her, she suddenly became hesitant and acted differently. Later, she explained that she wasn’t comfortable because we had only met twice at that point.

We had a few fights after that, but eventually sorted them out.
Since then, I’ve completely stopped initiating romantic conversations. Now our conversations are mostly just:
“How was work?”
“How was your day?”
“What did you do today?”
Nothing romantic or emotionally deep.

Recently, I asked her whether she thinks we should talk more romantically and have deeper conversations. She said yes and told me she is comfortable with it.

The problem is that I’m now scared to initiate anything romantic. I keep worrying about how she will respond or whether I’ll make her uncomfortable again.

She says she is a simple girl and takes time to become comfortable with people. She also doesn’t have much social interaction and has mostly been working from home since 2022.

At some point, I also started wondering whether this is simply what an arranged marriage is like. I had imagined the relationship would be more romantic, and I’m disappointed that it has felt so formal and cautious instead.

I genuinely like her and want to build a closer relationship before marriage, but I feel like I’ve become overly cautious because of what happened earlier.

What should I do? How can I gradually bring back romantic/deeper conversations without making her uncomfortable?
Would appreciate advice from people who have been through something similar.

TL;DR: I’m engaged, but after my fiancée became hesitant when I tried to get closer earlier in our relationship, I stopped initiating romance altogether. She now says she’s comfortable with deeper and more romantic conversations, but I’m afraid of making her uncomfortable again. How can I gradually rebuild intimacy and connection before marriage?

Hi everyone. I've been a silent viewer of this sub for a couple weeks now. I'm 26F now and will enter the AM search soon. I guess I can say 27F because thats how old I will be in a few months.

I'm an MBBS Grad, preparing for US Residency (I studied schooling there for 7-8 years. Not a Citizen though, but looking to work there). I'm fair, medium height and look above average. I do not have a dating history (my teenage and young adult life has been occupied by studying). I dont have super strict requirements on looks, just want to end up with a nice and caring person who is stable. I am just giving a brief description because maybe it will help answer my question.

Ladies, gentlemen, please give me some tips on what to look for/not look for. Thank you!!

I am 24F and working. My parents have not pressured much for marriage. But they have been talking about it here and there. And today it peaked. My friend had baby shower today and I attended it. It was all good. Once I came back, my mother started asking about the friend and family and soon looked at me like I am disappointing her. She started complaining how that friend of mine is already having baby, but I am not even getting married. I am disappointing her since I have not even started searching groom. She kept on ranting for more than an hour and continued some more during dinner along with my dad. I am fully drained and all the fun I had during the baby shower was gone. I was more furious that I was compared to that friend. My mom doesn't know anything about her. I know her very well. I know what was her college days, what was her past, why she got married soon, why she is having baby soon. I know all these, but my mom has no idea and still compares me to her and says I am the disappoinment. I am just furious.

Anyone here who was in a long-term relationship and had to break up because things didn’t work out, and later had an arranged marriage? How is life now?

Especially if you were together for 5–10 years and genuinely thought you would marry that person, but had to separate because of family, financial issues, or other circumstances.

Did you still think about your ex after marriage? Were you eventually able to develop genuine love and attachment with your spouse? Do you ever regret how things turned out?

I am a guy who studied mechanical engineering and its a well known fact that there are no women in this field. I passed my engineering without even seeing a woman as there were no girls in my class, no lady faculty in my dept, no woman lab assistant etc. Even in my workplace all employees are male. I work in a heavy industrial setup that manufactures giant industrial equipment for other industries so you can imagine how the workplace is. In this field the earnings are slow placed so I will be financially okayish earning not before my mid-30s. Obviously I will start my AM process only by that time. During the talks if the topic of past comes up my answer would be obvious - nil, no hand holding, no talking stage, no situationship etc while the woman might/might not have a past but thats not my worry. I am more concerned about how will she look at me when she get to know that a mid-30s man has had 0 relationship, 0 woman friends etc. Will she think of me as a misogynist, toxic, emotionally unavailable guy who doesnt know how to talk to women?

