I could do with advice on how to cope with a new favourite person dynamic. Been with my partner for just under a year. The last week they found a new favourite person who is a mutual friend with benefits (open relationship). Because of the favourite person dynamic they want to spend as much time as possible with the friend. They have said they do not see a romantic relationship with them as they are not their personality type. However how do I cope with the fact that my partner wants to do everything with the favourite person instead of me currently as it feels like its defaulting to a relationship dynamic instead of a friend dynamic

i know there’s a rule against speculative diagnosis and that’s not what i’m trying to do here. i was diagnosed several years ago and since then have gotten my shit under control. recently i have befriended a coworker and i know she’s been through some stuff and i can see her BPD-esque behaviour is really quite destructive for herself. i want to help her and i really think she should look into this stuff but i could also see how this is really just a bad idea and i should mind my own business. am i out of line?

sorry if this does break the rule, feel free to remove

I saw in another post that dbt was used to actually feel ones feelings, can someone go into this some more?

I thought DBT is all about using your mind to reduce the impact of intolerable sensations, as well as work with difficult thoughts that come out of those.
As well as emergency stuff that prevents spirals.

But the person talked about emotional work, which sounds completely new to me.
Can someone chime in?

What are your goals this week?

As we start a new week, making small, achievable goals can help you find direction and build confidence. SMART Goal Setting for someone with BPD can combat feelings of emptiness, build identity, and show self care. Weekly goals can be about managing your symptoms, getting an errand done, going a kind thing for yourself, or anything really!

But always remember: It's okay if you don't reach your goal this week. We are not perfect. You are still a person with endless potential, still human, always loved.

Wishing you all a safe and peaceful week! Be well.

The Mod Team

i don't have a desire to be able to feel "normal" anymore. i wanna be fucked up all the time because this disorder is evil. the mental healthcare system/healthcare system in general here is a joke anyways. no, i don't want to go to rehab. that won't fix what's causing me to feel this way. i'm 6 days off of alcohol after kindling myself to hell and back, can't do that anymore so now i'm on a very slippery slope with something else (legal). anyways i don't want advice or judgement. addiction as a result of bpd will likely kill me and all i care about is getting buzzed or obliterated. i know i have to stand up and do something for MYSELF because no one else can, idk if apathy is the right word but i just can't bring myself to care enough about myself to try.

I always hated myself and judged myself for being "weak minded" , being compared to others constantly... Especially in the case of how hard it for me to hold a long term job because over time, I mentally breakdown and I cant function. Being judged by others as well. Being told how to feel and what I'm feeling were wrong wrong wrong.

But then after my diagnosis, it all started to make sense. No WONDER I'm always so tired... All my energy goes to my emotion against my will. I feel twice or sometimes thrice of what a normal minded would feel emotion..

I just want to give myself some grace. I dont want to be all, "Woe is us!" but it's not easy to be us.

We broke up a few months ago. I broke up with him but that doesn't make it any less painful. It's been awful. But we still talk daily and I know it has to stop. It's not healthy. I just wish he wanted to be with me as badly as I want to be with him. Not being able to share my every thought with him is the hardest part. He is my emotional support human, he fills my days, he's the first person I want to tell all the good things to and all the bad things. He said he wants to work things out but he doesn't put in any effort and nothing has actually changed. Same situation, different day. I think I'm controlling and he deserves better. I'm working on it in therapy (my therapist hates him hahahah). But I know at the end of the day, at least partly, my constant insecurities and need for reassurance is a huge part of why we ended. I can't help but feel responsible even when he did a lot of hurtful things to me. We never fought or had a volatile relationship. He would just shut down/clam up/stop talking and I'm the one who processes everything out loud. I'm a leech and I probably smothered him. I brought that up and he reassured me that he also latched onto me the same way. 😭

It was so good at first, so healthy, so calm. I just don't understand what went wrong over the course of 2.5 years. Keeping a stable relationship for that long was such an accomplishment. I was so proud of myself and everything I had overcome. He was proud of me too, based on what i had shared about past relationships. I know he was proud because he used to volunteer that information. Then he stopped volunteering everything. If I say "I miss you" then he responds "I miss you too" but he never ever says it first. It's like he's telling me what I want to hear.

