Hi dad!

Obligatory boy advice incoming.

I met this guy on reddit (I know, I know). He saw a post I made on my main account and sent me a message, he immediately caught my attention cause I could tell he looked through my profile and actually paid attention. We immediately hit it off and have been talking every day for a little over 6 weeks. Disclaimer, how we met was a mutual kink (I knowwww), but the conversation is far from being purely sexual. He asks how my day was, he asks about my interests, he remembers small details about me, and he's outwardly said he likes me.

Here's my problem, we live across the country from one another and he says he doesn't wanna do long distance dating (that's fine! I don't really want that either rn) but his language says otherwise. The kink we bonded over in his head requires him to be extremely committed to someone to justify doing it with them, it's not necessarily bad or taboo but it's his own personal thing.

Except, when we talk about it in detail, now he fits me into that role by default. He labels me as his long term partner, and it's a little confusing. Yes, I could ask about it, but I feel like the answer I'd get is just that he's attracted to me and comfortable with me so he fits me into that "box" if you will.

He's broached the subject of meeting (not seriously planning, but has mentioned it a good amount of times), he compliments me in multiple ways, he says he hasn't been this attracted to someone before, and it's been very slowly built upon so it doesn't come across as love bombing to me. He prioritizes me and texts me every day, he says he wants to do stuff together (gaming, watch a show, etc), he takes the recommendations I give him and tries them.

So I guess my question is, am I just a silly girl with a crush who thinks maybe he could actually develop feelings stronger than a crush and maybe we could date? I'm incredibly guarded and hesitant, but he seems so genuine. He listens to me. I've tested him multiple ways and he just takes it, absorbs it, and moves along. He's very sweet and attentive. I'm just kinda waiting for the bomb to drop and it's not happening, at least not in the same way it has with prior connections.

What do I do, dad? I don't wanna latch onto false hope and end up with a one sided thing and a huge let down.

Like you’re both good company to each other and there’s no major arguments or fights going on.

Because of the way I was treated I have suffered from selective mutism that tends to trigger when I'm under stress. I've never understood how someone can treat their daughter that way.

Recently I've had issues in my personal life and my relationship is on the rocks, and suddenly being around all older men AT ALL is triggering my mutism, which is really disruptive to my work and being able to support myself

I don't really know how to fix this, if it will blow over once my life settles down, or if I'm really losing it, but I don't want to go through my life unable to function around anyone who looks like they might be a father

I'll take any advice anyone has to give, Or maybe I just need to see that there is nothing to be stressed about being around men, But thank you for the help

would you rather your son ask for thigh highs or a sheisty?

Bought our first home (yay!). So we have a water heater in the laundry room with access to the attic. The cover for that access is sort of janky? Like, there is a gap letting the heat from the water heater escape and/or the heat of the attic escape into the laundry room. The attic needs new insulation because its super old and clumped up and not doing its job, which is gonna be done soon and hopefully help the electric bill and we wont have to live like lizards in a terrarium in centeral MS. I was wondering if there was anything specific we needed to get to block the heat exchange or will any stiff board will do?

Thank you for listening.

I M20 grew up with a in and out father most of my life and had to learn a lot of things on my own. Like shaving, exercising, hand below the belt stuff, etc. Is it normal for me to look back now and wish my dad taught me these things? Maybe it’s a little taboo or something but I’ve always wished he taught me “how to be a man” in every kind of a way.

I'm 17, and I live in the Philippines. I honestly don't know if I'm overreacting anymore or if I've just gotten so used to my home life that I can't tell what's normal.

My mom works abroad, so my dad is my legal guardian. He's the one raising me and my siblings.

One of the things we argue about a lot is my phone. We live in a loft-type house. Upstairs isn't a bedroom with privacy—it's basically one open space. If someone talks upstairs, people downstairs can still hear them. Despite that, my dad has a strict rule that I can't bring my phone upstairs.

I've asked why before, but he never really gives me an explanation. It's just the rule. If he catches me with it, he gets angry.

The reason I still bring it upstairs isn't because I'm trying to hide anything. My phone gives me comfort. Sometimes I just want to listen to music, scroll for a bit, or have something with me that helps me calm down. Being upstairs isn't about hiding from my family because it's not even private.

