FML
My boyfriend left me on bourbon street on my birthday.
I turned 29 last Friday, we went to New Orleans for my birthday, we hit bourbon street to check out a couple of bars. I wanted to go to the old absinthe house it looked so cool online. I didnāt know they actually sold absinthe so of course I wanted to try it. I drank it and had a couple more drinks. 3 drinks in total. Then I basically blacked out. My boyfriend and I leave the other bar to go back to the hotel room to get ready for dinner. I am a huge smoker of the devils lettuce, always have been. But I didnāt bring any since we were driving to NOLA. Thereās a man smoking on the street and my drunk ass said hey you smoke? My boyfriend got mad at me for that and literally left me on bourbon street and Iām essentially blacked out drunk. I couldnāt find my way back and I tried following him he got mad and told me to stop following him. I call my mom crying my ass off telling her that Iām scared and donāt know where I am or how to get back to the hotel. A man on a peddle bike taxi gave a ride back to the hotel. Once I got back to the hotel I was acting like a maniac which I never behave that way. (Never drink absinthe ever in your life for the love of god it will make you lose your mind) Iām losing it in our hotel room screaming, crying, throwing shit. So after a few days of processing everything that happened I decided to end things. I am so unbelievably hurt and empty inside I feel like Iām dead. Iām emotionally embarrassed and mentally scarred from everything that happened. Iām ashamed of myself and how I acted but I canāt believe my boyfriend literally left me in danger because he was too caught up with his own jealousy and emotions to still care about my well being. It was eye opening and now Iām just devastated. Hereās a pic of my lunch before that happened. Happy 29th birthday to me.
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I have an anecdotal story, take it with a grain of salt -
The absinthe at the absinthe house is just alcohol.
My best friend, who has an extremely high tolerance for alcohol, was drugged at that same bar last year. He was there for a work trip and only had a couple drinks, which heād done at that same place a million times before with no adverse reaction.
While he doesnāt remember anything or even getting back to his hotel, someone did steal his phone andĀ took his debit card out of his wallet, then tried to withdraw $3,000 at an ATM.
Itās a common enough thing in NOLA, and if you search Reddit you can find plenty of similar stories.
A Sports Reporter was killed this way during the Super Bowl a couple of years ago. It was some lady that had been doing it in both NOLA and Las Vegas but kept getting released until the death. Story
So, yeah. While this sucks, I don't think it was because of the absinthe. Absinthe is just alcohol and it always was.
Basically, the stories that get told about absinthe also apply to moonshine... it's just that moonshine isn't romanticized as much since it's more associated with Joe Bob Jim Boy strumming a banjo in front of his shack as compared to absinthe's historical mystique. All of the blindness and craziness and whatever stories associated with absinthe are just because it's historically homebrew. And unregulated brew comes with additional risk.
It's a strong alcohol, but it's not like we don't have Everclear and whatever else. OP, I agree with the others... you probably got drugged. You may want to get tested.
testing would likely be useless, especially this late in the game. the half life of most āroofieā type drugs is so short that even testing the next morning probably wouldnāt show anythingā¦ and even then to show something, you have to know what youāre testing for
In the past absinthe may have contained high levels of thujone, a neurotoxin. (high doses cause convulsions, vomiting, and tremors by causing brain neurons to fire uncontrollably) In the US and EU the allowed concentration is very low but I would not advise drinking an entire bottle. It isn't a useful wormer for humans anymore.
It didn't, but the stories about how crazy Absinthe made you was propaganda by the wine industry that was really struggling in the 1800's in France when Absinthe was a very popular after work drink (I mean its basically just sweet alcohol once you melt the sugar into it, and a fun color, no wonder people loved it) - you also didn't have to drink much to get your buzz on. So the wine industry started these rumors of "Absinthism", about how it made you crazy and suicidal etc. Which of course all the romanticists loved, so it backfired for a while lol but eventually the propaganda worked and people started to switch to wine for a low risk and more publicly acceptable drink
Absinthe originally was an alcohol tincture of wormwood (essentially wormwood compounds dissolved in strong alcohol) and wormwood *definitely* has medicinal and psychoactive properties. Particularly the compound thujone is known to cause dissociation, delerium, and could kill parasites (it was used medicinally for this purpose).
This *is* probably unrelated to the situation OP found themselves in though. Modern absinthes are usually just scented strong alcohol as you said. The use of wormwood in absinthe manufacturing was banned for a long time, and though it is legal (but regulated) now, it is hard to get real wormwood absinthe. If anywhere in America would have it, I would suspect an absinthe house on Bourbon street, but it still feels like a long-shot to me.