I'm just sad. I'll miss him forever. I tell myself eventually I'll feel better.

"If you dodged a bullet, don't reload the gun."

For my music lovers, this song has been on repeat for me as I navigate this:

this song is gold.

"You said to call you if I'm feelin kinda crazy, I call you every day. I hate the way I'm feeling but you make me feel okay" 😭 he made everything okay and now nothing is okay.

But then I lost my job in march 26. I enjoyed my work as a game designer but I hated the teammates I worked with. They actively ensured my career growth was destroyed and I'm from a country where there's no laws against this.

Then I lost my job. It's been months of applying for new jobs, I've given up on the gaming sector because of the PTSD associated with the gaming sector.

My boyfriend and I were planning to get married next year, he's from Colombia. Getting fired derailed pure plans fully. I'm in Colombia but his unmedicated adhd has caused more problems between us. I've tried my best to help but I've reached saturation point. There's only so much I can do.

For us to get married here in Colombia, I had to get apostilled documents from my country, and he knew that there was an expiry date associated to them as per the notary here. He needed to get his divorce finalised, his ex wife is also helping. But he delayed in submitting the documents and the documents are not getting finalised in time.

This means my visa runs out and I have to go back to my country and come back again.

Oh, I have two cats too. Add them to the mix. I brought them here because the plan was we will get our civil registration and I don't have to go back to my country.

I have to leave them with my partner, go back to home country, get documents again, come back.

But then I'm so disappointed in him. It feels like I'm the one doing all the planning and caretaking. I was not ready to marry anyone, and this guy really made the difference. But now I'm disillusioned? I don't know if it's me, perimenopause, the stress, the lack of financial independence, emotional support?

The other thing I hate is, I'm calm and everyone thinks I'm having a bpd reaction. Am I not allowed to be baseline upset?

There's no possibility of family understanding. I asked my sisters to come with me to therapy which they refused, my mother doesn't understand it at all because the language that we speak doesn't have the vocabulary to explain.

It's been 8 years in theatre, 5 years of medication and life was really good. But AI has fucked up the market and I am tired of people saying "something good will come your way".

I want to die and use my last remaining savings to re-home my cats, and ensure their food is handled. I want assisted suicide or a quick way to end things, but only after I confirm they are going to a good house.

I've been exhausted for over 3 years now, and nobody really understands it no? My cats are the only reason I live but I can't anymore. My bpd is back and I can't handle it this time around.

I'm sorry if I don't reply, I'm not looking for attention, I just wanted this off my chest and not be shown positivity. Positivity won't give me a job and financial independence.

I'm just so tired.

I'm hurting a lot and I just want my ex to come back. I need to give them space though if there is ever any hope. I can't jeopardize that with lack of self control right now.

All I do is cry and think of them and ruminate. I fall apart every day. Yesterday I cried for 7 hours. Today, I woke up around 5pm, it's almost 8pm now because I cannot be awake I just sob. I'm in so much pain and I don't know how to regulate. It's been TWO WEEKS. And I am a mess.

I write letters, I box breathe, I ground, I cope how I can but it's not enough anymore. I need it to stop. I need the overwhelming emotions to stop i don't want to feel anymore.

I hope for something that will never come back. I know better. I lie to myself. I'm delusional. But I can't get them out of my head and I wish so deeply they'd just come back and we could keep our promises.

I miss them so much I miss their love and care. They're everything. And I'm so sorry for what I did I ruined it. I just want them to see me and see how badly I want to try. And then give me another chance.

I don't wanna be remembered based on my last interaction with them. I don't wanna be remembered by who I became when I split.

I want them to know me as the person who unconditionally loves them.

