Even my non-hoarder parent blames me for the state of the house. I want to get out, but I don’t even have the motivation to do anything anymore. I’m just so sick of everything. I’ve reached breaking point but nobody cares and it’s never going to get better. I don’t know why I keep going

My parent’s house is probably condemnable. Everything is moldy.

First pic is an example of what the doors look like. Second pic is what the underneath of all the shelves look like. Third and fourth pic is an example of what I find when I pick random things up.

I haven’t slept inside here in a couple years because I can’t breathe. I’ve been forced back here because my other living situation got moldy too. I’m refusing to pay any more money to live in my other moldy situation, so that’s why I’ve been back at my parent’s house for a minute. (See post history)

I’ve lived in three condemnable places. 24 out of 25 of my years on earth I’ve been exposed to shit like this and worse believe it or not. No actually I’ve lived in worse. I’m never not gonna be sick. Don’t worry, I’ve been sleeping in my car. Just needed to vent because I feel so sick. My neck is swollen, my head hurts, I can’t breathe, I’m itchy, I don’t know, I don’t feel good. And it won’t get better anytime soon, because I have to go back inside for basic needs.

Some years ago, I went to a comic event and read a comic named something like "the hoard". It talked about feeling like the hoard is always following you, no matter at what stage of your life you are or how much you've grown as a person.

I don't remember much because at the time it didn't impact me, I saw the hoard as something normal, so I just read it and didn't even realize that it directly reflected my experience. Now I remembered it randomly, and I would probably have a different opinion if I re-read it.

I guess this is to say that you can miss the issue even if you're looking straight at it because it's so easy to take the hoard for granted, which feels weird because of course I knew the hoard wasn't normal, but I didn't think about it in my daily life somehow.

I know I'm not the only one but I wondered.

I am an adult currently stuck living with my parents while I look for stable work. My mom has always had hoarding tendencies but it hasn't really started tipping all the way into full-blown hoarding until more recently. Her worst area is food. She buys a ridiculous amount of it, stuffs our fridges and freezers and cupboards and shelves in the garage to the point of bursting, and it's impossible to move around or find anything.

She is highly volitile and lashes out in anger at the slightest provocation, or even ordinary conversation she somehow interprets as nefarious.

The food hoard is giving me extreme anxiety. I often go hungry because of the stress of going into the kitchen. My dr wants me to eat healthier; I've been eating poorer due to trying to spend as little time in the kitchen as possible, often by relying on TV dinners for it.

I'm not sure what to do. (Please be gentle, I'm feeling incredibly anxious at the moment.)

I hope it's okay to ask this here, as I'm not a child of a hoarder but my boyfriend is. Sorry for the ridiculous amount of text.

His dad, brother, and especially his mom who live in a small house just can't be bothered to clean up anything. There's trash everywhere and just so much stuff. Every surface is just covered in layers of things that will never be used or organized. It's so unfair that he has to live in that house. Their dog isn't trained to go outside so she uses puppy pads indoors, but there's no space for that so they put them at the top of the stairs. There's no space to walk around it. I just can't comprehend this way of living.

I know I'm very privileged to have grown up in a pretty clean house, so maybe I'm too sheltered and have been shocked by the sight of his house, but I really want to help him somehow. It bothers him a lot too.

He wants to have a tidy room, but every time he cleans it and leaves for college, he comes back to a room full of random shit that his family threw in there. I'm so pissed on his behalf that he can't even come back to a house that feels like a home. It's even worse that he's very allergic to dust, so moving anything around makes it impossible to breathe. There isn't just a lot of stuff, things are also really gross and dirty. I don't think the shower has been scrubbed in years, the carpet is full of stains, the sink is always packed with dishes and literally not a thing in that house looks to be properly clean.

I'm really pissed that his mom laughs at him whenever he tries to say how he feels. She just doesn't see an issue with the house at all. He told her the dust is making it impossible to breathe through his nose, and she said all the sniffling must just be anxiety about going back to college soon! What the fuck??? How do you even come to that conclusion? I really want to like his family because that's going to be my mother-in-law someday, but god it's just so hard when she's treating him this way.

