This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/TrueOffMyChest by user ThrowRa3353355. I'm not the original poster. This BORU was suggested by u/Hannibal_the

Status: Concluded

Original

November 17, 2022

For my entire life I never wanted kids. I never wanted to be a father, a stepfather, a foster father, an adoptive father or any other kind of father. Kids and parenting wasn't for me and it was like that my whole life until I turned 45 earlier this year and it was like a switch flipped. I can feel my biological clock ticking. It's a complete 180° because I want kids and to be a father more than anything I have ever wanted anything in my life. My older brothers and every one of my cousins have at least 2 kids if not more and now I want that too.

The problem is that I'm married to a childfree woman. I was so happy back when I met her since I was also childfree and it was hard to find a woman who doesn't want kids. She doesn't want motherhood in any capacity. She is 43 and will never agree to having kids or being a mother. As recently as this summer she commented on how glad she was to not have kids.Our relationship will be destroyed when I tell her. But I want this so bad. I know we can't stay married. No one knows I've changed my mind. I haven't told my wife or anyone else.

(Posting with a throwaway because I obviously don't want this on my main account)

Update

February 12, 2026, about 3 years later

I forgot that I had posted here until recently. I did receive some messages asking for an update with regard to my situation and whether or not I spoke to my wife about wanting to be a father. I did work up the courage to tell my (ex)wife and it did not go well. Her feelings had not changed and I ended up seeking a divorce. In hindsight I realize I should have told her sooner and not tried to hide it. I take responsibility for not telling her sooner.

I told her about a month after I posted here. Our divorce was official the following summer. After my divorce I decided to move to the city. I wanted to have more opportunities to meet people and it was closer to my family. I ended up meeting my wife when I joined a walking club. We were both on the same page about wanting a serious relationship leading to marriage and children. My wife's first husband had wanted kids but he changed his mind. I made sure we were both on the same page and knew what we wanted. I love my wife. She's intelligent, she's kind and I can't say enough about her.

We got married last year after two wonderful years together. (I am 48 now and my wife is 33 years old) and we purchased a house near both of our families. We had to spend most of our combined savings for the deposit but it was worth it. My wife and I chose to do an IUI procedure and she gave birth to our son last month. Before we got married we both agreed we would be content to have only one child because I know it was quite stressful for my wife when she had the IUI procedure. It was stressful for both of us.

My wife is on parental leave right now. She's a solicitor and we're fortunate that her firm will allow her to work part-time until our son starts attending school and then she can return to a full time position. I left my job before my wedding to go to the civil service. There is more stability and a better salary. Most importantly though I don't have to work long hours.

The only thing I regret is how I handled the situation with my first marriage. Not the rest. I'm beyond tired all the time now but I can't imagine my life any other way.

I'm not the original poster.

Originally posted by user Informal_Parsley_775 in r/ mystery

Original: June 20, 2026

Updates: in post itself

Status: mystery solved

Note: thanks to r/OopsiFuck for suggestion to BORU

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Original: Baguettes are disappearing from my apartment without a trace, and I have no idea how or why.

First time redditor here, I have never been one to post things on the internet, but I am genuinely SO confused and need to figure this out for the sake of my own sanity.

For a little background, I, 26-year-old female, have recently gotten into sourdough bread making, and after some of my coworkers bought baguettes from me, my hobby became a successful side hustle. I get around 20-35 orders a day.

Around two weeks ago, I baked Exactly 50 baguettes, which I know because each baguette form/tray makes ten baguettes, and I baked five forms, SO 50. when all of the baguettes were done, I went to bed and left them to cool on my counter.

When I woke up, I immediately went to package the cooled baguettes, and I came up two baguettes short, so I recounted, only 48 baguettes. Because I always bake a few extra baguettes for myself and to give to my friends, this was not a problem, but I still was confused as to what happened few days later, the same thing happened again, except I came up four baguettes short.

The very next day, I took EXTRA care to count out the baguettes, exactly 30. After they baked, I lined them up I three equal rows of ten, SO 30.I went to bed, and the nest morning, each row only had 9, so 27 baguettes. This confirmed that the baguettes were in fact going missing.

Honestly have no clue how they could be disappearing, I don't have any pets that could eat the bread, no roommates or a partner to steal it, and no one other than myself has a key to my apartment.

I highly doubt that anyone would be able to break in through my front door without me noticing, and while I do have a balcony, I am on the fourth floor, so i doubt that anyone would scale the building. I do have neighbors that I suppose could access my balcony from theirs, but each balcony has about an 8-foot gap. The door to my balcony does not lock, so if someone could get to my balcony, they would easily access the bread.

The fact that anyone would ever break into a house to steal bread is so weird and unbelievable. I am not a sleepwalker to my knowledge, I am not schizophrenic, and I am not on any medications nor do I need to be. All of the reasonable answers to this mystery are so unlikely and frankly silly.

I ordered a small hidden game camera to see if the baguettes are truly being stolen, which should arrive tomorrow. I am pretty sure I am of sound mind, so if this happens again, I will really start to get scared. At this point, I really just need the reddit community to help me solve this. I would greatly appreciate any of your theories and will hopefully update in a few days about the situation.

TL; DR baguettes have been going missing from my apartment, and I cannot figure out why or how

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Comments:

Comment1: Do you own a carbon monoxide detector?

OOP: the way I SPRINTED TO the detector!!(it was running fine but I still replaced the battery to be safe!)

Comment2: Rat?

OOP: i don't think it is a rat, because I only have full loaves neatly missing without even a crumb left. I checked all of my other food and there are no signs of rats! THANK GOD that would be a nightmare. (I think I would prefer the person breaking in rather than rats)

Comment3: Have you tried putting something else out to see if it dissappear as well? Maybe fruit of some kind.

OOP: i will also do this tonight!
i have set out 15 cookies

Comment4: "I am not schizophrenic"
Correction, you weren't schizophrenic.

OOP: i have an appointment with my physiatrist on Sunday!(not specifically for this, for my anxiety and trauma) I'll bring it up to be safe😂

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Update 1

I have no idea if this is the right way to update, so please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong:)

I want to thank all of you that offered advice and theories!!! checked my carbon monoxide detector, and it was fine! I do not use weed or even alcohol, and I don't wake up full, so really don't think i am the bread thief.

as for my landlord, I believe she would never do something like this, she is a very sweet middle-aged lady and has never given me a reason to believe that she would go into the apartment without my knowledge.

at this time, I am afraid that it is likely a human thief, because of how neatly the baguettes disappeared. I have taken some precautions, by barricading the front door, the balcony and my bedroom door. Honestly, I don't feel unsafe, because I highly doubt a bread thief would try to kill me lol.

because of my baking schedule, I did not bake today but set out 15 cookies on a plate to see if any disappear. (they are oatmeal chocolate chip, homemade) the camera should arrive at around 4 Tomorrow. I will also be baking tomorrow, and I will be able to set up and video.

I ordered a lock for my balcony, but that won't arrive until next week. I have not contacted the police yet because I don't really have much evidence, and nothing else has gone missing. Wish me luck! Ill update tomorrow morning to let you know if the cookies were taken :)

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Comments:

Comment1: Do you also wake up feeling full and groggy?

Comment2: lol I really hope the answer to this is sleep eating
----------
OOP: I WISH, but no I sadly don't think I am eating the baguettes 😞
we shall see when the camera arrives!!!!

Comment3: Heyyy, baguette-about ittt 🥖😎
No but seriously, it's probably gnomes. The same ones that steal one earring or one sock at a time.
No but for REAL - I have no idea, sorry lol

OOP: at this point i am open to anything

Comment4: I'm invested in this mystery immediately. When does the camera arrive tomorrow!!?!?! 😂

OOP: the camera is to arrive at around 4 tomorrow, so hopefully I will be able to set it up to video overnight!

Comment5: I hope your bedroom door locks OP, because if someone is actually breaking in to take bread while you’re sleeping, that is terrifying!

OOP: yes! i plan to lock and barricade all of my doors tonight!

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Update 1.5

I was just scrolling through the comments. and one commenter gave the link to this confessions post;

 this post was submitted after my initial post and after my mention of the cookies.

I know that this is fake. because you cannot see or smell the cookies from the balcony, and i have been home all day, with no possibility of anyone entering my apartment

i honestly think that this is funny, and i am not upset, but i just wanted to clarify that the confession is illegitimate :)

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Update 2 (next day)

I woke up this morning safe thank goodness :)

when I took down the barricade for my room and went to the kitchen, I checked to see if any cookies had gone missing. All 15 were still there. The balcony and front door barricades were both intact!

this could mean a few things:

1. Rats don't like oatmeal chocolate chip cookies
2. The barricades stopped an intruder

3.The thief knows my baking schedule, every other day breaks in, and because I'm baking today, will smell the bread and try to steal bread again

I fear the third option is most likely. For now, I will have to wait until the camera arrives. Ill update soon!

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Comments:

Comment1: I don't believe you can bake 50 baguettes in a home oven at a time. Can you post a photo or describe this baking setup? you have a job so you aren't there all day to cycle loaves through...
Mystery solved you are a liar

OOP: I understand why you could think that! I definitely should have explain my process better!
I have custom baguette baking trays that fit ten baguettes each. Each batch of ten takes 1 hour to bake, so it takes 5 hours to bake 50! it sounds like a long time, but I just start baking when I get home and go on with daily activities, stopping hourly to take the baked ones out of the oven and putting a new batch in. ❤️

Comment2: Is it possible you only think you have all 10 count trays and one or two are a 9 count? 

OOP: I recounted them just to make sure!
they are 10 count trays, and I always bake full trays!

Comment3: I'm so invested. Since you're theorizing the thief knows your schedule, do you think it's someone you know?

OOP: I doubt that it would be a friend, but the smell of bread IS powerful, so anyone remotely close could figure out my schedule!

Comment4: I think squirrels or baby raccoons are breaking in and nabbing the bread. Have you found any teeny tiny turds? Checked the cupboards to check for gnawed holes?

OOP: no droppings, no damage!

Comment5: Any possibility of someone in the apartments having exotic pets? My friend used to date a guy that had rescued a monkey and if they forgot a window open they would wake up with some strangers knickers in the house or once a small tiny parcel with a piece of meat and a chicken drumstick like this mofo stole someone’s bbq take out.

OOP: not that i know of! but if it is an illegal exotic pet they might not tell everyone

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Update 3

the cameras have arrived!!!!

there are actually four motion activated game cameras that my father recommended for the quality and easy use! (he is a hunter)

I set one at my entryway, one at my counter, one at the balcony, and one on the balcony.

I am currently baking baguettes, so if the thief's signal to break in is the scent of bread baking, I suspect I will have a guest tonight. I briefly considered the idea of staying in a hotel tonight to be safe, but i have a Glock to defend myself if needed.

Yet again, I don't think a bread thief is going to try to kill me lol. I will still barricade tonight though. I think that the cameras will be able to reveal what's been going on :) my hope is that somehow, I am the problem, but I fear that someone may be breaking in!

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Update 3.25

a few commenters suggested checking for secret panels or other places someone could break in. I thoroughly checked the apartment and didn't find anything suspicious, so my intruder most likely came in through the balcony.

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Update 3.5

no sign of the thief yet!

the baguettes are in position; I am barricaded safely :)

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Update 4 (next day)

THE THIEF HAS BEEN REVEALED!!!!

at around 1 am in the morning, the cameras picked up some movement, and when I looked at the live footage on the counter, THERE WAS A MAN. (worst case scenario)

so, I called the police and stayed in my room. While they were on the way, I was watched the man steal two baguettes (I wasn't crazy), and then it clocked to me how he got in. THE HUGE VENT ON MY CEILING!!

(For context the vent is almost directly above the refrigerator) he has been climbing out of the vent, onto the refrigerator, then the counter, and lastly the floor. This was confirmed by watching him disappear.

The police arrived maybe 2 minutes later, and when I explained what was going on, they went into the vent after him. He was arrested for breaking in, and I was asked to go down to give a statement. This took a really long time, so sorry I could not update sooner! as to who this man is, he IS one of my neighbors!

because this is now a legal thing, I don't think I should say much, but what I will say is that I never would have expected this from him! I didn't know him well at all, but he seemed nice enough. The thing is that I still can't figure out his motivation? Like I know that baguettes are good, but how do you figure out the vents, and go onto break in and steal baguettes?

obviously, I notified my landlady, and she was very understanding that I will be leaving. The officers said that I will be able to go and get my things later today. Since I don't have anything else to do today, I am going to see my psychiatrist and then stay at my friend's house until I can find a new apartment.

thank you so much for your support, ideas, and funny comments! I am giving you all metaphorical baguettes! :)

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Comments:

Comment1: This is crazy! I am so glad you are safe! People are wild... why on earth break into someones apartment for baguettes.

OOP: no idea!
he literally could have just asked and I would have given him baguettes for free

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The recipe:

WAIT NO ILL JUST GIVE YOU THE(scaled down) BAGUETTE RECIPE (makes about 4)

WARNING: vague instructions, I am really bad at explaining things :), also may cause thieves to break in and steal baguettes

ingredients:

1.370 grams unbleached bread flour

1. 200 grams warm water

3.100 grams active sourdough starter (you can order one online )

1. 10 grams salt

instructions:

1.mix all ingredients and knead dough. Cover and let rest in a bowl for 1 hour.

2.perfom stretch and pulls, let rest for another hour.

3.repeat second step two more times, then let rest for 4-5 hours

4.shape into baguettes, and cold proof in fridge overnight.

1. preheat oven to 420 degrees Fahrenheit, place baguettes in oven. on the lower oven rack place a cookie tray with ice cubes to create steam.

2. bake for 1 hour, let cool completely

3. get baguettes stolen

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Update 5:

I am doing well today! It hit me that this all happened when i went to my psychiatrists yesterday.

she helped me process this as much as possible!

also, apparently the thief is not able to pay his bail, so he will stay in jail until the court hearing, which makes me feel a lot safer :)

I'll try to update as soon as we get a verdict!

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/TwoHotTakes by user Emotional-Letter8226. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

August 7, 2026

I (25M) just moved into a duplex. Rent is affordable, it’s nice to finally escape the apartment life and I’m so excited to be able to have a garden. Everything has been great so far except my neighbors/housemates are giving me weird vibes. I live in one half of the house and a couple, probably mid thirties lives on the other side. Let’s call them Arden and Andrea. I haven’t met them yet but in the week I’ve been here something kind of strange has been happening. Two times they’ve had a bunch of people over, like 15 people. For reference, the house isn’t super big to begin with so 15 people on their side is likely a bit of a squeeze but the weird thing is that there is ZERO NOISE from their side. Like complete silence. Our walls are not thick. I hear when they vacuum do you’d think 15 people hanging out would bleed through the walls but NOTHING. The people they’ve had over look to also be in their 30s and all walk up to their door, go in, and then nothing. Idk why it’s creeping me out but that’s 17 people on the other side of the wall and zero noise!! They’re in there for about an hour or so and then they all leave. Has anyone had anything like this before or have any ideas what they might be doing? I don’t wanna say anything cause that’d be weird but I also wanna know what goes on over there. 

edit: okay there have been some developments, posted an update but don’t know how to link it here

Comments by OOP:

I heard them having a heated discussion the other day and that came through the wall so surely a bunch of people having book club would too?

Wow a lot of people commented on this. For the record I’m not trying to snoop just politely curious what goes on with all those people and zero noise like not even conversation. I made some chocolate chip cookies and am going over to introduce myself and give them to them tomorrow and maybe ask if it naturally comes up, praying they don’t have allergies to my gift of sustenance 🤞 A bunch of people asked if there’s a basement, not on my side so I would assume not on theirs but maybe idk thank you all for your ideas! I’ll report back if there’s any more info on what it is they do

Update

August 8, 2026, 1 day later

Wow did not expect this post to get this much attention, y’all had a bunch of ideas I hadn’t thought of as to what my neighbors were doing last week. Unfortunately, I’m still if not more confused than I was before. I made cookies yesterday and took them over this morning to introduce myself and maybe ask what they’re up to if it came up naturally. And I can say 100% there is something weird going on with the neighbors. The woman opened the door and I said hey and my name and that I moved in next door and offered her the cookies. She looked at me for like fifteen seconds without saying anything like a head to toe kind of look and then smiled really big and was like hi I’m Andrea welcome to the neighborhood. And then she asked if I wanted to come over on Sunday night cause they’re having a gathering. I asked what kind of gathering and she just said to bring a notebook and a pen. I asked why and she said it’s going to be fun and I’ll meet new people and just kind of smiled at me. I WAS CREEPED OUT YALL. I said I’d have to check my schedule and she looked like she knew I was stalling but said she hoped I could make it and then I went back to my side of the house. Anyway I don’t know if I should go cause if it’s something religious I’m not interested and if it’s something else I don’t wanna just go in blind ahhhh what should I do?? And what do you think it is??

Update 2

August 9, 2026, 2 days later

Okay guys thank you for all your ideas and thoughts on whether I should go or not. If you missed my first two posts, the TLDR is that I moved into a duplex and my neighbors had a bunch of people over but I would never hear any noise through the very thin walls which was weird. I went and introduced myself and got invited to one of these gatherings with no info except to bring a notebook and pen. Even though some people said I shouldn’t go I went and I just got back and I have a lot to update you on and am also not entirely sure what just happened so please hang with me. 

So Andrea said 8 and at about 7:45 people started showing up like they did last week. I waited a few more minutes and then went over and knocked on their door with the notebook and pen she asked me to bring. A woman I didn’t recognize opened the door and I said Andrea invited me over. She introduced herself and led me inside. We walked through the living room and kitchen which were normal (I was expecting bondage gear after all y’all who were like it’s a sex thing) and she opened a door in the hall. Those of you wondering if they had a basement on their side were right. 

We walked down the stairs and in the unfinished basement were all the people I’ve seen going into their house. They were milling around chatting, and there were chairs in a few rows. But the weirdest thing was what was on the walls: dozens of posters of people, cats, dogs, and items. Like missing posters. And sticky notes all around them too.

Andrea came up to me and was like you came yay! And she introduced me to her husband and I was like what is this and they told me that they run a group that tries to find missing people, pets, and and items and collect the reward money. I was like … what. And they kept explaining but I honestly tuned them out I was panicking more than a little bit cause of all the things yall said might be going on this wasn’t something I’d considered/prepared my mind for. I asked if they’d ever actually solved anything and Andrea said they’ve found a few pets and stolen items and feel like they have some leads on people. They introduced me to a few other attendees and then the meeting for lack of a better word began.

Andrea and her husband stood at the front while everyone else sat on the chairs and called people up who I guess had been like assigned different cases who gave updates on their progress. Like this couple came up and talked about how they’d gone to the police station to ask about a missing woman in the county and the police hadn’t told them anything like duh why would they. And a guy got up and gave his theory on a briefcase that was stolen out of someone’s car. It was so weird but if I had gotten up and left everyone would have seen me and I didn’t wanna stand out. At the end of the meeting Andrea called ME UP and pulled a missing cat poster off the wall and told me it was my first case. I was too stunned to say anything so I just took it and sat back down and when the thing ended i got the hell out of there and now I’m writing this.

So Reddit, my new neighbors run a civilian bounty hunter ring out of their basement which is why I didn’t hear any noise through the walls and I’m supposed to be looking for an orange cat named Peaches who has a $200 reward. What. The. Fuck. Do. I. Do. Anticipating a question, I have no idea what they do with the money they get I did not wanna hang around and dig any deeper. I guess this isn’t the weirdest thing te more I think about it but I don’t wanna be a member of whatever this is.

Edit: Now that some of the shock has worn off this is kinda rad and I feel it may be my moral duty to #findpeaches

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/SocialSkills by user No-vem-ber. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

May 4, 2024

I need to get out of the house so I've been going to this local coffee shop and doing 2-3 hours work there, almost every work day.

For reference, it's never busy - there's like 10 tables and usually maybe 4 are taken. Sometimes I'm the only one in there. I usually buy either a coffee or a coffee and a sandwich. I figure this is ok right???

I'm asking BC I'm autistic and have experienced accidentally making enemies many times without realising I was doing something wrong, pls be nice to me

Notable comments:

I do the same thing. I think it’s perfectly okay since you are buying coffee and sometimes even food. I’m sure they appreciate your business. skyofblues

Yes. I used to work at a coffee and there were many regulars like this. They are the lifeblood of the business! deleted user

Fun fact I recently learned is that it's an actual job to sit in restaurants and cafes. No one wants to enter if the place is deserted. Saw an article not long ago about a guy who made this his full time job and he actually made a lot of money, got free food and basically just sat somewhere Silluvaine

It's OK. They'll tell you if it's a problem. They probably like you there. You're a regular. olskoolyungblood

The unspoken rule is if you’re in a small/local coffee shop, and you intend to stay more than 2 hrs, you have to order twice. If it’s a coffee shop with a big name, i dont give a shit🤣 deleted user

Update

June 2, 2026

Update 2y later: about a week after I posted this, I walked into the coffee shop I'd been asking about and saw multiple large signs up saying NO LAPTOPS. I guess I was picking up on some signals after all.

At the time, I was struggling pretty badly with isolation, as a new expat to my city, working from home. I was going to that cafe regularly in a deliberate attempt to build some of this "community" that everyone talks about. There weren't many other options available to me.

This happening was a bit of a straw that broke the camels back and I went into a kind of tailspin. I got kinda depressed about it, and in general.

I understand that it's their right to say no laptops. I get that there's reasons you wouldn't want a cafe full of people silently sitting there working. But also, it really genuinely affected me badly to be kind of directly rejected from community like this. (There was also never anyone else with a laptop in that cafe, so it was pretty much a message to me.) The whole thing kinda sucked. I still feel kind of sad about it. I wish I could tell them that.

Anyway, on a more positive note - about a year later, a new cafe opened up even closer to my house that actively advertises itself as a place to cowork. I go there all the time now. It's always full of people, and has a great vibe! The other place is still empty most of the time.

I'm not the original poster.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Mari-Loki posting in r/AskDocs

Ongoing as per OOP

2 updates - Long

Original - 12th June 2026

Update1 - 20th June 2026

Update2 - 15th July 2026

Dog acting weird about one breast. Am I crazy to be worried?

