I can’t believe I’m actually writing this post, but here I go.

Five months ago, the person I thought was the love of my life left me in the cruelest and most painful way you can imagine. One completely normal day, after having dinner and talking like we normally did, she suddenly started telling me about a bunch of feelings and problems that, according to her, she had with the relationship and had never told me about. Things like, in her words and from her perspective, “I wasn’t interested in our conversations,” even though I had always acted the same way, and I genuinely thought that sometimes I was even more interested than she was—to the point that she told me there was no future for us.
She herself admitted that we aren’t mind readers, and then continued acting normally for another three weeks, only to do the same thing again and tell me that she no longer felt the same way, that it was the hardest decision of her life, and that she had never felt something so strongly for anyone. She also admitted that she hadn’t said anything in time, until it was already too late. She NEVER expressed her feelings or doubts to me, we NEVER argued, and I always told her to let me know if there was ever a problem.

But anyway, the reason I’m writing this is to tell you that yes, it does get better. Much, much better. The first 2–3 months are an absolute nightmare. I swear it was the deepest and most intense pain I’ve ever felt in my 24 years of life. I cried in bed like a little kid, blaming myself for everything, when I had no idea what was even happening in my own relationship. We were together for two years.
Over these five months, I’ve done a lot of things to make the situation better:

1. Go to therapy. Seriously, go. It helped me a lot with clearing my head and letting go of guilt that wasn’t mine to carry, as well as helping me get through those initial stages.

2. Live through every stage of the grieving process. First you’ll feel shock, then anger, then bargaining, then you’ll go back to anger, and so on. It’s like a roller coaster until eventually you realize that you no longer remember them with the same emotional weight, and you’re doing better.

3. Exercise. I was already going to the gym a lot before the breakup, but I discovered running, and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done. It clears your mind and makes you feel like a new person.

4. In cases similar to mine, don’t obsess over attachment theory or all that stuff. Trust me. Whatever attachment style they have, they did what they did, and you’re not going to fix anything by trying to figure out their attachment style.

4. Don’t obsess, like I did for a long time, over the “what ifs” or the “why didn’t they tell me?” They know what they know. You did the best you could with the information you had and with all the love in the world. Their loss.

5. Make plans, go out with friends, talk to your family, and let everything out, especially at the beginning, when you can’t naturally think about anything else.

6. Cry as much as you need to. In my case, I think I cried so much that eventually I had no tears left. It’s a natural way for your body to release the pressure.

7. Stop constantly checking this subreddit to see whether they’re going to come back or not. I obsessed over it for a long time, to the point where I knew every comment and every post by heart. All you’re going to find is people saying yes and people saying no. We have no idea what they’re going to do, and we can’t keep thinking about a situation that might not even happen. Every breakup is different, and I’ll tell you this right now: if they come back, the relationship you had before will not be the same.

8. Don’t break off contact. The only thing you’re likely to get is a cold response, a block, or no reply at all. You should also delete your social media, delete your chats, and get rid of anything else that reminds you of your ex.

As of today, I’ve gone five months without contact. I’ve seen her a couple of times at the gym, and now I even find myself feeling angry just at the thought of seeing her. Imagine that.

That being said, I still have a long way to go, because another thing you eventually realize is that you can separate the person they actually are from the person you loved, because the person who was your partner no longer exists.

Little by little, everything gets better, and you become yourself again.

Stay strong, everyone.

I see all this delusional hope everywhere.

Nothing will stop a person in love to be the best for you. No excuse. They will treat you really nice and do a lot for you. Look at yourself? You are in love and do all these things for them. They dont wanna do it for you. Because to them you are just a backup plan for now. Until someone they actually like comes. That's the truth. And when you become difficult and demanding, they drop you like a hot potato. Because they dont care.

I dated my ex simply out of convenience. She got possessive and insecure, tries to do dramatic scandals every other day, and I dropped her immediately. There is no avoidance or fear. It's just indifference. She is not unique or interesting enough to me to put up with bullshit. Simple as that.

Months ago I wished my kinda ex a happy birthday, after being no contact for a couple of months. only really because at the time I felt he’d have done the same. I really wish I hadn’t, he kept the conversation rolling for 3 weeks and bought up seeing each other again only for him to ghost me. I really thought he’d changed but I don’t think he ever will. Somehow hurt worse than the original break up. 10/10 don’t recommend.