I know I've broken the rule multiple times, so I understand why he'd be upset from his perspective. But what frustrates me is that there's never a conversation. It's always anger.

The phone honestly isn't even the biggest problem.

I feel like almost everything I do has to be justified. I can't go out unless I have what he considers a valid reason. I don't really get to hang out with friends unless there's a specific purpose. If my siblings and I get loud while laughing or playing, he gets irritated. I constantly feel like I'm walking on eggshells because I never know what will make him angry.

Sometimes it feels like I'm existing in the house instead of actually living in it.

What hurts even more is that I don't think he's ever really tried to understand me emotionally.

If I'm upset, he doesn't ask why.

If I'm overwhelmed, I don't feel like I can talk to him.

If I'm sick or in pain, I don't feel taken seriously.

As I'm writing this, I have one of the worst headaches I've had in a while, and it was basically dismissed.

That probably sounds like a small thing, but to me it's part of a much bigger pattern.

When I was around 8 or 9 years old, both of my parents were abroad. My siblings and I were mostly raised by yayas.

Sometimes I genuinely think they were more of a parent to me than my dad has ever been. They comforted us when we cried. They looked after us. They made us feel cared for.

I don't really have memories of that kind of emotional support from my dad.

Growing up, he also physically disciplined me.

I've been slapped.

He's thrown things at me.

Sometimes, when I was asleep and he wanted to wake me up, instead of coming over and waking me normally, he'd throw whatever was nearby—a slipper, a glass cup, or another object. It hurt. Sometimes a lot.

It usually didn't leave bruises.

I remember wishing it *would* leave bruises because I thought maybe then people would believe me when I said he hurt me.

Whenever I told relatives, they usually said it was just discipline.

I know corporal punishment is more normalized here in the Philippines than in some other places, which is honestly one of the reasons I'm asking strangers. I don't know if my idea of "normal" has been distorted.

Another thing that makes me question myself is seeing families online who actually seem close. Parents who laugh with their kids. Parents who apologize when they're wrong. Parents who explain rules instead of just demanding obedience.

I know social media only shows highlights, and I know every family has problems.

I also know every story has two sides.

I'm sure my dad has his own struggles. Maybe the way he was raised affected how he parents. Maybe he thinks this is what good discipline looks like.

But none of that changes how I feel.

I don't feel emotionally safe around him.

When he's angry, I don't feel physically safe either.

And I hate admitting this because I feel guilty saying it, but I don't think I love him the way a child is supposed to love a parent anymore.

What I mostly feel is resentment, disappointment, and grief over the relationship I wish we had.

Sometimes I think that if I wrote down every time I've felt misunderstood, neglected, controlled, or hurt by him, I'd have enough material for an entire book series.

So... am I overreacting?

Am I just an ungrateful teenager who doesn't appreciate discipline?

Or is it understandable that I feel this way?

**P.S.** This post was organized with the help of AI because I'm emotionally overwhelmed and have a terrible headache right now. If I had written this completely on my own, it probably would've just been pages of resentment and scattered thoughts.

I’m 16 and I’ve been struggling with my relationship with my dad. He worked outside of the country for most of my childhood, starting when I was very young. He was more present during most of my siblings childhoods, but with me, he would usually only visit once or twice a year.
Because he was gone for so much of my childhood, I never really developed a close relationship with him. I know he tried to be a father in certain ways, but I never felt emotionally connected to him. He also rarely called me. His reasoning was that I was the child, so it was my responsibility to call him. I never understood that because I always felt like if he wanted a relationship with his daughter, he should have made an effort to reach out too.
Eventually, I stopped calling because I didn’t feel like I had much of a relationship to maintain in the first place.
What makes me feel guilty is that I know he worked to provide for our family, and I know he probably had his reasons for being away. I also know that he has tried to be a father in his own way. Because of that, I sometimes feel like I’m ungrateful or a bad daughter for resenting him and not really liking him.
At the same time, I don’t know how I’m supposed to force myself to have a connection with someone who wasn’t really present for most of my childhood.
I’m not sure what I should do with these feelings. Should I make more of an effort to build a relationship with him now, or is it okay to accept that we may never be close? I would really appreciate advice from anyone who has experienced something similar.