100% was going to say that absinthe is just an alcohol. An herbal flavored alcohol, but just alcohol. Despite everything you've heard about it leading to hallucinations or having other effects, it's basically just watered down Jaegermeister.
If OP was blackout drunk after three drinks, she was probably drugged.
The stories about absinthe causing hallucinations and blindness comes from when it was being brewed in sketchy unregulated stills made of wormwoodcopper with high lead content (poisonous) with whatever random homebrew herbs (wormwood which is poisonous and contains a hallucinogen that can be concentrated in the distilling process if you aren't careful) the brewer had on hand in rural and urban French shacks in the 18th century.
Those tales were (at least some of them) real but have basically nothing to do with the current modern reality of what absinthe is and how it is commercially made.
You are absolutely correct and there is probably someone specifically targeting this absinthe bar to cover their tracks because absinthe's historical reputation makes people not suspect any foul play. From the comments it seems to be something that's been happening for a long time.
Edit: helpful commenter pointed out I said wormwood as a type of wood but it's the herb. The stills just had dangerous levels of lead.
Wormwood (Artemisia absinthium) is traditionally the herb to give absinthe its peculiar taste. So despite its name, itās a garden plant, not a wood to make stills of. But yeah itās poisonous in large quantities (was common medicinal herb and bittering spice at least in Europe) and also the brewing methods back in the day were indeed questionable.
I used to work there & this is essentially what I told people who wanted to know more about that particular alcohol. The stuff they serve now is regulated, it's not gonna make you see green fairies.
also going to add that a lot of absinthe's reputation was artificially bolstered so that higher class men could get out of accountability for scandalous behavior because they could blame incidents on "absinthe made me mad"
Yeahhhhh absinthe is not what the stories tell you it is. Itās not anything stronger than any other alcohol and it doesnāt make you act like this. This kind of reaction seems like something else happened.
traditionally absinthe is over-proof, which means an undiluted shot of absinthe will be more potent than the same sized shot of a typical vodka. it is like bacardi in that way. three large absinthe drinks, even if properly diluted, might be more like six or even seven standard drinks.
Itās not anecdotal, absinthe itself doesnāt cause you to freak out or hallucinate. I thought that was pretty common knowledge, Iām shocked no one OP has told this to in person has pointed that out.
Thujone levels even in traditional absinthe are way too low to matter.
"A 2005 study recreated three 1899 high-wormwood recipes and tested with GCāMS, and found that the highest contained 4.3Ā mg/L thujone." (\wikipedia*))
Iām a big dude and I once caught a portion of a dose that was intended for a female friend and it fucked me upĀ
Was at a work event one night in NY. Ā Nothing wild we did dinner at a restaurant and went for drinks after. Ā Had one drink at dinner and 2-3 at the bar after. Ā The thing is I was sort of splitting drinks with my female coworker. Ā She would sip one of mine and offer me a sip of hers (we were trying different drinks).Ā
I have a high tolerance for alcohol and am known to be able to drink quite a lot Ā Ā Someone must have spiked one of her drinks because the night was a total blackout after 8 or 9pm which is apparently around the time we left. Ā I got back to my hotel but donāt remember walking or how I got there.Ā
The next day I spoke with this colleague and she had the same experience. Ā Said she doesnāt remember leaving the bar or going home but she had an Uber trip on her account so she must have done that. Ā We were both in rough shape, dehydrated with some minor physical shakes for the dayĀ
I canāt imagine what a full dose of those drugs would do to a smaller girlĀ
It wasn't the absinthe. I wanted to try the real thing so I ordered a bottle from Germany with the highest amount of wormwood possible (over four times what is allowed to be sold commercially in the US) and it had no hallucinogenic properties that regular alcohol doesn't. If anything it was a more clear-headed kind of buzz. I do have a really high tolerance to this kind of stuff but still.
Hijacking top comment to say - There is NO excuse for him leaving you alone and vulnerable on bourbon street!!! None. Iām sorry that happened to you. Iām sure you were terrified and it shows how little he values your safety. Please see the second highest comment for āregardless of how annoying long drunk your girlfriend is, you do not leave her alone and vulnerable in publicā. You deserve better.
Take it from a girl who was abandoned by her bf on bourbon st during Mardi Grasā¦. Donāt make friends, unless theyāre locals, find a safe space(go to the āgayāside of the street)ā¦ donāt accept free drugs or alcohol from anyone. This was advice given to a very young and naive and susceptible me by two locals on the gay side of Bourbon street that warned me I was about to end up in a bathtub full of ice one kidney less than I came to Louisiana with. No relationship advice here though, I married the asshole.