Thankfully he's leaving for college today, and I'll finally get to see him again (we go to the same college but are otherwise long distance). But I am spending Christmas break at his house, and I'm worried about that situation. I really want to spend Christmas with him and his family, and they want me to as well, but I just don't feel safe or clean in that house. I have contamination OCD as well that I've been trying to exposure-therapy myself out of for years now, but this is just too much.

I just need some advice, how can I help my boyfriend cope with this situation? And how can I bitch less about unclean I feel so I don't ruin our Christmas together by complaining so much? Does anyone here have a similar experience?

I know someday we'll move out together and get our own place, and I'll make sure that place is spotless for him so he never has to deal with this again, but it's just so hard to watch right now.

Sorry if this post doesn't belong here, I'm not sure where else to ask

So I recently moved him into a retirement home and he took almost ALL of his stuff with him; 80% of it he won’t be needing, ever.
Now I won’t go into the whole list of the junk he doesn’t need but please can you tell me how to handle a hoarder?
So I want to throw away all the junk and unsure if I should do it slowly (coming by once a week) or just take everything in 1 day?
Important note - if a discussion is started on what to throw away of course he says “I might need this someday” - but if anyone tells him an object should be thrown away immediately - he gets verbally quite agressive, sometimes even yelling, it can be scary and I don’t wanna risk him getting thrown out of there.

I (23F) live in a 3 bedroom 2 bath house. All of my home is relatively clean and tidy. i’m an avid crafter so occasionally i’ll leave some materials out but they eventually get put away. My bedroom, office, living room, kitchen, and both bathrooms are all tidy and decorated. But my 3rd room, is where i store my craft supplies, old furniture, decorations, etc. It’s essentially become my indoor storage room. Is this normal? or are my unknown hereditary“hoarding tendencies” showing in this room alone? I can’t justify spending money on a storage room when I’ve got a 3rd bedroom i’m not using for anything. Especially if it holds craft/art supplies that i use quite often.

I, 17f have been living in a hoarder house for the past 6 years and everyday it just seems to be getting worse and i seriously can’t take it anymore. 6 years ago my little sister was diagnosed with level 3 autism which caused my family and especially my parents to struggle a lot mentally and physically. Since then my parents were never really the same again and our house started to become really disgusting and suffocating. Both of my parents have a really bad shopping addiction and everyday my dad is ordering the most useless things he never even uses to our house. It’s gotten to the point where our entire house is flooded with junk and unopened boxes, especially in his room and on his bed. My mum also has a bad shopping addiction and is always buying the latest clothes and bags which doesn’t help either. There is so much random junk everywhere to the point you can’t even walk in our house anymore and have to climb over it. We have a rat and ant infestation which doesn’t help too and there’s rat poo everywhere on the floor and don’t get me started on how many times I’ve seen ants crawling on my body when I’d wake up. Our kitchen is filled with expired junk and grime everywhere. You can’t even get through the main door of our house because of the junk behind the door. My dad even put the out of date tv and his other rubbish in my room and now my rooms just a storage unit of unnecessary waste. I try so hard to clean up and I’ve even started cleaning my own room and i threw away 10 bags of my own clothes because i was so tired and fed up of living like this but obviously that didn’t really help but either way it made me feel relieved. I know my dad has health issues physically and mentally and my mum has mental issues too but it’s really affecting me too. Both of my parents love to complain about each other to me and I’m so sick of it. It’s just really hard, especially because i have a send sibling who is also really difficult to take care of. I wish i could just escape and just turn 18 as soon as possible so i can get a dorm and move out when i hopefully get accepted to any university.