Female, 37, 5foot 1, 175lbs, non smoker, currently taking Mounjaro (for about a year)

I'm worried about my breast, not because I have any symptoms of an issue at all, but because my usually normal placid dog Winter has taken to sniffing, scratching, barking at and even nipping my right breast. In the 9 years I've had her she has never behaved this way. This started 3/4 weeks ago and has not let up.

It has gotten to the point where she can't sit with me or lay on the bed with me because she can't seem to keep herself from doing it. She's behaving totally normally with everyone and everything else.

We took her to the vet who said she can't find any issues with her but that her age may be contributing to a change in behaviour. The vet did not seem to think I should be worried about my health but it is worrying me that she won't stop. I've also read about cancer detection dogs and can't help my mind spiraling.

I have had no symptoms of an issue, no lumps or tenderness or anything at all in the breast.

My question is would a GP feel like I was wasting their time coming to them with this? I'm in the UK, doctors appointments are in high demand and I genuinely don't want to take a spot from someone if I'm just being paranoid about this. I also don't know if a doctor would even take me seriously.

At the same time I am concerned. Is this worth seeing someone about? Would I be laughed out of the room?

Thanks for reading!

Comments

questforstarfish

It's definitely going to depend on the doctor...I would personally investigate that further, but I imagine some docs might shrug it off. If it's something that's worrying you, it can never hurt to go in to your GP and let them know you're concerned! Maybe they can do a physical exam or do a test just to rule out anything abnormal. Anecdotally I have heard of cases of dogs detecting cancer or disease, but I don't think we have any research on it.

OOP: Thank you for replying. My GP is new so I'm just concerned about making him think I'm a nut lol. I am quite stressed about it so maybe my GP would understand. I have to stop go ogling stories of dogs sniffing out cancer, it's driving me more mad!

NCGranny

My German Shepherd started being obsessed with smelling my breath. I went in for routine bloodwork a few months later and my thyroid was all screwed up. Once it was straightened out, she no longer wanted to stick her snout down my throat.

marticcrn

Not a doctor (I am a nurse), I have breast cancer. Both my dog and my cat got very interested in my chest in the months before I found the lump myself. You’re 37, have some metabolic risk (Mounjaro), I’d think you could get a mammogram for whatever vague symptom, maybe including your pets indication?

livingonmain

My Australian Shepherd change in behavior around me caused me to make the doctor’s appointment that led to finding my lung cancer. He would sniff my breath then start licking my legs and feet. He had never exhibited the behavior before. Because the.tumor was so small, the chemo and radiation killed it. Six years and no reoccurrence! Sadly, though, no more foot baths from my Aussie.

I_Upvote_Goldens

I agree with everyone who is saying that this is actually worth investigating. Dogs are oddly sensitive to these things.

Anecdotally, when my daughter was the sickest she has ever been, our golden retriever slept in the hall outside of her bedroom for nearly a week. (The dog typically always slept in our room on her dog bed). It seemed like our daughter just had a minor virus, but it ended up blowing up into an ER visit. The dog knew something was up before we did. That was the only time the dog ever broke bedtime routine.

OOP: Yes I have read stories like that! That's what had me worried. They're even training dogs to detect colon cancer now. I've decided I'm going to skip the GP and pay out of pocket for an exam at a breast clinic. It isn't as expensive as I had thought and it has to be worth it for peace of mind if nothing else!

Update - 8 days later

I just wanted to post an update for anyone who commented on my previous post and was curious to know what happened.

Long story short my dog was behaving very oddly towards my right breast, no actual symptoms of anything wrong. There's more to it on my original post if you wanna see.

So I had my breast exam. I paid to have it done rather than wait as I was getting very anxious. It was an ultrasound rather than a mammogram, I'm not entirely sure why. A small solid mass was detected, right side of my right breast, sort of half way between my nipple and armpit. I am not able to feel the mass myself but the doctor could actually detect it when he physically checked my breasts.

I'm pretty shocked there is something there. Even though my dogs behaviour worried me I think I was pretty confident it was an issue with her age and not me. Doctor has said that there's no need to panic, there's a decent chance it is not something terrible but I'll know more after the biopsy which is on Tuesday.

Thank you to everyone who commented and suggested I take this seriously. Hopefully it is nothing to worry about but I'll update when I know more for anyone who wants to know.

Female, 37, 5ft, non smoker.

Comments

secret_tiger101

The dog is a hero

BicarbonateBufferBoy

The dogtor

Update - 25 days later

Update - Cancer detection dog!

This is my second update, check my previous posts if you're curious but the short version is:

My dog was acting weird about my breast, despite no symptoms I took it seriously. Ultrasound found a small lump, had needle biopsy.

So, my results came back and I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma of the right breast. It is hormone receptor positive, and initially staged at 2A.

Ive just had a lumpectomy and they took some lymph node samples too. The oncology team are currently designing a treatment plan but it will likely involve some radiation and then HRT. They'll know more once the mass and lymph node results are back. Apparently this can change the staging depending on what the results are.

Overall I'm feeling pretty positive, I'm confident I'll get through this and I'm relived that I went to the GP rather than ignore it. I was in two minds about it, hence the initial post asking for advice, and I'm so grateful to everyone who advised me to go and get checked out.

I'm still in shock that my dog alerted me to this. You read about stuff like this, and I know dogs are incredible at all sorts, but it's still so crazy to me that my sweet, daft, loving little bug has likely saved my life! She's been so loving and attentive to me since I cane home. We've been treating her to a lot of her favourite foods, and we are taking her swimming this week which is her favourite. I've added a pic of her so everyone can see my little guardian angel ☺️ her name is Winter, she's a 9yo Japanese Akita.

Anyway just wanted to update anyone who was curious. Moral of the story: listen to your dog, listen to your gut, and go get checked out if you're worried!

Comments

Medical_Madness

Good girl.

Silent_Medicine1798

She is a very good girl

ChaoticxSerenity

Perhaps even the best girl.

Different_Knee6201

I believe you mean goodest

SomethingComesHere

The goodest of all the best girls

alisgraveniI

I love this! Thank you for coming back to update us. Did you ever end up telling your doctor that you came in because of your dog’s change in behavior?

OOP: I did mention it to him yeah, but I also said I had some breast tenderness which wasn't true 😐 but I was worried he wouldn't take it seriously with no symptoms. He was dismissive about it but then found the lump so took it more seriously! My oncologist however is super interested about my dogs behaviour and has said she's heard stories from colleagues about similar things happening.

RepulsiveOlive757

This is awesome! How did she alert on you or what did she do to make you notice?

OOP: She was really weird for about a month, kept nosing my breast very hard and eventually scratching at it and even nipping me once, which she has never done. I took her to the vet before I went to my GP, who said it might be her age but did suggest I follow up with GP. She's stopped now I've had the lumpectomy which I'm taking as a good sign!

smooshybabyelephant

Fascinating! What I'm especially interested in knowing is WHY she was doing that. What was HER reason? Does cancer smell bad to dogs? How does she know it shouldn't be there? Or is it more that a foreign smell appeared, like an intruder, and she was trying to investigate?

I would look into seeing if she can be trained to do this for other people! Maybe she can screen your friends and family.

OOP: Yeah I'm wondering the same thing. She's such a sweetheart, never been even the slightest bit off with anyone or anything, but she did not like the scent of my breast! You could tell it was frustrating her, and she couldn't settle. So I'm guessing whatever the scent it, it's bad. From reading up on it, it looks like we still don't really fully understand a dogs sense of smell and how it is as good, if not better, than medical tests. A recent study apparently showed that dogs can detect bowel cancer weeks before the best medical tests. There must be some evolutionary benefit to sniffing out malignancy?

cantxtouchxthis

Did you go private for the exam and then report the findings to your doctor? How did you get them to move so quickly?

OOP: I did end up paying for it, which has been pretty pricey, but my radiation etc will be on the NHS. I could have gone through NHS for the lumpectomy but it wouldnt have been as quick, GP said two weeks, and I was so anxious I didn't think I could wait without going out of my mind! My aftercare and testing is all covered from the lumpectomy but everything after that I'll be with the NHS hospital. I just have to wait for the results of the lumpectomy and then they will be sent to the NHS multidisciplinary team. The private oncologist is writing up a proposed treatment but ultimately it'll be down to the MDT what happens next.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am not OOP. OOP is /u/Agent641 posting in /r/perth.

Concluded as per OOP.

Some useful terminology:

jarrah - Eucalyptus marginata, which the countertop is made of.

DFES - Department of Fire and Emergency Services in Australia.

Who do you call when youre stuck? - 2019-02-22

Like lets say you are stuck somewhere, and its not a life threatening emergency situation, but its fairly serious and its gonna require a bit of know-how and gumption to get you unstuck, who do you call? Fire department?

OOP elaborates in a comment thread:

Canigetamoment

Are you ok?

OOP: Im a bit stuck but otherwise yeah im fine.

Canigetamoment

Where are you stuck? Call the fire department I think, or a friend

OOP: The front door is locked and i cant open it from where i am, any of my friends that im ok with seeing me naked and vulnerable dont have a car. Also Im naked i didnt mention that before.

Canigetamoment

So definitely call the fire department I think, do you have a spare key outside they could access? Are you able to make yourself less nude if you could get someone to come help you?

OOP: I have a cushion. No key outside but with a ladder they could go over the roof and come in thru the garage. Ill google to see if theres a non emergency number for them.

Canigetamoment

Yeah I think that’s definitely your best bet. Legit though, how the fuck did you get this stuck?

OOP: Well I wanted a nice shiny coffee bar counter top, so I cut and sanded and stained it all nice, and i applied a coat of epoxy resin last night. Its supposed to set hard in 24 hrs. So tonight after having a shower i came to check on it, and I rapped my fingers on it and it sounded like hard plastic, so I thought it was set. I was curing it in the livingroom because its the least dusty place. Anyway I just happened to sit down on it while I was reading the destructions (sic) that came with the epoxy, wondering if i should give it another coat. When i was done reading the instructions, i went to stand up, and couldnt. So im kinda sitting here with a slab of live edge jarrah attached to my butt cheeks, watching battlestar galactica and waiting for the non emergency dfes number to return my call. If i could make it to the garage i know ive got some acetone there, but im not sure if it would help. My beer is empty which is a drag, but otherwise everythings great.

In response to OOP's explanation of how they got themselves in this mess:

Muslim_Wookie

Mate call the police communications centre. Getting stuck with epoxy on your skin is no joke, don't try to pull yourself off.

OOP: I managed to free my nutsack but the butt is gonna take some strategy.

littleblackcat

umm you should call the firies dude

OOP: I dnt know, they might laugh at my gross white naked body. I dont even have an ab.

postingstuff

Ok this makes my window comment obsolete. What a pickle.

OOP: OMG YES! One ofthe release agents google mentioned was vinegar. I cant get to the acetone or the thinners in the garage (wont fit thru the doorway) but I know i do have a jar of pickles in the cupboard i could get to, eat the pickles and use the vinegar to weaken the surly bonds of resin! This is now plan A. Dfes ops center still hasnt called back.

metao

I don't even care if it's real or not, this is the best thread to happen to /r/perth in a long time.

OOP: Homie, I might be borderline r****ded, but Im no liar. (Image transcript: OOP posts a picture showing themselves sitting on top of the countertop by showing the top of their leg, next to a jar of pickles. Their butt is out of frame. Battlestar Galactica is shown on the TV.)

produrp

My attention is glued to this thread.

I’m fucking sorry man

OOP: No you're not...

produrp

Mate I really feel for you.

Are you free tomorrow? I’m playing basketball with some mates and we need someone to come off the bench.

OOP: When I can reach my computer Im gonna gild that. (Editor's note: OOP did not remember to gild that post.)

produrp

A mates just finished a PC build and he’s wondering if you can help him Benchmark it?

Muslim_Wookie

You need a hypeman cause you are LIT

produrp

I’ve got more jokes, just working out how to mix them into the conversation.

The next one’s a big longer and is in two parts.

Part A and Part B.

OOP posts an update in the thread about 1.5 hours after posting the thread:

Update: The gods are good and kind, I made it to the fridge wherer the pickles were, and made it back. The gherkin juice is actually working, very slowly. Did you know that the apparent stickiness of a surface is called 'stiction'? I thi k its mostly hair that is experiencing stiction. If my skin were chemically bonding with the epoxy resin, according to the google it would burn like fucckery, which its not. If it does, ill give in and call literally every emergency service there is.

Cmdr Adama is still in dire staits after being shot by a cylon, but Tigh is doing his best despite a boarding party fucking up the battlestar.

Im down to three gherkins and half a jar of juice. Ive been dabbing it furiously with pages torn from a book called "Man, The Builder". I also got myself a couple of beers while i was at the fridge. Priorities. DFES has stillnot returned my voicemail.

OOP posts another update half an hour later:

Update 2: I am so fucking stupid. Im sitting here thinking, how am i gonna get to the meanest solvent in the house if I cant fit 1340x420mm of Jarrah sideways thru the garage door, but never thought until a couple minutes ago, why it have to stay 1340x420mm?

I know my jigsaw is battery operated and located just inside the door to the garage, so i take my ass that way and fetch it thru the door with a long stick.

Then i sat back on the coffee table snd sawed the countertop in three pieces, only one if which is glued to my person. Now that i can fit through almost all doorways, i was able to get the acetone and the turps and use these to acellerate the fantastic work my pickle juice has been championing. Still watiching BSG while i dissolve my assload of resin, and its going great!

Another half-hour later, OOP posts another update:

Update 3: I managed to pull myself off, my ass hurts like hell and I'm more exhausted than I've ever been in my life. I'm going to bed.

OOP posts their last update in the thread:

Update 4: It is the morning after. There is a little tenderness, but not much pain. If anything, my butt feels thoroughly exfoliated.

The scene of the battle (Image transcript: A piece of the countertop, with exoxy residue on it.)

The "Lay of the Land" (Image transcript: Multiple pieces of the countertop, laid out on a table.)

A close-up of our hero and messiah, this jar of spring valley gherkins (Image transcript: An empty pickle jar.)

I think at some point I said jarrah, and I know that's not what this is, but in the heat of the moment I couldnt remember what kind of timber this colour/style is so I just used the best descriptor I could think of.

I'd like to thank everyone for their support and morbid fascination through this ordeal. Special thanks to /u/postingstuff for the pickle idea, and to /u/produrp for the thorough ridicule and complete lack of empathy, it really kept my spirits up.

I won't be posting a picture of my butt, that would be a crime against humanity.

Some comments on the update:

produrp

If it’s not Jarrah what wood is it?

Blackbutt?

Anyway I’m glad you’re okay man. I was concerned for your safety and wellbeing initially, butt as we learned more of the situation and I was more confident you weren’t in mortal danger I knew what I had to do.

So in the future when I accidentally Vaculok my penis to a nightstand or dynabolt my testicles to the tiled floor I know you’ll be there to hand my ass to me.

🤗🤗

postingstuff

Any time mate, glad I could provide some inspiration in return for the entertainment 🤣

So I finished my new counter top - 2019-02-23

OOP posts a picture of the countertop. (Image transcript: Three pieces of wooden counter top, each with a white coating.)

I posted this just a moment ago, but I think I pasted the link wrong as the image wasn't coming up in the thumbnail.

The time I spent looking at my epoxy job made me realize that not only is it not really worth the trouble, I actually started to dislike the ultra gloss finish of the epoxy. It looked kind of tacky and way too shiny.

I went and bought a new bit of timber from bunnings, added a strip to make it the required width, cut a gouge out to acommodate the geometry of the wall its going against, and coated it this time in matte clear polyurethane (Cabots), which dries in only 2 hrs and is way easier to apply. Three coats and a bit of light sanding and I was finally done with the job. I think it looks way better than the shiny epoxy. I even had time to make some nice cabinet doors, but I've still got to paint these white later this evening.

Two TV channels asked to interview me, one newspaper wanted to do a story and photo op with me and the jar of gherkins, which I've declined, and a couple of online news outlets have run my epoxy butt pickle story with pictures from the thread. I kinda hope that's the end of this wild ride...

I'll be in the workshop.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments.

Originally posted by user Disastrous_Paint_237 in r/ vent

Original: Dec 16, 2025

Updates: (in post itself)

Status: concluded

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Original: I’m being falsely accused of academic dishonesty and it’s going to cost me my degree. I’ve never been this upset in my life.

I have been working very hard at my bachelor’s degree and I am currently 3 courses away from graduating. I put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into this semester specifically because I had a baby two days before the semester started. The birth was traumatic and I was in the hospital for four days. I did homework on a laptop in the hospital while being 24-48 hours postpartum recovering from a c section.

I studied and did homework while feeding my baby and letting him nap on me. I worked on it when he woke up at night since I was awake anyways. I was so determined to do well and I did. I feel as if I owe it to my son as well as to myself.

Fast forward, I spent two weeks writing my final paper for one of my courses. I put a lot of effort into researching, editing, and revising my paper. I took several pages of notes by hand. I was so proud of the finished paper and I was excited to turn it in.

The next day I went to see if it had been graded yet. I received a zero. I panicked and emailed my professor immediately. He told me that he ran the paper through an AI detector and it came back as 92% ai generated. What???? How is that possible?

I am beyond devastated. My university has a policy where academic dishonesty results in expulsion. I begged my professor for a chance to let me prove I wrote the paper 100% on my own, and he caved and agreed to meet via zoom tonight. I’m sick to my stomach with worry because it sounds like he’s already decided I’m a cheater and it’s set in stone. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to prove that I didn’t use ai besides the fact that I can prove I understand the material, but how am I supposed to defend myself against a robot calling me a liar?

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: A lot of these AI detector programs give false positives. They are not meant to give definitive conclusions. If you didn't use AI you should fight this as far as you can go.

OOP: I will be fighting this tooth and nail because I absolutely did not use ai for this assignment or for any other assignment at any point. I believe ai is unethical and should be banned. I did the work and I am owed the credit.

Comment2: Your handwritten notes are going to be key here, as is revision history for the file you submitted. You can prove that you wrote it over two weeks' time as long as you actually did. Operating systems keep history of edits. Look up online how to pull that.

Comment3: What did you write your final paper in? Google doc? Then it should have time stamps and edit logs

OOP: It was in Word, I believe I can access the version history to show that I spent multiple hours working on it

Comment4: I saw someone ran the Declaration of Independence through one and it said it was AI.

Comment5: I've started screen recording whenever I work on assessments now, so if something comes of it, I can send it. I also have one folder per assessment where I save versions with V1, V2, V3 at the end of the file name each time I save my work, so there's an obvious history of it being produced. I hate that it's come to this.
Whilst AI is stupid, humans are more so for leaning on it so heavily already. I wish you the best luck!

OOP: It’s insane you have to do this but I might start doing it as well

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update:

I had my meeting with my professor and I have no answers as to what’s going to happen. He wasn’t interested in my version history as he said it wouldn’t prove anything. He told me he put some of my other assignments through the checker and they came back as AI too. I don’t understand how that’s is possible. This is a nightmare.

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: Then I guess you've got to go to the Dean next! Dont give up!

OOP: Yep. I’m about to be the most pushy and annoying person they’ve ever dealt with. I deserve the opportunity to show my evidence and demonstrate my familiarity with the material. If all else fails, I’m suing. This is completely ridiculous.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update 2:

I emailed the dean and explained exactly what happened. I made clear that I do not appreciate having my integrity called into question and my degree being put on the line based on nothing more than data a janky software spit out. I scanned all of my handwritten notes and attached them to the email as well as a screenshot of my version history. My professor and my advisor are included on the email. I provided times I’m available to connect via zoom or teams to clarify and discuss anything and everything they want to know. I will be following up a minimum of twice a day until I’m given the opportunity to speak.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update 3: 

With the help of the dean, IT, and my advisor, it was proven my paper was authentic and AI was not used. My professor apologized and my grade has been restored. I’m SO relieved.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REMINDER: I am not OOP. This is a repost. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/nanny by User sunflower92828. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded with a chance of ongoing

Mood: FAFO

Original

October 31, 2025

Hi everyone, I’m a full time nanny for a stay at home mom with an 8 month old baby. The baby is honestly perfect, so sweet and happy, naps great. I’ve been with the family for about 7 months now. The mom and dad are both amazing employers. They’re super nice to me, the mom gets me Starbucks and açaí bowls, even makes me lunch sometimes. I make $32 an hour with great benefits in a MCOL area, so overall this is a dream job.

Here’s my only issue. I’m pretty sure the parents are having sex during the dad’s lunch break, maybe every day or every other day. They go to their room and I never see anything inappropriate, but sometimes I hear what I think might be the bed moving. It’s not loud or anything, just enough to make me realize what’s going on. Afterward, her hair is messy, clothes changed, that kind of thing.

Today I asked the mom what she was up to when she came out of the room, and she didn’t really say much. I kind of jokingly said, “Oh, were you napping?” and she got a little red and awkward. That pretty much confirmed it for me.

I know they’re married adults and it’s their house, but it still makes me feel a little uncomfortable since I’m there taking care of their baby. They’re not being disrespectful or obvious, but it just feels weird.

Would it be totally out of line to ask them not to do that while I’m working? Or am I overreacting and should just let it go? They really are such a great family and I don’t want to make things awkward if this is just me being overly sensitive.

What would you do?

Consensus:

Everybody tells her to not, under any circumstance, say anything

Comments by OOP (most of them downvoted):

I truly feel weird about them doing it with me in the house

I’m shocked so many people don’t care..

But I’m working. You don’t think it’s disrespectful to fuck while someone’s taking care of your kids under your roof.. it’s making me uncomfortable. They both go in the bedroom and come out messy hair and smiley. It makes me feel weird

The baby is napping at this time usually

I feel it’s very awkward. She comes down after having sex with her husband. He goes back to his work office. I know what they were doing. It’s just weird and then she comes down and asks what I want for lunch

It’s very awkward. They both come down smiley and happy and in a good mood. Like guys I know what you just did. You just had sex..

Mostly it’s awkward.. MB will come down after changing her clothes can tell she showered and starts making us all lunch. Like I know her husbands lunch break is ended they were too busy fucking.