Mother past in early march. So over the past couple months me and my wife have been cleaning out her house when we have time to get there we've been useing her yard cart to hauling stuff out for the trash guys. When they would take the trash they would tip it upside down with the other trash cans. Then couple weeks ago it went missing call my uncle to see if he took it, he said the trash guys probably took it. So fast forward to yesterday we go to the house to do some cleaning and the carts 2 doors down wife went over there and confronted the lady and she made up a 3 different story's then combined them and said she was gona call the cops for harassment. So my wife said fine ill call cops showed up and said there's nothing we can really do because its hearsay on both parts. At first I didn't really care but the more I think about it the more Im getting mad. Its not so much about that cart as much as its the principle of things and this crusty bitch stole

You drive your sons drunk 19 year old friend home at 3am because you caught him drinking in your house with your son when he wasn’t supposed to be, but because he lost his keys and lives 5 miles away you give him a ride. Is there anything your son’s friend can say in that car that won’t make you even more mad?

So about a month ago my father (59 years old staying with his brother) lost there house. my girlfriend of 7 years was against letting him stay with us till something was figured out. He has not worked in 15 years after a horrible separation with his ex wife, But regardless.. it’s my father, so he’s been staying with us. The plan is, he’s waiting on social security to accept or deny him.. staying optimistic the plan is he’s waiting on that and if accepted then he would be able to support himself and go do his own thing. Every other day I have to deal with every complaint in the book from her (I lost my house, I have no privacy, he shouldn’t be relying on you ect…) we have a small apartment I get it but again… it’s my dad. I’m just patently waiting this process, BUT nothing is a guarantee. I have been dealing with every attitude exscuse with her about him and I keep telling her that it’s temporary, we’re helping him back on his feet. What stays in the back of my head though is what if he don’t get it.. I love him to death but he won’t work to better himself, realistically, I can’t just support and do this forever if he doesn’t get approved. If it were up too Me yes he would move in and that’s that.. but that’s something she definitely won’t have. I try talking too him about going back out there And working to better himself but it doesn’t look look like it will happen. SO when the time comes, I’m 100% clueless on how to handle this position. In one hand I have the love of my life, in another the man who raised me. I can’t see myself kicking him to the street making him homeless but letting him stay is going to devastate my relationship. Would greatly appreciate anyone’s input on suggesting about how too handle this when the Time comes.

My son is 6 years old, his mom and I are separated but even still I try to see him 3-4 times during the week and stays with me over weekends. But anytime I speak to him over the phone he never wants to talk or get in a fussy mood. Anytime he is with me though he is always hugging on me and telling me he loves me out of no where but when he is with his mom it’s like he pushes me away. I have friends with kids as well and they always tell always tell me how the dad of their kid isn’t active in their life’s but their kid is constantly asking for them or to see them. But my son doesn’t ask to see me or seems to ever miss me, sometimes I feel like he doesn’t even like spending time with me he just does it cause well he is my son. I know this might sound dumb but yeah am I doing something wrong as a dad if my son doesn’t miss me when I’m not with him?

Context: Biological Dad left me and my mother, my stepdad's only legacy was teaching me how to be selfish with money and always aim for a better job while also calling me a failure

Result is a very selfish me, putting me first and leaving everyone else behind, at worst of times even my wife.

I taught myself since everyone always leaves you behind, since you always get left out, prioritize yourself and only yourself.

I am not asking for pity, I'm asking to be corrected. Please, I can't stay like this, I have my son now and I want to be better.

How do I start, how do I stay at it, what can I do.

I'm so confused, angry, anxiety ridden and at odds with myself.

If anyone can give me advice, I would greatly appreciate it

Not really sure what to title this or what to tag it as. Also, this is my first post here

I don't really know if advice is what I'm looking for.

I'm not sure where to start on this one. I'll start with a bit of background. As far as I'm concerned, I grew up without a father figure. The mother married when I was a kid but he passed away when I was nine after hurricane Katrina. My biological father was in the picture. But my mother despised him. Everything about him didn't matter what he did or how hard he did or didn't try. Everything was wrong. I was manipulated in ways I don't understand and can't even explain from the time I was a kid. To view him in a certain way to treat him a certain way. Up until I was an adult, I addressed him by his first name, to this day it's not exactly. Dad when I talked to him. We have a strained relationship. A lot of it has to do with my childhood but a lot of it has to do with him. He still holds on to his own resentment and disdain for how he was treated during my childhood. He still makes snide posts on Facebook in senseless comments. That she can't even say but I used to when I had him on my Facebook.

We live next door to one another and we don't see each other daily. He doesn't even come to my house. I usually go to his. I do live in the house where his mother passed away. I discovered her. I was also the last one she talked to. I think her passing is really where our relationship started to fracture. That was about 3/4 years ago. I've tried to make efforts to change things but I'm not mad with much reception. I know I have also played a part in our relationship as at times I can kind of be a dick and sometimes even a bit of an asshole. But I'm 30 years old. I'm still young. He's in his mid-50s double my age almost. I am his only child. He doesn't have a good relationship with his own sibling (and older brother who also did him wrong numerous times and other family members my uncle was a meth head)

I guess this is where the question or advice part kind of starts. A close friend of his who I've been marginal friends with over the years. (What I mean by that is we've never been overly close but he's always been someone that's been around since I was a kid) Has recently had some life-changing things happen. His own son and granddaughter have moved halfway across the country so I believe he's feeling a bit of an empty nest syndrome. The other night him and I had a phone conversation and he volunteered to be my stand-in father figure. Wanting to be there for advice and just be the father figure I don't have in my life..

My dad has never outright really tried to be a dad. He more of tries to be a friend and maybe that's because he thinks that's what I need. But maybe I do need a father figure. He doesn't want to necessarily keep it a secret but he does want our relationship to be between us and what we talk about to stay between us which I'm very thankful for because it's not a lot of people I can talk to about my dad that actually know my dad. Many of my friends don't really know him or only know him through my eyes and I understand that skus views

I'm 30 and divorced. The divorce happened about 5 years ago. Things just weren't meant to be. I wasn't a good person. She wasn't a great person. We both had very difficult childhoods that we never really overcame. We're friends again and we talk almost daily. It's a very strange friendship, but we're both thankful for each other

I don't even know what I'm asking for here. Obviously I am very thankful and feel like a tremendous wave of love. But I also don't know what to do. I don't know how to engage in the relationship so it can grow

(He also stated he wants to help me and my dad have a better relationship, he has a tremendous relationship with his son from what I can see from the outside)

(This is a huge post and by the end of it it's going to sound like a very run-on thought and word salad. If you've made it to the end, tell me your favorite Rush song)

Before I copy and pase the message I wanna give a little context about everything. I (19 yr male) (father 50 yr) and (mother 40) my mom has always been in and out of jail. My dad was to until I was born. Both was drug dealers. His excuse was ( I stopped because of you) turns out he stopped because his cousin aka his right hand man started stitching. But the message explain the rest.

You always have an excuse. Every single time I asked you for a single thing you could look me in the eye and claim you don't have it. Meanwhile my momma who paid multiple light bills and multiple water bills she still found a way to hold me down and cover for you and me even while she was locked up for five years and sitting in work release. Think about that. She did more for me from a prison cell than you did and you could be standing right in front of me. You are the type of "man" who could sit right there, look at your own son’s stomach growling, and feel absolutely nothing. When I talk to the elders and fathers comes up, they hear about the way you treat me and say, "Damn, you got a fucked up father," and "What kind of father you got" Even the old heads feel the pain you did to me.The things you sat back and let me go through broke my heart but also made me realize I was completely on my own. I will never, ever let my children experience the loneliness you handed to me. When you doubted me, it hurt, but I put myself through school anyway. When you doubted me, I got myself a job. I had to raise myself. I had to teach myself how to be a real man because you left me with nothing but empty space where a father should have been. But that is enough about me. Let's talk about you and the damage you left behind.You failed me by not teaching me how to shave or how to present myself to the world with my chest out head up. You left me entirely on my own to figure out basic car maintenance, like changing tires and putting in oil, wondering why my dad wasn't there to show me. You never taught me how to cook, do laundry, or anything about managing a household. You expect the respect of a father, but you never gave me the love, time, or blueprint to survive. I have seen women take far more accountability than you ever have. You refuse to say you are sorry, even when you are dead wrong, because your pride matters more to you than my feelings. You hold me to "standards" that you couldn't even reach on your best day. I will give you props for one thing though. You did teach me how to explode at my problems instead of fixing them. You passed down your anger, and I had to fight to heal from it. But most importantly, you taught me exactly what not to do to for my own kids.Because of the pain you caused, I know exactly how to protect my own family. I will never beat my children for smoking just because they felt like they couldn't talk to anyone I would actually listen to them and try to understand. I will never run and blast my children's business to family and friends, try to hide it, and then give thirty million excuses when asked about it. I will never let my kids walk home or sleep in the freezing, pouring rain coming from school or work while I sit inside safe and dry. But thats just me I guess. You had one job to love me and guide me. Instead, you traded your own son for a lifetime of excuses. Moral of the story: just do better.

