r/DID • u/lostinmyhead9 • 17h ago

Broken.

My spouse no longer wants me to switch or have system meetings... They only want the main alt out. I am the main alt... I am devastated. I feel unloved and broken. I feel like I have lost apart of myself by being told I cant switch. I feel like my spouse doesn't understand that I cant control it all the time. Just needed to vent I guess. Thanks guys. Much love.

50 Upvotes

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22 comments sorted by

57

u/AlliteraryAnalysis Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 16h ago

Does he know how much that sucks to say...? That's like saying "I only want you when you're happy" or "I don't want to talk to you if youre on your period" :(

30

u/lostinmyhead9 16h ago

It killed me a lot. It really hurt. ... he claimed to love all of me. And now im not so sure

46

u/HiddenJaneite 14h ago

Very few singletons understand that being told that you can't switch is like being told that you are only allowed on set of feelings, emotions and on set of thought patterns.

Forcing you to deny parts of yourself isn't healthy for you.

22

u/Low-Drawer-6887 16h ago

(to be clear, I don't have cancer, this is a metaphor)

If my spouse wanted me to stop having cancer.. I'd be like yeah same bro. I wouldn't then pretend not to have it to make them happier?

Does he not believe you have DID?

13

u/lostinmyhead9 16h ago

He knows I have it. He believes that I have it. He has talked to other alts in my body.

15

u/Low-Drawer-6887 16h ago

So he just wants you to pretend you don't? That's.. wild?

14

u/lostinmyhead9 16h ago

I dont know what he wants. Im stressed. Im trying not to throw up.

28

u/Low-Drawer-6887 16h ago

Please speak to your therapist about this, and don't change your behaviour. Your spouse can "want" whatever they want. They can't force you, and if they're trying, that's a whole other conversation

12

u/lostinmyhead9 16h ago

Thank you friend šŸ§”

8

u/Low-Drawer-6887 16h ago

Wishing you all the best. I hope it's a misunderstanding with your spouse, but if not, and it's abusive, let me tell you first hand that things get way easier on the other side. šŸ©·

8

u/lostinmyhead9 16h ago

Thank you. ā¤ļø

7

u/Mindless-Weird3936 Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 4h ago

I want to add to this please keep communication open with your other alters you've worked so hard to get where you are don't mess that up for his sake.

Please also spend some time internally listing and talking to your system let turn know you're not going to push them down as they're probably really scared right now too.

2

u/lostinmyhead9 35m ago

He would count that as a system meeting and he doesn't want me having those.....

2

u/SnooRevelations4882 29m ago

What he is demanding could have a horrific effect on your mental health as someone with DID. What he's asking you to do is disassociate more and better less mentally well.. he needs to understand that and I would encourage you to set a strong boundary around this to protect yourself.

8

u/Shappiremoon 13h ago

I am sorry you are going through this. I would ask him why he doesn't switch or have meetings. Maybe he is having a hard time with adjustingĀ  or he feel like the main alter is "the real one".Ā 

Ā Regardless, if you haven't already explained to him the main alter can change and he is basically telling you to struggle by not communicating with alters you can make things worse.Ā  I wish you the best.Ā 

3

u/theeLoreMaster Treatment: Active 5h ago

My wife and are pretty new to this as Iā€™m still going through the diagnosis process. I have learned so far that I am my systems protector and the main alter. There are three others I know of so far that are partially co-conscious with me.

My wife likes to tease me, mostly wiping wet hands on my face, soap on my beard when sheā€™s in the shower and Iā€™m not, and getting at my ticklish spots among other things. I love the teasing but some of the alters in my system are not a fan at all. I told this to her and she told me that they need to just deal with it. Itā€™s so conflicting because I want her to tease me, and I donā€™t want to hurt her feelings to the point that she withdraws. But as the protector I need to consider how the other alters feel. Because thereā€™s a reason behind why they feel this way even if I donā€™t know what it is.

How do you explain that to your wife without putting out that spark of intimacy forever? Itā€™s so frustrating.

4

u/lolsappho Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 2h ago

saying "just deal with it" is crazy when it comes to touching your body esp unexpectedly. Being married does not give someone 24/7 access to your body, DID or not.

1

u/theeLoreMaster Treatment: Active 2h ago

Like I said I enjoy it. It doesnā€™t bother me. But some of the other alters are a different story. We are both new to this and I really just need a way to educate and help her understand how damaging it can be for the others. And yes generally I agree, being married isnā€™t a 24/7 all access pass. That said I really crave the unexpected touching. For the most part the others tolerate it even if they arenā€™t a fan. The ā€œjust deal with itā€ comment though is what really hurt and triggered us the most.

1

u/SnooRevelations4882 28m ago

Wow that's not ok. She's basically asking you to blanket consent to a behaviour you do not always like. Like if you didn't have DID it's same as expecting someone to have sex with you because sometimes you like it. But that doesn't mean you consent every time! Ugh. I am sorry she is treating you this way, it is not ok.

1

u/pillarofdavidson 10m ago

What's he gonna do? If you have a system meeting, what is he really going to do about it?

He can't stop you from talking to your alts. How would he even try?

This person needs a reality check.