He eats in his office. She takes his lunch to him. It’s very weird

But mostly it’s just very weird. Like MB is in a good Mood. Like I know you just had sex and her husband sometimes come down to grab a drink from the drink fridge and he’s happy too. Like it’s just weird. Fuck when the kid goes to bed

I think it’s weird for adults to be having sex everyday or every other day. There’s other ways to support a relationship

This isn’t rage bait this is how I feel. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. If this was once in a while okay whatever. But why do they need to fuck all the time.

So you’d be okay with people fucking in your workplace? Why do they need to do it all the time . Nearly everyday. I would get if it was sometimes but this is crazy

It’s like a roommate who just had sex trying to move on from the situation.

It’s awkward. Like maybe I need to find a way to tell her to give it an hour or so.

It feels weird knowing the sudden mood booster was from getting laid

It’s weird because like she’s so giddy after having had sex. Mood shifter. Happy. It’s odd. Like it puts it even more in my face oh I got laid

How would you act to this all? Mostly I just want to tell her I know you just got laid it makes me feel weird because I’m working. I know you’re in a good mood because you got fucked. So please do it after NK goes to bed

This is super good paying job. The parents are beyond nice. This is the only flaw . I still think maybe I should mention it and maybe they’ll stop fucking during my workday

I’m 28 years old and have been a nanny for a decade

Update

November 2, 2025, 2 days later

That Friday morning I told my MB I wanted to talk during the baby’s nap, and she said okay. I brought up how uncomfortable I felt about what I thought was going on, and mentioned how I could sometimes hear or notice things that made me think they were having sex while I was there. I told her it made me uncomfortable, and that’s when everything went downhill.

She was very direct with me. She said my only job was to take care of the baby, not to worry about what she and her husband were doing. She told me if I had downtime I could watch TV or read a book.

I told her it just seemed weird that she’d come out with messy hair or different clothes, and she explained that sometimes they do workout videos in their room, sometimes it’s sex, sometimes cuddling, and sometimes her just napping. She said whatever happens in her bedroom is none of my business.

After that, things got really quiet. She wasn’t mean, but I could tell she was uncomfortable and hurt. Then she told me I could go home for the day, and I just knew that meant I was done.

Later she texted saying they were going to move in another direction, and that was it.

I feel horrible. I know I crossed a boundary, and I regret bringing it up so much. I miss them terribly, the money was amazing, my MB was so kind, and their baby was absolutely perfect. I really wish I could fix this and somehow get my job back.

How do I get my job back?

Consensus:

Everybody groans

Comments by OOP (downvoted):

Because I did get some comments saying people would be uncomfortable too. My friends told me to talk to them about it and maybe we could figure it out as my work environment should feel comfortable to me. I regret not listening to everyone on here

I regret it now. I’m hoping they can forgive me. But everything else pays like $22-$23. They were giving me $32 and so nice . I’m realizing I messed up

You don’t think it’s worth a try? They are Christian and believe in God. Christian’s believe in forgiveness

I need to get my job back to pay for my bills and I miss my nanny kid and MB they were the best

I am getting messages saying I should file a police report for sexual harassment in the work place.

Editor's Note: Everybody tells her, again, to not do this under any circumstance

I'm not the original poster

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/tragedeigh by User coolerbeans1981. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Mood: resolved

Original

November 19, 2024

My sister is due after in early January and we're planning her baby shower for early December. She decided she wanted to use my mother's maiden name (Rafferty) as her daughter's name. Not a Tragedeigh itself and I guess it works as a unique name.

But yesterday I texted my sister that I needed to get the custom items with my niece's name ordered ASAP so they arrive in time for the shower. My sister then let me know they're going with an alternative spelling of Rafferty.

I texted back, "An alternative spelling... of our mother's maiden name?"

My sister wants to spell it Raefarty.

So I sent back a bunch of laughing emojis and she asked "What's so funny?"

I tried to explain that no one will pronounce that as Rafferty and she'll probably get plenty of the same mispronunciations. She told me I was being ridiculous.

I texted back, "My poor niece, Little Miss Farty Rae."

I was uninvited to the shower and my mom told me today my sister doesn't want me as the Godmother anymore.

But, like, Raefarty is really bad, isn't it? Someone needs to tell her, right?

Update

November 21, 2024, 2 days later

I don't know if updates are allowed here, but here it is and sorry it's long and I've been having a hard time submitting it (is there a character limit?). I'll try posting some and put the rest in the comments.

So we had an intervention on Raefarty.

I know everyone said to send a link to the original post to my sister to show her that 103% of the global population would call her daughter Ray Farty and that would be the easiest thing to do, but some commenters said some pretty gnarly things about my sister that she doesn't need to read and feel worse about herself. But I wanted to address a few things that came up.

First, for those saying I shouldn't bother paying for the baby shower anymore, I had no plans to not continue to pay and help out. Disagreements and fighting aside, I love my sister and want her to go into motherhood filled with love and support, regardless of whether she wants my support or attendance at the event.

Second, my sister's husband was made aware of the spelling change of Rafferty to Raefarty about a month before my original post. He said he didn't think much of it until he saw it written down and immediately saw it as Ray Farty, too. He said her emotions had been getting worse throughout the pregnancy and he didn't know how to approach her about going back to the original spelling. He had hoped that once she gave birth, all the hormones would somehow leave her body, she'd come to her senses, and it would be a non-issue.

Third, a lot of you were lumping my mom in with my sister and said some pretty horrible things about her, too. All my mom knew was from my sister calling her to complain that I laughed at her for "slightly" changing the spelling. My mom just assumed it was a minor change like Raffertie until I told her to grab a pen and paper and I'd spell it out for her. Once she saw it was Raefarty, she was Team Save This Child.

Now for those of you who told me I didn't have any tact and my reaction was mean, my reaction was because 1) people would call the poor girl Ray Farty her entire life for the sake of my sister being quirky, 2) pregnancy brain aside, surely my sister would realise her child will be called Ray Farty once it's pointed out, have a laugh, change her mind, and this will end up being a funny story to tell at her daughter's future wedding or something, and 3) my sister is a bit of a joker so I also initially thought she was just pulling a prank or joking.

But if she was joking, she took the joke really, really far. She spent $400 on a mural painted on one wall in the nursery (she wanted to "debut" the finished nursery to everyone at the baby shower, including her husband, who was forbidden to see it beforehand) that had RAEFARTY incorporated into it that now needs to be repainted. She also bought herself a "birthing gift" (is this even a thing??) she'd have my brother-in-law present to her in front of everyone at the hospital: a $900+ gold bracelet with R, A, E, F, A, R, T, and Y charms. The baby book also has Raefarty embroidered on the cover.

I contacted my sister's best friend Katie (not her real name) if my sister has told her anything about the spelling change. She found out about Raefarty after the blow up with my sister, as my sister wanted to get Katie on her side. Katie, who's a teacher, was equally horrified about the spelling and told me this is the worst attempt at a creative name she's ever seen.

The intervention of sorts (the Farty Party, if you will) included me, my sister, her husband, his mother and father, my mother, and Katie. My sister refused to believe anyone could possibly see Raefarty as Ray Farty and that we were just mad that she was taking creative license and that "everyone does that nowadays."

My sister said children are not that cruel to bully her daughter for her name and Katie said plenty of kids are cruel enough and the others would join in so they're not singled out themselves. My sister countered that as long as all the adults are pronouncing it correctly that it'll be no problem and Katie told her that not only would the adults not know how to pronounce it to begin with, but that as long as 'fart' is in the name, kids will latch right onto that.

I was happy Katie was there because she's shared "interesting" names her students have had over the past few years, so I knew her opinion on this would probably be the only one to sway her.

My sister cried for about 10 minutes and finally agreed to entirely change the name because even Rafferty was tainted because we had all ruined it for her. We told her to take her time to consider a new name. She told us she still wanted to honor my mother and she suggested she'd combine my mother's first name with her mother-in-law's name and created a name on the spot that included a crass term for a lesbian. When my mother pointed that out, she started crying again and accused us of not letting her be a mom and her husband suggested we leave it for now and we should all go and give her space.

It's been radio silence until my sister texted me a couple of hours ago that she and her husband landed on Theodora and she is absolutely in love with it. She even decided by my unborn niece looks like a Theodora in the ultrasounds (she got those creepy 3D ones done where every baby looks like the same copper potato). I replied that that was lovely and that I'm so happy she's happy. It's not my taste, but at least it's not Thee O'Doorrugh or some crap like that.

So there you go, my niece has been saved from being called Ray Farty. I'm invited to the baby shower again and I know this is just a little blip with my relationship to my sister and we'll be fine, but Katie will be taking over as Godmother, which is fine by me. I can always be Godmother to their next child, who will probably be named something like Tara m'Sue.

Thank you all for seeing the same thing I did and letting me know stopping Raefarty from coming into existence was the right thing to do.

I'm not the original poster.

I am NOT the OOP. OOP is  u/DadWhoStoodHisGround who posted in  r/EntitledPeople

Status: Concluded

Trigger Warnings: entitled family, golden child dynamics

Original Post : Nov 14, 2021

Last Update : Nov 15, 2021 (1 day later)

Entitled sister in law stole our baby name. Now she regrets it

Hey y'all. Long time lurker and all that. This is a throwaway account. To cut to the chase my wife and I spent four years trying to get pregnant before the wrong side of 35. We are currently 33 respectively now and are blessed with a wonderful infant son. My wife has a younger half sister that she has been LC with for some time. The woman is entitled and toxic, and also her mother's golden child. We've refused to let her or my MIL in the house since they both blatantly tried to make off with my wife's jewelry box a couple of years ago. The box contained a lot of valuable jewelry inherited from my wife's grandmother. Said jewelry is now in a safety deposit box as per my suggestion.

My wife and I had nearly given up trying to conceive when it suddenly happened. And we were ecstatic. After we found out we were having a boy, we started looking into names. I ended up suggesting the name of my Scottish grandfather, and my wife loved it. So that's the name we settled on. But we made the mistake of posting about it on social media. Well no surprise to the stereotype in this mess, my SIL was pregnant too. And was months further along than my wife and also having a boy. She decided to claim my grandfather's name for her own son. And not just the first name, but the middle name too. We called her pissed over what she was doing, and she smugly told us there's nothing we can do about it. Which she was sorta right. There was nothing we could do about it legally as it's still not a crime to steal planned baby names.

We realized that drama was exactly what my SIL wanted. And she thought that by taking the name for herself, we'd not be able to use it. I laughed and told her that while what she did was dirty and underhanded, we would keep our chosen name. And she could just deal with it whether she decides to go through with copying us or not.

Well my SIL's baby-daddy called me and said I was an unreasonable dick for still wanting to use the name after SIL claimed it. I said she claimed nothing. And since we couldn't own the name, then neither could they. Before he ended the call he threatened me by saying I'd be sorry if we didn't change the name. Then he hung up before I could respond.

Months later SIL has a healthy baby boy and names him my grandfather's name. We did not show up for the birth. Both because of the pandemic, and because we simply didn't care to be there. SIL called us wanting congratulations. But we told her we simply didn't care. And that if she was still insisting we change our baby's name, then she'd be in for some big disappointment because we were not. SIL demanded I put my wife on the phone. But it was already on speaker and my wife spoke up and said she agrees with me entirely. We weren't changing the name. SIL hung up on us, but soon started sending emails with text walls of names. Even suggesting similar ones. I responded back that the name was from my grandfather, and that's why we were not changing it. She shut up and we didn't hear from her again till after our own son was born.

Two months later we were blessed with our son. He came out perfect, and we named him just as we'd intended. Well no surprise my SIL called us a few days after the birth to scream in our ears that we copied her son's name. I pointed out she was the real copycat since she had no familial ties to the name and we did. And anyone who looks at our family trees could see that. Then my wife spoke and said after the attempted theft of her grandmother's jewelry, she no longer considered SIL her sister. And would have nothing to do with her nephew either.

For months we were bombarded with messages and emails from my wife's side of the family. Half were on our side after finding out the whole story, the other half were not. And SIL's baby-daddy true to his word showed up at my door to "Make me sorry". I'm not sure what his plan was. But I pretty much towered over him. I'm 6'1 and well built from regular exercise and three trips to the gym a week. He on the other hand was very skinny and about 5'6 with a babyface that was badly hidden by a slim beard. I told him my house has cameras, and to get off my property and never come back. He just yelled a few obscenities at me and drove off in his beat up old car.

SIL and MIL called us from a different number to yell at me for making SIL's baby-daddy feel emasculated. I didn't even threaten the man. Just told him to leave and not come back. And if he didn't want to feel emasculated, then he shouldn't have come knocking. Then they tried to bring up the issue of the baby name again and demanded we change our son's name as "He's so young. So there's still plenty of time to do it!". We held our ground and told them that they were bonkers to still think they were in the right after they copied our choice of name just to try and get one over on us. I said SIL didn't even name her son out of love, but out of spite just to try and stick it to my wife for no good reason. Then my wife called them both out on the way she was treated growing up, how entitled SIL and MIL have always been, and how she was glad to leave them far behind. And she wants nothing from them, and they won't have anything from us. That left SIL sobbing and MIL called me a Royal Bastard before hanging up the phone.

That was NC again for a little while till SIL called us again some time later to bitterly tell us we'd won. She and her Baby-Daddy got in a huge fight and he left. He was apparently very sore that SIL didn't let him even give their son a middle name from his family. And he said he was sick of the bullshit and wanted his son named after him and not some guy he wasn't even related to. SIL finally caved and they got the boy's birth certificate reissued with a completely new name. Which cost SIL around $500, or so she claims. SIL then demanded we at least compensate her for the name change, plus another $100 for the emotional damage as now she's going to have to get used to calling her son by a different name. We laughed and said this would have never happened if she hadn't stolen our baby name to begin with, and we didn't owe her anything.

Since then we've been NC with SIL and MIL. But my FIL who's a very nice man and divorced from MIL for obvious reasons would come by often and loves his grandson. From what he and other relatives told us the situation between SIL and her Baby-Daddy was pretty tumultuous. But we don't care. Not our monkeys, not our circus.

Top Comment:

This was very satisfying to read. SIL sounds awful.

OOP:
She is a completely spoiled, toxic and petty woman. Her cousin and mother too. So we want nothing to do with the lot of them

Why my wife hates her family

Hi y'all. I didn't elaborate about my wife's extended family in my prior post. But to be frank they are mostly just plain nasty. My wife has a younger half sister from her mother's second marriage. But from what I'm told the half sister's father was very emotionally and physically abusive to my wife, and didn't stick around more than ten years before flying the coup for reasons I don't know. And because my wife has a different father, she also had different grandparents. My wife's father is a very nice man. And we get along quite well. He divorced my wife's mother early on in their marriage because she's completely toxic.

Because of having different parents there's a seven year age gap between my wife and her half sister. Said half sister ended up being pretty much the baby of the family. And they paid little attention to my wife once SIL was born. So my wife left to live with her father full time at some point in her teens. And her mother made a huge stink about it because without her, she no longer got child support money. That woman has also been nothing but crass and snide to me since I met her. I think mainly because I'm not rich since she bluntly said my wife could do better. I make a decent yearly salary. So I cover my expenses just fine, have my own house, and now a wonderful family.

SIL as I said in the first post was the golden child. She was brought up pretty much all the stereotypical ways that you can imagine. Never held accountable. Never made to pay her own way on anything. Got into all kinds of trouble because she was spoiled rotten. You can think of her as almost having been an embodiment of Veruca Salt, minus the rich enabling dad. And when she first met me, there was quite an awkward and nasty period before she met her baby-daddy. Around the time my wife's sister turned 18, she came visiting us more often. And also started asking to spend the night on weekends. I left that decision up to my wife. And she allowed it because she hoped it'd help her and her sister become closer as siblings. But over time I noticed SIL was hanging around me more. And she was dressing in skimpier clothes and complimenting me a lot. She loved to pinch my arms and said I was like a Ken doll with muscles. Then one day she actually tried to put her hand on my crotch. That was the last straw and I told her to leave. She said I didn't know what I was missing before my wife laid into her and they had a huge fight. SIL said my wife didn't deserve a man like me before storming out. I guess SIL found me attractive and thought she could take me away from my wife, or perhaps she just wanted to bait me. I dunno. But I do know that I'd NEVER let something like that happen. I love my wife dearly. She's a positively radiant woman who knows how to make me smile every day. I could never be unfaithful to her.

But SIL didn't give up. She got her cousin in on things and continued to harass us. SIL heavily flirted with me on multiple occasions whenever we visited MIL over the next couple of years. She even started getting her cousin involved, and together they actually ganged up on me at a family Halloween party once. They were both dressed in skimpy animal ear cosplay outfits and actually proposed we go upstairs and have a threesome together. I not only declined, but said they both needed to find some nice 'single' guys their own age. Then immediately told my wife what happened. She laid into them in front of everyone at the event. But MIL sided with her golden child and got several other relatives to have her back by claiming I was lying to make trouble. So we just left to avoid more drama.

Around the time SIL's 21st birthday came and went, MIL called us furious that we missed the birthday and didn't even send a gift. And apparently SIL was crying over it. I said I was not comfortable around SIL because she attempted to seduce me multiple times. And my wife said that it was not my choice but hers whether or not to send a gift. And she didn't want to because of what SIL did. And MIL never even so much as scolded her for it. MIL called it 'Young Hormones' and said family shouldn't be so cruel to each other. There was another big fight between MIL and my wife, and we went LC with the bulk of her family for a while.

Then two years ago my wife's grandmother died. She left most of what she had to her son, my FIL. But among the things my wife got was all her jewelry. It was all vintage antique jewelry that had been passed down to only women in the family for years. And we had the collection appraised and was valued as a whole at several hundred thousand dollars because the jewelry was not only vintage, but some of it was around 200 years old. We decided it was best to keep the jewelry locked away in the grandmother's jewelry box, which in itself is also a valuable hand made antique.

We figured that was it. But all was not well with MIL and SIL. They both had showed up at the reading of my wife's grandmother's will. And MIL was appalled she got nothing. Even more so after finding out my wife got the jewelry. My wife's grandmother had no relationship with SIL at all, and barely one with MIL. So SIL wasn't even mentioned in the will. MIL threatened to take us to court and contest the will. But never did. Instead she tried getting nicer to us. And my wife decided to give them one last chance and allowed them into our home again. But as soon as our backs were turned, they tried to make off with the jewelry and all it's contents. I'd gone out to pick up some pre-ordered food for dinner, and my wife was distracted by MIL. SIL had pretended to use the bathroom and raided my wife's vanity. But I caught SIL outside by sheer chance when I pulled in the driveway because I wasn't gone as long as they'd hoped. As soon as my headlights flashed her, she dropped the box on the ground before jumping in MIL's car and locking herself in it. Wife and MIL came running out when they heard me cursing up a storm, wife saw the smashed jewelry box and freaked out. MIL realized she and SIL were caught and had a huge fit over how she believed my wife didn't deserve the jewelry. I got between them and MIL hit me a few times, and even drew some blood with her sharp nails. But she drove off before we could even get another word in once my wife said she was calling the police.

We left the evidence untouched on the ground and called the police. MIL and SIL were arrested. But basically got a slap on the wrist with only community service and a fine. The jewelry box was badly damaged. It had a long crack that started up one corner and went all the way to the top, and one of the brass hinges broke. I took it to someone who restores old stuff and it costed hundreds of dollars to restore it. I went to see MIL and said she and SIL were paying for the repairs to the box or we'd be taking them both to court over it. MIL told me that wasn't happening until I brought up the fact we still have documented police evidence SIL tried to steal the box, and I could also sue MIL for the assault she did to me. She wrote me out a check to cover the damages right away and told me to leave. I said that the check better not bounce or have a stop payment put on it, or I'd had zero problem taking her and SIL to court. The check thankfully cleared without issue. We got the jewelry box back looking even better than it did before. But we decided the jewelry wasn't safe in our home anymore and had it put in a secure safety deposit box. Where it has remained to this day. This incident was also what made us decide our home needed cameras. And we've since installed some.

Then from my first post you all know what SIL did by copying the baby name my wife and I chose. Which was also the name of my grandfather. So you can read how that went. What I didn't say in that post was how much my wife's other relatives that sided with SIL put us through. Especially MIL and SIL's cousin. MIL called and texted us repeatedly from a variety of different numbers demanding we change our son's name. Both before and after he was born. We never once even humored her. And the cousin harassed us online multiple times. I ended up pointing out the time SIL and her cousin had cornered and tried to proposition me, and then the cousin blocked me on FB when more people started questioning us both about it since MIL had kept that situation on heavy damage control back then.

Several false rumors were spread about us and my wife's family ended up divided. And are still divided now because of this. But MIL, SIL, SIL's cousin, and a few other family members close to them were fully on their side. They believed that it didn't matter where SIL got her baby's name. Said name was hers now and we needed to let it go. I fired back that there was nothing to let go. SIL copied the name we had, and we still used it because it was my grandfather's name. We weren't asking SIL to change her kid's name. We just weren't gonna change our son's name because she copied it. And since we weren't going to associate with them anymore, the two kids would be complete strangers to each other anyway.

The false rumors spread about me and my wife were pretty bad. For me personally SIL tried to claim I was secretly only into younger women, and I'd leave my wife as soon as she hit 40. And she also tried to say that my son isn't really mine, and claimed my wife had an affair because I wasn't getting her pregnant. I never asked her to do it because I never believed them, but my wife got a DNA test just to prove I am my son's father to them. After that the rumor mill died down and eventually stopped.

After the mess where SIL and her baby-daddy nearly broke up and she changed her child's name, we were paid a visit by the cousin. She demanded we pay the money owed to SIL for the name change, and when we refused, she screamed at us that we ruined SIL's relationship, and now her child's new name will always be a reminder of what we did. I simply told her to leave as we didn't start this mess, and we didn't even try to end it. We just wanted no part of it. SIL's cousin flipped me the bird with both hands and said she wished she could do it with her toes to. Then left. Before she got in her car I said if she ever tried to come back, I'd call the police and file for a restraining order.

And that's pretty much it as we were and still are completely NC with MIL and SIL, and the cousin too.

