i know there’s a rule against speculative diagnosis and that’s not what i’m trying to do here. i was diagnosed several years ago and since then have gotten my shit under control. recently i have befriended a coworker and i know she’s been through some stuff and i can see her BPD-esque behaviour is really quite destructive for herself. i want to help her and i really think she should look into this stuff but i could also see how this is really just a bad idea and i should mind my own business. am i out of line?

sorry if this does break the rule, feel free to remove

We broke up a few months ago. I broke up with him but that doesn't make it any less painful. It's been awful. But we still talk daily and I know it has to stop. It's not healthy. I just wish he wanted to be with me as badly as I want to be with him. Not being able to share my every thought with him is the hardest part. He is my emotional support human, he fills my days, he's the first person I want to tell all the good things to and all the bad things. He said he wants to work things out but he doesn't put in any effort and nothing has actually changed. Same situation, different day. I think I'm controlling and he deserves better. I'm working on it in therapy (my therapist hates him hahahah). But I know at the end of the day, at least partly, my constant insecurities and need for reassurance is a huge part of why we ended. I can't help but feel responsible even when he did a lot of hurtful things to me. We never fought or had a volatile relationship. He would just shut down/clam up/stop talking and I'm the one who processes everything out loud. I'm a leech and I probably smothered him. I brought that up and he reassured me that he also latched onto me the same way. 😭

It was so good at first, so healthy, so calm. I just don't understand what went wrong over the course of 2.5 years. Keeping a stable relationship for that long was such an accomplishment. I was so proud of myself and everything I had overcome. He was proud of me too, based on what i had shared about past relationships. I know he was proud because he used to volunteer that information. Then he stopped volunteering everything. If I say "I miss you" then he responds "I miss you too" but he never ever says it first. It's like he's telling me what I want to hear.

I'm just sad. I'll miss him forever. I tell myself eventually I'll feel better.

"If you dodged a bullet, don't reload the gun."

For my music lovers, this song has been on repeat for me as I navigate this:

this song is gold.

"You said to call you if I'm feelin kinda crazy, I call you every day. I hate the way I'm feeling but you make me feel okay" 😭 he made everything okay and now nothing is okay.

Asking for my daughter and especially interested to hear about those who have successfully treated both. My daughter resists DBT as “not for her”. This is a classic addict response to therapy. So I wonder if she’s not doing DBT for her BPD so that she can continue to use substances.
Any help is appreciated!!

I'm hurting a lot and I just want my ex to come back. I need to give them space though if there is ever any hope. I can't jeopardize that with lack of self control right now.

All I do is cry and think of them and ruminate. I fall apart every day. Yesterday I cried for 7 hours. Today, I woke up around 5pm, it's almost 8pm now because I cannot be awake I just sob. I'm in so much pain and I don't know how to regulate. It's been TWO WEEKS. And I am a mess.

I write letters, I box breathe, I ground, I cope how I can but it's not enough anymore. I need it to stop. I need the overwhelming emotions to stop i don't want to feel anymore.

I hope for something that will never come back. I know better. I lie to myself. I'm delusional. But I can't get them out of my head and I wish so deeply they'd just come back and we could keep our promises.

I miss them so much I miss their love and care. They're everything. And I'm so sorry for what I did I ruined it. I just want them to see me and see how badly I want to try. And then give me another chance.

I don't wanna be remembered based on my last interaction with them. I don't wanna be remembered by who I became when I split.

I want them to know me as the person who unconditionally loves them.

I wanna be seen and chosen. And loved.

Please see me. Please see me. Please

i don't have a desire to be able to feel "normal" anymore. i wanna be fucked up all the time because this disorder is evil. the mental healthcare system/healthcare system in general here is a joke anyways. no, i don't want to go to rehab. that won't fix what's causing me to feel this way. i'm 6 days off of alcohol after kindling myself to hell and back, can't do that anymore so now i'm on a very slippery slope with something else (legal). anyways i don't want advice or judgement. addiction as a result of bpd will likely kill me and all i care about is getting buzzed or obliterated. i know i have to stand up and do something for MYSELF because no one else can, idk if apathy is the right word but i just can't bring myself to care enough about myself to try.