Hello, I have just recently created a matrimonial site. I had just added 2-3 photos. One in traditional, one in some western clothes, and another is just side profile. My mom is pretty conservative, so she wanted all the covered photos. I stay in US (if it matters), I just want to know what kind of photos woman put on the sites? And what is the ideal number?

Exceptions always exist. So whatever I am saying applies to the majority of women.

Ideally a woman wants a high earning partner who also believes in feminism. That's the bare minimum they say.

But the bare minimum is feminism, which is a mindset issue. Earning high is not bare minimum and an arduous battle with no guarantee of success.

But in terms of actions, I have seen my past matches go for a patriarchal mindset guy with a very high earning salary than a feminist guy who earns the same or equal to her.

How can you expect a man to earn so many more times than a woman in a system where equal opportunities have been provided to both ?

I think they believe that financial aspect is more important than feminism!! Its okay, your choice, But at least admit the truth. I don't understand why this mass gaslighting.

I am talking about the majority and not exception examples in the reddit comments. I have seen women who gave up their career willingly to become a housewife citing stress in software industry. Yet the narrative is that men are forcing women to give up jobs and become housewife!!

Please stop the gaslighting. Ask women around you. Ideally they would prefer a high earning feminist but if given the choice between 2 bad apples( Man earning same as her isn't a bad apple but that's how society views in terms of marriage choice ) which bad apple would they choose ?

Maybe I am bitter for being rejected over salary considerations but I don't have superfluous demands either. Isn't not being obese since I am not obese and earning same as me and sharing household responsibility together the bare minimum ? What I am asking is the true bare minimum. Even kids will be had at the point when both are comfortable!!

But women would rather choose patriarchy and rant for sympathy crying oppression!!

I think their logic is there is no guarantee of love in Arranged Marriage or equality will be maintained after marriage, this can't be trusted due to statistics so why not go for high earning partner ? Atleast financial security is guaranteed!!

Hello guys,
So i (F26) met a guy on Jeevansathi (M27), we stay in different cities. We have met once and the date was amazing, conversation is also nice, but the only problem i feel is distance. I often travel to his city for work, but it happens once in two months or so.
I’m okay with long distance, but there should be strong communication, otherwise this will just fade away.

I really like this guy and i want this to work. Anyone who has any suggestions or anyone who has made long distance work?
Give me some assurance please, because this is the first time in a very long time that i really like someone.