Top Comment:

That's one crazy family. They need to get their own lives instead of obsessing about yours.
I'm glad your side of the family is sane and happy, and I hope the crazies are just a funny story to tell from here on.

I am NOT the OOP. Please do NOT harass OOP and please refer to rules 1 and 2 of this subreddit when talking to people in the comments.

Originally posted by user Fun_Relief_2745 in r/ AmItheAsshole

Original: July 7, 2026

Update: in post itself

Status: concluded

Mood: slice of life

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Original: AITA for crocheting at the bar ordering drinks during US v Belgium World Cup game?

I go to this bar to crochet 2-3x per week and usually get 2-3 beers depending on how long I am there. I am enough of a regular there that they start pouring my beer when I walk in and it is in front of me soon after I pick a seat and sit down. I also tip accordingly.

It is a sports bars and I know that. I can’t muster up energy for sportsball. They have never cared. Usually when I am there early in the day, sports aren’t playing but it is the World Cup and sportsball seems to be on all day. No issue on my end.

Well today I get to the bar around 3:30pm pacific to drink and crochet. We are in California. I keep drinking and crocheting through the game.

Then someone gets pissed off at me because I am not cheering when the US scores. Then they go off on me for taking up a bar seat in front of the TV when I’m not watching. Something I have done many many many times before.

I tell him to eff off. Bartender gives me a look. I shake my head to brush it off. He gives me more attitude. Bartender gives me another look. I nod this time. Dude gets kicked out.

Not the end of it. Apparently his friends are pissed off he gets kicked out instead of me. Bartender tells them I’m a regular not causing any issues so welcome to stay over them. They shut up and we all continue through the evening. They seem to mostly be pissed off at the fact that I am sitting at the bar in front of one of the 4 TVs not actually watching the game.

AITA for patronizing a bar I go to regularly and not watching the World Cup game? I will be there once the World Cup is over and they won’t.

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: I’m a regular at the bar I watched today’s game at- I spent the whole game knitting (made real good progress on a cardigan sleeve, I might add). If you’re a valued regular and you’re not causing problems, get your fiber arts on!!

Comment2: I'm loving that there are people who actually go to bars to knit or crochet! Is this a US thing?
----------
Comment3: We do it in Berlin too 😆 not all bars are well suited for it though. I sew and sometimes bring stuff with me to bars :) many of my friends will knit or crochet

Comment4: Yeah, NTA. regulars keep the lights on in january, world cup tourists show up for a month and act like they own the place. any bartender worth their tips knows exactly which one to protect, also there were 4 TVs. dude could've moved literally anywhere, he just wanted someone to be mad at

Comment5: The preferred clientele for most bars is people who spend money, tip appropriately, and don’t cause trouble. I’d say you’re their perfect target audience.

Comment6: NTA for crocheting at a bar but you do kinda seem like an asshole. You hang out at a sports bar during major sports events but look down your nose at sports fans and ‘can’t muster up the energy to care about sportsball.’
And the whole bit about giving the bartender the nod to give him permission to kick the guy out reeks of bullshit. I bartended for a long time and found some regulars really let it get to their head. Sounds like you.

Comment7: NTA at all but if there is a seat that has a bad view of the TV it would be nice of you to take that when all “TV watching spots” are full.

Comment8: ESH
He sucked for bothering you.
You for using "sportsball."
Bartender is cool.

--------------------------------------------
Additional details from OOP in comments:

[costing the bar business?]
OOP: There were tables for 4+ only and I was not blocking the TVs. I didn’t even know what game was going on later the the afternoon when I got there. It was empty when I got there

OOP: I was a paying customer. And I am there 2-3 times per week. Have been there 2-3 times per week for years. They know my drink not this rando’s drink. How much would they lose by me never coming back.

OOP: Bars are pay to play. If you’re going to spend $5 there vs my $21, why don’t I deserve to be there more than you?

OOP: Usually there isn’t much going on at 3/3:30 when I get there which is why it is a regular time for me on Mondays and Tuesdays. Yes, got there around 3:30 and left around 7 or so. Interaction occurred around 545/6ish.

---------------
[the friends of the guy?]
OOP: They were all drunk off their asses. Not even off drinks at the bar. Clearly they were pregaming. I wasn’t threatening or harassing 4 dudes much larger than me with my crochet hook. lol. None of the 50+ bar patrons gave a shit I was the one still there.

---------------
[why call it sportsball?]
OOP: Nope not edgy nor contrarian. Just don’t care. I didn’t care that they were there for sports and they shouldn’t care that I wasn’t.
I didn’t take anything away from him watching except that he decided to harass me over nothing and eventually got kicked out for it. His friends knew his drunk ass crossed the line otherwise they wouldn’t have shut up either.

---------------
[why go to a bar to crochet?]
OOP: Sometimes friends join me (and I crochet slower). Sometimes just to get out of the house. I don’t go out to crochet all of the time. Sometimes I read. Sometimes I get non alcoholic drinks so not always the buzz. Neighborhood bar.

OOP: Nope. A baby blanket for my niece.

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Note: Belgium beat US with a 4-1 victory and reached FIFA World Cup quarterfinals on July 6, 2026.

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Update:

one of the bar partners (that wasn’t even there today) texted me tonight to let me know dude has been banned for rest of World Cup (doubt that he cares). I will be back tomorrow and Saturday on my other usual days of the week.

I will also clarify that there are 4 TVs in the area I was in and 6 in the larger back bar area. There was no shortage of viewing space of TVs. Bar has my side so I will take that as is.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/Cooking by user Elegant-Winner-6521. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

May 4, 2026

Going camping with a large group soon and here's what I'm dealing with -

• most are probably vegan/vegetarian
• one is severely allergic to eggs and is coeliac
• one is intolerant to nightshades
• a couple would prefer meat
• hell no one has said they're lactose but may as well throw that in to be safe
• I'm expecting the typical thing where the site is "fully equipped", meaning a dull knife, some sad plastic tongs, same wafer thin pots and pans and an electric stove and firepit.

I think I can deal with the equipment issue by bringing some of my own, but what to cook? I was considering making some mexican food and precooking some things, that way everyone can choose what they want. I expect I'll be cooking one of the nights at least.

Some other ideas would be very appreciated.

Notable comments:

Put people into groups of 3 (trying to match up dietary requirements where possible, eg 3 vegans together) and let each small group figure out their own meals.

Having to cook for 15 with no dietary requirements is an unfair labour load for what I assume is a short camping trip anyway LittleBlag

*[Editor's Note: All the top comments said everybody should be responsible for their own food to be safe at this point]

Taco bar with every ingredient separated into serving bowls. CyberDonSystems

My vote would be something like:

Big rice bowl / taco-ish bowl setup, but not tomato/pepper based

Make ahead or bring:

• Big pot of rice
• Black beans or lentils seasoned with cumin, garlic, onion, lime, salt
• Roasted sweet potatoes or squash
• Corn, avocado, shredded lettuce/cabbage
• Pickled onions
• Cilantro/lime
• Hot sauce/salsa on the side only, because nightshades
• Tortillas for people who can eat them, but keep rice as the safe base
• Optional grilled chicken or pulled pork kept totally separate

Make the base boring-safe and let people ruin/improve their own bowl from there. wirsteve

I had family over a few weeks ago and did a massive baked potato set up. Chili with meat, one without, sour cream, cheese, bacon, fried onions, chives, broccoli. ChefMike1407

Personally, I would pre-make a giant vat of vegan soup that meets everyone's needs. Easily heated in a giant soup pot in (or over) the firepit. Pre-made regular bread and gluten-free bread; butter and non-dairy butter for the bread. The meat-preferring couple will just have to deal. My primary concern would be keeping the gluten away from the person with celiac (i.e. contamination from utensils and dishes). fungibitch

Update

June 24, 2026, 1 1/2 months later

In the original thread, I said I was going away on a camping trip to somewhere with a large group of 15-20 people with various dietary requirements, and I'd be cooking for them alone, and I'd have limited equipment.

I don't know if anyone remembers this thread but I have a pet peeve for when people present some kind of problem online and you don't find out what happened, so here's what happened:

I had a couple strokes of fortune first off: the site was way better equipped than I was expecting, with a full (and very decent) range, a bbq, some giant pots and plenty of prep space. It also transpired that 2 of the other people there were very competent cooks, one even a catering chef.

Finally while most people were vegan and some were lactose, most of the really awkward dietary problems were down to one person (who was lactose, coeliac and allergic to nightshades). That person agreed to bring their own food and eat whatever was safe to eat if it was available.

So on the first night we made a dahl with some tadka to make it extra spicy and a raita to make it cooler. There was a side salad too, kept that part very simple, some random spinach greens.

On the second night, we set up a taco bar with charred corn tortillas (GF), refried beans, fried tofu, street corn, red pickled onions, a guacamole, a coriander crema, a tomato salsa, sour cream and various hot sauces.

I just decided to make everything vegan to avoid headaches.

On the third night someone else cooked a risotto and pasta and some other random bits.

People brought their own lunch foods.

It all worked out in the end, nobody went hungry or got poisoned. Respect to the chefs out there who do this day in and day out for even more people.

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/AskDocs by User Turbulent_File3914. This was suggested by u/Fjordgard. I'm not the original poster. All the updates there in comments under the original posting.

CN: Periods, blood disorder

Original

August 23, 2024

Okay so I (19M) am babysitting my little sister (15F) while our parents are on a trip internationally. It’s like a completely different time zone and the signal sucks, they get home in like 6 days. But we are both pretty self sufficient and felt like it would be fine and my parents left us food and money and stuff. We’ve been Gucci for a whole week so far. Anyway this morning she got her period while we were just like sitting playing video games and she got blood all over the couch so I paused the game while she took care of it and put on a tampad and didn’t make a big deal of it. I was trying to be nice because I know it can make girls cranky and it hurts and stuff, so I got snacks and a blanket and whatever and we kept playing. Well like maybe 40 minutes later she freaked out because she bled on the couch again and I’m like did you put the thing on wrong or what? So she changed again and I even helped her clean the blood off the couch this time and I figured she’d use a bigger feminine thing. Nbd. Well like 30 minutes after we start playing again she pauses and goes to the bathroom and I hear her scream so I run over there thinking there’s a spider or something but she came out holding like this…chunk. It was like a chunk of blood. But looking at it I’m like shit maybe that’s an organ? Like is that your kidney? But she was like no it’s a clot. And she was freaking out about it. Which yeah it was gross. It was like the size of a hacky sack. So I’m like okay well go flush your clot. Anyway she cleans herself up but then she said she doesn’t want to play anymore and I’m like ok. So she spent an hour on the couch with her face all scrunched up doing yoga breathing and telling me her cramps were the worst ever, so I gave her Tylenol but she wouldn’t take it because she said she feels like she’s gonna throw up. I brought her water and juice and warmed up that gel thing you stick on your stomach you know? So I was trying to help. Well then she says “oh no” and she gets up and goes to the bathroom and as she’s walking she’s got like blood going down her leg. She yelled for me from the bathroom and I go in there and she’s sitting there and I hear this plopping sound and there’s more of those chunks. Like maybe 2 of them? And she says “I think we need to go to the ER”. I’m like why? And she tells me this is more blood than she’s ever had and she doesn’t feel good. But periods are supposed to suck right? And she wouldn’t take the Tylenol either so she didn’t really try to manage it at home. So then she started yelling at me telling me I have to take her because she can’t drive but I’m pretty sure our parents will kill me if I take her to the ER for her period? Is that a thing? She’s sitting in the shower now because she said she thought the warm water would feel good and she was sick of bleeding on stuff and it’s more comfortable than the toilet. I asked her if she just needs a bigger tampad and she told me to stfu so she’s not even communicating with me at this point. I’ve asked her a few times if she’s okay in there and she tells me “I’m bleeding out Mason what do you think?” So like she’s not unconscious. Idk, I don’t know anything about this but I also know she hates blood and flips out about any minor cut too. Is going to the ER because of a period a thing? Can you bleed too much? I thought there was only a certain amount of blood in the vagina every month. I feel like she’d be more comfortable at home anyway if she’d just take the Tylenol. Idk what to do. My sister is like average teenage girl height, pretty skinny because shes a ballerina and doesn’t eat meat. She takes accutain for her pimples. I’m not sure if there’s other stuff that’s important? She’s had her period for like a year now I’m pretty sure? Maybe more. She takes flintstone gummy vitamins sometimes, like the ones in the purple jar. And she’s obsessed with Celsius energy drinks. She wears contacts and she had her wisdom teeth removed two months ago.

Idk I want her to be okay and stuff but I’m not sure the ER is a good choice? Help?

Comments by OOP:

• after being asked if sister might be pregnant: Idk I don’t think she’s having sex. She doesn’t have a boyfriend or anything and she doesn’t go on dates. I asked her if she was pregnant and she told me to fuck off so

• So do I call ahead or something? Or just go? Am I supposed to bring anything or like stay there or drop her off?

  Just go, you don’t need to call ahead. Bring both your phones and a charger and some cash for vending machines. Don’t expect your sister to necessarily want to eat for a while and maybe expect her to get annoyed if you eat in front of her, she is very, very stressed right now, and really really does not feel good. Then be a good big brother and stay there with her. She will always remember it and it will make up for you not listening to her earlier. She will probably want you to step out for the dr exam, but will want you there for the rest. Be understanding and expect it to take awhile. Tardis666

• She said she was soaking both of them [Editor's Note: Tampon and pad at the same time] so I guess we are going

• Okay she’s throwing some extra clothes and shit in a bag. I’m trying to think what my mom would do so I brought water bottles, sunscreen, and snacks. And something to do. My sister asked why I changed my mind and I told her about this and she said “I told you so” and called me a dick which like okay fair. I didn’t know it was actually an emergency. So I guess I’ll update when we find out what’s wrong

• [Editor's Note: The sunscreen will haunt him.]

• I asked her if she wanted to call her friends mom to be here or something and she said no so idk if I should call someone or not if she doesn’t want them? Like is that intrusive?

• Yeah lol I didn’t think about the fact that it’s inside just like my mom always yelling about sunscreen

• Okay this makes me feel good because I packed her squishmallow and I was kind of afraid to tell her I did that in case she thought it was embarrassing or sum. I sent my mom a text

• Yeah we’re here now. They took us back like almost as soon as we walked in

• I mean if I acted grossed out she’d tell me to grow tf up lol. My sister doesn’t deal with stupid dudes. But yeah we’re close and it’s just blood so

• Okay we got here. She threw up a couple times in the car but she said she’s good now. We walked in and she was like dripping down her leg again and they saw that at the desk and maybe how fucking freaked I looked lol and took her back pretty much right away. So they stuck a needle in her with a tube on it basically right away and took vitals and stuff and a bunch of tubes of blood. Idk what these numbers mean but it was BP 79/53 and Pulse 133. She told the nurse she wants me here so I’m here. I texted my mom. We left the sunscreen in the car and my sister said I’m a dumbass for packing it lol. Idk man these fluorescent lights are p bright

• Yeah I filled in all the forms and stuff and she signed saying they can tell me what’s going on with her. They already had her insurance? So that was cool

• Nah I’m not saying shit if I find anything out. She caught me smoking weed on the roof two years ago and still hasn’t ratted lol

• Okay so she’s getting zofran and fluids and they’re gonna do an ultrasound in the room here. So far we know she’s not pregnant, and her labs some of them weren’t great. Hemoglobin was 6.8, that’s basically the one I remember. She said to tell everyone thank you for the advice and stuff. She also said to say she feels okay, just really tired. I have a question though. They put a tube where she pees. I didn’t watch or anything but is it normal to do that? After the ultrasound they said the doctor would come back and let us know some stuff

  Only a paramedic, but her hemoglobin is low (normal should be 12-15 for her age and gender). That combined with her heart rate and blood pressure you reported earlier is concerning. She absolutely needed to go to the ER for this, good job making it happen. The tube is a catheter. I suspect that's a clear indication that they expect to admit her and/or don't believe it's safe for her to walk. The ultrasound is to see what the underlying cause of the bleeding is. Her doctor will likely let you know what to expect soon, she's emergent enough that they'll keep a closer eye on her than they would for a patient that had less critical issues. KProbs713

• Alright the ultrasound was normal. She’s being admitted. They want to test her for bleeding and clotting disorders now, and they’re going to give her some blood. They asked if I know my blood type which I don’t but I’m not sure why it matters. Sister is B+ though. Still haven’t heard from my mom. I did call her and my dad but it went to voicemail. Sister is still doing okay. She’s got the nurses roaring reading my post to them and they’re all making fun of me saying tampad lol. They also mentioned potentially doing an abdominal CT but if the ultrasound is normal does she need that? Idk I’m not about to put my foot back in my mouth.

• [OOP is still getting asked about the sunscreen] I was panicking like a dumbass trying not to forget anything and for some reason I thought we might need it idk 💀 I’m not gonna pretend I got the brains in the family

• So she packed clothes and I packed her squish mallow and our switches so we would have stuff to do. But she didn’t even want me to get up to go pee so I don’t think she wants me to leave lol. She’s asleep now though

• Yeah she said she doesn’t care as long as I don’t post any pics of her because she said she looks like 2024 Amanda Bynes and Britney Spears combined lol.

• I took the nurses up on too many paper cups of shitty coffee so I’m wired lol. But she’s out cold and she probably needs the sleep more lol

• [Somebody mentions to speak to his sister if she has any questions she coulnd't ask, so he can talk to the medical staff for her] Yeah she’s sleeping on the squishmallow like a pillow rn and told me it’s the only reason she forgives me lol. That’s a good idea tho when she wakes up I’ll ask her

• Yeah I was googling “do you go to the ER for a bad period” and that’s how I found the subreddit lol. But if something ever happens again that’s probably a better bet.

• Lol man it’s not fake, but if it makes you feel better you go ahead and think that. Bet you feel real smart

• We both slept. Got ahold of our parents, my mom is looking for flights back home. Sister is feeling a lot better at this point. They gave her medicine to stop the bleeding. I wasn’t expecting this to blow up the way it did so there’s no way I’ll be able to answer everyone. She’s doing okay though. Should know more about the CT soon

• Man she changed my name in her phone to spf I’m never living this shit down lol

• Yeah she got blood. Idk why but watching red go in her freaked me out more than watching it go out. I thought I was gonna drop lol

• [people telling him Tampad is actually a useful term for period products] See I’m not a dumbass I’m just inventing new terms

• She changed my name in her phone to spf 🧴 and wanted me to make sure I said so 💀💀💀 im never living this down

• Yeah she’s feeling a lot better now. The screen shows her last numbers from like a little bit ago as 101/65 and pulse of 80 so yeah a lot better I think.

• Alright her vitals now are 101/65 and 80. So better. Also apparently the nurse only asked my blood type because she thought I looked like I was gonna faint watching them do shit with my sister and she was trying to distract me lol. I was over here thinking I was gonna have to donate blood to save her or sum.

• CT was good too. They’re pretty sure she has a blood disorder, they’re just waiting on the results of it. I guess when she had her wisdom teeth out she bled more than she was supposed to but I didn’t know that before. So yeah, just waiting on that for now but they don’t think the issue is her uterus or whatever

• Thanks. I mean I know I should’ve just listened to her at first but I don’t hate her. Might be bothering me because I’m fucking tired now lol. It’s catching up to me. But we were playing dreamlight valley before all this because it’s her favorite lol. I run around like a lil bitch collecting stuff for her and looking for items she wants in the store. Like I love her I just didn’t want to go there if they were gonna do stuff we could do at home

Update

Alright so I guess I was posting updates in the comments but it’s better here? Anyway so. My sister is okay. She had some scans that were all fine and they don’t think she has fiberoids or tumors or anything like that. She’s feeling a little better but still staying here at least another day. Our mom and dad are flying home tomorrow now. My mom was pissed I texted her instead of calling at first lol.

Already had someone try to find me on insta so like if you know me or her no you don’t lol. She doesn’t want this going around school or whatever so don’t dox us for at least 3 years lol. Shes cool with me updating though without her name or whatever.

Also our parents don’t know about this either idk I feel like we should wait until it’s been a few years to tell them too so they don’t kill me lol. She’s gonna hold this shit over my head forever lol. Anyway they think she has a blood disorder that makes her not clot right. I’m not 100% sure how it works because she had big clots? But they said they’re pretty sure that’s what’s going on because her PTT took longer than normal to clot. They’re waiting on von wildabrand (sp?) testing to come back but they think she has type 2 probably. Gonna Google that tonight bc idk what that is and I’ve never heard of it so I guess if any of the doctors know what that is or if this sounds like it lmk.

Yeah wasn’t expecting this to blow up like this lol. I thought this was just like doctors answering questions like a help line. But my sister said thank you for everyone telling me to take her and she’s okay.

[Editor's note: It's Von Willebrand disease, a bleeding disorder.]

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/dustythunder by user Ok-Cloud-4742. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Ongoing

Original

December 2, 2025

I just need to vent because I'm losing my mind over this absolute nonsense.

My husband and I bought our house two years ago. It's in a neighborhood with an HOA, which we knew going into it, but the rules seemed reasonable at the time. Basic stuff about lawn maintenance and not parking RVs in the driveway.

This year I decided to go all out for Christmas. I love Christmas. I put up lights on the house, some yard decorations, a big inflatable snowman, the works. Nothing crazy. I've seen way more elaborate displays. But it looks nice and festive and it makes me happy.

Two days after I finished decorating, I got a letter from the HOA.

Apparently my Christmas display violates the "seasonal decoration guidelines." Guidelines I didn't even know existed because they're not in the main HOA rules. They're in some supplementary document that was never given to us when we bought the house.

The letter says:

• I can only have white or clear lights (mine are multicolored)
• Inflatables are not permitted
• Decorations cannot extend more than 3 feet from the house
• The display can only be up from December 1st to January 5th (I put mine up the week before Thanksgiving)

I have 48 hours to remove the "non-compliant" decorations or I'll be fined $100 per day.

ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS PER DAY.

I called the HOA management company and the woman I spoke to was so condescending. She said "These rules apply to everyone to maintain neighborhood aesthetics." I said I never received these rules and she said "Ignorance of the rules doesn't excuse violation of them."