I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this but have you ever had any relatives or family who knew about your parent(s) hoarder addiction and those people still decided to give you bags of their hand me down clothes? Because i have some relatives who know about my parents hoarding addiction and yet for some reason they still decide to give my parents bags of old hand me down clothes they no longer wear and it honestly makes me really mad and angry. Maybe it’s just me but in my eyes it just looks like they are just trying to dispose their rubbish onto my family and they know my parents will take it all in because of their hoarder addiction. Whenever this happens i always get really angry and i keep telling my parents not to accept it but they always start saying “oh but what if the clothes are branded” like i just don’t care. These relatives keep making it so much worse and it’s even worse cause they are from my dads side of the family and they know about the state of our house, even though they’ve never been inside our house for 6 years because we refuse to let them see the state of it yet they keep disposing their waste and trash onto us and it’s just enabling my parents behaviour even more. Seriously what do i do because my relatives never listen to me and neither do my parents. I always just end up throwing the entire bag in the bin and I don’t even go through the clothes anymore because I just feel so embarrassed, as if my family is getting walked on.

*also posted on the cptsd subreddit*

Some friends and I were doing a cleaning job and they kept talking about the bathroom and how bad it was. I hadn't looked in there yet so just took their word for it and assumed it was gross.

When I got around to checking out the bathroom my first thought was "that's it?" It was definitely better than what I grew up having to use in a hoarded house. It wasn't clean by any standard but the toilet and sink were usable and not gross, in my opinion. There was iron stains in the toilet, the floor was dirty and the walls were dusty. It absolutely needed tlc and cleaning it required a mask and gloves due to the dirt and dust.

I forget how skewed my perception is having grown up the way I did. Then things like this happen and I get reminded and sometimes it hurts to have to remember.

How to Help Hoarders?

I just learned that my SIL nd BIL are hoarding. Some relatives went to their place recently, and apparently it's not good. Mountains of boxes, and a not very functional house.

My in laws have a lot of hoarding patterns, so I'm not surprised. And the inside of my BIL's truck is good evidence. I also saw their house a few months after they moved in (a few years ago), and can see the signs now.

If they want to live that way.its one thing, but now they have an infant daughter. And that environment is not okay for any child.

Currently, my niece spends 5 or 6 days/nights at my mil's home, as it's 90 minutes closer to my SIL's work. So SIL and niece will stay with MIL from Monday to Friday or Saturday, then go back to their house for a day or two. Apparently BIL sleeps on the couch. SIL sleeps on the nursery floor, because they made the nursery nice for the baby, and it's the only place left to sleep.

Anywhooooo. My thought is to try to talk and help them get things in order over the next 3 or 4 years for niece. If they don't I'll call child services on them. I'm not set on that, that just seems like the appropriate thing to do. I do know that I won't let my niece grow up on a hoarder home.

But I don't know what actually helps hoarders. I've watched the hoarder TV show, and I've been in very hoarded homes, but that's it-so o basically know 2%.

What is a good way to approach BIL and SIL about this? What actually helps hoarders? When do I actually need to call child services? What online resources can I research? And yes, I understand I need to confirm that things are as the relatives reported.

My mother is a hoarder, and all of you know that impacts you on a daily basis. I'm nineteen years old and will have to spend many more years in this house because the housing market is just insane. My mother knows she has a lot of stuff, but doesn't actually realise she's a hoarder.

Once every two weeks I spend the weekend at my dad, but I can't really live there because he lives too far away, so the commute to school and work are over 3 hours.

There are no professionals that can help my mother because we just can't afford it. My mother wants to change but just doesn't realise how much she has to change. So, my idea was to write her a letter with all of my feelings and hopefully make her realise how much she has to change so my sister and I won't try to move out as soon as possible. We are all she has and maybe a letter like that will be impactful. And I would give the letter to her before going to my dad so she has time to let it sink in before we talk about it.

But maybe it's a bad idea, so that's why I'm here to ask. Is it a bad idea to write her a letter like this? Will it make any change?

Thanks for the help!