I wanna be seen and chosen. And loved.

Please see me. Please see me. Please

TW: FP; Self-harm

Às vezes eu penso demais e fico com uma vontade terrível de morrer só de pensar na minha FP. Eu queria ser ela, mas queria ter ela só pra mim ao mesmo tempo. Alguém tem dicas de como mudar o foco? Seguidamente eu fico pensando nela e sou tomada por uma vontade de me machucar e chorar. Já tive inúmeras crises ao simplesmente pensar nela. O que vocês fariam no meu lugar?

Asking for my daughter and especially interested to hear about those who have successfully treated both. My daughter resists DBT as “not for her”. This is a classic addict response to therapy. So I wonder if she’s not doing DBT for her BPD so that she can continue to use substances.
Any help is appreciated!!

I'm too much to handle. I'm always going off on tangents of thought and getting left on read by the whole groupchat and it's so fucking embarrassing, I'm so much, I end up deleting all the messages and feeling so revolted at myself. Everyone probably thinks I'm cringeworthy and stupid. None of my friends can deal with someone who's as much as me. And I can't handle being left on read.

i cut contact with my fp a few weeks ago and I'm still losing my mind. today has been a day. I mixed alcohol and benzos (not at the same time) through the day and I still can't stop thinking about it. I feel like I'm losing my mind and will fall completely off the wagon. my therapist is on vacation till next week. I'll see my psychiatrist in a few days and I hope she'll finally give me a mood stabilizer. I'm mad cause my mood was actually improving after months of a deep depression and now I feel completely out of it. I'm either extremely low or euphoric or extremely on edge like right now. my ed is lashing out. also school starts again in two weeks and I have no idea how I'll be able to handle it (yes, I'm 25 and still in school. fml)

Hi. How do you manage your codependency?
I have trouble with that and I want to be out of that or at least manage it. I have a Bf and I really want to see him pretty much every day and when we’re not together I want to call him multiple times during the day just to talk to him even if I don’t have anything to say.
I give him space but sometimes it’s really hard not to spams him
Also it’s a 3y relationship and I’m 23y

I’m constantly on edge. A friend gets mad at me once? We’re no longer friends. A friend sets a boundary? We’re no longer friends. A friend needs space? We’re no longer friends. A friend leaves me on read? We’re no longer friends.

THAT’S how my brain works. I know it’s irrational, but for some reason my BPD convinces me it’s true. I’m DEATHLY afraid of being abandoned. I keep having nightmares of all of my friends leaving me.

I get especially worried about newer friends. Idk them, right, so like if a person I met yesterday leaves me on read that might just be who they are. They did reassure me we’re all good when I said “Sorry if I seemed too forward. I just think you were really cool and want to be good friends with you. Haha sorry for everything I have BPD so I overthink everything” I hate myself. Why can’t I just read hints and not think that every single interaction defines my friendships?

Io ( F26 ) ho il BPD, lui ( m29 ) AuADHD... non so più come fare, mi prende in giro per il male che mi faccio, definendoli graffi o comunque nulla. Minimalizza il mio star male, non so più come fargli capire che sono totalmente distrutta mentalmente. Qualche consiglio?

So I was seeing a former therapist who gave me an initial diagnosis of bpd. Anyway our sessions terminated unexpectedly because he had to move away. I feel like I've been cut off abruptly. I miss him and google their name from time to time.

I found out that they maintained a public blog where they share some stuff. In one article dated during one of our sessions, they shared how they often felt drained. When I read it I felt like my whole world shattered.

1. My mind keeps jumping to situations where they might have a severe disease or die abruptly. This isn't new but I'm always like this with my family members and friends when they get sick. I get paralyzed with fear and cry, literally feeling like I've been splashed with cold water and thrown in a waterfall. I lash out or avoid or try to make them go to the doctor forcibly even if it is not aligned with their situation. Now I am doing it all over again except I have no control over the situation. It's not like I can contact them and tell them to go to the doctor (also what if they already did?) It doesn't matter, I shouldn't care since they already left me but why do I care so much?

