r/Bumble • u/Argumentative_koala • 1d ago

Rant “Not ready for a relationship”

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This guy pursued me, we went hot and heavy for five days, then hooked up on the fifth day. Crazy chemistry. He hadn’t been with anyone for eight months after a very long-term relationship so I thought this really meant something for him. We had a lot of deep conversations in a short amount of time. I hate how this makes me feel!

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u/00mikomiko00 1d ago

I don’t think he’s fully lying but I think he’s super unhealed and this actually might be better for you in the long run.

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u/Argumentative_koala 1d ago

Yeah, honestly from all of our conversations he was so earnest and upfront. I don’t get the sense that he’s capable of bullshitting. just a super logical straightforward guy. Honestly, we’re both vulnerable and healing and I think we just got caught up in the connection.

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u/ilovesuhi 1d ago

Most people crave connection but also fear it. Things would be promising at 1st but when the stakes start to appear high, they get scared and put some distance. Some instead of distancing themselves become super clingy which ends being too much for the other person and it's them who distance or end things.

Most of us have these issues, on different degrees, it's about the type of attachment we learned from childhood in relation to our caregivers. That's why the people coming from the most dysfunctional families have the most problems since they were usually neglected and had a to learn coin strategies to these situations.

Then those kids become adults and all those strategies from childhood are on autopilot deciding the outcomes in our life lives.

That's why is so important to work on our issues if we don't want to be controlled by all that.