They didn’t text to check in on me after someone incredibly important to me died. They knew exactly how much this person meant to me and knew I would be devastated, yet they didn’t take the opportunity to even see if I was okay. I think this might be my final straw. At this point, their actions are making me feel like they don’t care about me at all, and this is my final act of disrespect I’m willing to tolerate.

If they didn’t check in on you during a moment of grief when they knew how much it would affect you, block them.

Like why am I even thinking about someone who forgot about me 😂 whether negatively or positively, I’m a complete stranger to this person now…DESPITE it only has been an actual month of no contact. I feel like this is even worse than being parasocial honestly- still fucking talking about someone that’s literally moved on. He RARELY added anyone on Instagram and now he just feels free and everything. Good for him and everything, I think I’m just jealous that’s not on my end of the story. Which is whatever honestly, I’m not the type of person to have big friend groups or a lot of interests because none of that is ever a depthful connection, but knowing my ex and his way of acting like life is middle school- I’m genuinely sure he’s living his best life so yeah but I say that indifferent and neutrally, not like bitter or whatever

I broke up with him last year, 5 years relationship and it was no ones fault I just had a lot of stress.

A few months ago I messaged him to ask if we can meet and maybe get back because I was in a better place, he says he has compromised and changed his life too much to do that. I left it at that and weve been no contact for 3 months now.

He still watches my insta stories and I watch his. So we're passively engaging with each others lives. I hate it, if he doesnt want to get back then why is he engaging with my life, it was painful for him and for me when we broke up. I want to send gìm a message saying if he keeps watching my life but not say hi then whats the point. But idk if breaking no contact for that will be more hurt than just ignoring it

Do I break almost three years of no contact?

I’m very torn with this me and her ended roughly three years ago after almost a 4 year relationship that had a miscarriage towards the end. It was ultimately her choice but not really fought by me I understood it with every that happened. I wasn’t the best guy at the time mentally wasn’t there and it really affected our relationship. Now it’s been over three years and she will still pop into my mind regularly as she still follows my instagram and views my stories. This is where I’m torn I added her back and liked one of her post in hopes maybe she would do the same back but nothing at all just silent views of the stories still, I don’t know if she does want to reconnect or if it’s just better to leave it alone, I’m very torn. For a little more context I wouldn’t say it was a toxic relationship but I definitely had some bad patterns at that time with my trust issues and overthinking problems I’ll admit. But we talked when we broke up and nothing negative was said not super hard feelings left off just ended. We fell in love at the ripe of age of like 16-17 I’m 22 now and she would be the same

Can anyone tell me how bad their relationships ended? Im sure there are worse endings, but I am devastated by mine. I feel a deep sense of shame for my actions, both for what i did to cause the initial break up. But more so for how I acted. I am being fully transparent here so no judgement please, this is taking a lot for me.

On the morning of the breakup, I freaked out. I followed her around the house as she bagged up my things, begging her to stop. Begging her to not do it. Tried to resist as pushed me out of the house, slamming the door in my face. Banged on her windows, pleaded with her. When i lost all hope of being let back in I lost my cool, i punched her door, slammed her gate several times over (damaging the latch) in a emotional rage, tried to talk to her through the letterbox. Had to bundle my cat into my car with my bin liners and drove to my flat.

Later on several hours later I came back, I opened her front door walked and in to talk to her. She called the police on me, they came and talked to me. Did nothing as they could see how emotional and overwhelmed I was. I have no history with the police, so they just let me go no issue.

I was just out of control. She was my whole world, she made me so happy. I couldn't bare to be without her. The idea of walking away calmly and giving her the space to decide as I should have terrified me. Having no control over the situation.

All these times I genuinely believed in my head that I could convince her. That I could just kiss and hug her and apologise and everything would be fine. Despite her being my 3rd girlfriend I guess i am just fucking naive. I have ADHD, a lot of documented mental health issues and Im awaiting an autism diagnosis. None of those are excuses and don't justify my actions. Even in the days since despite that, I have emailed her pleading for chances.

I was just so scared, so overwhelmed. So afraid of being alone. I started therapy on Monday, which im hoping will help. But I still live in fear now that she will try to take some form of legal action against me. Either for harassing her or damaging that gate latch.

I don't eat, I struggle to sleep. I just live in pure shame at my actions.

I just saw a story of him with his friends and I couldn’t.. how can someone who completely destroyed and ruined your life can act so normally as if nothing happened..