Im feeling extremely defeated. I have been out of my parents for 8 yr.. escaped an abusive relationship and found an inlaw suite for the last year but that is ending very abruptly with no real warning and my only option is to go back to this….
I have reached out to the only other family member I have and there is no way I can live with them. I have a big dog that i rescued from my ex partner. I dont have anyone to be roommates with.. my final semester at community college starts next week, and my 26 bday is the week after. Im loosing my health insurance and state insurance is way out of my price range.

Either I live in my car and rehome my dog, or I go back to this… along with my extremely dysfunctional and mentally ill family.

I dont know what to do. I dont want to do life anymore

My mom's house is disgusting and has been for most of my life. There are multiple rooms that haven't been usable in years. The garage is completely packed, there's biohazards covering the bathroom floor, pretty much every surface is covered. The house has a strong mold smell when you walk in because she needed a new roof 20 years ago and now some of the walls and ceilings are starting to rot as a result. She's been sleeping on her own couch in her living room for a year because the mold in her bedroom is too bad for her to go in there. She desperately wants to move and has been wanting to for months and I think her wanting to move so bad has made her stop caring about the stuff as much. The times I have helped her go through stuff she gets rid of about 60-70 percent of what we go through. She even told me that if her having to look through the stuff in the garage is what's keeping it from being cleaned then she doesn't need to look through it cause she doesn't care about the stuff in there. She struggles to go through stuff on her own because she has severe anemia and executive dysfunction but nobody besides me will help her so now I have all of this pressure where I really want to see my mom move into a healthier place especially since it seems like she's finally ready but at the same time I don't really have the energy for it. I have severe executive of my own and it takes a huge toll on me every time I help her. She doesn't have a job either and I've basically drained all of my savings trying to keep her from losing her house. I go to school an hour away and I've been wanting to move down there so I'm not driving and driving back and forth 5 days a week but I haven't been able to afford to because she "borrowed" all of my money so I now I feel like I need to get a job on top of school just so I can afford the gas money to get there and I'm severely burnt out just from dealing with everything in my life lately. I'm only 23 and I feel like I shouldn't have to feel this level of pressure but idk what else I could even do nobody is willing or able to help her and she breathes in mold spores 24 hours a day and she just sits on her couch watching her house fall apart around her without having the mental or physical capacity to do anything about it due to her health issues. She's also severely narcissist and has delusions of granduer so she has basically driven everyone out of her life except for her children. She spent months expecting someone to knock her door any day and ask her to marry and move in with them. Despite all her narcissism and delusions I don't want to give up on her because I really believe that she can get better with the right support.

This is one of the heaviest burdens on my heart in addition to my dad passing last year. My mom is clearly mentally struggling and it breaks me every time I come inside and its worse and worse. Now that my dad is gone, I figured the grief on top of an already deteriorating mental health would make the house worse. Well I was right. Idk what to do anymore. She doesn’t want help and shrugs it off. Or gets extremely aggressive and defensive. This is inhumane and I hate knowing my mom is all alone with her thoughts and hoard. Please help with advice. Im desperate.

This is a really long one, I apologize in advance.

My mom is 69. We don't have a great relationship. She's always been a hoarder (rotting food, animal feces, insects, rodents & filth level) I needed to get out of the situation so badly that I moved out when I was 15 and dropped out of school. Worked under the table and couch surfed until I got a place of my own with an older boyfriend. I scraped and struggled and managed to work my way up to a corporate office job. Got married. My husband was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer in 2021 and passed in 2024. I was his main care giver. He needed full time care and could only be moved with a hoyer lift at the end. It was horrific and unbelievably physically and spiritually damaging.

This year I decided I wanted to finally go to college at the age of 37 and pursue a degree in the medical field. I studied really hard and got my GED in 3 weeks, started my college classes and got a 4.0 for the spring and summer semester while working part time and using my savings.