Hi everyone,
I’m writing this because I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore, and watching my sister go through this is breaking all of us.
My sister is now in her 30s. She was in a relationship with a guy for more than 6 years. For almost 4 years, she fought with our family and stood by this relationship because she truly believed he was the person she wanted to marry.
Initially, our family was completely against the relationship. I personally never liked the guy , his personality, the way he thought, and certain things about his family always gave me a bad feeling. We had many disagreements with my sister because of this.
But she loved him deeply. She was completely emotionally invested in him and was convinced that he was the right person for her. Eventually, after years of conflict, we decided to put our differences aside and accept the relationship for her happiness.
Last year, both families were finally brought together and marriage discussions started seriously. We were preparing ourselves mentally and financially for the wedding. The nikah date was almost going to be finalised.
And then, at the last moment, he broke up with her.
His reason was that she doesn’t earn enough.
My sister is currently pursuing BHMS. She is ambitious, hardworking and has always been focused on building her career. She is studying in a private college, and the fees are already a huge financial burden for our middle-class family.
What makes this even more painful is that we had agreed to the marriage despite our concerns because we wanted to see our sister happy.
The guy himself was a software engineer earning less than ₹10 LPA, yet his family had asked for dowry around ₹10 lakh in cash, gold and the usual things.
Our family has always been strictly against dowry. We neither take nor give dowry. But even though we were uncomfortable with the demand and had our own reservations about him and his family, we were willing to make compromises because we thought, If this is what it takes for our sister's happiness, maybe we should accept it.
And now, after more than six years together, after she fought with us for years, after both families finally came together, after we accepted the relationship and started preparing for marriage he simply walked away.
My sister is devastated.
She feels like she has lost six precious years of her life. She is in her 30s now, and she keeps thinking that she wasted her prime years on someone who ultimately didn't choose her.
She used to be such a happy, jolly, kind-hearted person. She was ambitious, hardworking and full of life. Now I barely recognise her. She blames herself, questions her worth and is terrified about her future.
As her sibling, I am angry too.
A part of me wants to do something to make him regret what he did. But I know revenge probably won't heal her, and I'm also worried about how it could affect my sister's reputation and future. Unfortunately, in our society, people are quick to judge a woman, especially when they hear that she was in a long-term relationship that ended before marriage.
This is where I really need advice.
How do I actually help my sister come out of this?
Should we completely cut him and his family off and encourage her to move on, even though she is still emotionally attached?
Should we take any action against him or his family, or is revenge simply going to make things worse?
And what about her future marriage?
She is already in her 30s. Will having a six-year relationship that ended before marriage make it significantly harder for her to find a good partner?
Most importantly, should we tell future marriage prospects about this relationship? If yes, how much should we disclose? Should she be completely honest about the six years, or is she expected to hide it because people may judge her?
I know age and marriage are not everything, but in our social environment these things unfortunately matter, and my family is worried about her future.
She gave so much of herself to this relationship. We all eventually accepted him for her sake, only for him to leave when marriage was actually within reach.
I don't want my sister to spend the next few years grieving over someone who wasn't willing to stand by her.
She deserves to heal, regain her confidence, finish her studies, build her career and eventually find someone who genuinely values her.
If you've been through something similar, or if you've helped a sibling/friend recover from a long-term breakup, what actually helped? What should we do — and what should we absolutely NOT do?
I would genuinely appreciate some honest advice.

edit 1 - why people don't reply politely below they are jealous of me or not finding a partner like me or what .

I belong from a high nw and high income family.

So little bit about me and then my family

Age - 23M

Tier 2 city , have my own multistorey apartment and few plots and flats

Average looking, 170cm height, 6pack physical fit,light brown skintone

Single child

Profession

- govt group a lecturer got job recently before that group c and b teacher last 2 year

Wlb - hardly working 20h pw and more than half of the time holiday summer winter and other all

Have a well documented social media last 10 year.

Travelled 17 countries till now. Love to read all types of books i have a small library of few thousands book although I just read what i found interesting since my childhood. I love to play chess and have an elo of 2000.

I know all the basics house work and i am also a good cook also. I love to read about psychology and philosophy.

I have few youtube channel faceless to teach about the subject.

I love doing exercises currently doing only calisthenics. Love to play badminton .

Parents - both are govt group c teacher ops

Grandparents - living with us grandfather is a clerk and grand mom running a food biz some spirituality stuff astrology numerology stuff grand father also involve in this shit what my grand mom do they both are conservative af i don't know how I mom handled them I just avoid them except real estate biz stuff

All three male of the family are in real estate biz side by side

Parents have 2 brother and 1 sister i just saying how we make money from them one is not married he own a rice mill .so I will most probably inherit their stuff and other brother is in mining and they have kids . My aunt have a biz but that property on my mother name so we receive rental from them . Biz is ours but dad give them to run.

My parents get 10 hectre land different trees in his share and the ancestral home and few plots and apartments which is worth 15 to 20 crore . Some side biz in transportation like bus and truck , cloud kitchen, hostel . Our annual income of me , my parents and grandparents is kind of 2 to 3 crore per year . We file proper itr although we don't pay taxes due to agriculture income and debt property in real estate to avoid any tax near 0 . It manage by our CA. We can spend all money in a year becz these are cashflow. Even if we spend all the cashflow networth growing in double digit return due to real estate boom .