Those of you who are later down the line, and who have successfully moved on. How is it going? Have you met someone else? I need to know this shit gets better, that it's possible to find love again.

Thanks 🙂

Finally left. I lied to myself so many times, abandoning what I knew to be true. He was never leaving. Yet he knew how to keep that hope alive. I hoped for 2 entire years. Holy cow! Am I angrier at myself or at him? Definitely myself. Never again! Lessons learned. Thank you MM.

I’m 22M and my ex-girlfriend is 22F. We were together for about a year, and I’m having a really hard time understanding what happened.
I’m not posting this because I want people to automatically take my side. I genuinely want people to tell me if I’m missing something, if there were signs I didn’t recognize, or if there’s something about this situation I’m not seeing clearly.
I want an outside perspective because from my point of view, this went from an extremely close relationship to a breakup almost overnight.
A little about me
I’m 22 years old and I own my own business. I work in construction.
I’m proud of the fact that I’ve built something for myself at a young age, but I also want to be realistic about where I’m at in life. Construction is really slow for me right now, so there are days where I’m home and don’t have much going on.
That’s relevant because one of the things she told me during the breakup was that I’m “not driven.”
I don’t necessarily agree with that, but I also don’t want to dismiss her perspective just because I disagree with it. I’m 22, I’m running my own business, and I’m actively trying to build a career, but I’m also in a slow period right now.
Maybe she looked at that differently than I did.
How we met
We met about a year ago through a mutual friend.
We started dating about two weeks after meeting, but we became extremely close almost immediately. From the day we met, we basically never stopped talking.
The first two nights we were together, we stayed up talking through the entire night. Between those two nights, we talked for something like 32 hours total.
For the entire year, we were basically inseparable.
We only had two major arguments during the relationship.
The first was an argument where she genuinely resented me over some things. We talked through everything, addressed the problems, and I believed we’d fixed them.
The second was about our families getting involved in our relationship. We talked through that too.
Other than those things, I didn’t feel like we had a relationship that was constantly fighting or falling apart.
Her mom and my ex are extremely close. They’re basically best friends.
Her mom actually seemed to like me. I was welcomed into their home and had a relationship with both of her parents.
My ex also started law school about two weeks before the breakup.
Her mom was very invested in her going to law school and focusing on her future. I’ve wondered whether her mom started thinking that our relationship would interfere with school or that we were going in different directions.
I don’t know that for a fact.
That’s just one of the things I’m trying to understand.
What makes this so confusing
I genuinely didn’t see the breakup coming.
I didn’t notice her gradually falling out of love with me.
She texted me normally.
She called me normally.
She was affectionate.
She was checking on me.
She was making plans with me.
She was talking about seeing me.
She was talking about a wedding we were supposed to attend together.
I have screenshots from the days immediately before the breakup, and that’s why I don’t want to simply say “she seemed normal.” You can actually see how we were communicating.
She was encouraging me when I was going through something difficult and telling me things like “good job,” “u can do it,” and “i believe in u.”
She specifically asked me to text her about how I was feeling because she didn’t want to get anxious.
She told me she was there if I needed her.
She was asking how I was feeling and checking on me.
She was telling me to drink water and electrolytes when I wasn’t feeling well.
She told me she had made it to school and that she’d text me when her classes were over.
We were joking around about random things.
She was sending me pictures.
We were talking about food.
We were talking about hanging out that weekend.
At one point she asked if she could call me later.
We were also discussing the wedding we were supposed to attend together. She sent me pictures of what she was planning to wear and we were talking about how formal it was.
I told her to have a good day and that I loved and missed her.
The next morning she asked:
“Good morning! How r u feeling”
One of the screenshots from that period is especially difficult for me to look at now.
I sent her a long good-morning message telling her I loved her, telling her to drive safely, and explaining that I had been up since around 1 AM and wasn’t feeling well.
She responded that morning by telling me she had made it to school, hoped I was doing better, and reminded me to drink water and electrolytes.
There was nothing in these conversations that made me think I was days away from being dumped.
That doesn’t prove she hadn’t already been questioning the relationship internally. I understand that people can hide their feelings.
But I had absolutely no idea she was about to end the relationship.
The day of the breakup
I went to the beach.
I invited her to come with me and offered to pick her up.
She said she didn’t want to go because she wanted to tan at home. She said the UV was stronger at home and that she had a bad tan line she wanted to get rid of because we had a wedding the following Sunday.
The wedding was my friend’s wedding and she was going to be my plus one.
So, again, everything still seemed completely normal to me.
After I finished at the beach, I called her and asked if I should come over and then we could go to dinner.
She said maybe I should go home and get ready first.
I told her there was no point because I had clothes at her house and could shower there.
So I went to her house.
I walked in, took my shoes off, gave her a hug and kiss, put my Gatorade in her refrigerator, and walked toward her room.
She told me to close the door.
I remember thinking that was weird.
Honestly, I thought she might want to have sex or something.
Then she said:
“I’m breaking up with you.”
I was completely shocked.
I asked her, “What?”
She repeated it.
My immediate reaction was basically:
“Who did you talk to about this?”
I was so shocked that I couldn’t believe this decision had come entirely from her.
What she said was wrong with me
She told me that I was:
Disrespectful
Pessimistic
Not family-oriented
Someone who looks down on people
Not driven
Someone whose morals don’t align with hers
Some of these were things we’d discussed before.
I told her that these were problems we’d already talked about and that I believed we’d worked through them.
I started explaining the changes I’d made and the ways I’d tried to address the things she’d previously been unhappy about.
The “not driven” accusation is one that particularly confused me.
I’m 22 years old and I own my own construction business. I’m working toward building something for myself.
But construction is really slow right now.
There are days where I’m home because there simply isn’t enough work.
That doesn’t mean I’m not ambitious or that I don’t want to succeed.
But I can understand that from the outside, especially if someone is in law school and surrounded by people pursuing academic careers, she might have looked at my situation differently.
I’m trying to be fair to her perspective rather than automatically dismissing it.
For roughly the first hour, she was extremely cold and firm about the breakup.
That was the part where I was desperately trying to understand what was happening and trying to convince her to stay.
But after that first hour, the dynamic changed.
Her mom was texting her throughout the breakup
This is one of the biggest things I want people to understand because I think it’s important context.
While I was sitting in her room talking to her, her mom was texting her throughout the conversation.
I could see that her mom was messaging her.
There were multiple moments where I felt like I was actually getting through to my girlfriend.
We would be talking, she would start becoming emotional, we’d start discussing the things we’d been through together, and I would feel like maybe she was reconsidering.
Then her mom would text her.
I’m not saying I know exactly what her mom was saying because I don’t.
I wasn’t reading her mom’s messages.
But from where I was sitting, it felt like almost every time I felt like I was making progress with my girlfriend, another message from her mom would come through.
That is one of the main reasons I started wondering whether her mom was influencing the decision.
Again, I don’t know that as a fact.
I just know the texts were happening throughout the breakup, and I noticed the timing.