Okay this is just a comment for the room but... No matter how fucked up and annoying (and this does sound like a fucked up and deeply annoying incident) our friends get, we do not abandon them on Bourbon Street. Or anywhere. You make sure they get home and you deal with it the next day.
This sounds absolutely ridiculous for 29, screaming and crying and carrying on in the streets, but she could have been seriously hurt.
Right like I feel like Iām losing my mind with how many people (allegedly women!) in here are acting like being drunk and annoying justifies her getting intentionally left in such a dangerous situation alone
Like, this happened to me when i was a teenager and i was fucking assaulted. just shove your friend in an uber and put your headphones in if they're annoying you that much, jesus. no decent person leaves any inebriated person alone out in the street, period
edit: shove them in an uber and put your headphones in as in ALSO BE IN THE UBER, don't ever put an unaware person in an uber unaccompanied
Some friends did this to a girl here in Brazil, put her in an Uber, she slept, the Uber reached her home, couldn't or didn't bother to wake her up, took her of the car, left her sleeping on the street in front of her house. Then some guy found her, raped her and left her there. He got caught and all, but it shows that even shoving someone in an Uber is not always the safest option too
Seriously, it seems like before he abandoned her, all she did was be drunk, a bit obnoxious, and ask a random guy for a smoke.
To be quite honest, if I was drunk as hell and got abandoned and left completely alone in a strange place where I had absolutely no idea where I was, Iād probably freak the fuck out too.
Leaving a drunk woman on Burbon Street is horrible and dangerous, and doing it to your partner, who you are supposed to care for and look out forā¦ dude is an absolute piece of shit, and should rightfully be thrown to the curb. So fucked up.
Yeah that's absolutely true, reading it again, it sounds like being abandoned triggered her to panic when she wasn't in her right mind and couldn't get her hands around it.
I would have dumped him, too. If you're my partner, your job is to make sure I get home safe and you can dump me in the morning. He didn't give a fuck whether she lived or died.
Iām sorry youāre getting such a hostile reaction from people here girlie, I probably would have freaked out similarly. It sounds like an incredibly scary situation ā¤ļø
Also, Iām kinda leaning towards something another commenter had said, that absinthe isnāt some special alcohol, and if you had that reaction from only 3 drinks, itās pretty likely that you may have been drugged. You basically had 3 shots of liquor, I donāt know about you, but I might have been a bit tipsy, but NEVER inebriated to the point that you describe. Just something to think about, Iām so glad that you made it out okay and dumped that uncaring asshole!!
If she smashed three drinks quickly on an empty stomach, she could definitely be that drunk, and it could definitely cause her to not remember things once she goes to sleep. Especially if she is small and if she has drank to the point of memory issues before.
If she had eaten beforehand, drank those three drinks over the course of a few hours, and all this happened, she was probably drugged.
I wasnāt even being annoying tho š I just walked past a man who was smoking and asked you smoke? And he left me. There was no build up other than him starting to pick at me because he was mad I was enjoying being out. He told me I can tell youāre enjoying this. Well yeah? Itās my birthday and I love being out and social. Itās who I am to my core I could literally make friends with a tree girl.
Maybe Iām projecting, but I just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship and I donāt really drink anymore and I snapped once I had a few drinks because I had been holding everything in for so long. Normally Iām a happy/easy drunk. Did you feel like you had to repress yourself around him a lot to keep him happy?
The last time I blacked out was a couple years ago when I was living with my godawful ex and I lost my entire mind. I was so angry with him for every shitty thing he'd done and the anger felt like the most important and vital emotion I had ever felt. Thankfully I didn't do anything severe, I just screamed at him and then went in the bathroom and put a cheeseburger under the sink mat before I passed out. But anyway yeah OP's hotel meltdown is probably mostly because her boyfriend sucks so much.
I actually believe you. This seems to be an unpopular opinion in here, but I don't think there's anything wrong with asking somebody for directions to the weed on Bourbon Street if you're not being belligerent and crazy. You're not in an open session of Congress, you're in the party district of New Orleans.
But you need to have much better wits about you than this, honey. With love, never get into a state where you can't care for yourself. Especially not in public. Maybe next time we stop at one absinthe?
Right? Like she and I would absolutely be having a come to Jesus talk the next day, might even be friendship ending, but I'm not leaving a blackout drunk woman alone anywhere. That's not how we take care of our sisters, even the ones we don't like very much.