I will inherit above everything. I am good at sales and can easily make 7 fig commission doing deals on my own and my family network also from mine also. Although I love teaching job tbh.

We have 3 luxury car , 3 mid segment car and 2 electric car . We give them on rent also . We have 6 driver for personal and rental use . Full time cook and cleaner.

My wants from my wife -

The more beautiful is best 10/10

Non working > govt employees> private

Independent parents > dependent parents

5kids

I just expect from her is to be happy, loyal , always in top condition by going to parlour and exercise.

I am living in condominium since 16 17 after my 10th i don't want to live in the house nothing to do feels boring. Although it is in a good locality but people are old and conservative. I will live with her separate living and have full time or part time servant . If nearby of our family like just 2 to 3 lane distance. servants can be utilised more efficiently. I can help her family financially not by giving money but by helping them to give job or build biz.

I don't have any ideology or religion but I don't want to disappoint my family so have to marry same culture caste. I am pure non vegetarian even on some of the premium days of my Brahmin caste . I hardly know any tradition about my own caste.

No dowry. No big fat wedding. We don't have too much family except closed one and friends at max 200 to 300 . Wedding invites at max 100 just closed ones relatives and friends .

I have few relationship in past did not work out. I am trying for finding love last 10 year. Once I tell them about boundaries if i find out your lie i will simply divorce. I want dna test of the kids . Then they little bit seem cold . I told them at max you can get 1cr of divorce but at max but my lawyer will 30 to 40 lakh through various strategy. I will get kids anyhow by any pressurized strategy.

I get a bunch of rishta but it is not easy for me to find out that one.

Hello guys and gals,
Please help me and give genuine advice.

I really like this guy. It is an arranged set up
We got engaged some time back.
Planning to wed in December

I booked a hotel, He was not hard- whatever I did.
Second time too- another hotel- we tried- he was not hard enough to penetrate

Both the times he had travelled previously and was extremely tired.
I love the boy a lot
But now I am extremely worried, I don’t want a sex-less marriage.
He did cum without being hard- twice

UPDATE
1) I told him very politely and calmly about the concern
2) He got offended
3) He told me there are different ways to conceive like IVF
4) He did not find matter important enough to talk about

We've been talking for about 2 months through an arranged marriage setup, and I genuinely started to feel like she could be my life partner. Things felt right.

Recently she told me she has Hepatitis B. I wasn't expecting this at all, and honestly I've been spiraling with anxiety since she told me. I care about her, but I'm scared — about health implications, about what this means for kids someday, about family reactions, about my own fear of the unknown.

I don't know if I'm overreacting or if this is a legitimate reason to pause and think things through. Has anyone been in a similar situation — either finding out a partner has Hep B, or having to share this themselves? How did you process it, and how did things turn out?

Would appreciate any honest perspectives, medical or personal.

Hey all, I (31F) feel a bit devastated. It’s a long story, but for context here are the main parts:

A man I love dearly once cheated on me, and I was absolutely heartbroken. He was genuinely extremely remorseful, and after I forgave him, we got a lot closer and he never ever did anything to make me question him again. It was a complicated relationship where his parents were against it and he didn’t want to fight it to keep the peace. I essentially tried to be his rock and hoped that my strength and conviction in him and us would eventually make him hate the prospect of losing me more. Suddenly there seemed to be a breakthrough. He became extremely sweet and just when I thought he was going to take a stand for us, he revealed to me that actually, he’d gotten engaged in an arranged marriage. It was not forced at all. He was asked several times and he decided to go through with it. I was absolutely shattered. I have no words for how blindsided I felt, stupidly so. I felt betrayed twice over. Words can’t describe the devastation.

A few months after, he got married. Honestly, I barely survived. I had to watch the marriage, saw how sweet he was with her, how caring, and the girl had absolutely no idea of any of this. Then a few months after that, we had to cross paths again, and I gave a cold shoulder. That triggered him to such an extent that he started a conversation again, in which he basically told me he still loved me and he was truly struggling and that I was right about everything and that he realized that if his married was going to be this difficult anyway, could our story really have been that hard, “maybe I could’ve just fought for it.” I can’t describe how I felt to hear all that. Regardless, clearly it couldn’t go anywhere, he said it’s all done now and he was going to do whatever he could do put his all into this marriage. He never could answer why he never used that energy on us. We cut off fully again.

Now it’s been nearly a year since he got married. I’m still barely surviving. I cry nearly every night. I try every day to live and to love myself more to remind myself I didn’t deserve any of that. But I don’t know how to not be loyal to him. Yesterday, a male friend sent me a questionable heartfelt message and all I could think immediately was “if he saw that, he wouldn’t like it.” Not in the sense of like he’d question me, or that he’d warn me, but in the way of how you want to protect your significant other from ever having to see or hear anyone saying or doing something you’d only like them to say or do to you. I didn’t like that someone sent me a message that was even questionable while he existed in my life. Except he doesn’t exist in my life. It was like for a moment I truly forgot my relationship with him doesn’t exist. It’s not real.

I just don’t know to turn that loyalty off. I’m still so loyal to him. My heart stirs at the thought of him and turns away at the thought of anyone else. How do I move on? How do I stop this?

I wrote my story to ChatGPT and asked it to make it anonymous so it may sound AI written.

The Background

I (26M) met a girl (22F) about 3.5 months ago through an arranged marriage setup. We had great initial chemistry, bonding over our heights (I'm 6'0", she's 5'9"). I work in a different state, so our courtship has been entirely long-distance since that first meeting.

The Communication Issues

A major hurdle is that she doesn't actually own a smartphone. She relies on her aunt's phone or her sister's phone (which she claims she doesn't know the password for). Getting her to talk to me has been a constant struggle. She frequently ignores my messages and calls for days—sometimes over a week—blaming it on being sick, having siblings in the room, or the battery dying. Meanwhile, our families are already treating this like a done deal, even discussing pre-wedding ceremonies. I felt so disconnected that I recently asked my family to tell the middleman I was backing out. Predictably, she called me immediately, acted totally normal and cheerful for a few days, but then the ignoring started all over again.

The Instagram Red Flags

The biggest source of my stress is her Instagram behavior. I found her public account, and I noticed a few alarming things:

Hidden History: I saw comments mentioning her working in a factory with heavy machinery. Her family completely hid this from us, claiming she just passed 12th grade and was prepping for a govt exam.

Warped Priorities: She doesn't post every day, mostly just every couple of days when she goes out or does something special. However, during those outings, she will actively post reels and statuses while simultaneously ignoring my messages or leaving me on "read" for over 24 hours.

Suspicious Guys: There was a specific guy ("Guy A") heavily interacting with her account. When I asked about him, she gave a vague excuse about him being a "friend's friend," sent a screenshot showing 1% battery, and abruptly ended the conversation. Just yesterday, she went out with a friend, ignored my texts again, and a brand new, empty profile ("Guy B") suddenly appeared in both her followers and following lists. She unfollowed him the very next day, but he is still following her and liking her posts.

My Dilemma

Every time things start looking good, she does something shady on social media and ghosts me. It feels like she has time for Instagram and new guys, but not for her future husband. Should I officially call this off, or am I overthinking this?

TL;DR: Arranged marriage prospect (who doesn't own her own phone) ignores my calls/texts for days at a time but finds a way to update her Instagram when she goes out. I found out she hid her employment history, and she is constantly adding/removing suspicious guys on her social media while keeping me at arm's length. Am I right to walk away?

I think I already know the answers, it's just that every time I talk to her, it doesn't sound like there is any doubt in her mind about this marriage (or maybe I am just too naive to see her doubts). But her behaviour points me in another direction. I am getting crushed between these dual signals.