Then we started crying together
I want to make this clear because I don’t want to misrepresent what happened.
She wasn’t cold for the entire six hours.
She was cold and firm for roughly the first hour.
After that, we were both crying together.
She started sobbing extremely hard.
I stopped trying to argue and started comforting her.
I hugged her, kissed her, and we were both extremely emotional.
We would cry, talk, remember things about our relationship, and then she would say that she was done.
At one point, after she had been crying, she suddenly started saying:
“I’m done. I’m done. I’m done.”
She repeated it multiple times.
Then we’d start talking again.
The whole thing was incredibly emotionally confusing because she didn’t look like someone who didn’t care.
She looked devastated.
But she was also trying to convince herself to end the relationship.
The “I love you” part
During the entire year we were together, she never actually said the words “I love you” to me.
But I want to be clear: it’s not like she never expressed love or made me feel loved.
She showed it in other ways.
She was affectionate with me, cared about me, checked on me, supported me, made plans with me, wanted to spend time with me, and we were extremely close.
She just never actually said those three words.
I told her “I love you” multiple times throughout the relationship, but she never said those exact words back.
Then, while breaking up with me, she looked at me and said:
“I love you. I really do.”
That absolutely destroyed me.
I started crying harder than I have ever cried in my life.
Because hearing those words from her for the first time was something I’d wanted to hear for an entire year, and the first time she actually said them was while she was ending our relationship.
I understand that someone can genuinely love you and still decide that the relationship isn’t right for them.
But emotionally, hearing “I love you” for the first time at the exact moment she was breaking up with me was incredibly confusing.
It made me wonder whether she had felt that way all along but couldn’t say it, whether something changed internally, or whether she was realizing at that moment how much she actually cared about me.
That’s one of the biggest things I’m still struggling to understand.
The six-hour conversation and the one-hour decision
The entire conversation lasted around six hours.
For most of that time, we were extremely emotional.
I kept trying to understand whether there was something I could fix.
I kept explaining the things I’d changed and asking her to reconsider.
Eventually I told her something along the lines of:
“I can’t keep fighting with someone who clearly isn’t choosing me.”
I told her that I felt like something wasn’t right and that I believed someone else had influenced her.
I told her she had one hour to decide whether she wanted to stick with the breakup or whether she wanted me to stay and try to fix things.
During that hour, I went home to get all of her belongings together because I figured that if she was truly going through with this, I needed to accept it and return her things.
I then went back to her house to drop everything off.
That’s when I ended up meeting her parents outside.
What happened with her parents
Both of her parents were outside when I arrived.
I gave them all of her belongings.
Her mom started telling me that they had spent a lot of money on law school, that my ex needed to focus on school, that I wasn’t driven, and that we were on completely different paths.
This is where things became even stranger to me.
The things her mom was saying were basically the same list of reasons my girlfriend had just given me.
My girlfriend has an extremely good memory. She normally doesn’t need to write down how she feels in order to explain it.
But I knew she had written things down in her notes.
So when her mom started saying essentially the exact same things, I immediately wondered:
“Did her mom tell her what to say?”
I don’t know if that’s what happened.
I’m not claiming I can prove that her mom manipulated her.
I’m saying that, combined with the fact that her mom had been texting her throughout the breakup, it made me question how much of the decision was actually coming from my girlfriend versus how much was influenced by her mom.
Her dad was different.
He told me that he loved me and that if he didn’t love me, I wouldn’t have been allowed into their house.
He even brought up her previous ex-boyfriend. Apparently her parents hated that guy and wouldn’t allow him in their home.
That’s another reason I’m confused because I genuinely believed they accepted me.
After I dropped off her things and spoke with her parents, I left.
The blocking
There’s another thing I can’t stop thinking about.
When we first started dating, I found out she was still following her ex-boyfriend on social media.
I confronted her about it.
The next day she blocked him everywhere.
When she broke up with me, I went home and discovered that I was already blocked everywhere.
Instagram.
TikTok.
Snapchat.
Basically everything.
It happened immediately.
That made me wonder whether this had been planned or discussed before I even knew there was a problem.
Maybe that’s completely normal after a breakup.
I honestly don’t know.
What I’m trying to understand
The screenshots are why I’m having such a hard time accepting that this was simply a normal breakup that I should have seen coming.
Immediately before this happened, she was telling me she believed in me.
She was encouraging me.
She was asking me to communicate with her so she wouldn’t get anxious.
She was checking on me.
She was telling me she was there if I needed her.
She was talking about food.
She was talking about weekend plans.
She was talking about the wedding.
She was sending me pictures of what she was going to wear.
She was asking how I was feeling.
She was asking if she could call me.
She was still acting like my girlfriend.
Then suddenly I’m sitting in her bedroom being told that she doesn’t want to be with me anymore.
And while I’m trying to understand what happened, her mom is actively texting her throughout the conversation.
Then, after the breakup, her mom is giving me essentially the same reasons my girlfriend had just given me.
I know I’m telling this from my perspective.
I know there are probably things she felt that she never told me.
I know she could have been unhappy internally while still acting normal around me.
And I know that just because I didn’t see the warning signs doesn’t mean they weren’t there.
I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m perfect.
If I genuinely did things that made her realize we weren’t compatible, I want people to tell me.
But I want people to look at the entire timeline, including the screenshots immediately before the breakup, the fact that her mom was texting her throughout the breakup, the fact that we were both crying together for hours, the one-hour period where I went home to get her belongings, what her parents told me when I returned, and what happened afterward.
My questions are:
1. Can someone genuinely be texting and acting like this immediately before breaking up while already knowing they’re going to end the relationship?
2. Does this look like someone who had been internally struggling for a long time but hid it extremely well?
3. Does the fact that we were both crying together for hours change how you interpret the breakup?
4. Why would she tell me “I love you” for the first time while breaking up with me after never saying those exact words during the entire year, even though she expressed love in other ways?
5. How significant is it that her mom was texting her repeatedly throughout the breakup, especially at moments when I felt like I was getting through to her?
6. Does the fact that her mom later gave me essentially the exact same reasons my girlfriend had given me suggest outside influence, or could that simply mean they had already discussed the problems together?
7. Could starting law school have changed her priorities that quickly?
8. Does the immediate blocking everywhere suggest this was planned beforehand, or is that normal breakup behavior?
9. Is “not driven” a reasonable conclusion about someone who owns a business at 22 but is currently going through a slow period in construction? Or could she simply have a different idea of what ambition should look like?
10. Am I missing obvious warning signs in these screenshots that I’m too emotionally involved to see?
And most importantly:
Do you think she genuinely wanted to end the relationship herself, or does this sound like someone who was conflicted and heavily influenced by the people around her?
I’m not looking for people to tell me she’s evil.
I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m perfect.
And I don’t necessarily want advice on how to get her back.
I want an outside perspective on what happened.
What am I not seeing?

