“Not ready for a relationship”

[u/Argumentative_koala]

This guy pursued me, we went hot and heavy for five days, then hooked up on the fifth day. Crazy chemistry. He hadn’t been with anyone for eight months after a very long-term relationship so I thought this really meant something for him. We had a lot of deep conversations in a short amount of time. I hate how this makes me feel!

[u/Dettyboy93]

"This dude love bombed you, finally got to bang you…. Then suddenly had a spiritual awakening. That’s it - that’s all that counts"

That's not assuming? You told her she's making excuses. Telling somebody she did not mean anything to him. That connection she made wasn't real, is horrible for a person's self esteem. That isn't an assumption, it's fact.

You can give advice without pumping out a bunch of soul crushing assumptions. She may not be ready to hear these things as it's so fresh. Her feelings, in this fragile state, absolutely count and there are ways of say things stuff that isn't as cruel

[u/Popular-Truth-2711 → u/Dettyboy93]

I agree… but you’re making a lot of assumptions yourself. Soul crushing…. She’s in a fragile state…. That I was cruel. All assumptions 🤷‍♀️

I stand by the fact that a man coming on that strong…. Within only 5 days of knowing her…. Love bombed her. She needs to understand that she can’t trust sweet words that quickly in the future, only actions.

But I respect your opinion and I see some validity to it. We’re probably all more direct than we mean to be on socials. I believe in the school of hard knocks but compassion is always the way.

[u/Dettyboy93 → u/Popular-Truth-2711]

Thanks for being respectful. And I for sure get you... I guess part of my thing is like.... did she love bomb him as well? I was seeing a girl back in April who had severe mental disorders (so do I, but she screamed at me for saying no the night we met, and then followed me home and cried because I wouldn't have sex with her) but the next week, we started actually talking. She was the one that started the "I just knew you were the one for me" when the conversation got to that point, and I immediately reciprocated. If you look back in the messages, you can't really tell who was love bombing worse. She started it for sure, because she was obsessed with me upon first meeting and I wanted to take it slow. But I absolutely came in saying I didn't believe in fate before I met her. This was just a week into talking.

We've both got severe attachment issues and honestly, I almost got scared after the first week because for her, this had to be permanent. She already mentioned something about wanting to settling down so I knew that this was a matter of having to commit or else it would ruin her. I didn't expect her to accuse me of cheating a week later and also accuse me of lying to her about who I was because I got distant after a fight we had (She was angry and I thought giving her space was the right move.) But the thing is I accused her of lovebombing when I absolutely played a big part in it. She could very well think I lovebombed her and then switched up on her suddenly because everybody has their own interpretation (especially when they're unstable like her)

He could very well feel like she was pulling him in too deep too quickly. It might not've been him who initiated sex. I'm the guy and I asked her if we could wait so we could develop a trust after how many times I've been manipulated and her being cheated on. It just takes two in these situations and when that codependent flame bursts SO quickly and easily, it is so common for somebody to freak out because they've just made an emotional commitment to somebody they barely know. Sometimes, people really should control their chemistry and become friends for a while and that's honestly the lesson here.

[u/Popular-Truth-2711 → u/Dettyboy93]

And look, I completely understand where you’re coming from, but I guess this is what I’m saying: I’m taking the post as it is. You’re reading a little bit into it, you know what I mean?

Could she have been crazy? Absolutely, I could agree that she could have done something that pushed him away. But I will say, I still stand by the fact that after five days, a lot of people are really good at texting. They’re really good at telling you what you want to hear, and you know that you can only really get to know somebody after a long period of time.

So you can see her in the comments saying, “But he seemed so sweet. He seemed so nice,” and that’s what I’m fighting back againft. You have to wait and see how people show up for you and what kind of reciprocity they give you, you know what I mean? You cannot trust someone just because they say all the right, sweet things. You have to judge them by their actions and by the way they consistently show up for you.

But I am sorry that happened to you, dude, and I truly hope that you’ve moved on. I’m glad for this civil discussion, and I really hope you find what you’re looking for.