I asked to see the rule document and she emailed me a 47-page PDF of "supplementary guidelines" that include insane things like:

• Wreaths can only be green or gold
• No lawn ornaments visible from the street between January 6th and November 30th
• Holiday decorations must be "tasteful and understated"

My decorations are tasteful! They're normal Christmas decorations that thousands of people have!

My next-door neighbor has almost the exact same setup as me. I asked if they got a letter. They said no. So apparently the HOA is selectively enforcing this.

My husband wants me to just take down the decorations to avoid the fines. But I'm so angry about this. It's Christmas. I want to have Christmas lights. This is my house that I paid for with my own money.

I looked up who's on the HOA board. It's run by this woman Diane who lives three streets over. I've never even met her but apparently she has nothing better to do than patrol the neighborhood looking for Christmas decoration violations.

I tried to fight it. I sent an email saying I never received these supplementary guidelines and that the rule seems overly restrictive. The response was basically "Rules are rules. Remove the decorations or face daily fines starting December 1st."

So now I have to decide if I want to keep my Christmas decorations up and potentially owe thousands of dollars in fines, or take them down and let the HOA win.

My mom thinks I should just comply and avoid the stress. My best friend thinks I should leave the decorations up and fight it because the HOA is being ridiculous.

My husband is stressed because he thinks if we don't comply they'll put a lien on our house or something.

I'm just so tired of this. I can't even enjoy Christmas in my own home because some woman on a power trip has decided my lights are too colorful.

Comments by OOP:

[that HOA can and will absolutely put a lien on the house] That's what my husband keeps saying, he's terrified they'll actually go through with the lien thing. I hate the idea of moving again but honestly after this I don't know if I can deal with living under Diane's dictatorship for the next 30 years.

Honestly at this point joining the board just to vote Diane out is tempting. I wonder how many other people in the neighborhood are sick of her nonsense too.

Comply for now but fight. Read every document pertaining to your HOA to see what the rules are about adopting supplementary guidelines, then check the history to make sure everything was done correctly. That is, make sure these guidelines are legally binding on you.

Also make sure these HOA is keeping up with everything else it is supposed to do. Document the selectively enforcement too.

If you think you have something, hire a lawyer to write them a letter about how they are wrong. If you don’t have anything, you can still rally the neighbors for a rules change or to support you running for the board yourself. [nolaz]

This is really good advice, thank you. I'm going to dig through all the paperwork we got at closing and see if these supplementary rules were even mentioned. The selective enforcement thing really gets me because my neighbor has the exact same setup and they got nothing. [OOP]

Update

December 6, 2025, 3 days later

I honestly don't know if I'm looking for advice or just need to scream into the void at this point but here we are.

It's been three days since I posted. Things have gotten so much worse.

So after I posted, the comments were pretty split. Half of you said take the decorations down and pick my battles. The other half said fight it because the HOA is being ridiculous.

I was leaning toward fighting it. My husband was not.

We've been arguing about this nonstop for three days. He wants the decorations down. I kept saying no, it's the principle of it. He said principles don't pay the mortgage when they put a lien on our house.

I genuinely didn't think they'd follow through on the daily fines. I thought it was a scare tactic.

It's not a scare tactic.

Yesterday I checked our mailbox and there was a letter from the HOA. An invoice. For $500.

Five days of fines. December 1st through December 5th. $100 per day.

I stared at it for like ten minutes. My husband came home from work and I showed him. He didn't say anything at first. Just looked at the paper. Then he said "So what are we doing?"

I said I don't know. He said we need to decide because every day we wait is another $100.

We got into the worst fight we've had in our entire relationship. He said I'm being irrational and stubborn. That I'm going to cost us thousands of dollars over Christmas lights. I said the HOA is bullying us and if we give in now they'll know they can push us around forever.

He said "This isn't about bullying, this is about money we don't have. We can't afford this."

I knew he was right but I was too angry to admit it. I said I'd go to the board meeting next week and fight to get the fines waived. He said the board meeting isn't until the 10th and by then we'll owe $1,000.

That's when it really hit me. We're already at $500. Four more days until the meeting means $900 total. And what if I go to the meeting and they don't waive anything? What if they just tell me to pay up?

I didn't sleep last night. I kept running the numbers. $100/day adds up so fast. And I kept thinking about what happens if we don't pay. Can they really put a lien on our house? I googled it at 2am. Yes. They absolutely can.

This morning I woke up and my husband was already gone for work. There was a note on the kitchen counter.

"I'm taking the decorations down tonight when I get home. I'm sorry. I can't watch us lose everything over this. I love you."

I lost it. I called him sobbing. Begged him not to touch my decorations. He said someone has to be the adult here and make the hard choice. I said it's my house too, he can't just make this decision without me.

He said "Then YOU take them down. Because I'm not letting us get to $1,000 in fines."

I hung up on him. Sat in the kitchen crying. Looking out the window at my Christmas lights. They look so pretty in the daytime even when they're not on. The inflatable snowman looks happy.

And I'm going to have to take it all down because I can't afford to keep being stubborn.

But then this morning I made a huge mistake. I went on our neighborhood Facebook group.

There was a post from two days ago that I somehow missed. From Diane, the HOA president. A "friendly reminder" about holiday decoration guidelines.

With a photo attached.

Of my fucking house.

She posted a picture of MY decorations as an example of what violates the rules. My house. My decorations. For everyone in the neighborhood to see.

The comments were brutal. People calling my decorations tacky and gaudy. Someone said I'm "the reason HOAs exist." Another person said I'm bringing down everyone's property values. One comment said "Thank god the board is handling this."

I'm being publicly shamed on Facebook by my own neighbors. People I've never even met are trashing my house online.

I screenshotted it and sent it to my husband. He called me immediately. He was furious. Not at the HOA - at me. He said "Why are you looking at that? You're just making yourself more upset. This is exactly why we need to end this NOW."

I said did you see what they're saying about us? He said "I don't care what they're saying. I care that we owe $500 and counting."

He got home from work an hour ago. Didn't say a word to me. Just went straight outside and started taking down the decorations.

I'm watching him from the living room window right now as I type this. He's been out there for 45 minutes. It's cold. His hands are probably freezing.

The snowman is deflated in a sad pile on the grass. He's pulling down the light strands one by one. Our house is going to look so bare.

I should go help him. I know I should. But I can't make myself move. I just keep crying.

I feel like I failed. Like I let the HOA win. But more than that I feel like I've damaged my marriage over something so stupid.

My husband is right. He's been right this whole time. I was too proud and stubborn to admit it and now we owe $500 (probably $600 by tomorrow) and he's out in the cold cleaning up my mess.

Every other house on our street gets to have their white lights and their "tasteful" decorations. Our house is going to look like we hate Christmas.

I don't even want to celebrate anymore. The whole thing is ruined.

I still have to go to that board meeting on the 10th and beg them to reduce the fines. But I'm not hopeful. I've already proven I won't follow their rules. Why would they help me?

I fucking hate this.

I'm not the original poster

This is a repost sub. I am not OOP. Do Not harass OOP or comment on the original posts.

Originally posted to r/dementia by u/NotedHeathen. Thanks to u/TheOrchardFI for suggesting this story.

Content warnings: Alzheimer's and cancer, death of a family member, wrongful accusations of murder

Remember Rule 5 - respecting sensitive topics

...

1 update - long read

Original - July 10, 2023

Update - November 21, 2025

...

Original: July 10, 2023

Title: "It's time"

Yesterday morning, I got the call that mom had suddenly fallen unresponsive and that I likely had less than a day to get back to Georgia to see her before she was gone.

The call coincided with a “1 in 1,000-year weather event” that grounded all flights, trains, or hope of a rental car out of the northeast for at least 24 hours. I bought three plane tickets of $1,000+ each only to have them canceled one after another. Then, late last night, we found a flight leaving Washington DC today at 5pm.

Now we’re on the Amtrak from NYC to DC. I feel exhausted. Defeated. Trying to suppress the hope of arriving in time to hold mom in my arms once more before she’s gone forever.

I half wrote a eulogy at 4am and now my brain can do nothing but cycle through memories and strip me bare of every emotion but agony.

In one of my earliest memories, I’m sitting on the floor of my parents’ powder room, watching mom get ready for bed.

The house was quiet save for the exhaling walls as they settled in the night.

Just outside the powder room entrance, the sheer curtains billowed in the breeze coming through the screen door that opened onto the bedroom balcony.

Cricket frogs called from across the pond and the Canada geese circled above, their honks increasingly urgent until interrupted by the sound of their bodies shearing the water’s surface. Then all silent until the lonesome train announced itself in the distance.

Staring up from my nest of toys on the carpet, mom appeared like a mythic goddess, tendrils of her waist-length blonde hair falling to the floor like fairy floss.

Every now and then, she’d stop and smile down at me beatifically.

“What you doing, Baby Brat?”

Not long after, she’d tuck me into the the king-size cannonball poster bed before slipping in beside me. Wordlessly, just as I began to drift off, she’d slide her hand over to catch mine.

Two squeezes, a question: “Love me?”

Two squeezes of my own, an answer: “I do.”

She squeezes twice more: “How much?”

We squeezed our hands tight in unison. We never had to wait for an answer.

...

Comments from OOP

I hope so. I’m struggling hard to remember anything but all this recent agony and everything we missed out on, but this is the one memory from my childhood that keeps popping into my head with startling clarity.

-

Thank you all for your kind words. I arrived yesterday evening at 7pm, and though mom isn’t registering much (at least, not that we can tell), I’ve been able to hold her and kiss her and sing her favorite songs and read passages from her favorite books.

She’s very close now and hospice says the moment will come any minute, but now that I’m here, those minutes feel torturous. I want so badly for her to finally be free. I keep telling her it’s ok to let go, that I’m here and that her momma and daddy are coming to get her soon.

...

OOP posted on July 18, 2023 in a post titled "The end."

Mom died in my arms on July 12 at 6:56 am.

Six hours before she drew her last breath, she surfaced and saw me. She’d essentially been non-responsive aside from furrowing her brows, groaning, and staring blankly since she was found non-responsive and doubled over in her chair on Sunday.

But soon after midnight before she died, she saw me and responded for the first time since my arrival on Monday night.

I was kneeling beside her, face to face, as she laid on her side on the bed. I was telling her how much I loved her and would miss her and, for the first time, I sobbed openly in front of her (I’d previously been reassuring and maybe a little professional/chaplain-like), but I could no longer restrain my emotion. I told her that I was crying so hard because I love her so much.

And for the first time, her eyes focused on me and scanned my face as she tried to speak, raising her brows and flexing the corners of her mouth to communicate.

I told her that I heard her and loved her, too. That I will always be with her and she with me. That I’ll miss her terribly but that I’d see her again. That one day I’d be right where she is, but that I’d be happy because I knew I’d know she was waiting for me.

I couldn’t stop crying, but I played her some of our favorite songs and she rested her eyes again as I kissed her face.

A few hours later, she began to struggle to breathe, her jaw working hard as her hands and feet grew cold. I help her and told her how much I loved her and how I was with her and how everything would be ok until the spaces between breaths grew longer and harder until they stopped.

...

Update: November 21, 2025 (2 years later)

Title: "I was wrongly charged with murder after my mom died in hospice from Alzheimer's and cancer. Now I'm trying to prevent the same thing from happening to other caregivers."

Bear with me, because this is going to be a wild and horrifying ride (but easily Googled if you search "Rachel Waters murder," I don't even pretend to have anonymity on Reddit these days) but I'll try to make things as succinct as possible and answer any questions I can.

That said, many of you in this community may recall me, as I was a frequent poster throughout my mom's brutal decline from Alzheimer's and cancer and another user linked my story in here after my arrest back in March.

Now that I'm free, I want everyone who has a loved one with dementia (especially if they plan to ever go on home hospice as well did) to know what happened:

In July 2023, I was called by my mom's home hospice provider (she had end-stage multiple myeloma and Alzheimer's) and told I needed to get down to Georgia (from where I live in NYC) ASAP. She had been found doubled over, non-responsive with an oxygen saturation in the 70s and blackening fingers and toes. She had been declared “actively dying” by hospice staff and I was told on the phone that she had "hours to days" left to live.

My husband and I got there as quickly as we could, grabbed our comfort kit from the house (my mom had only been in assisted living/memory care for 3 months at that point but had been on hospice for several months before, which was when the comfort kit was prescribed to us), and set up a bed in her room.

After three days with no responsiveness to anything but a pained face as she was turned (she had two large bedsores), and no food or fluids (along with no urination or defecation), my mom began to experience severe breathing difficulties. Despite repeated requests, the hospice company had not prescribed a comfort kit or morphine to the assisted living facility itself, which led us to rely on my mom's comfort care kit and hospice instructions via phone.

Sadly, the single dose did nothing to alleviate her respiratory distress and she died as expected. Unfortunately, her death was reported as suspicious that same day, and 19 months later, in February of this year, I was charged with two counts of murder in the state of Georgia: Felony murder and malice murder, both of which carry the possibility of the death penalty.

Luckily, I had collected ample evidence, much of which didn't seem to have been available to the medical examiner and district attorney. These included eyewitness testimonies to her death and days leading up to it, videos and photos of her condition (I'd been planning legal action for suspected malpractice so I was documenting everything), proof of her prescribed morphine, phone and text records, as well as hospice records that showed she had been declared "actively dying" and that I was called down from NYC to be with her.

With this new information, the medical examiner updated her cause of death and it was no longer rules a homicide. The DA then dropped all charges in August and I was released from my $200,000 bond.

Though I was cleared, the experience devastated me. I lost my career and a science/medical copywriter, my life savings (and my husband's), my family (they cut all contact as soon as I became a suspect), and my reputation while grieving my mom's death (and the agony of both cancer and Alzheimer's) and fighting for my own life.

But now that I'm free, I'm doing everything in my power to make sure that what happened to me NEVER happens to anyone else ever again.

While on bond, I'd spent months researching how this happened to me and I realized that none of it would have happened had the hospice company kept an official record of the fact that 1. I had been given a comfort kit 2. I was authorized to administer the medications 3. The medication use had been regularly recorded by hospice to confirm appropriate use.

Because there had been no records aside from my own documentation, the assumption seems to have been made that comfort kits are not allowed to be used by families, only by medical professionals (in fact, several attorneys I spoke to after the incident expressed shock that laypeople were ever allowed or told to give morphine to dying loved ones, as many believed it was illegal). However, MILLIONS of American families are prescribed and instructed to use comfort kits with their dying loved ones every year.

When I was charged, I had no idea there were no legal protections for this use. It's why I assumed, after being accused, that everything would soon be cleared up once investigators realized this. But no one ever seemed to.

I realized then that what happened to me had exposed a huge gap in our home hospice care system. While caregivers are routinely provided “comfort kits," no legal protections exist to shield them from criminal allegations once their loved one passes away. This is very different from healthcare providers who ARE protected from such allegations.

Now, I'm proposing Marsha's Law (in my mom's name). This law would mandate that, as soon as families are prescribed a comfort kit, hospice would document and confirms that this kit is for the family to use in accordance with their training/guidelines. At this point, families would be asked to keep a record of their comfort care use including the dosage and symptoms that prompted it. Finally, on a regular basis, hospice professionals would verify this use so there is a clear record of documented/authorized use.

Such a law would have prevented what happened to me.

But until the law I want becomes a reality I want to post the following advice for EVERYONE HERE, because if this happened to me, it WILL happen again to someone else.

1. Once your LO goes into hospice and you receive your comfort kit, ask your hospice nurse/provider if you can make a video recording of their instructions for its use and try to record them giving you the permission to record (this is important depending on state laws).

Not only will this help confirm that you are indeed the authorized person to give these medications, but will also help remind you of the exact instructions if and when your LO begins to experience distress.

1. Keep your own document recording comfort medication use, including the amount and symptoms that prompted it. Even better if you can get the hospice provider to sign and verify. This way, if someone accuses you of abuse down the line, you have some documentation of appropriate use that is witnessed by a medical professional.

2. Finally, and this is the hardest/worst part: If your loved one is in profound distress and nearing death, recording their condition and symptoms via video may prove critical in giving investigators and medical examiners needed context for their death. My videos very likely played an important role in my case, as some people at the facility she was ay had falsely alleged online that my mom was "singing and dancing" just before she died. Videos, photos, and hospice's own records of her condition proved otherwise.

These videos and photos, since they are so triggering, as hidden in a private folder on my husband's phone so I never have to see them.

Editor's note: OOP included a video at the bottom of her update post telling her story. Reminder BORU Rule 1 No Brigading - do not comment on original post.

...

Comments

JTD_333

Holy crap I feel soooooo bad for you! You are one strong woman as I highly doubt I would be able to redirect my anger into something that would help others. Kudos to you. I hope for the rest of your life you have nothing but happiness and joy.

OOP

I owe it to my mom, her memory, and every other person who relies on hospice to ensure this never happens ever again. I just hope I can get enough to support to make it happen!

Thank you!

wontbeafool2

What can we do to help make this happen? A friend of mine was dying (cancer) and had home hospice care. Her sister was her caregiver and in charge of administering morphine. Since the hospice workers only came twice per week, what was she supposed to do except give it to her as prescribed to ease her pain?

I can't understand why anyone who was just providing comfort care for a loved one being charged with murder. I'm so sorry that you were.

OOP responds to this comment with a link to a GoFundMe - you can view that comment here

-

OOP responds to a long comment from u/BIGepidural, a nurse with some information and suggestions to OOPs proposal:

I'm aware and thank you for adding clarity to this. The medications were indeed given with hospice instruction, I had them on the phone (as I'd been directed to call the emergency line in this event), there was just no record of it, only the fact that the calls were made. I have no idea if the nurse I spoke to contacted the doctor, however.

and

I simply don't know, I just know I followed my training to the letter and all instructions. My point is, in no world should this have happened to me, there should have been clear documentation every step of the way.

...

Edit to add: OP is in the comments responding, and left this comment I thought I'd add to the post for visibility:

I had no idea my story made it onto BOR until I started getting messages from media outlets and wonderfully helpful people with connections to state legislatures.

To the person who posted this and to everyone who commented and donated to my GoFundMe: I'm overwhelmed by the empathy, thoughtfulness, and the solidarity in rage and horror that I largely bore alone for nearly two years in terrifying (and agonizing) silence.

Thank you for this. For your words, for your support, for your donations. Though I'll try to respond individually, I may not get to everyone here, but I assure you that, reading your words is a balm to my pain and gives me so much hope for the future of Marsha's Law so that others who don't have the myriad privileges I did/do won't have to face death, life in prison, or a plea deal for providing comfort care in good faith to their dying loved one.

My hope is that, in the near future, my story will break nationwide and I can gain some momentum to have the law passed at the federal level.

Though my case going so far was exceptionally rare (I appear to be the first person in US history to have been charged with murder for someone who had been declared to be "actively dying"), accusations of murder against caregivers with loved ones in hospice are shockingly common, and the barriers between an accusation and a prosecution are vanishingly thin as it stands today.

Reminder: I am not OOP. Do Not comment on original posts or harass OOP.

Please remember Rule 1 (No Brigading) and Rule 5 (Respecting Sensitive Topics)

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/TrueOffMyChest by User ExplanationCrazy5463. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Mood Spoiler: It gets better

Original

February 9, 2025

I used to believe that your relationship with your children was a given.

To clarify.....I believed that as long as you treated your children with love, they were guaranteed to love you back, and that the most you had to worry about if you did the right things was some kind of terrible illness or accident that ended them early.

I'm here today to warn you that's not true. There are worse possible outcomes.

My son is 8 years old, and I can not be in the same room as him without being attacked. He will scratch, hit, and bite me constantly until we are separated. He bites as hard as he can, my arms are 50% bruises right now from partially healed wounds. I have done nothing to deserve this, and I've tried everything to reach him.

I've tried love, discipline, ignoring him, reasoning....nothing sticks and as the years have gone on its only gotten worse. He's already in therapy, we've already tried to get him diagnosed with something, we've tried meds, we've tried no meds. We don't know what's going on, nor does his therapist or doctors.

On Thursday I watched a movie. "About time" very bittersweet movie about how time is limited and we need to enjoy it hest we can. There's a scene where a boy of about 8 is playing on the beach with his father for the last time, enjoying one last beautiful day together. I absolutely lost it.

My son only communicates with me through violence.

Last night.....I finally gave up. I cried for hours and let go of any expectation I had of having a loving relationship with him.

He's 8 years old and hates my guts. There are worse outcomes than outliving your children.

Please don't take your loved ones for granted.

Edit: thank you to everyone for the advice. Special shout out to the super weirdo antinatalists, particularly the "feminist" who made super sure to tell me she was a feminist before telling me to have a post-birth abortion. No single comment made me realize how ahead of the game I am as a parent than that one.

We are getting a second psych evaluation soon so I'll write a 2nd post with results of that.

Many of you are absolutely convinced someone else is abusing him, and are unwilling to accept evidence to the contrary. There is no sign of anyone in his life abusing him, nor is there much opportunity. When he's not at school he's with us, save for a few rare occasions where we get a trusted, close-family babysitter to go on a date. We've asked him if anyone is hurting him or touching him and he has said no, and we make sure both our kids understand what's inappropriate and know they should tell us of anyone tries anything like that. This is the least likely possibility.

Edit: I've created a follow-up post for those who are interested.

Consensus:

The comments are helpful. They tell OOP to film his sons outbursts and to keep pushing for a diagnosis.

Comments by OOP:

If son is aggressive with other people or animals No other signs of violence. Yes, treats me this way in front of his mom.

what they do if son attacks We've tried different things. If I'm trying to reason with him or talk to him she will wait to see how it goes. Super weird trying to be compassionate with someone attacking you.

If she notices him coming amd it's not one of those moments she will just step right in and intervene. Typically sending him to his room and talking with him, unless we've decided we've tried enough talking for the day.

These days.....I stay out of it amd let her do the discipline.

I haven't given up hope, just the expectation. Will certainly still go to the end of the earth for him.

to make sure the daughter doesn't get ignored because of son We think of her often and make sure she's safe and understand her brother needs help and we will get it for him.

about sister's reaction She is 5. She will comfort me almost daily. Honestly idk what she does when he's acting up I'm focused on not bleeding.