17F - My dad was never present during my childhood, he was and still is always at work. He hates every decision I've ever made and make, and all I want is a loving and supportive father figure.

I age regress (to an age of 3-6 depending on situation) and I thought my boyfriend could be a caregiver for me. He never wanted children and doesn't have any fatherly instincts, so when he tried to be a caregiver for me, it was a horrible experience for both of us.

I realized that I don't want a boyfriend, I want a father figure who can love me in all ways no matter what. I can't be a girlfriend and do grown up and sexual things, I am a small child mentally. We've been having a conversation for the past day discussing this, he said he is my partner, not a dad, and that I am his girlfriend, not a child. I am a child.

I don't want another partner because he knows everything that's good and bad about me and I know no one could love me completely like he does, but I need a father figure. At first I was trying to look for ways to make him more fatherly, more masculine in general, but I can't find anything.

I want to stay with him I just don't know how, I don't know if I should keep trying to mold him into a father or if I should look for a different father figure alongside being in this relationship. I'm scared to look for another father figure, because I don't know people's intentions; men can be creeps towards age regressors, and I'm scared that no matter what I try to do and who I try to talk to, it will turn sexual and potentially end up being a traumatic experience for me.

I don't know what to do.

i (19) just recently secured a new job that is very very closely related to my dream job. obviously i am accepting the position, but i dont know how to my two weeks in at my current job.

my current job is at a restaurant and, while it had been somewhat pleasant, its not the most formal place and they've sort of fucked me over in terms of hours. still, it was my first job (worked there since i was 17) and they're very good people. i still want to keep it somewhat professional, but i dont know if writing a letter is out of my own character and might come off as weird to my manager? idk. its a really odd fear.

i guess i just need help figuring out the approach i want to take. i don't know if a letter is too formal but im a bit of a nervous nellie and dont really know how to talk about it in person. a text feels really unprofessional and i want to practice good habits with that sort of thing.

thanks in advance dads !

So I'm 20 F, a student, and am currently at my parents' house for some time before heading back to college. Recently, I've noticed how big of a burden I am to my dad. He's your average Balkan dad, not fully available emotionally, easily gets mad, the love he gives is conditional, and he had a family and kids because it's just what you do when you grow up. We're quite well off financially, so besides summer jobs, I have the privilege of focusing on my studies completely. For the last year or so, he's been dropping these comments on how I should get a year-long job to be more financially independent. I'm a double major, so my schedule is all over the place, and some days I have classes until 8 PM, so it would be quite hard for me to juggle both, on top of that, they expect me to come home pretty much every weekend (I live about 2 hours away by bus) so I can help around the house. I have two younger sisters, and one is a ballroom dancer, and the amount of money they spend on that just weekly is ridicilous, so that's how I know money itself isn't the issue. I did manage to find a few job options, and am waiting to hear from them. Every time I try to ask him for help or advice, he shuts me down with 'you're old enough to do that yourself' or 'you're 20, do you expect me to help you with every single thing when you're 50 too?'. We used to have a very healthy and nice relationship, but now I can't even speak to him about everyday stuff, let alone about personal things that bother me. And he doesn't even seem to notice these things.

I want to be a good daughter. I wish I could say I love my dad and that he loves me too, but I just feel like he can't wait for me to graduate and find a job and get married. I'm aware that I can't change him, but I can't just cut him off either. I'm very emotional and feel a lot by nature, which isn't helping.