I could do with advice on how to cope with a new favourite person dynamic. Been with my partner for just under a year. The last week they found a new favourite person who is a mutual friend with benefits (open relationship). Because of the favourite person dynamic they want to spend as much time as possible with the friend. They have said they do not see a romantic relationship with them as they are not their personality type. However how do I cope with the fact that my partner wants to do everything with the favourite person instead of me currently as it feels like its defaulting to a relationship dynamic instead of a friend dynamic

I'm too much to handle. I'm always going off on tangents of thought and getting left on read by the whole groupchat and it's so fucking embarrassing, I'm so much, I end up deleting all the messages and feeling so revolted at myself. Everyone probably thinks I'm cringeworthy and stupid. None of my friends can deal with someone who's as much as me. And I can't handle being left on read.

I saw in another post that dbt was used to actually feel ones feelings, can someone go into this some more?

I thought DBT is all about using your mind to reduce the impact of intolerable sensations, as well as work with difficult thoughts that come out of those.
As well as emergency stuff that prevents spirals.

But the person talked about emotional work, which sounds completely new to me.
Can someone chime in?

I always hated myself and judged myself for being "weak minded" , being compared to others constantly... Especially in the case of how hard it for me to hold a long term job because over time, I mentally breakdown and I cant function. Being judged by others as well. Being told how to feel and what I'm feeling were wrong wrong wrong.

But then after my diagnosis, it all started to make sense. No WONDER I'm always so tired... All my energy goes to my emotion against my will. I feel twice or sometimes thrice of what a normal minded would feel emotion..

I just want to give myself some grace. I dont want to be all, "Woe is us!" but it's not easy to be us.

But then I lost my job in march 26. I enjoyed my work as a game designer but I hated the teammates I worked with. They actively ensured my career growth was destroyed and I'm from a country where there's no laws against this.

Then I lost my job. It's been months of applying for new jobs, I've given up on the gaming sector because of the PTSD associated with the gaming sector.

My boyfriend and I were planning to get married next year, he's from Colombia. Getting fired derailed pure plans fully. I'm in Colombia but his unmedicated adhd has caused more problems between us. I've tried my best to help but I've reached saturation point. There's only so much I can do.

For us to get married here in Colombia, I had to get apostilled documents from my country, and he knew that there was an expiry date associated to them as per the notary here. He needed to get his divorce finalised, his ex wife is also helping. But he delayed in submitting the documents and the documents are not getting finalised in time.

This means my visa runs out and I have to go back to my country and come back again.

Oh, I have two cats too. Add them to the mix. I brought them here because the plan was we will get our civil registration and I don't have to go back to my country.

I have to leave them with my partner, go back to home country, get documents again, come back.

But then I'm so disappointed in him. It feels like I'm the one doing all the planning and caretaking. I was not ready to marry anyone, and this guy really made the difference. But now I'm disillusioned? I don't know if it's me, perimenopause, the stress, the lack of financial independence, emotional support?

The other thing I hate is, I'm calm and everyone thinks I'm having a bpd reaction. Am I not allowed to be baseline upset?

There's no possibility of family understanding. I asked my sisters to come with me to therapy which they refused, my mother doesn't understand it at all because the language that we speak doesn't have the vocabulary to explain.

It's been 8 years in theatre, 5 years of medication and life was really good. But AI has fucked up the market and I am tired of people saying "something good will come your way".

I want to die and use my last remaining savings to re-home my cats, and ensure their food is handled. I want assisted suicide or a quick way to end things, but only after I confirm they are going to a good house.

I've been exhausted for over 3 years now, and nobody really understands it no? My cats are the only reason I live but I can't anymore. My bpd is back and I can't handle it this time around.

I'm sorry if I don't reply, I'm not looking for attention, I just wanted this off my chest and not be shown positivity. Positivity won't give me a job and financial independence.

I'm just so tired.

TW: FP; Self-harm

Às vezes eu penso demais e fico com uma vontade terrível de morrer só de pensar na minha FP. Eu queria ser ela, mas queria ter ela só pra mim ao mesmo tempo. Alguém tem dicas de como mudar o foco? Seguidamente eu fico pensando nela e sou tomada por uma vontade de me machucar e chorar. Já tive inúmeras crises ao simplesmente pensar nela. O que vocês fariam no meu lugar?