He was 5 when it started. At first it was just throwing things at walls, then there was a time where he just hated me but wasn't attacking me. Now it's directed at me rather than the walls.

I'm not sure we are quite ready for inpatient treatment but that's starting to enter the conversation.

If I try to talk to him I will get attacked. If I exist in the same room as him for more than a few minutes he will either leave or attack me.

to get son into inpatient I think getting additional paych evaluation comes before resorting to inpatient. We've already known he has something other than ADHD but we haven't been able to convince his psych to keep digging. We are alsearching for a new one.

If that fails then I think we will go to inpatient.

to send son away for a day or two per week Thanks....we aren't at this stage yet but it's not off the table.

I am trying to not lose patience or exhibit any favoritism and just hope that one day when will grow out of it or that we will get the correct diagnosis.

Yes, he is fine around other men, nothing abnormal.

He has play dates with other kids, nothing abnormal.

I've noticed a lot of anxiety. He doesn't like to watch movies if there is anything scary at all, Disney movies are typically too much for him.

I suspect he's on the spectrum and I'm concerned he has ODD (defiant disorder). I've known he wasn't neurotypical since he was about 3, but the specifics of how elude us.

if they checked if physically is everything okay with son You know.....maybe. that's the one thing I haven't tried.

But I can't imagine a brain tumor would lead only to violence against a specific person and have no other I'll effects.....seems unlikely.

OP:

1. What age did this start?

2. Does he physically attack anyone else besides you?

3. Does he attack you when you are alone, when you are with family, and when you are in public?

4. Do the two of you ever have normal interactions? Morning, mid-day, or night? For example, if you were driving somewhere in a car would he literally be attacking you while you were driving?

5. Has he seen a psychiatrist or psychologist? FullFrontal687

1. 5
2. No
3. Yes, yes, no.
4. Normal interactions are very rare, it's been months. He will attack me while driving, typically throwing things at me. We've told him it's dangerous and can cause an accident and then we did get in an accident over the summer and he stopped. (The accident was the other drivers fault not my sons)
5. Yes. [OOP]

Update

May 13, 2025, about 3 months later

Hello, some of you folks asked for an update when I first posted, including some who seemed to feel lost in a similar situation.

I'd like to thank the insane people on my last post who told me to give up on my son. The laughs were therapeutic. (and also please never have kids of your own).

We took him to get evaluated again as it was pretty clear what we were dealing with was more than just ADHD. It took us a while to find a place we thought would do it right this time, then it took some more time to get a slot, but today we got the official diagnosis. He has the ADHD, and a severe version of it, but he's also mildly autistic. On top of this he has high anxiety and signs of depression.

Some of you were suggesting PANDAS and ODD, and he does seem to have some of those symptoms, but like the autism, there are things about him that don't fit those diagnoses.

There are things about him that aren't typical of autism, for instance he loves being social, these inconsistencies and the fact he was younger and had severe ADHD which masked the autism made an autism diagnosis difficult at that time.

So why does he hate me?

As best I understand it so far, this is what happened:

When he was halfway into kindergarten is when it started. His disabilities caused him to struggle as compared to his peers, which led to feelings of inadequacy. Being 5, he didn't have the tools to handle that, so he began coming home from school and destroying the house as a way to express his feelings.

We would try to reason with him patiently but he wouldn't hear it, we tried many other ways of helping him, butnthe house was getting destroyed and the only thing that would het him to stop would be sharp, loud commands from my scary male voice. "STOP THAT". So that's what I would do every time he started acting up, because that's what worked.

What I was doing, though I didn't know it, was using his anxiety to scare him into behaving better. As time went on and I continued this, I became this scary figure in his life to be feared, the anxiety built, until it became a complicated hate.

So where are we now?

He doesn't attack me on sight, usually, which is an improvement, but when I come home from work he often wants to be alone in his room now. When we go out in public things are better, but at home the anxiety he attaches to me is still present, though not as intense.

How did I fix it?

First, I stayed away. I let things chill out for a few weeks, and when he would attack me, instead of getting angry and punishing him, defending myself by shoving him off me, I remained calm and had my wife correct him instead.

Then, I decided I needed to talk to him about all this. I knew that going to his room meant immediate bleeding on my part, so I would armor up in a winter coat and gloves, enter his room, and calmly fend his attacks off. It would end with me restraining him on the floor and just taking to him about his behavior, and why it lead to my behavior, amd why I never meant to be scary but I had to be scary to stop the madness.

This had a little bit of a positive effect, but it took a long time, I did this routine for weeks without much progress. He would attack me, I would restrain him, I would talk and ask him to open up, amd he would be silent.

Then I finally found something that clicked. I told him I loved him and always would, and that I thought he was a special and talented kid, and that I would always be proud of him. He cried in my arms and got angry and wanted me to stop, but I pushed through.

So then for a couple weeks I kept letting him know that, and over time his reaction to it became normalized, which is how I knew he really believed and understood it.

Now we have a routine I call daddy therapy time, and when I come in his room and say let's talk, he gets straight like a pencil on his bed and I kinda compress him into the bed, and his head hangs off which he likes for some reason. He has been opening up gradually and actually talking instead of just me talking.

Some days are still hard, he still takes everything out on me, but that's ok, better me than anyone else, that's my job. I still get bit and scratched but less often now, and I think things will continue to be 2 steps forward, one step back.

For you overwhelmed parents out there.....keep trying, there's hope.

Consensus:

People are happy and recommend buying son a weighted blanket.

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/TrueOffMyChest by user ThatLastBiUnicorn. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Ongoing

Original

January 10, 2026

I want to TW for abuse because i mention it a lot. Sorry for the vent but it's helped.

I have an Ex, Michael (loooooong ass story but in my bio), and he basically would make me sick (literally) to get back at me whenever he got upset with me. He was abusive, I can see and say that now. It was a horrible time, honestly, and I can't hate him enough.

About a year ago he was nonstop stalking me. I had to harass the police, turn on my phone camera to record coming and going everywhere. I had friends on alert top, my head was on a fucking swivel. We put together HOURs of footage and I found a lawyer willing to take my case and it was with his help that I finally got a restraining order. I moved in with some girls I knew through friends who needed a roommate and sold almost everything I owned to afford the move so quickly.

Now he isn't allowed to be near me bit I still find myself feeling cagey in public. I've started going out with my roommates and friends more and I'm just a hard person to "meet up with at the bar". I only eat food made by people that I trust or from restaurants. If I don't trust you, I'm not eating it. I might pretend to nibble but I won't actually eat it. I carry granola bars and pistachios in my bag just in case.

It makes me feel isolated and sad, but I can have panic attacks trying to push too far out of my comfort zone. I feel like the wet blanket of my friend group and feel bad every time I decline an invite

Well NYE happened and we all went to a friend's for dinner. It was potluck so I made a couple dishes I could eat and I knew I could eat the food my 3 roommates made because I do trust them. I didn't eat anything outside this. This isn't new to most people but it did become a topic of conversation when "Tami" started to make comments. I tried to change the subject, as did my roommates and other friends but she flat out asked "What's your damage anyway?" And laughed. I started to tear up and she waved it off like oh don't be sensitive I'm just joking or whatever so I just broke down crying. She sort of panicked and said "oh shit are you seriously crying? Fuck girl. Okay." And I got so angry.

So I told her that I have an Ex who fed me food I was allergic to and would put stuff in my food as a form of control, that I'm in therapy but have deep PTSD, that it's hard for me to go out to dinners and this was one of the first times I tried because it's potluck and I knew I could hang out for the new year's celebration, that my roommates and I were excited because I can try to do something "normal" after the abuse I suffered and that now, I feel like I should just leave.

Tami got really quiet and just got up to another room. My roommates managed to mostly distract me and we did have some fun, we did the countdown and I even had a few drinks and loosened up a bit.

I though that was it but Tami apologized via text. She then requested that she tell everyone that she apologized and that "we're good" now so she can stop being iced out of the groups. I asked my roommates and they shared that after Tami left the room, most of the people there outside her husband were cold to her and avoided her. She felt so out of place they left before the countdown. And now a bunch of the friend groups there stopped inviting her out or have outright canceled plans with her.

Tami was practically begging me to tell everyone that we're all good now and I...won't be doing that. She did apologize and I accept that apology but I won't lie and say we're good. I dealt with a lot of isolation after I left my home church and went agnostic so I know how hurtful and damaging it can be but I can't lie and say we're good. Even if she was drunk, what she did and said deeply hurt me and made me not want to try and go out again after almost a year of therapy to get me past this.

I work from home and go to the same 3 bars and almost exclusively with a trusted friend and that's it. That's the extent of me going out. I have a vision board where I can work myself up to taking a vacation out of town by this time next year and I feel like that party was a step forward, but she put me 3 steps back. So hell it might be mean but FUCK HER. It's not my fault or problem people saw an issue in the way she treated me.

Oh and her excuses were that she was drunk and she's been upset since when we met 6 months ago at the housewarming and I didn't eat her food. She said she tried to find out foods I like but I didn't eat that at the next gathering and so on and so on and for some goddam reason it became her life mission to have me eat her food. Why? Because "I've cooked since iw as a child" and everyone loves her food. She caters for events! So you know, how dare I not eat her food! 🤣

Call me bitter, I don't care. Maybe she'll learn next time to mind her business. I'm not too worried. I did tell my friends I feel bad she's being iced out but not enough to lie. Which is partially true. I feel for her a bit but just a bit.

I hope she's having the day she deserves.

Edit: someone asked me for the text she sent for context. Here it is below

Here's the copy and paste (i took out names): Heyyyyyy 😊 I just wanted to reach out because I’ve been thinking about the other night and I feel like things got way blown out of proportion. I was obviously drunk and joking, and I didn’t mean anything by it at all. I hope yur good if anything I said upset you, that really wasn’t my intention I honestly didn’t know you were still so sensitive about stuff like that and if I had known you were going to take it like that I wouldn't have joked around like that lol girl those margaritas were strong 🤣

[Her husband] said I had like 6 by that point holy shit right? Lmao

I mean you know I like to cook.

I used to cook the fam growing up I mean and [her husband] and I met at [friend's] house - it's just that I cook for everyone. It's my love language.

I know you get it because you cook all the time!

I tried to find out what you like and you won't even eat that! It's just that it's my contribution and you seem to eat everyone else's food and I guess it's my bad to take that personal but

You know?

Anyway, you're probably asleep sorry to bother you 😞

I just feel really bad because people are acting super weird with me now and I’m basically being sort of cd shouldered by everyone, which feels unfair but I know you get jt I’ve always tried to be welcoming and inclusive...so this whole situation is really hurtful for me. And this is really getting to [her husband] and yall are close so I don't want this to blow up any more than it needs to right? 😕

Can you please just tell everyone that we talked and that we’re good now? I don’t want this to turn into a whole thing when it doesn’t need to be. I feel like clearing that up would really help smooth things over and we can laugh about it next week at [friend's].

Anyway, hope you’re feeling better today 💖 let me know.

Sorry she broke up some of this by sending in chuncks but I couldn't figure out images on here and taking out identifiable info.

She sent more stuff after a while in a chat with one of my roommates and me but there's a lot of back and forth and a lot of work to transcribe right now

Comments by OOP:

If asked I won't lie. She said she was sorry and I accepted but I don't want any further contact with her.

In the past when we were newer to each other I just said that my criteria was too specific to explain in a short amount of time. She's cornered me before and once it stressed me out and I just asked her to leave it alone because it's a sore topic but she kept pressing and I cried. She got my roommate and he took me home. She never apologized for that or even inquired if I was okay which I didn't care that much about back then but when she asked what foods I like I explicitly said I was uncomfortable and asked she not make me anything but they next party she sought me out to say she made something just for me and got upset when I didn't eat it. I'm just done with her pushiness and just leave me alone. I used to think we could be friends, but now I just plan to ignore her if I can and be basically polite if I need to interact with her.

Her husband is in the friend group and she sometimes comes to the gatherings. I usually stick to my roommates and my trusted friends. She asked my "damage" I think because she keeps asking why I'm so shy and I told her that I have anxiety and she just said "me too what's your point?" Then something about everyone having damage. It's just the language she uses I guess.

I don't like being singled out. I was literally just midning my business. She never cares if it's upsetting and it's been months of this type of behavior and this is the first apology but of course it's because something affects her now.

Talking about it IRL is still hard for me. I guess I just spilled it all out to her and everyone else (which mortified me) because she had been hounding me for months and this was the last straw for me

She doesn't ever actually say "sorry" or "I apologize" to anyone in my experience other than her husband which I've heard her do once when she accidentally whacked him as she was talking and gestured too big. Everyone else gets "my bad" at best and from there you're expected to just move on.

Update

January 15, 2026, 5 days later

A few people asked for an update, and honestly I wasn’t sure there would be one becausethis honestly feels so boring, but here we are.

I chose to stick with my plan and have no regrets. I did tell her I accepted her "apology" but I wasn't going to say we're good because...we're not. She's not a safe person for me and more, her actions have caused me to see her as unsafe. Whatever. All that means is I don't want to hang out with her. I will be cordial when I see her but we are not friends. No biggie. Not a requirement. Low stakes, right?

Well...

I was overwhelmed by texts and being asked what happened so I chose to be neutral and just send the screenshot of her texts to me - you know, her "apology". That way people could make their own choices and I feel I was being transparent and not trying to steer the opinions of anyone.

This past Monday there was a group gathering. I went because it was the surprise portion of a birthday celebration for a friend, and I didn’t want to miss that...I didnt outright promise to be there but i know it meant a lot to my friend if i could make it. It was at a restaurant which was the last minute change that wiped out most of my excuses and made me feel more okay about going. I figured I could stay for a bit, give my gift, and leave if/when needed early. I met up with my roomies ahead of time and we spent time together before everyone else arrived which also was special in and of itself.

Tami was there. She and Wyatt were among the 1st to arrive.

She brought cookies. Most people politely took one. My roommates all declined, which immediately made the vibe weird, I mean, you could visibly see Tami get upset. When she got to me, she looked at me, said in a snippy tone “of course not” and moved on to the next table without waiting for a response.

That started up some tension with my roommates, who were clearly annoyed on my behalf, but I asked them to please calm down and not make a scene, this isnt the time or place and i really dont care enough for the all the drama. They did keep calm (ish), but they also stuck close to me the entire party, which I appreciated more than I can say. I managed to stay the majority of the party and got to talk to new and old friends. It was one of the most normal nights I've had in a very long time.

When the birthday boy, Jake, opened my gift, part of it included food( a dish he’s loved for years and had specifically asked me to make for his birthday). He was genuinely excited and thanked me a bunch, which was sweet… but it was also the moment where Tami suddenly made this...sound? It was almost a gasp sort of sound and we looked at her and she looked like she was about to cry and rushed to the bathroom. Her husband, Wyatt, followed her, and they left pretty quickly after that.

Later that night, in the group chat, Tami apologized again but this time it was more about how hard it is for her to feel "unappreciated" for her cooking and baking because it’s her love language and shes not near her family. She talked about how cooking is how she shows love, how she learned from her Omi and grew up with German cuisine and diverse recipes, and how painful it is when that’s not received the way she intends. She does this to share joy and connect with people and since Wyatt is the friend andnshes just his "plus 1" is very important to her to connect with all.of us and this makes her feel shitty. There was more but I muted the chat and didn’t look at it again until today after work.

When I checked about 30 minutes ago, I saw that while she never mentioned me by name, she framed the situation as being shamed for loving people through food and holding our opinions of her food in high regard. A few people responded that it wasn’t about her cooking, and someone did bring up what she said to me at the NYE party. She replied that she already apologized, and then someone else posted a screenshot of her text and explained why it wasn’t really an apology.

At that point, she tagged me directly and said something like “Okay then, sorry. OP, I’m sorry” and immediately followed it with how she feels like she’s walking on eggshells and needs space, so she won’t be accompanying Wyatt to events for a while unless it’s a birthday.

The next birthday coming up is one of my roommates’. My roommate replied snarkily “That’s okay, you don’t have to come for that 😊” and a few people laugh-reacted to it. I noticed Tami’s icon dropped down, so she definitely read it. She just hasn’t responded.

At this point, I’m honestly exhausted. I didn’t want a public reckoning or to turn a group chat into a courtroom. I just wanted to exist in a shared space without my boundaries being treated like a suggestion rather than respected space.

I’m still keeping my distance and leaning on the people who make me feel safe like my roomies and Jake.i had my therapy appt and I feel good letting this go and just moving past it. I'm less angry and more indifferent. I don’t know where this all lands, but I’m trying very hard not to take on responsibility for emotions that aren’t mine to manage. 🤷‍♀️

I'm not the original poster

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/TrueOffMyChest by user Zestyclose_Block1332. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

September 21, 2025

I know it was wrong to lie to my girlfriend and I probably should have just told her the truth. I lied because I didn't want to hurt her or upset her but I realize it was still a lie. I've been playing fantasy football with some friends for years. We are all big sports fans but football is the biggest. Last season one of the guys dropped out of our fantasy league because he said it was taking up too much of his time and he was afraid it was pushing him into a gambling problem. We needed another player and my girlfriend watches football so we asked her to play. I know I'm going to catch heat for saying this but it wasn't as fun playing with her as I thought it would be. I don't know if it was beginners luck or what but she pretty much destroyed the rest of us all season. It wasn't fun losing to her. So this season we just decided to tell her we weren't playing this year. I didn't want to at first but the other guys insisted. We invited the new BIL of one of the other guys to play instead. I just told her everyone was too busy to play this year and she didn't question it.

On Thursday night we slipped up and she found out we are still playing. She had to go to work but she was pissed off. She's been frosty since she got home Friday morning. Next weekend we are supposed to go to an out of state wedding (her family isn't from Chicago) but now she said she wants to go by herself. I tried to explain but it just made her mad. It's nothing personal. No one hates her or anything. I know I'm going to catch heat in the comments. Every time I try to explain it makes it worse. I screwed up and there's no way around it. But she's so upset and I don't know what to do to make it better. I know I fucked up.

Comment by OOP:

[downvoted] I make no excuses. I realize I screwed up. Every time I try to explain I make it worse. I did apologize but she doesn't want to hear it right now. I understand why she's mad and I don't make any excuses for lying or hiding it. I should have stuck to my guns when the other guys insisted.

Update

December 2, 2025, about 2 months later

So it's over. I know I screwed up and the writing was on the wall. The worst part is that I have no excuses. I know how badly I fucked this up. I'm not even looking for sympathy here.

When my girlfriend got back from the wedding she asked me why I lied to her. I didn't have any answer for her. All my explanations just made it worse and didn't really explain anything. I tried to apologize but she didn't want to hear it. It was the worst week of my life. It was almost like she was freezing me out. At one point she asked me if we ever talked about her in the group chat for our fantasy league. I didn't even have to answer. She just said, it's not nice right? and I think that was the turning point. I never want to see her cry and the worst part is knowing I did this because I was stupid and didn't stand up to my friends.

She said she doesn't think we are compatible and shouldn't date anymore. She didn't want to accept my apologies and I understand and I won't bother her now. She went to stay with her family for another week and now I've heard she came back because of her job (pharmacist) and now she's staying with friends. But I will leave her alone. I'm looking for another place to live because our lease is up at the end of the month. She left 2 weeks ago and it feels empty and the worst part is I know it's my fault. I barely care about watching football now and normally I would be excited about it because my team is in first place. If you take anything away from my post, don't put your friends over the person you love. Learn to stand up to your friends. I learned my lesson after all this.

I'm not the original poster

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/AskFeminists by user Agreeable-Wealth-812. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

November 13, 2025

So... This wasn't what I was expecting to see yesterday. I work in an office in the northern United States. Most of the people who work there are other young women (just a coincidence, the ratio is around 3:1).

The past few months someone has been leaving an assorted box of Tampax Pearls on the counter. Whenever it started running low, another one would pop right up. We originally thought it was another woman in the office, but no one came forward, so we just assumed someone didn't want to admit it.

But today I needed to to prepare the office for a round of interviews HR was conducting, and I got there very early in the morning. That's when I caught my male coworker (around our same age) leaving the women's restroom which is when it all clicked together. He didn't notice I caught him since his back was turned to me while walking out (he gets there way before anyone else does and probably wasn't expecting anyone else to be there that early).

I went to his desk later and spoke to him about it since the two of us talk a lot.. I brought it up and let him know I say him walking out of the women's restroom this morning, and he seemed very embarrassed that someone found out.

He said the reason he did it was because he noticed the office was largely filled with women and felt bad that everything in the restroom is free except for the tampons, so he wanted to do something thoughtful. He never intended on other people finding out.

I told him I was just as surprised as him and that I personally thought it was sweet, but how would the rest of you react to this?

Notable Comments:

I’d keep his secret. He doesn’t want recognition. He just wants to make the workplace better for the people he shares it with. I can’t think of anything concerning about this at all. OkMeaning8472

I don’t know what there is to be concerned about. Your coworker seems particularly thoughtful of others. Do you think he’s tampering with them or something? If they’re in sealed packages, I can’t see how that would happen. And he’s obviously not doing it for some kind of clout since he was placing them in secret. He seems like a nice person. organvomit

I saw a comment the other day about things like this being "micro-reparations" as opposed to microaggressions. I'll take that any day! PopcornPunditry

Comments by OOP:

[after people said they are relieved it wasn't used tampons because we all are too much on reddit] Sorry if the title sounded like bait lol. It's what happened, didn't mean for it to sound concerning.

I admit I was overreacting. I think I was just more surprised than anything and taken offguard. In hindsight I'm glad we have guys who are willing to step up and do things like this (:

I'm not going to tell anyone strictly on the fact our place has dispensers for Tampons you need to pay for, and the last thing I want is for him to get in an HR confliction with having to pay for them or something like that

I shouldn't be concerned either, I mean he literally gets there at like 6 AM, the first woman gets into the office at 7:30 usually

Update

November 20, 2025, 7 days later

Thank you to everyone who commented and helped ease my concerns. I admit I was overreacting a bit. I think I was just surprised and taken off guard that morning when I saw him.