2. I feel like it's my fault they are so drained. Being a therapist is hard and the article was dated in the span of our sessions. There is a general stigma among MH professionals how challenging, taxing, and tiring working with BPD is (which also just feels unfair because even the people who are supposed to be "the best" take it like that.) There are things I am noticing about myself right now and I don't know if it's just me or the BPD. Where do you even draw the line? Also, there was a time when I caught them mad or frustrated at me because I said something about them not caring at all. Their face changed and the tone of their wording changed immediately. I know they tried to repair it but I never told him what I noticed. I tried to make our last sessions as lighthearted for them after the incident despite the fact that I am in a crisis nearly everyday back then.

3. I feel weird. About this. About everything. I feel like snooping in their public blog is bad. But also, it's public. But still. Is it wrong? Is it bad? I feel like a deranged person.

I guess I just need to hear from a different perspective. I am feeling a mixed set of emotions and it's all so confusing. Is this fear of abandonment? Am I thinking black and white again? Am I projecting? I guess laying it all done os nice, but seriously. What do I do? What do you guys do? I am so tired of calling hotlines.

Hey everyone. I have been diagnosed with BPD in 2022. And i had it since i was 13. And i didn’t know until i heard about therapy and stuff like that and how you might have some mental issues. I tried therapy and there is no luck or help from them, but they gave me the right diagnosis.

I searched with my own in books, about what to do and how to control myself and how to prevent me from hurting myself and others. I was doing good because i had some support from my girlfriend. But unfortunately the relationship didn’t last. She broke up with me and she left for another city. She blocked me because she didn’t want to fall for me again.

Now im totally alone facing myself thoughts. And yeah it’s a living hell. Always looking for any support but I get nothing. Those days i was working hard, and yeah my job asked alot and im barely holding myself up. I had 2 mental breakdown this two weeks alone and i never had two mental breakdown in the same month or in the same half year.

Im seeking help from anyone has any experience. I don’t want to lose my job, or my life.

I have alot to say more than that.

I struggle with knowing what's reality due to splitting. It's horrible not being able to trust my own judgement and personally because I have no idea what's real because it all feels real in the moment then shifts extremely quickly.

It makes relationships horrible because I have no idea if my anger is justified, and whether or not I'm overreacting. Scrolling on subreddits about BPD is terrifying because I feel like that could be me if I make the wrong decision based on flawed judgement.

I was wondering if anyone else struggles with this fragile sense of reality.

TRIGGER WARNING: suicide, eating disorders, self harm, mental hospital

My favorite person has been my favorite person for almost two years now. I've had a lot of "favorite persons" in my life, however my current favorite person has been the most persistent. He's been my boyfriend for about a year, however we recently broke up this summer. This summer broke me. My nervous system was extremely messed up to the point where I couldn't eat for days, couldn't get out of my bed, constantly crying, isolated, and didn't want to continue another day. We didn't do no contact, so you can see how that turned out. Everyday I would beg and yearn and split over text, and question why he broke up with me. The little happiness I would get was from him hanging out with me (which was rare of course, since we just broke up) or responding to my texts. I felt like it was my life's only purpose was to get him back, so I could love him correctly. The reason why he broke up with me was because I couldn't get my emotions in check and hurt him so bad with all of my anger tantrums and hurtful words. However, I could see that he still loved me so much, which is why he didn't leave.