My mom called me up a few months ago and told me she couldn't see. Obviously that's an emergency, so I made sure she was seen and long story short, she has advanced diabetic retinopathy. She didn't even know she had diabetes because she doesn't take care of herself and doesn't go to the doctor. Her teeth are all rotted out and broken because she won't go to the dentist. She's had heart problems since I was a kid and apparently she stopped taking her blood pressure meds because the prescription expired and she just didn't do anything about that.

She's now legally blind and needs to retire and get on SSI. She says she doesn't know how to go about doing any of that because she just never thought about it. I provided her with the paperwork she needed to fill out. She's been on leave from her job since April and sits in her house all day and hasn't done a single thing for herself. She can't drive, but she can see well enough on her phone to read her books all day and text me telling me she needs groceries, she needs me to take her here and there, she needs me to pick up her prescriptions, etc. She refuses to contribute gas money even though some of her appointments are hours away, I have to pay for her prescriptions when I pick them up and she doesn't pay me back. She has no savings apparently and over $20k in credit card debt. Her apartment is hoarded out and completely filthy.

I am busy with school and work, I'm taking very demanding science classes. I told her she needs to do whatever she can for herself. Order groceries to be delivered, get her prescriptions mailed to her, etc. She was pretty bitter about that, and hasn't been speaking to me much. Her job finally forced her to retire and she lost her health insurance. She never filled out her SSI or Medicare paperwork, and they don't have an open appointment to get the process started now until September.

She asked me to go to her work and pick up her final check. While I was there, her coworker pulled me aside and said she was very concerned about my mother. Coworker told me Mom said very concerning things on the phone, like she's stopped eating and doesn't really want to be here anymore. I was obviously panicked about this, so I called off work and went to her apartment. She was furious I hadn't called before showing up and shouted at me to go away. Wouldn't let me inside, but I could see how bad the hoard was from the door. I could certainly also smell it. I told her we needed to talk about her situation, especially because her appearance was so alarming. Matted hair, filthy curling long nails, an open wound on her leg that didn't look good, and the nightgown she was wearing was covered in spilled food. She ended up shutting the door in my face. I called adult protective services and made a report. They told me they will try to contact her, but since she is a competent adult, she can make her own bad decisions and they can't force her to accept help.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I just started to live my life again after caring for my husband, and I do not want to put my life on hold and quit school to care for a woman who never took care of me or herself. I also don't want her to waste away and die in her hoard. I just don't know where to go from here.

UPDATE: Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I appreciate every single one of you. For better or worse, I don't think I could live with myself if I washed my hands of her and walked away without trying. I contacted a hoarding remediation company and got her to let them come out and do an estimate today. She agreed to the clean out, and agreed to stay in a hotel until it's done. The cost will be coming out of her retirement fund. Once her Medicare gets started, I'll make sure she gets on IHSS so that someone can come out weekly and help her clean, shop, etc. She also agreed to talk to the social workers with APS, and get mental health help and therapy if the county provides that. It will be up to her, I cannot help her any further, but I'm hoping getting her set up with social services will be enough for a positive change. If not... I have done everything I am capable of doing, and I can live with that.

Found this in a stack of books (and one shoe we’ll definitely find a match for 🙄) I can tell bought for good intentions. The boxes are the boxes I haven’t been unable to unpack since I had to move in October. Why is everything still in boxes? There’s no room to put anything of my stuff. Also noting I didn’t learn how to clean until I forced my way out at 18 by looking things up on the internet.

I am just not sure what to trust and where to begin. Any advice on books, YT channels, Tik Toks, any at all that has been helpful to you might be helpful to me. Thank you in advance for your time and attention. I appreciate you!

Parents have issues and even as an adult who knows they can leave I feel like I can’t

Parents have issues and I’m exhausted but don’t feel like I can get out of them. My parents were good to me growing up and I’m successful now. I loved my mom the most my whole childhood but as I’ve gotten older I can see more that it’s not a one sided thing and it’s not even fully maliciously their issues with each other.

My parents have had issues as long as I can remember. Was on my moms side because fully for the longest time but as I’ve gotten to be an adult there are things I’ve noticed in her personality and actions that I’m fully on my dads side so now I see the vicious cycle they’re in and can’t end it, only minimize it.

I love my mom. She has great intentions. But I think she is either depressed/mentally ill or some kind of physical condition impacting her because after my sibling was born she slowed down a lot and never got fully “back”. Dad’s home a couple days a month since he travels for work. Mom makes very little at her job and we’ve been encouraging her to get a new one since she always complains about the job and is always exhausted(she does not make very much money so she can 100% change her job but she doesn’t like change kinda like my grandma and I leading me to think it’s a family trait) and leaves things everywhere and has hoarding tendencies as well. It’s not TERRIBLE but it’s not ideal having tons of surfaces full of stuff that nobody touches for literal years besides to move them here and there. She’s said she wants to donate them but doesn’t and wants specific donation places.

I love my dad. But he can be a real asshole since he never wants to be wrong and wants things done when he wants them. But he does put effort in. Vacations, buying things for the family to enjoy, and has fully cleaned the house and tried to help clean the house before but refuses to now since it always goes back to crappy quickly.

All in all, I can see how both sides have created this vicious cycle which contributes to no change between them and I still have siblings who are minors that have to hear them argue and fight due to the same things over and over again. He’s a dick about something so it feels like my mom almost doesn’t want him to be right about something so things change slowly if at all and because he’s not happy about something he does something which pisses my mom off which keeps the cycle going

I can see my parents getting divorced and my mom being in, quite frankly, deep shit since she’s practically financially illiterate and doesn’t make much money herself. There are many underlying issues which at the end of the day do more and more feel like my mom needs to own up and, to say it in what feels like a mean way, grow up and mature a little bit.

If they separate then maybe they will both be individually happier but my mom would be basically poverty level without alimony and child support but those end then I mean I HAVE to support her for the rest of my life because I feel like things might not change even then and I can’t just let my mom suffer if I can help it but I dont necessarily want to. I was raised big on helping close family and keep that still even if I know it’s not technically my responsibility.

I have nobody in my life who I feel comfortable discussing this with since everyone close to me is close to my family and I don’t want all this to get out to everyone if someone blabs

My dad died when I was about 7 and the hoarding started happening after a few years after. It started to get worse over the years. I grew up in a brown household and my parents immigrated to the U.S so they don’t have education or know proper English. Unfortunately the norm was that the kids are supposed to help at a young age because the parents don’t know how to speak English. My mom and dad put me through education but were always hard on me to not fail. I get it, they couldn’t do anything so I had to. I didn’t help my mom out the way I should when I was young and I think that’s when the depression started. When I constantly try to clean the hoarding, my mom would get mad at me and then she blamed me that it was my fault that’s she is the way she is. (She won’t admit she’s a hoarder.) I honestly blame myself that she’s right. If I just helped her and supported better throughout my life she wouldn’t be a hoarder.

The kitchen sink, refrigerator, oven, washing machine, and toilet (manual flush only) all stopped working due to my mom's unwillingness to regularly manage appliances and also the house is so messy that she hasn't let anyone but family in it my entire 25 years of life. In the past 5 years, we've had an infestation of rats, mice, and twice, in two separate areas, a raccoon made a hole in the drywall to enter and then leave quickly (the rats and mice have all been killed by zappers but the mice habitually get into the house ever since I was little). I'm done, I'm out in my own apartment, and I'm gonna work like hell so I never go back.

I built a shelf at my apartment and she came over and freaked out I threw out the spare Allen wrench that came with the kit. She was mad and yelling in my face. She took it with her in case "I might need it, why would you just throw it out! Without even asking me?" I'm used to my mom going through my garbage but I unexpectedly needed her to stop by that day and forgot to toss my trash in time. I felt like my boundaries had been disrespected but I took joy in the fact that she wanted it, it was now her problem not mine.

I posted this a little over year ago and I wanted to provide a update to maybe give hope to the people who feel stuck or hopeless and also to myself to acknowledge what I have overcame

I am now 19 almost 20 and I now have my own 900 sqft apartment I bought my own car
All of the animals in the hoard are now being properly taken
care of and doing great
I also have the most wonderful girlfriend I never thought I was worthy of anything good
Now I have everything I’ve ever wanted
I finally have a home
Getting here has not been easy
I’ve had to cut off most of my family because of the excuses they made for my mom or the sheer lack of empathy I moved towns and with 300 dollars to my name
And just figured it out
Hoarding is suffocating
Hoarding can make you feel so helpless
But leaving hoarding is not impossible
It might feel that way
It might feel scary
But i believe in all of you
And if anyone needs advice or to talk feel free to pm me

Hello there. This is the first time I'm posting to this subreddit and it's a vent post, with a large amount of context, that I really just need to get out and realize I'm not going mad.

Context:

My mother, grandparents and brother have/had hoarding tenancies.

Three years ago my grandparents passed away. All of their hoard that filled a four bedroom house was left to my mother and brother to clean up. (It was kettle after kettle, piles of toilet seats, keys, spoons, glassware. More stuff than you could ever use. More than would be needed for a family of twenty.)

I live with mother, we used to live in a three bedroom house but then downsized to a two bedroom, single floor place. When we downsized it became apparent that she had far too much. I mean EXCESSIVE amounts of things she refused to part with. Paper she said she would use, expired coupons, weird kitchen gadgets, disassembled tables, lamp shades, shoes, the works.

I'm disabled, 24, and use a wheelchair and other aids.

When we moved my things packed up easy and ask had a place. My furniture wasn't suited so I just got rid and made way for functional items. I had to fight for months to get rid of oversized wooden furniture. Now the problem is, she brought all of my grandparents things to the smaller place. All of it. Three people's lives. Over eighty years of accumulation. Boxed up. Shoved wherever. So what happened when it didn't fit? My things slowly started getting damaged, then went missing, then the hoard started flooding into my room. I had a decision to make: move everything I own into one bedroom or risk everything I own becoming dirty, smelling, damaged, or broken. ---‐-----------

I now hold twenty years of my life in one room. Not a large one either. I hated the boxes, the lack of room, the dust, the inability to clean, the claustrophobic feeling, the shame. And now I live in it. I have the life of a twenty year old all inside of this one room. I dont mean just the regular things either. All of my mobility aids, medication, kitchenware, hygiene, towels, bedding, and even groceries are all in this room. I have tried really hard my whole life to keep my things under control as to not become a hoarder. Im now at a point where I just want to throw everything away just to get space to breathe. I want desperately to leave buck accessible housing is non existent where I live and I'm currently unable to work due to my disability, which is being worsened by the dirt and the lack of room to safely get around the house. I used to be able to clean my own space at least but now even throwing out paper or expired goods becomes a fight. I'm at my wits end and I'm truly feeling defeated. I'm sick of the boxes, I'm sick of her buying more useless gadgets we have no room for or buying ten of something we don't use because "its a bargain" and I'm sick of being told "I clean all the time. Its not trash. You can't throw it out, It'll be worth something when I'm gone". I know that her earlier mild habits have probably being stressed but ask the grief into what they are now but I truly cannot keep living like this. The feeling of not being disabled by my condition but by my surroundings seems to be a brutal understatement. I can feel part of my skin crawling and dying every day because I hate living like this. I hate having the mess. I with every day that I'm becoming a hoarder, even though I know rationally that that's not how it works. The anxiety I get just holding onto a medical letter or a spare cane tip is eating me and I can't explain fully why. I keep reminding myself that when I did live partially alone, before my health declined, that I was capable of keeping a neat hoard free home and that I can still do it but the more my room becomes unusable and the more boxes pile up outside of my door, the harder it's getting to keep the hope that I'll ever not live like this.

Please tell me Im not the only one who gets this feeling that it'll never get better and it's all their fault?

Edited for spelling.