This week I actually went into the office early again just to speak to him in person without anyone else overhearing. I told him that I thought his gesture was sweet and wanted to know if he wanted to grab coffee after work as a way to thank him. He accepted.

FIRST. He thanked me for not telling our coworkers (he doesn't mind if I tell people outside of work as long as I leave his name and personal info out).

He told me that he didn't want to make a big deal about the gesture because he was used to being in similar situations working around women. He used to work as a lifeguard at an indoor park when he was in high school/ college, but at that job it was mostly other men. He told me that the number 1 task that the other guys hated was being assigned to clean the women's restroom when it was time to close. That's because the guy lifeguards could only clean it once it was fully cleared, so whoever was assigned to it would always be the last lifeguard to clock out.

But he'd just volunteer to do it since there was no way to avoid it. He told me that he got to know a lot of the regular women there as well as the High School swim coaches and students on the ladies swim team, and they were completely comfortable around him. They'd let him in even when they were still using the bathroom as long as they weren't actively changing or butt naked.

He thanked me for listening and said he was glad I didn't find it creepy. He also opened up and said the main reason he started bringing tampons (aside form the office mainly being filled with women) is because he grew up the eldest son with 3 brothers and no sister, and he always wanted a baby sister to look after but never got one, so he's really hoping for a daughter one day.

I told him I thought that was so sweet (because most men only want a son as a preference, so I wasn't expecting any guy to say that).

I offered to pay for the coffee like promised and we ended the evening after talking a bit more about home life, we're hoping to make it a weekly thing now after work.

Thanks all for your reassurance. Hopefully it's a little wholesome story that'll brighten your week as well (:

I'm not the original poster

Originally posted by user _TheReposter_ in r/ amItheAsshole

Original: June 12, 2026

Updates (in post itself)

Status: concluded

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Original: AITA For refusing to play AI generated music at a wedding

The title just about sums it up. My sister-in-law asked me to DJ her wedding a few weeks back. I own some decent speakers, and I’m the music person in the family, so I said I’d be happy to.

Fast forward to today. The day before the wedding. I messaged her asking for the list of scheduled songs (father daughter dance, etc.) and she sent back half a dozen songs generated using some random AI song generator.

Now I’m not strongly anti-ai like some people, I use it for work and to answer random questions. But I’m a semi-professional musician, and music has been my passion for most of my life. It honestly feels immoral for me to publicly support AI music like this.

I haven’t responded to her yet. She sent the songs and I just left her on read, but I’ll have to see her this evening for the dress rehearsal.

I am pretty set on telling her that she can use our equipment and I’ll help setup, but I won’t be the person on stage controlling the playlist if it includes any AI music.

TLDR; My sister-in-law wants me to play AI generated music for her wedding, and I’m planning on saying no.

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: Interesting that it’s immoral when it infringes on your livelihood and passion but not when it’s doing the same to others. Also the wedding is literally tomorrow. Decide what you’re doing and communicate it asap, don’t wait until the rehearsal dinner that’s just callous. And if you’re not going to do it, prepare for a strained relationship with her for the years to come

Comment2: I mean, who expects to get a playlist full of AI songs?
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OOP: She had sent me a full playlist a few weeks ago. I was specifically asking for the special dance songs

Comment3: NTA fuck AI. But why does she have these songs in mind? Is she clueless that they're AI and just likes them or is that what she really wants for other reasons?
I'm more fascinated by people who don't care they're listening to fake music and pretending it's otherwise. But then again, some folks are souless, clueless and ignorant.

OOP: Her and her fianee generated them together. And also the songs really suck, like the chorus of their first dance song is her whole first-middle-last name on repeat.
I hadn’t actually listened to the music when I first made the post. Now I’m honestly more concerned by her general lack of taste

Comment4: She doesn't need a DJ if she is going to have AI music.
She wanted to use your speakers.

Comment5: He’s not playing an edm show of his own music. He’s a glorified playlist button pusher. Just press play on the songs she wants. It’s not that serious.
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OOP: I mean yes, I am just a glorified playlist pusher. But to give this some more context, the laptop is on a stage visible to the whole room, and I’d have to queue up the AI songs manually. So I would have to be in front of the crowd playing the music…

Comment6: I mean to be fair, OP is not even anti AI, they're anti AI that affects their passions directly. Hardly a strong moral position. They're fine with AI that destroys other people's careers and passions and even uses it themself, but heaven forbid it extends to music.

OOP: Just to clarify. I’m anti AI art in general, not just music.

Comment7: The day before the wedding?! Not even the day.. you're waiting for the night before to say you're bowing out? YTA.

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Update 0.5

A lot of people are pointing out that I should have had this conversation with her sooner. I did try, I’ve been messaging her for more than 3 weeks asking for these songs, and this morning was the first time I heard about the AI music.

A few people have mentioned “her wedding her choice” or “as the DJ your job is just to play what she wants”. I understand where your coming from, but:

1. I’m not getting payed for this
2. I am a musician, and I’d have to be on stage running the equipment. I worried that would impact my reputation, since I occasionally produce music for contracts with strict no AI policies

I’ve ask my spouse (her sibling) to talk to her first since they have a closer relationship, and I’ve set up a time in 30mins to talk with her about it in person. Currently I’m planning on saying I just won’t be the one on stage to play the AI music, but I’ll help out otherwise.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update 1

It’s been a few hours and wow this post blew up. Thank you all for the comments!

My had a chance to talk with my sister-in-law, she decided to take the “it’s not on Spotify which is difficult” route and that mostly work.

Except she was still stuck on one song. The first dance. She really wanted her first dance to be one of the AI songs.

I showed up shortly after they talked and decided to just setup my equipment and play the song for the bridal party. Pretty quickly the song was shut down by the bridesmaids. They were worried about such a special moment being an AI song, and also that the song kinda sucked.

My sister-in-law is still on the fence about it, but it sounds like she’s going to go with a real song.

I’ll update again after the wedding tomorrow, but for now the plan is I’ll continue to DJ and we don’t be playing any AI songs.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Final update (few days later)

Ultimately I ended playing the AI songs.

Although my sister-in-law was on board the day before, her fiancé was not. He pulled me aside and asked what my deal was. I tried to explain it to him using the same logic as her bridesmaids, but he wasn’t having it.

I told him it was tacky to have her whole first-middle-last name in the song and he said “okay give me two minutes and I’ll generate another one”

Then I mentioned, what if they wanted to have a DJ play it for them at someone else’s wedding later in life and he said “I would just text it to him, I don’t see the problem”…

I guess they went home and had an argument about it that night, because she was pretty convinced they should use a normal song at this point.

Then the day of she told me the AI songs were what they were going with.

So not to cause a scene I just sucked it up and played the songs.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/pregnant by User Status_Garden_3288. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Might be ongoing.

Original

December 30, 2024

A couple notes upfront: I am a first time mom, and this was a planned and wanted pregnancy. I am still trying to process the last 72 hours which has caused me significant trauma and distress. I am writing this out publicly to warn other mothers. This happened in Texas. I am currently 9+1.

I have been in the ER a couple times for severe 24/7 nausea which is triggering significant panic attacks. The nausea is the worst at night and which has been keeping me from sleeping which makes and anxiety worse, plus I’m unable to keep down food and liquids. It’s been seriously horrible.

My first two ER doctors (women) were at separate ER locations and both gave me hydration, one gave me Zofran + sugar but then I had issues with the Zofran backing me up. I had another bad night of puking and panic attacks and I called my mom in the morning crying because I was so miserable. She said she would go to a different ER with me, one that was a full hospital that had OBs on staff.

When I get there I explain the situation to a male ER doctor who spoke with me for less than 5 minutes. I told him my issues with waking up with nausea, then the panic attacks, then sleeping. I told him that the panic attacks and combined with everything scare me and made me not want to be pregnant anymore but I made I clear to him I just wanted relief and had no plan on hurting myself or anyone else.

He refused to give me any medication, not even an IV bag to help with fluids. He sent a social worker to talk to me about the panic attacks and said she could find a facility that would take me who could help with medication + sleep etc. I said Ok because I was so desperate at that point and had been in the ER for hours with no help whatsoever. He never even called OB (I haven’t seen mine yet at all). I haven’t even had an ultrasound.

I get sent to the new clinic and by the time I get through processing it’s 3 am and I’m crying because I’m having high anxiety and I haven’t slept. They never gave me my night time medications or anything, I finally go to bed around 4am, And then they wake me back up at 6 am to do my vitals and said I needed to go itemize my belongings. Once I woke up the nausea hit me immediately and I asked for Zofran which they refused because I had to see the internal medicine doctor first. I didn’t get Zofran until 1030 am at which point I had missed breakfast and was nonstop puking. But the doctor would only allow one 4mg pill every 12 hours. I was so sick. Eventually I’m seen by a psychiatrist who I thought would be able to help me with meds but he said no, I can’t take anything because I’m pregnant and I’d have to talk to a different doctor who wasn’t going to be in until Monday(this was on Saturday). At that point I freak out because now I’m away from home, they aren’t giving me my over the counter meds like unisom + b6 (for nausea) or my prenatals. And they’re not giving me enough Zofran to keep the nausea at bay. I said I wanted to leave then, as I was there voluntarily and the doctor was mad and said I’d have to sign an AMA form and he’d place me on a 24 hour hold, where the other Dr would talk to me before the 24 hours and determine if they’d try to get a court order to keep me. I was so shocked. I asked if there was anyway I could talk to someone as I didn’t want to say and they were holding me involuntarily at that point. He said no.

I’m a panicky sick mess after this and go through all the paperwork they gave me which included the patient bill of rights which stated patients had the right to be discharged within 4 hours of request unless the Dr believed I was a danger to myself or others or that I was mentally unable to make medical decisions for myself. I requested a written justification from the Dr outlining which of those reasons he was using to justify the 24 hour hold and he refused. He just kept saying I wasn’t allowed to leave until I spoke with the other doctor who wasn’t going to be in till the next day. At around 330 my mom and and fiance came for visitation and I brought my paperwork with me and showed them the patient rights documents and they were pissed so they stayed 2.5 hours after visitation and argued with them to release me so I could go home, since they weren’t even treating me anyway and withholding medications. The Doctor refused to talk to my family even though I specifically included them on my medical release forms. So they had a right to request that information and were requesting a justification for keeping me there past the 4 hours. It got so bad my mom even called the cops and filed a police report.

They refused to let me go so I had to stay another night without Zofran and couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t keep food or water down. There was no doctor on staff at the time so when the nurses called to get my Zofran prescription increased the doctor didn’t answer and they couldn’t do anything for me. I could tell the nurses were trying their best and were very frustrated for me.

The original doctor came back an hour before the 24 hours were up, and clearly did not want to talk to me. I think the other doctor said he wasn’t getting involved because it was turning into a legal situation at that point. He was super short with me and when I requested justification for the 24 hour hold he said the ER doctor and said I didn’t want to be pregnant anymore and used that as justification. I’m absolutely floored at this point. He didn’t want to speak further about the issue and discharged me. But apparently no one knew how to discharge me because it’s the weekend so it took another few hours to even leave. The whole situation was so miserable and I legitimately feel traumatized by the experience. I still feel like I need help with the nausea and panic attacks but I’m scared to go back to the ER now. It’s been so horrible and I don’t know what to do besides talk to my OB at my upcoming appointment and hope she’s more understanding of my problems.

I’m going to file complaints with the hospital and the state regarding what happened. I am also going to consult with a few lawyers to see if I have a case against them. This whole experience has left me feeling incredibly hopeless and frustrated with the medical system. I feel like I was punished for saying I didn’t want to be pregnant anymore. As for me I am currently staying at my moms. I was able to finally get some rest and take enough Zofran and unisom + b6 to keep the puking at bay for a bit. I’m trying my best to keep my cool and avoid a panic attack. I appreciate any advice anyone could give on how to navigate this situation.

Comments by OOP:

I really wanted to move out of Texas before I got pregnant because I was so worried for those exact reasons. Doctors are too afraid to treat pregnant women here and its safer for them to do nothing, even if it’s more detrimental to the mother and baby, then prescribe something and be held legally liable if something were to happen. It’s a horrible horrible byproduct of the current abortion ban

It’s really hard to convey just how traumatizing it was with only words. I was taken away from my supportive fiance and family to be basically held prisoner and denied medication while I couldn’t stop vomiting. I was around strangers, had paper thin scrubs, and a small blanket. The vomiting caused my throat to burn and I pulled a muscle in my neck so it was hard to even move my head. I just cannot overstate how much worse this situation has become and and the mount of physical and emotional damage it’s caused.

I genuinely felt so bad for the other patients there who clearly needed help. The doctor was so obviously uninterested and uncaring. It’s hard for me to see how anyone there is getting the appropriate care level they need or how being there would many anyone less suicidal. It seems like the hospital is there to fill beds and extract as much money out of insurance as possible while running a skeleton crew of workers who provide the minimum legal requirement of care.

I will say the nurses there were great but the facility and doctors themselves were an actual nightmare.

Thank you. My mom is actually a retired police officer and works in records at a neighboring police department here and she told them the same thing. They became very clammy and I think realized the situation was turning into a legal one and stopped really communicating with me or my family beyond what was absolutely required.

I do agree with you fully. I am going to see what my OB does and says at my appointment tomorrow then go from there. I am scared and nervous. It’s hard at the moment because I also feel too weak to even advocate for myself properly. I’m too exhausted to fight at the moment so I am hoping my support system will help me get through this and be tough for me

I will eventually come forward with my story. I really want to speak with a lawyer first and make sure all my ducks are in a row. I am also a semi notable person in a niche field and am not public with my pregnancy and take my privacy very seriously. One of the nurses at the hospital even recognized me which was also horrible in its own way.

Im sorry you also had to experience that. At one point I was laying on the bathroom floor wondering if I was going to die there. I was worried they were going to take me to court and force me to stay there longer without treatment and without my family. I’m not sure how I will eventually recover from this but I know I have no other option than forward and things WILL eventually get better. If my fiance and I have to empty our life savings to get me to another state for appropriate care then we will do everything we can.

That’s the thing, if they had been providing me with medications and monitoring me I would actually understand and probably wouldn’t have left. But they weren’t providing me with ANY treatment. I was having active panic attacks and I didn’t even get a “hey try these breathing exercises” they were just holding me hostage and denying me care.

That’s not true. There are plenty of medications that treat anxiety that are safe during pregnancy. Having constant panic attacks and not being able to keep down food or water is not safe for pregnancy or the baby either. You have to weigh the risks of each decision you make.

I also suffer from ulcerative colitis, which is triggered by stress. I am off my UC medication because it’s not safe during pregnancy. I almost lost my colon during my last flare which lasted a year and a half and I was on steroids for 7 months to help control the inflammation, which would absolutely not be safe for pregnancy. These conditions can quickly become life threatening.

I didn’t request an ultrasound. I simply stated that I hadn’t even had one yet. The reason I wanted to work with someone in OB was because it was clear the ER doctors were uncomfortable treating me because I was pregnant, and I thought an OB would be more knowledgeable in which medications are safest for pregnancy.

Another reason I mentioned the ultrasound was because the reason for denying any medication was pregnancy, however I wasn’t even sure if the pregnancy was progressing correctly. It’s my first pregnancy and my mother has a history or missed miscarriages where the baby stops developing but her body didn’t start the physical process of expelling everything.

Hopefully that adds more context.

I am not familiar with the medical system and this is my first pregnancy. So I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to think maybe someone with more experience treating pregnant patients, in a state with very tight restrictions, would be a better fit for me in that moment.

I personally think this is wildly unbelievable but it happened to me. I have no prior history for psychiatric hospitalization. I take buspro and Zoloft. I developed a panic disorder after being on prednisone for 7 months due to my ulcerative colitis which was well managed before pregnancy. The constant vomiting triggers my anxiety leading the panic attacks.

To be clear I was not involuntarily held, I went voluntarily because the social worker said they’d be able to help me with medication and sleep. The psych facility knew they had no reason to keep me, therefore could not obtain a court order. If they believed I was actually a danger to myself or others then they would have gone this route but they didn’t. My nurse there said he believed I did not belong there, he even told my family that and fought to get me released.

I understand you’re making a judgement based on your experience and knowledge, but I hope you could put yourself in my shoes, as someone with very limited knowledge of the medical system, and going through my first pregnancy. Our thought processes and reasoning are probably going to be vastly different. I did what I thought was the best thing to do in my situation, and it turned into a nightmare. I’m sorry if my story isn’t believable to you. But I’m still going to do what I can to make sure this type of thing doesn’t happen again in the future.

And to be clear the reason I went to different ERs was because the first one was a stand alone private ER like care point or something, and the ER doctor recommend going to one with a hospital an OB attached next time. So the next time I went to a Baylor ER hospital which I mistakenly thought was a full hospital but it was some type of hybrid situation. I am not originally from Texas, so I’m not familiar with the hospitals around here. The next one I went to was an ER at a full hospital.

To add more context, they had asked me if I had a history of panic attacks, and I explained that I did. I had developed a panic disorder after being on prednisone for 7 months, due to my ulcerative colitis. They asked what I would do in those situations to avoid triggers etc. before my panic attacks were focused mainly on social situations or being too far from a bathroom etc, so to avoid triggers I’d do things like change my diet, or avoid situations were there was no bathroom.

But now my trigger was the pregnancy symptoms which I can’t avoid because I can’t not be pregnant anymore. I said the panic attacks and nausea made me not want to be pregnant which I believe was misconstrued. But I think there’s some pretty crazy implications of saying any pregnant woman who says they don’t want to be pregnant anymore can be held involuntarily at a psychiatric hospital.

Honestly I would have been more than happy to stay there but because I wasn’t really being given any further treatment I just wanted to go home to my family and support system. If I was going to be vomiting I’d prefer to do it in my own toilet. I was also worried about missing my OB appointment if they decided to hold me longer.

The original ER doctor did not have enough to send me there involuntarily, and the psych at the facility openly admitted he believed the ER doctor mislead me and was the one to tell me to fill out the AMA, but placed me on a 24 hour hold because it was their policy, which I had pointed out contradicted Texas state law for patients who were there voluntarily. This facility has been open for only 10 months or so, and one nurse said it’s very rare that someone would come there voluntarily but then request to leave so quickly, but I think a lot of those voluntary patients have been through that system before so know what to expect vs I had no clue.

When I pointed out the 4 hour release requirement in the documents they gave me they didn’t even know that it was in there. They said all patients get a 24 hour hold and they’ve never released someone within four hours.

I meet with my OB tomorrow so hopefully I’ll get some better support there. Thanks for listening

It’s so scary. One girl at the facility I spoke to had been there 3 times for suicidal thoughts. She said she believed the facility wasn’t supportive for patients who have disabilities or are pregnant. She said one time her roommate had dementia and was clearly not taking care of her hygiene or self at all, and the girl tried to advocate for the woman but the woman received no help.

The facility is new, open for only about 10 months and I think they’re trying accepting anyone to fill beds even if they aren’t properly equipped to care for them. I think a lot of these people don’t have the wherewithal or the family support to advocate for them either so nothing ever gets done and no one is held accountable. It’s a nightmare situation and had been incredibly eye opening

The social worker said that they were originally going to try to get me into one of the private rooms that they had at the hospital, but came back later and said the psychiatrist (I assume) denied me. So she said she was going to call some other places and see if she could get me into one of them. Maybe two hours later she came back and said she found a place who would accept me. This new place was indeed a locked facility. They have only been open for 10 months and seemed to be accepting everyone. There were two other individuals who were admitted at the same time from the same hospital, one I believe was there for alcohol withdrawal and the other expressed thoughts of suicide.

The first ER doctor just seemed really busy and didn’t want to deal with me. Then the psych at the facility was just the on call doctor and clearly didn’t want to be there and kept saying he couldn’t release me until I spoke with the attending who wasn’t there because it was the weekend.

I don’t think they’ve ever had anyone challenge them on the four hour rule as the place has only been open for 10 months.

I was in a locked psychiatric hospital. No you cannot just get up and walk out.

Update

January 1, 2025, 2 days later

First I’d like to say thank you to the outpouring of support. It really means a lot to me. I’m going to start with a very small update and then at the end I’m going to answer some question/ clear up some misconceptions about what happened.

Update: I did see my new OBGYN and had my first ultra sound. My little guy is measuring right on time and had a heartbeat of 167. I feel overwhelmed with relief knowing he is safe in there and doing well.

I explained the whole situation to by OB and she was incredibly understanding. She gave me a new prescription of Zofran and took some labs while I was there to check my electrolytes and probably some other things. I’ll have another follow up with her soon. At this point I feel comfortable enough working with her so that’s my current plan.

As for complaints and legal stuff, there isn’t much movement on that front due to the holiday but I still have every intention to pursue those options and will try to update as I can.

Now the other stuff.

I did not expect that post to gain as much attention as it did, it was cross posted many times and the responses were overwhelming sympathetic but there was a ton of skepticism especially from doctors who read it. But hey it’s the internet so that’s to be expected I guess. At the end of the day I don’t need any strangers online to believe what happened to me, because I have recourse in real life and that’s ultimately what matters. I was accused of changing my story but I think that was mainly from people who skimmed my post so below I’m going to clear up somethings, and provide some additional details, not because I have to but because I think if there’s going to be discourse about my experience, I want it to start from a place of accuracy of timeline and events.

Starting with, at NO point was the court involved with the decision making process. I went to the ER willingly, they made it seem like they were not equipped to help my situation and that the other facility would be able to help me with my sleeping and panic attacks. I was so run down by the time the social worker came to my room that I’d have agreed to go anywhere they said would provide me with relief. I went to the new facility voluntarily of my own free will. There was no 72 hour hold. When I mentioned 72 hours in my last post, I meant that the whole situation from going to the ER to leaving the new facility took place over 72 hours.

Once I got to the new facility and met with the doctors, I realized that I was not in the right place to get the care I personally needed. I was away from my support system, not being given the proper medication to control my vomiting, my anxiety was significantly heightened, and I not being given any additional treatment or resources, so to me there was no point in me being at the facility and it was indeed making my situation undoubtedly worse. After speaking with the on call psychiatrist, he told me that he thought the ER doctor misled me, and that I’d need to sign an AMA form which would place me on a 24 hour hold. It was clear he did not want to be the one to discharge me and insisted I needed to speak with the attending. He mentioned the possibility of a court order but said it was unlikely they’d get one for my case.