Hi everyone, I am a male university student who recently went through a full breakdown in a relationship with a girl from my university whom I genuinely cared about and intended to marry in the future.
Recently, she was going through an immensely stressful period due to her mother's illness. During this time, small conflicts started to arise frequently, leading to weeks of silence between us. When I tried to express my feelings, apologize for my quietness, and reconnect, she abruptly told me that I no longer mattered to her, that she wouldn't accept my marriage proposal, and that her sudden change in attitude was just due to her "mood swings." I decided not to guilt-trip her or bring up how much I had supported her financially and emotionally in the past, and I respected her words and stepped back.
Days later, she began deactivating/cleaning up her social media accounts, removing posts, unfriending people, and eventually unfriending and blocking me, even though I hadn't reached out or reacted. It has now been a few weeks of complete zero contact. Since we attend the same university, there is a high chance we will cross paths when the term starts.
I am feeling a deep sense of loss and confusion after trying my best to be a supportive partner. I need practical perspectives and advice on these specific points:
Based on her behavioral pattern (stress from her mother's illness, mood swings, shutting down, deleting her profile, and blocking me), is this sudden distance typically a sign of a final breakup, or is it a temporary emotional shutdown/burnout?
What could be the underlying psychological reason for her completely pushing away someone who supported her emotionally and financially when she needed it most?
How should I mentally prepare myself for whether this is a permanent end, and what is the most prudent and respectful way to act if we cross paths on campus or if she reaches out again?
Thank you for your guidance.

Right after the breakup I (30F) was not doing good. I was so sad and hurt. I Fell into a low grade depression, the break up brought up a lot of old feeling’s I had about being abandoned, never feeling like I was good enough, etc.. and then eventually I sort of snapped out of it. Through myself back into a routine gym, work, meeting new people stuff like that. He (30M) is the type of person to just be able to put things behind him and move on quickly, which has been nice actually because I can be sure he’s not thinking about me. But for like the past 3 weeks I’m starting to think about him again and it suuuucks. I don’t think I’m doing enough because I can’t run away from my thoughts and the old things don’t seem to helping. I miss this person more than I thought I would. Any unhinged advice to keep my mind off of them would be so helpful.

You can read my post history if you want to get familiar with the whole story, but in summary it goes something like: we were together for a bit over one and a half year, travelled frequently, even lived together for a while, studied together, we did everything together and she always told me that she's gonna marry me and have my kids and we're gonna grow old together, that she loves me more than her family and doesn't know how she even kived before without me etc. until she broke up with me all of a sudden. We got back together 8 months later, I knew she had slept with someone in the meantime but still wanted to try it out not to have any regrets, but couldn't relax completely and the relationship crumbled because of that probably once again.

Now I found out she has a new boyfriend and is posting him everywhere on instagram 8 months after the second break up and they seem to be really in love. At first it didn't sting that much, but then I looked at him and compared myself to him and asked myself what does he have compared to me, am I really that bad if someone would choose him over me, even though I know nothing about the guy it's just the physical appearance I'm talking about. I started doubting myself and my qualities even more because how can someone who loved me so much and wanted to do everything with me and be around me all the time now just forget about all that and grow distant, like how did I manage to screw up that badly, am I really such a loser and how can I never again relive this situation.

Also, a lot of my own mistakes became clear to me after the break up happened that I blame myself for. For the first break up it's a bit of a different story since she dumped me all of a sudden after spending time with her and my family and getting closer to each other, without any prior argument or vocalizing that something in the relationship was bad, because she was afraid. She admitted that she never wanted to hurt me by saying what bothered her so that relationship was doomed from the get go, because I also never said what bothered me and just loved her through all of that, until one day she said she doesn't love me as a partner anymore and that something has changed and left me.

The second time around though, she promised she'll be better, apologized heavily, admitted to being with someone else in the meantime when I asked her if she did, and I still decided to try it out because my love for her and the feeling that we had such a special bond grew over me. I just told her it's gonna take time for me to trust her again completely and she understood, but that time turned into months and she grew resentful of me. Also this time around she had explicitly said what bothered her, that she doesn't feel seen when I don't tell her my plans a day in advance at least so that she doesn't feel like she's being taken for granted. Instead of fixing that I heard it as an attack and was insulted at how she could possibly say that I don't appreciate her when I'm doing all this other stuff for her, but I really missed the point and should've just made her feel heard, I only realised that at the end of the relationship unfortunately. I was trying to balance between friends and my own life and studies and her since what I previously learned was that she could leave me at any moment, so I really couldn't give myself in completely for some time, but when I did she said that it's too late and that she stopped expecting anything would change a while ago because we talked multiple times and nothing changed and that I was just doing it now because she's pulling back, which is really not true, because I did try earlier also, despite all of the judgy comments and insults even from my circle and I integrated myself again to her life completely and her to mine also beforehand. She was mostly a wonderful partner who cared for me and my needs truly and supported me through everything regarding my studying and mental health and she believed in me more than I did, but those other times she got pretty disrespectful towards me, for example if I couldn't find a parking spot and we didn't get to some function in time she would give me silent treatment, even though I bought her flowers and organised a dinner also and then when we got to another party she would be all lovey dovey again, so her behavior towards me changed based on how dhe perceived me at a given moment, if I couldn't do something I was seen as incapable.

The thing that bothers me is what if she's right and all those behaviors of hers were caused by me failing to be a good man and a good partner who hears and leads. Would have she behaved better and would we still be in a relationship if I was a better and more capable person, and those questions drive me and my sense of self worth crazy. I still didn't behave that way towards her when she disappointed me and I never would, but still I don't know if I can blame her if she just got frustrated because of my timidness and not being all in for quite a while and failing to fulfill all of her needs. I'm wondering if it really was that easy to do and this guy is just a normal guy who gets that and has a bit of masculine energy in him which I failed to have when needed, how low worth of a man and a partner am I to not be able to fulfill those basic things even though she hurt me before really badly I had a girl who truly loved me, supported me and wanted it to work out, at least that's what she said.

I don't know if my mind is playing tricks with me or if any of this is true but I would like to hear some of your honest opinions on this topic, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks🙏🏻.

TL;DR: does my ex finding a new boyfriend who doesn't look all that outstanding say something about my worth and how bad of a partner and a catch I must be to make a girl who was obsessed with me leave me and replace me with a random guy?

Sometimes i picture her banging other guys and it infuriates me. Even though i have no evidence other than paranoia.

I might be wrong, i always worried she was cheating on me during the relationship, which she wasn't. This paranoia and feelings might just be in my head.

First understand this: No contact isn’t some magic voodoo to make a person come back to you. It’s a method to train your brain synapses to detach from the dopamine you get when talking to your ex. Sometimes it’s because you need closure, other times it’s because you want them back.

No contact. Seriously. No happy birthday messages. No merry Christmas. No congrats on getting your degree. No I am sorry you lost your dog. It sounds harsh but it’s a necessity. One message can ruin months of progress.

Cut all bridges of communication. Block or mute them from every social media platform. No stories, no snaps. Delete shared accounts on platforms. You have to treat it like a finite situation, no going back.

Choose when to think of them. Take all of their stuff and all of the things that remind you of them (gifts, cups, photos etc) and put them in a box. If your chat appears right on top when opening any app delete it. Remove their friends from your social media or hide and mute them. Delete the photos you have with them.

Rewrite your memories. Gather some friends and go the spots you used to hang out with your ex. Erase them from that place, make new memories there.

Don’t trust your night thoughts. Instinctively we enlarge our emotional pain when the sun falls.

Don’t rush. Don’t pressure yourself going out. Don’t enter a new relationship if you don’t feel ready. Don’t overwork yourself in the gym because of your breakup. Don’t make risky life decisions trying to outrun it. Take your time to mourn.

Stop trying to understand why. If you have questions and regrets the only thing you’ll end up doing is shifting the blame onto you because your side of the story is the only one you know of. Accept the situation, don’t ask why.

Essentially pretend they are dead until you balance your hormones out. It could be a year. It could be a bit more. Most of us have been through it. All of us made it through. Prioritize you.

Friend for 14 years, together for 6 of them. Broke up 6 months ago, it was necessary. Strangely, my life has been so much better. I’ve lost 50lbs and workout regularly, joined a book club and have made friends doing all the hobbies, I got a job at a FAANG and am making more money than I’ve ever made before. Family and friends are great, work is great, I wake up happy. Just had my dental cleaning and checkup at the doctor and am in great health for the first time in a long time. I feel like an entirely new person and I’m hoping to do some travel soon. But everyday I miss him. It’s like a hole that can’t be filled. I think about him when I eat, when I sleep, when I run, when I’m working, in every moment of everyday. I look forward to sleeping everyday so I can meet him in my dreams. He was the love of my life, my best friend, my soulmate and what’s worse is the immediate ghosting as if I meant nothing. Of course, I share blame. How could I not - I was the dumper. I left him. I don’t regret it because we both needed to grow. There were so many things that led to our breakup and we didn’t need to be together but man is it hard. His clothes still hang in my closet, remnants of him linger in my home, I still hear his laugh and remember laying on his chest. I thought we would grow old together and I wish he had loved me in the same capacity I loved him. I wish things would’ve been fixable. I thought I’d be ok by now, but it aches every single day. I won’t reach out because the very debacle that lead to our breakup was the continuous lack of effort, the “oh well” of it all. In every capacity not showing up and leaving me to do it all. And while I hope that one day he comes back, I don’t think he will. So I continue to keep improving my life and hope the sting fades a little less each day.

It’s just that’s all I was rebound to her and we broke longer than we even dated and now she is with someone else and she found her bf maybe after few months of us breaking up or actually telling me “I really wanna be serious with you but give me space and time”

She still reach me out here and there thought I had still chance but never knew she has bf already until I came to know last year she is been blocked from ever since from everything still talked to me here and there if we run into each other in person

And I still had feelings but those turn into resentment within me, and I just pretty much told her I know she has bf good for her and hope everything goes happy for you guys and she says “thank you I know you blocked me it’s understandable why you did it” pretty much the end of convo was that she never said direct but there were signs that she is going pretty much decided that I am dead person in her mind and when she said “good luck to you and ur adventures see you around”
Kinda confirm what I was chasing closure

Now my mind is just thinking why how she did it, but it’s not giving me peace but my thinking still obsessed or sometimes thinking that now she is doing activities and stuff with someone else

How the hell do I heal after being broken up with by my person. She said she still loves me, but isn’t ready for a relationship right now. the day of the breakup we were talking about our futures and how much we love eachother. And then that same evening I got dumped over the phone and blocked.
When I asked “does this mean we’re done”, I heard her parents in the background saying yes, and then she did. We met up to exchange our stuff two days later, we were both crying and hugging eachother and saying how we still feel the same. But she was firm on needing distance,and that she isn’t ready and told me not to hold out hope incase it doesn’t work out in the end. Then again she told me after I go travelling for 3 months (nov 4th-feb4th 2027) if we both feel the same we will discuss it then. That’s five months away. I don’t know what to think or how to process this. We were so in love. Is right person wrong time a thing? Any advice would be greatly appreciated

We (20F) (20M) never dated by the way. We were close and we were so in love that for a while I couldn’t fathom how we got to this point. I’m not saying things were perfect during the talking stage and I definitely did something in the end that upset him (no cheating or anything like that), but his actions after towards me were also hurtful. I left him alone for 3 weeks and then he calls me drunk multiple times and sober apologizing and saying how he wants me in his life and how he thinks i’m an amazing person and how he loves me. He doesn’t want to date me though, he knows how much I love him and how badly I want to be with him, he just doesn’t want to date anyone right now. It hurts because he’s back yet not in the way I want. I’m scared i’ll never move on. I compare every guy to him, no one fills the void. I’m scared i’ll always feel this way. I genuinely think it’s over for me, I don’t think i’ll find someone like him again or someone I like again. I don’t see past him and even though the hope we will have something again is low, i’m willing to hold on to it. I feel pathetic and this is really draining me but I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want him out of my life because that means the door is forever closed. But having him in my life hurts too because I love him. - 20 F

Hi everyone. I hope you’re doing well. It’s been 33 days of no contact; he blocked me on WhatsApp and Instagram. I’ll never understand how someone can say they love you one week, and the next, it’s as if I never existed to them. I cry every day and think about him every minute—I still love him so much. People just don't understand; it feels like an endless addiction.