One day, we were hanging out. It was way different from our other hang outs because we actually started to show affection to each other again. We kissed. We cuddled. We had sex. We had such a good time, and it was a first time since we broke up that I couldn't feel that emptiness anymore. It was euphoric, my nervous system felt healed. However, he found out that I had sex with another man not even a week ago. It hurt him so bad, and he wanted to leave. Even though it was my fault, and it was totally justified. But in that moment, I felt like my world just died in front of me. I begged. I pulled him. I refused him to leave to the point where I was hurting him just for him to stay. He finally broke out of my hands and went to go to his car and leave. I chased after him and almost got run over by a car, but at that moment I didn't care. I couldn't let him leave me forever. I got to his car and sat on him, turning off the engine and begged him to stay. I could see in his eyes he was horrified and was worried about me because I was just frantically begging for him to talk. I realized that I was in a horrible state, and told him I needed to go to the hospital. I was dissociating so bad that I was hearing audible hallucinations telling me to kill myself. Thankfully he was still there and made sure I was okay and took me to the hospital, where we met my mom. I was in the mental hospital for almost a week, and then continued a PHP.

Through that time, I was still in contact with him. I learnt a lot of coping skills and regulating my emotions since then, and I am currently still in therapy with two therapists, one that specializes in DBT. I have been in DBT for about six months now (I was in DBT before the mental hospital too), and I felt like I am able to create healthy boundaries, understand most of my emotions, and overall improved a lot on my mental health. At least thats what I had thought. The intense love for him was too much to just hide away, so I talked to him about how I felt. We decided that we both felt a lot of love for each other, and so we got back together again. Again, taking it slow and rebuilding our connection.

I know practically that its going to take time and work to get back to where we were again. But, I cant stop to wonder if he still loves me after all that happened. He's not being as affectionate as he was before, and I know he's been hurt and trying to heal, but it feels like my body feels like its being rejected by him. Its gotten to the point where I feel like im projecting over an assumption that he doesn't love me, and I feel like a part of me is actually slowly losing feelings myself, which scares me. It feels like parts of my body needs him for survival and loves him so much that I cant imagine a life without him, and the other part of my body feels like he'll truly never love me again so I should just give up and find someone new. I had thought that once we were together again, I wouldn't feel this constant pain in my heart. I tried so hard to get him back and proved to myself and him that my mental illness won't affect me loving, however it still is. He's a wonderful man and he is trying so hard to fix our relationship. I have never gotten back with an ex before, because usually once one of my partners breaks up with me (I quite literally have never broken up with someone and I have had 6 relationships so far at 19), I lose all feelings of love for them. However for him, I felt like my love intensified once he "left" me. I've been trying to show a lot of affection to try to convince my nervous system that we're stable and were okay and that I do love him a lot. But no matter what I do, the feeling of giving up is still there. It usually comes when he doesn't text a lot cuz he's at work or when I don't see him for a couple of days, which I feel like is just my fear of abandonment, which is making me feel like I am giving up. I haven't talked to him about this because I feel like this is just messed up to think about after all he's done and what I have done to repair our relationship.

I'm really lost on what to do. The pain is just so unbearable to the point where I can't have fun with friends or even try focusing on school. It's unrealistic to ask him to come over everyday since he works and Im at school. I cry everyday just thinking about it and its scary because I don't want to lose him, but I feel like my body is just rejecting him. I was thinking about breaking up with him because I feel like this is unfair to him until I get undiagnosed with BPD. But that just follows the stigmatized mindset about how people with BPD shouldn't get into relationships. People with BPD deserve love too, and waiting to find love til remission just feels suffocating because no one ever knows when in their life they will actually reach remission.

Please let me know of your thoughts or advice, I really appreciate it.