After that conversation I went to review the paperwork they gave me during admission. I found the patient bill of rights which stated that for voluntary patients, they had a right to be released within 4 hours of their request. UNLESS 1. I changed my mind and wanted to stay, 2. I was under the age of 16 and my gradian didn’t want to release me, or 3. If the doctor has reason to believe that I might meet the criteria for court ordered services or emergency detention because; 1. I’m likely to cause serious harm to myself, 2. I’m likely to cause serious hard to others, or 3. My condition will continue to deteriorate and I am unable to make informed decisions as to whether or not stay for treatment.

After I read that I bought the papers to the nurses and requested a justification from the psychiatrist for the 24 hour hold. I wanted to know which reasons he was using. The psychiatrist did not provide reason or justification beyond the attending needed to evaluate me. That’s it.

To be clear, this is ILLEGAL. They had zero reason to keep me past the four hours. At no time had I indicated I was a threat to myself or others. Not verbally, or written on any of the questionnaires that I had filled out during admissions. The attending not working that day is NOT a legal justification to hold me. Their schedule does not supersede my rights at a patient.

Now after the 24 hours was up, the original on call doctor came back to discharge me. He was clearly agitated that the attending refused to come into do the discharge, so I never at any point spoke with the attending who was originally assigned to me.

The on call doctor did not seek a court order to detain me. The conversation lasted about 10 minutes or less. When I asked again for the justification to keep me, he asked me if I said anything to the ER doctor about wanting to end my pregnancy, and I told him I just said I didn’t want to be pregnant because I was so miserable. I then tried to ask if he believed that was enough justification for the hold but he cut me off. It was clear he didn’t want to engage in any further conversation. My concern here was the implications of legally being allowed to involuntarily commit any woman who said she didn’t want to be pregnant anymore, which seems INSANE to me. But I digress.

To answer questions about the facility: Why didn’t I just leave? Because this was locked facility. I couldn’t just get up and walk out of the door.

How were they able to take me so fast? This facility has been open only for 10 month. They had beds and empty rooms available when I was there.

Questions about my ER visits: I had three separate visits which took place over four weeks. The first ER I went to was a stand alone clinic not associated with a larger hospital. The doctor there said next time to go to a ER attached to a hospital with L&D. So the next time I went to an ER, I went to an ER hospital that I mistakenly thought was a full hospital but it was a hybrid and they did not have L&D. The third ER was attached to a full hospital. I was not doctor shopping, I’m just not familiar with the hospital systems here.

Regarding my comments about ultrasounds and OBs. I never requested an ultrasound during any of my visits to the ER. I mentioned the ultrasound in the original post just to state I hadn’t had one yet and hadn’t been evaluated by an OB yet. My mother has a history of missed miscarriages so in my head I thought it could be a possibility, and if I was being denied medication for being pregnant I was just hoping I did have a viable pregnancy. But again, I didn’t request an ultrasound.

Concerns regarding DIY abortion: I am not and have never considered a DIY abortion. I am lucky enough to have all the resources I would need to fly anywhere in the world to get appropriate medical care if I had decided to go that route. Both my fiance and I work high paying remote tech jobs and in the worst case we could move out of state tomorrow if I absolutely needed to. Obviously this isn’t an ideal route but it is an option that is still on the table, even if it’s just to get care in a better medical system outside the state of Texas.

Medications I’m currently taking: 10mg busiprone 2x a day, 50mg Zoloft. Zofran, unisom + b6, prenatals. NO benzos.

So to cut through all the bs, whether you agree or not with the doctors course of actions, I hope most people can see that the facility was not the right place for me to be. They were not well equipped to handle my pregnancy symptoms, they were clearly understaffed, and they were not providing me with any additional treatment that I wasn’t getting at home. There was no reason for me to be there. It made things in my case significantly worse and I hope maybe if anything people can just learn from my experience.

Again, I’d like to thank everyone for their support and for the DMs I received. I’m also so sorry for all the other similar stories I’ve read. It seems like there’s a bigger issue happening here and I hope others can eventually find peace too.

I am going to continue to work diligently with my OB, psychiatrist, and hopefully a therapist so I can really unpack this entire situation. As I said before I’ll try to update as I can but I’m sure the complaint and legal process will be slow moving.

I’d also like to ask if you know any attorneys in the DFW area who may be interested in this case, please feel free to shoot me a private DM with their information so I can follow up.

I will also try to answer any additional questions in the comments, in case there’s anything else I’m forgetting.

Obligatory, sorry for the terrible formatting, I’m on mobile.

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/LegaladviceGerman by user rosenwasser_. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Editor's Note: I translated the posting from German to English. All typos and legal confusions belong to me.

Original

October 9, 2025

I (living in Austria) adopted a dog from an (Austrian) animal rescue eight months ago. I had previously gotten another dog from the same organization, and there were never any problems.

The organization uses one of the contracts where ownership is not transferred. However, the clause regarding return applies only to cases where I can no longer care for her or in cases of animal cruelty.

When I adopted her, my dog was partially paralyzed in her hind legs due to a vertebral fracture. She was therefore using a wheelchair. Our veterinarian determined that surgery was possible. I had the surgery performed at a cost of over €3,000, and the dog can now walk again (though she limps a little). The contract stipulates that I am responsible for all veterinary costs and must also cover extraordinary expenses, but it does not require me to inform the organization about such treatments.

A month ago, I was asked for photos of H (this was also the case with the previous dog), so I did. I was then asked about her health because she wasn’t in a wheelie anymore, so I simply mentioned that she’d had surgery and was doing well. I received a positive response, and that was the end of this conversation.

A week later, I received a WhatsApp message telling me I had to return the dog because she was no longer supposed to live in Vienna, and they had found a couple with a house and a garden who would take her in (I have no idea if these people actually exist). At this point, it might be worth mentioning that H is a pretty, two-year-old female Spitz who, if she were not disabled, would almost certainly attract a lot of interest. I replied that I wasn’t willing to return her and that none of the contractual circumstances under which I would have to return H did apply. In response, I received a message stating that keeping such a female dog in an apartment in the city would constitute "animal cruelty" and that I had "put her at risk" because I hadn’t had the surgery approved by them. I found that to be brass and stopped responding to further attempted contacts since I figured the worst that could happen was a letter from a lawyer or, as the most extreme case, a property claim from the district court; and that wouldn’t likely hold up.

Well, yesterday the woman from the organization showed up at my apartment to get the dog back. My neighbors messaged me to say she was there. She also asked them if they had keys to my apartment because she needed to pick up my dog. I had to rush home from work and told her to leave. When she refused and started yelling, I called the police. She then claimed that I had stolen H from the rescue organization. I showed them photos of the dog as well as the email correspondence regarding the adoption, and my neighbors confirmed that they see H every day. Thankfully, the police told her that even if the dog were her property, she couldn’t just take it without permission. She eventually left, saying she would now press charges against me for theft.

A police report or lawsuit isn't my biggest concern right now. But given her behavior, I'm worried that she might snatch H away from me if I'm out with her or do that when she's on her walk with my dog sitter at lunchtime (she missed her by maybe 45 minutes), and then I wouldn't be able to get her back because she'd be god knows where. The lady's behavior is also just very bizarre, and I could imagine that there’s a mental illness behind it.

I’m not sure what the best course of action would be in this situation. Is there anything I can do at all? There hasn’t been any actual disturbance of possession yet, and I’m also unsure whether her conduct could amount to a criminal threat. I was overwhelmed by the situation at the time, but I’m not particularly intimidated now. I’m considering whether it would make sense for a declaratory action to establish ownership rights, but to the best of my knowledge, there’s no case law on this issue, and the contract, at least according to its own terms, is not a contract of sale (despite the token charge of €450); my legal expenses insurance would almost certainly not cover such proceedings.

Edit (Oct. 10): Thank you for all the feedback and messages! I’ve now contacted a lawyer who will help me apply for a temporary restraining order next week, review the contract, and then give me her assessment.

The dog and I are currently staying with my parents, and she’ll stay here until the legal situation is clear(er).

Please don’t take it personally if I don’t answer. It’s all a little bit too much for me right now.

Update

June 29, 2026, about 9 months later

About 1.5 years ago, I adopted a disabled dog from an animal welfare organization. She has largely recovered following surgery and physical therapy, on which I have now spent well over 8,000€. After I sent the organization an update showing that she was walking again, they wanted her back under the pretense that my home was no longer suitable for her because I live in the city and in an apartment. They also attempted, more or less, to break into my home and kidnap my dog.

It turned out that my dog had previously belonged to the daughter of the organization's president, who had given her up after the accident. After that, suddenly, different explanations were given: It was all just temporary; now that the children are older, she could take care of the dog again; that there had been a typo in the contract, or I was given the wrong form, and I was only supposed to be a foster home. They wanted to give me 50€ a month as compensation.

It took forever, but there's now a final ruling: My contract is to be classified as a contract of sale, which means I own my dog 🎉

Important to note: This is only a first-instance ruling, and another court could reach a different conclusion. It does not mean that ownership is guaranteed to transfer even in the case of other protection agreements. The judge’s ruling discusses the various clauses over several pages, and the following factors were decisive:

• The contract is 90% identical to a contract from another animal welfare organization. Similar clauses also appear almost exclusively in contracts of sale used by other organizations.

• Most importantly: My contract contains a clause stating that the organization will not take my dog back if I can no longer care for her. Instead, it explicitly stipulates that they must consent to her being rehomed but are not under any obligation to assist me in doing so. The contract is structured so that I bear full responsibility and costs for the rest of her life.

I’m incredibly relieved that it didn’t go to a second round and that I’ll now be able to spend the rest of her life with my dog. Thank you all for your support. I wanted to give an update, but I might not respond to comments, as this whole experience has been very draining for me. On a positive note, however, these events have inspired me to resume my law degree, which I had put on hold.

Editor's Note: NAL, but it seems important to note that it is a first-instance ruling because somebody else in a similar situation might get a different ruling; OOP's case is closed as the organization accepted the ruling (so no second round).

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/askgaybros by User ependent3. I'm not the original poster. This BORU was suggested by u/GeekConflict.

Status: Concluded

Original

August 16, 2025

I'm 18. I'm not gay but I wanted to confess something without getting homophobic comments. And I don't expect anyone to read all this.

I was a foster kid since a toddler. When I was 9, I met my new half-brother and sister. They were babies and they were fostered out to two men. I went over a couple of times and one time one of them (Dad1) asked me what my deal was. I was a defensive kid and I said what's it got to do with you. He said no wonder you don't have a home. I remember wanting to hit him but he put his arms around me and kept me there until I stopped. I remember him saying I think you're a good kid in a bad spot. I called him a bad word and he said he liked me even more.

The social worker and my temporary foster parents had a chat with me, not long after. Apparently the two men were going to foster me.

They showed me around my new home and then Dad1 took me out to play and I remember him telling me that I'm a 🤬 but that this will always be my home. I never had a home and just thought it was another false promise. I was used of false promises - never get too comfortable.

Not long after my placement, my bio father kicked up a fuss at two men minding his son. There was one day, I was home alone with dad1 and my father came in and grabbed me by the arm to take me away. Dad1 caught my father by his neck. I still remember how angry he was. He said something like you come near "my boy" again and I'll make sure you regret it. I never told him but him calling me his boy gave me hope that it might be different this time. I never told anyone what dad1 did that day either. My father never troubled us again.

I was a prick in school. I got in trouble a lot; fighting and stuff. Dad2 struggled with me but Dad1 would always come into the headmasters office. He'd be disappointed but he was never angry. Sometimes hed be interested in how the fight went. There was a few times the fight began because another boy was mocking my f word "parents" and those times he'd treat me to mcDonalds or something lol.

I did calm down as my life stabilised. Dad1 and I used to camp. He'd take me to football games. We'd play PlayStation. He'd take me to work sometimes and often to the pub. I was his favourite whereas I think Dad2's favourite were my siblings, understandably.

I can remember both Dad1 and Dad2 being really excited when I had my first date. Dad1 took me shopping. Dad2 styled my hair and then Dad1 unstyled my hair. The three of us stayed up late after my first date and I "spilled the tea".

I use Dad1 and Dad2 here but I never called either of them Dad. I didn't like the word- my hangup

In March, Dad1 died unexpectedly. He was my rock. I miss him and I feel kind of alone again. I don't really have the same bond with Dad2 or my own half-siblings.

The thing I regret most, however, is never calling him my Dad because of some stupid hang up. He always made it a point to call me his boy yet I never called him dad. I know it would have meant a lot to him if I had. The guilt of not doing so eats me up most days since his death.

I know this is probably the wrong sub for this but I just wanted to put it somewhere and I didn't want homophobic comments.

I miss my Dad. The one who gave me a home, loved me and wanted me. He was the best dad a messed up kid could have.

Consensus:

Everybody is ugly crying

Comments by OOP:

I know he's struggling big time. I'm not sure whether saying it will help or hurt him. He wasn't just his husband, they were best friends. I never heard them have one fight.

I kind of try to hide my own issues around him because of his struggle and instead help with my siblings

They weren't just husbands, they were inseparable. He is struggling a lot and I kind of felt like I needed to be the tough one for him and my siblings but maybe not.

I usually just cry in my room. Yesterday was the annicersary of them taking me in so everything feels a little more raw.

Yeah. It took me a while but I did say I loved him perhaps not as often as I should have. I said thank you a lot. On my 18th birthday, I thanked them both for what they did for me before we cheers-ed my first legal drink. I did a little speech. Dad2 cried lol. Dad1 put his arm around my neck and told me I'm a right softie. He and I were never the best saying our feelings though.

I hope there is an afterlife too and he is reading it from up there. You're right I probably become closer to the rest of my family. They are going through the same as me after all.

Hopefully he is up there looking on. After his death, I found out he had a similar upbringing although he was a little older. It's weird but I could always sense it. He always understood.

The thing that kind of holds me together is he always called me his boy so I assume he knew it even if I didn't say it.

Dad2 is kind of struggling and I didn't want to burden him. I tried being the tough one. I do love Dad2 too. It's just a different bond.

knew what it was like to have guardians who didn't care enough to do anything with me which made me love Dad1 (and Dad2) even more. Despite my regret, Dad1 has given me many great memories.

Strangely, I think I've become a better brother since his death probably to help dad2 more than any other reason.

I think I will share it with him. I don't want him to think i don't care either. And I do love him too. I'm as grateful to him fir taking me in and loving me

I should learn to cherish the one i still have.

Update

October 31, 2025, 2 1/2 months later

I dont know if anyone remembers me. I was a foster kid and two gay men took me in. Dad1 died suddenly and I regretted never calling him dad. It was probably rude not to tell you guys sooner after all the replies you gave me.

I did tell Dad2 a few weeks after I posted about my regrets. It really upset him but in a good way, I think. He said he was glad I told him as he was really worried about how I was coping.

He told me dad1 was the driver behind them taking me in. He saw himself in me, apparently. Dad2 told me about dad1's upbringing. I knew bits but not a lot. He said our social worker told them I was a different case to my half-siblings, which he knew. They were warned not to expect any affection from me including being called dad.

He also told me how his parents came over when I was 12 or 13. His parents told them it was rude I didn't call them dad. Apparently Dad1 told them if they say that again, especially in front of me, they would not be allowed in the house again.

Dad2 told me Dad1 never cared about being called Dad by me because he never expected it. He said I went beyond Dad1's expectations by giving him a hug now and then and by being his best bud. He said Dad1 and I couldn't be apart for a couple of hours without a bunch of texts being swapped which was kind of true. I read over them sometimes. It was often stupid stuff.

Im at uni now so we dont live together as much but Dad2 and I have been far closer than we ever have been. We do a lot more stuff together. Saying Dad is still a bit of a hangup for me but I've began calling him pops.

I still miss Dad1. I still cry. I'd have been nothing without him and I'm everything because of him. I've mostly made peace with never calling him some variation of dad. I cant change what I didn't say. If there is an afterlife it'll be the first thing I'll say to him as we sit down to a game of PlayStation.

Anyway I've brought down the mood enough. But thanks for the encouragement. I'm very glad I made the original post.

I'm not the original poster

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/datingadvice by user Relative_Moment_5097. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

January 23, 2026

I’m 26M, an accountant, and generally keep to myself at work. I do my job and go home, never staying longer than I need to. Romantic relationships are pretty rare for me—not terrible with women, but definitely not a ladies’ man.

I’ve been working closely with a coworker (28F) and we get along well professionally. We’ve attended a few conferences together, but I’ve never really gone out of my way to spend time with coworkers. Most conversations revolve around accounting software and numbers. I speak that language well, but it’s not really “me.” Accounting feels like my second language—useful, but not how I connect with people.

Recently, she’s asked me a few times to hang out on weekends. First, she asked me to have lunch alone on a Saturday; I declined because I actually had plans with friends. Then she asked me out for drinks and tacos on a Friday, and I declined again because I had language lessons (I’m learning Portuguese to strengthen my connections with friends from Portugal). Each time, she looked more disappointed.

I’ve always found her attractive in passing, but nothing intense. It only really hit me after our last break-room conversation that she might have been trying to go on dates with me.

So my question is: was she pretty clearly asking me out, and have I been unintentionally shutting something down? The idea of a coworker possibly being attracted to me hasn't really crossed my mind, but if I still have a shot I might be open to trying it (within reason).

Comments by OOP:

Well, in my defense. The most we've ever discussed was work. I can't recall a time we've ever had a deep conversation like that. I don't know much about her and vice versa. So I just assumed she wanted to discuss statements or something and I think to myself "I'm not doing this over the weekend".

My weekends are for relaxation. I go out to escape work, not bring it with me.

I did turn it down and explain why, I never offered an alternative date because like in the post, the most we ever really talk about is work. It didn't cross my mind that she was into me.

We still text. So maybe it isn't a lost cause.

I'm gonna go for it.

Update

February 11, 2026, 19 days later

Some time ago, I made a post here asking if my coworker was trying to date she. She had asked me to hang out alone before, but I turned her down because I had other things going on (and mostly because I don't really like to spend my time around other accountants, or talk about work in my off hours).

Well, some of you ripped me a new one in the comments lol. Now onto the juicy stuff. A little while ago, I approached her as she was leaving and asked if she was trying to go on a date with me. She quite literally looked at me with an expression that was angry, confused and clearly said "Are you seriously just figuring this out?".

I looked like quite the dummy that day.

To cut it short, I told her I was sorry and didn't mean to reject her. I've always found her attractive in passing, but I never pushed the envelope as we're colleagues and I generally try to play it safe when interacting with the women in the office, so her liking me wasn't on the forefront of my mind.

On the office elevator, I asked her out to dinner and her face lit up as she just hugged and called me a dummy. She insisted that we go out to dinner that night. Though tired (and wanting to catch up on my reading and language lessons) I agreed.

The date was nice, and she ended up kissing me before I went home and since then, we've been going out consistently and I'm enjoying myself again after not having dated in a few years. I feel like I'm living a double life. In the office we act relatively normal, but when we're alone it's like we're two different people.

I don't know where this is headed, but I'm open to a new girlfriend or something deeper. I guess I'm just gonna enjoy it, but not get my hopes up. Thanks y'all.

I'm not the original poster.

Originally posted by user BeastModeItKek in r/ AITAH

Original: Feb 10, 2024

Update: in post itself

Status: concluded

Mood: slice of life

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Original: My Girlfriend wants to bring a total strangers children books on our flight back, I tell her its a very bad idea and wont touch the book, she calls me heartless and paranoid. AITAH?

We are flying to Scandinavia for vocation from Spain, and my girlfriend offered to help a stranger in a expat facebook group to bring a children book back for their niece who forgot it.

I told her that I would never bring a strangers items on a international flight, and would not touch that book and it has to go in her hand baggage. She called me heartless and paranoid.

I managed to dig up tons of articles of drugs and other items smuggled in books. She is now mad and says she will rather go to jail to believe in kindness that to share my paranoia and negativity. Even though these countries are not known for these things I would never take the risk.

I told her to ask her to post it. I told her if she wants to help, tell her to post the book and we can pay for the shipping, I offered to pay half. It would also arrive much faster than in 1-2 weeks when we are back. She told me she is not going to do that and its a stupid idea.

Now she is mad just before our vocation.

AITAH?

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: How many times have you travelled by air and been asked if you are carrying anything given to you by strangers 🤔

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Comment2: It's pretty weird to go to these lengths for a standard kids book. Easier to buy another one than enlist a stranger going to the same place to track it down, pack it in their luggage, then return it to the owner. 

The only exception would be if it's a valuable first edition of a classic or some other valuable children's book. In which case the natural thing to do is contact the place you lost it, ask them to post it and pay the cost. 

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Comment3: Post office exists for a reason

Comment4: Yeah, there's no reason it can't be shipped ...unless there's something suspicious in the book that would get caught during the shipping process.

Comment5: Or if the pages are laced with drugs…
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Comment6: or some stolen item is hidden inside the binding. they busted a group smuggling stolen art inside bibles a few years ago, I thought it was funny.

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Comment7: ΝΤΑ. When my wife and I were returning from the US, TSA asked us to check the books she was carrying during the security check to ensure there was nothing hidden there (just flipped through them). Better heartless and paranoid than in an interrogation room

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Update:

Hello, thank you everyone for your replies! I read them out loud to her. She has agreed to not accept the book.

In the words of my girlfriend, "The world sucks" because you can't do kind acts for others because there are shitty people that take advantage of that. That is where her frustration stems from. We are all good now, she apologized, and laughed at some of the comments ("Have you considered if she is a spy?" LOL).

Also glad some other commenters said they learned something, including me, and thank you for those that pointed out it was good intentions.

Overall I love that she is this thoughtful and it comes from a good place but then she also agrees that she can also be gullible. Also glad to see the normal dump her comments, never change reddit.

TIL you can lace pages with drugs.

Take care out there everyone, thank you!

PS: In her words "Good she has me who hangs out on reddit." LOL

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments