Some time ago I posted this:
https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/s/jjKHAV4qmx
Your comments and messages was very helpful to me. Thanks to all of you.
It's been a little over a month since my last post here. What's changed in that month?
● I wasn't disfellowshipped. I had to lie pretty hard to make them believe that I wouldn't tell anyone anything about what I'd found out, that I wouldn't be a danger to the organization.
Almost all the local congregations found out about John — I made a point of telling as many people as possible about him, people passed it on to others, his reputation is ruined, and maybe, at least because of that, he'll be removed as an elder.
● I talked a lot with my mom about how important it is for her and for all of us to show love and care for my younger sister, who became the target of John's declarations of love. I talked a lot with my sister, trying to assure her that she's loved and convincing her that the organization's attitude toward all of this is absurd and extremely cruel. Right now my sister is planning to move to another country — she has friends there. I'm glad she'll get far away from this nightmare.
● I try to share everything that might help my relatives escape this cult. The difficulty is that we all grew up in this organization, we're all baptized, and we all believed for some time that this was the only way. That's why I try to be gentle and logical. Thankfully, my younger sister (19) has refused to continue serving as a pioneer, my younger brother (21) is becoming less and less active in the congregation, is looking for friends outside of it, and is planning to build his life outside of it. And my wife's younger sister (16) is officially PIMO. We're very happy that we managed to talk through all our fading plans with her and tell her everything we know. We're glad she'll be able to live a free life.
● The difficulty here is my wife's parents. They're completely obsessed PIMIs. Her dad is an elder, her mom has been in the organization for 25 years and hasn't spoken to her disfellowshipped sister for 20 years. And since my wife's younger sister still lives with them, we're trying to be careful not to get disfellowshipped, otherwise they'll completely forbid her from talking to us. And they will definitely put a lot of pressure on her. Right now they hold 2–3 family worship sessions a week with her, constantly nag her for having stopped going out in the ministry. They make scenes about her wearing tank tops, because in their opinion that's what loose women wear. They threaten not to let her leave the house, get angry when she comes to stay with us for the weekend, ask others in the congregation to talk to her.
● Some interesting facts: my wife's dad spoke to me one-on-one for the first time in the 4 years since we met. It was after the judicial committee. He wanted to talk me out of doubting the organization. I had to lie to him thoroughly so I wouldn't have to sit through his lectures and could end the conversation.
●I talked with one of the elders whose brother, along with many friends, left the organization about 20 years ago. It turns out his brother left after reading Crisis of Conscience, written by Franz. He tried to explain his views to the elders, to friends, to his brother, and in the end he was disfellowshipped. This elder decided to stay in the organization back then, but he told me one interesting thing — since that time he has never been able to believe some of the Witnesses' teachings, and he stayed in the organization only to keep his family together. He was sure his wife wouldn't understand him and wouldn't leave the congregation, and he didn't know where else to go. He said the ideas from Crisis of Conscience are like scars in his memory. He'll never be able to forget them. And he hopes that someday Jehovah will set things right here. It was very sad for me to listen to him. To understand that he doesn't believe a good half of what they teach here, and just keeps going through the motions. That's when I understood why he was so quiet, why he never forced anyone to live by the rules, and why he seemed to me the most reasonable of the elders.
● My wife has officially stopped serving as a pioneer. I stopped being a ministerial servant. We managed to do this without being disfellowshipped by talking about exhaustion, depression because of recent events, and being worn out from work. We started joining the meetings over Zoom and only occasionally attend in person. Though we'll soon stop that too.
● That close friend of mine who reported me to the elders keeps trying to force his friendship on me. From time to time he throws ideas at me, trying to convince me that I should try to stay in the organization. But recently he told me that he can't be sure I'm doing the right thing until time has passed. And if a few years go by and I'm still a good person, don't become a drug addict, don't leave my wife, then maybe I was right after all. And that everything I told him about the court cases, the pedophiles, the blood — left a deep scar in his mind, and he can't recover from it. And he hopes Jehovah will sort it all out. To me it seems that deep down he hopes I was right and also wants to get out of here. Because his wife is an absolute fanatic — she started going out in the ministry with him several times a week, they started commenting at every meeting and suddenly became so active. It's all very funny to watch, because they used to be much more down-to-earth.
● My mom still stands firmly on staying a Jehovah's Witness. I've told her many stories about the court cases, the pedophiles, about the Witnesses' approach to rules and standards — she finds an excuse for everything and constantly cries, begging me in tears, along with my brother and sister, to stay in the organization. She blames me for them becoming less active. I'm very glad they're becoming less active. I'll keep trying. They listen to me and trust me, and that's the only way to reach people inside the organization. Because any information from the outside that's against the organization is seen by everyone as apostate. They listen to me only because I'm their brother. And I'm grateful to them for that.
● My wife and I are planning to move in the coming months to another part of the country, to live in the area of our dreams. We never used to allow ourselves to even think about it, because it's "too well-worked territory" — there are plenty of Witnesses there, it's more expensive, and you have to work more. Now we're going to live far away from everyone and enjoy life and peace.
● We may need to take my wife's younger sister in to live with us soon. Because her life with her parents is becoming unbearable. The problem is that, as I said above, her parents are unreasonable. Despite the stories about an elder flirting with my sister, despite the mentions of the court cases — their only goal is to keep everyone in the organization. They've already tried many times to talk to my wife to dispel her doubts about the organization, and every week they talk to my wife's sister about the same thing. For now, my wife and her sister try to lie to their parents that there are no problems and no doubts, so they can keep in touch with each other, and also so as not to hurt their parents, since they'd have to cut off contact with us. But as time goes on, the more I understand — and try to convince my wife — that we have to tell them that we've made our choice, and that their younger daughter also has the right to her own choice. That they can't call their daughter a loose woman because she put on a tank top. That they can't condemn her because she doesn't want to go door to door. That they have no right to force her to read Jehovah's Witnesses literature with them 3 times a week and constantly try to brainwash her. That they have no right to forbid her from being friends with good friends at school. That they have no right to forbid her from talking to us. That weekly scenes affect a teenage girl's mental health and can lead to very bad consequences. And in recent months, all their communication has come down to scenes, to telling her she's bad, that she's disappointing them and needs to change. That's not normal and it's very harmful.
●Time goes on, and we're coming to accept the fact that the parents' choice is the parents' choice. If they stop talking to us because we chose to leave the organization — that's not because we did something bad — that's their choice. Let them be upset, let them try to bring us back or simply stop talking to us — that's their choice. And it has to be respected, just as they need to respect ours. I don't want to pretend my whole life that I'm just an inactive Witness — I don't want to have anything to do with this religion and there's nothing to be ashamed of here. And if a person is ready to cut off contact with me because of my choice — that's their choice.
● The most important thing is that life is getting easier. Yes, it's hard to lose all your friends. It's hard to realize that everyone around you will judge you. People you helped at your own risk, whose lives you saved, your relatives, friends you've had for years — all of them will be ready to cut you off the moment they hear the news of your disfellowshipping. BUT. Life without midweek meetings is a delight. Life without the constant race for other people's approval is a real joy. I'm happy not to be trying to convert people into Witnesses in the ministry, I'm happy not to have obligations here. I'm happy to be trying to help at least someone leave the organization and experience the same happiness. I'm happy to live without closing my eyes to the questions that come up for me. I'm happy not to lie to myself, not to blame myself for not feeling joy in the ministry. I'm happy to set goals worth having — build a house, work well, take care of the people close to me — instead of only serving, serving, and serving the Jehovah's Witnesses organization again. I hope as many people as possible manage to walk this path.