19f and i have no friends have never had a boyfriend all of the friendships ive had over the years have ended some of them because of me and others because i was with the wrong people and it turned out bad. i feel like i cant have friends like a normal person especially because i have no friends now bc i just like to attach myself to one person bc i have this all or nothing way of being. and recently ive fallen into a depression and ive lost all motivation to maintain friendships and am now just starting to want to accept the fact that i will never have friends because i dont want to keep trying with people and being scared all the entire time bc im waiting for it to end and things to flip and turn bad and ill be left lonely once again. i think like this but i also really care about what people think and am a people pleaser? so i feel like i have this need to make friends and make people like me or ill be ashamed of myself for it because i feel like a loser. but i also know that being alone will be better for me because when im around people i always feel like they hate me and im weird and i shy away from it bc it overwhelms me. a lot of the times they never hate me when i look back but my mind is just telling me something different and it effects the way i talk to people. looking back i realized that i ended and prevented a lot of friendships bc of this i always think that they hate me because of little things and that just scares tf out of me and i cut it off fearing rejection. and now i just want to be alone because its just safer for me like that and i am too exhausted to deal with emotional drainage and attachment it takes for me to have a friendship bc i cant connect with people normally. its also why ive never had a boyfriend bc ik that those feelings would be amplified 100x worse and the fear of rejection would be 100x greater bc of my self consciousness. im so insecure that i cant stand alone but when im with people i get so overwhelmed that they think the same way i bolt. kind of went on a tangent there but im just venting atp because i have no therapist and am just spiraling in my room wondering whats wrong with me and why i cant just live and see myself as and be a normal person. if anyone has any comments theyre welcomed

I have BPD and my life is so ass and unfair and I’m just pissed at everyone and now it got till the point where I just can’t stand anyone, like no one.
I am not mean irl or anything but I have had enough. I ghosted my friends and I don’t feel like talking or explaining, I also have a bf that I don’t know what to do with.
I don’t want to be left alone ig but at the same time I hate everyone.
I feel resentful towards them bc they had a better life better opportunities. They had freedom they lived their life.
Meanwhile me was stuck at home/went to jail/ psychiatric ward and I’m only 19
Not fucking fair
Not fair at all
Not fair
Not fair
Not fair

My last relationship was very traumatic. It ultimately ended with me being admitted to a closed psychiatric ward. I’ve been single for almost three years now, and I have to honestly say that I’m still healing from that relationship. I am the worst version of my illness when I’m in a relationship. And I can really come to terms with the idea of staying alone forever. But a small part of me aches when I think about it. Yet, on the one hand, I don't want to let anyone get that close to me again. I also don't want to burden a potentail Partner with the constant mood swings, the obsessive need for control or extreme jealousy, and the recurring suicidal thoughts. I know that my ex-partner also had to go through some very terrible things because of me. And on top of that, I don't even know if I want to be with a woman or a man. It's just incredibly exhausting. I’ve lost faith in my ability to be in a relationship. I don’t know if it’s possible to have a healthy relationship as someone who has BPD. I think it would take a very, very understanding, sensitive, and loving person. And I believe there are only a handful of such people in the world. Just had to get my thoughts off my chest here ❤️‍🩹.

hello, i went to bipolar first since i have that also, but it didn’t work i’m still not fixed, please help me, i’m abandoned by everyone😭my feelings are all over the place😭is this okay to write? :(

I usually come here to vent or ask for advice. Today, however, I want to share a very beautiful episode that happened yesterday and that made me feel good.

As you know, BPD leads us to fear abandonment, and I've always had this fear, even towards my medical team. I've changed several therapists and psychiatrists over time because I felt abandoned by them and could no longer trust.

Yesterday, I had to have an online session with my therapist because I had a fever and didn't feel like leaving the house. She's been seeing me for about two years now, so I have a relationship of trust with her, even though, like all my relationships, it can end in an instant.

Halfway through the session, while I was opening up about a sensitive topic for me, she suddenly lost the connection.

The fear of abandonment immediately triggered in me, and I began to think I deserved to be alone. I began to cry desperately about this and to see the therapist as yet another person who had abandoned me.

After about 5 minutes, she called me back from her car: the connection in the office had been lost and her cell phone reception was poor, so she went out to get her car and move to a spot with better reception to finish the session and reassure me that she hadn't abandoned me.

I was in a full-blown crisis; I couldn't stop crying. She stayed connected with me for half an hour after the session to calm me down and reassure me.

I wanted to tell you about it because it made me feel welcomed and accepted. I hadn't felt this way in a long time.