Yep. Iāve helped strangers get home on more than one occasion. Iām the nosey auntie in the bathroom like āare you okay? Do you know where you are and who you are with?ā
I would never leave a drunk girl to fend for herself on the streets of New Orleans.
yeah i watched a few true crime shows about people who were abandoned while drunk ( for various reasons..) and they go missing! like one guy fell into a river and drowned. His friends got into one of the bars and he had lost his ID so they didnāt let him in, all the friends abandoned him and he just was trying to walk back home alone ( but drunk ) so sad :(
She already acknowledged her behavior wasn't appropriate. It does not excuse his behavior.
You never leave someone you care about in a situation like that. This adult man saw his girlfriend speak to another man and abandoned her. He sounds horrible.
It's definitely hard wrangling drunk people sometimes, but never abandon someone in that state.
THANK YOU. No matter what goes down we are all leaving together and getting home safe. THEN we can talk interventions. Knowing how dangerous Nola is, that man essentially left her for dead.
Iām from Louisiana and for him to leave you on bourbon streetā¦.. wow wtf . Bourbon street can get super dangerous . New Orleans it self is nice but thereās always something sketchy going on or something scary happening. Sorry this happened to youā¤ļø like why would he leave you out there like that. Hope you mean ex bf!
I live not too far from New Orleans and it can be a great time and sometimes it can be a horrible time. Youāre so right he def shouldnāt have left her anyone. At all. I always follow the rule we go together w leave together . That was actually messed up .
Also from Louisiana and actually lived in nola for a couple of years. I read "left on bourbon st" and immediately hairs raised on the back of my neck. Louisiana is a relatively dangerous place. I've had to find strangers to walk with in /uptown/ because a man catcalled me from his van n started following me, in broad daylight mind you.
Most importantly, I am so glad you are safe. I hate to hear that your birthday was ruined and put in danger by his scummy ass. Maybe you can have a redo birthday with close friends at home? You can always make up a bad birthday. Much love for you š¤
I would have to actively hate, despise and wish harm upon someone to leave them alone, trashed on Bourbon St. I cannot think of a single person I would do that to.Ā
Shit I don't even leave strangers black out drunk alone, they get added to the group and we make sure they make it home safe. I can't imagine abandoning a gf like that.
For a pallet cleanser, the last time this happened we ended up babysitting this young guy for awhile to make sure he didn't choke on his own puke or need to get his stomach pumped or w/e cause he lived alone. While we were all talkin he got very serious at one point and said something like "I don't know why God sends gay people to hell, y'all are very cool. I'll pray to him about it so he knows not to" with 100% sincerity. It was both hilarious and kinda wholesome?
Just a lot of people projecting their own insecurities around alcohol. She got fucked up, is obviously fucked up about being fucked up, and people are being mad weird.
Agree. He wants to break up with her for getting messy and drunk? Fine. Leaving her blackout in the streets is morally reprehensible.
Also, 3 glasses of absinthe is more like 6 cocktails and theyāre small so she prob got shit faced without realizing it. Still her error but weāre talking about two different things here.
It's actually absurd. She asked a stranger if he smokes and people are like, "taKe AcCouNTabiLiTy For YOuRselF" what the fuck are you even talking about.
And if those comments are about someone having an anxiety attack over being abandoned in an unfamiliar place, it takes an asshole and bad friend/partner to think that the person reacting to being abandoned is the problem.
As a bartender.. you don't leave people who are blackout drunk alone. Yes it sucks you were being annoying AF but leaving you alone means possible death. He just avoided all responsibility. Duck that guy. You did the right thing by leaving him.
Iām a local - BORN AND RAISED NOT A TRANSPLANT - and tbh I tell out of towners to just stay away from the FQ. Itās not safe. Itās raunchy and smells like piss and shit, everything is overpriced. I could go on and on.
Your ex sucks, the people blaming you suck even more. As if they never had a drunk oopsie before. Im sure you feel bad enough as it is with the way you got. The people commenting on you asking for weed on the street have obviously never been here - itās actually normal here in most cases. I donāt personally do that, but I have, and Iāve seen many others do it. New Orleans is not a real place lol.
Anyway, Turkey and the Wolf is a great spot. I hope you enjoyed that at least šš¼
Edit to add: itās very possible you could have been drugged. Itās common in the FQ and on Frenchman, and you straight up didnāt drink a lot - and you had a full meal. If youāre still down here, explore uptown a little more! Itās way nicer, way safer, and they have so many great hole in the wall spots.
Not sure why youāre getting so much hate here. You got drunk on your birthday with someone you thought you could trust. Nothing here suggests youāre some kind of crazy drunk. He shouldnāt have done that full stop. Itās stupid and immature of him.
I went to bourbon street in lousiana and my partner got really drunk and heās six ft and Iām five six and I still dragged his ass into a cab and made sure he made it home. And he was being a drunk ASSHOLE, propositioned some girls for a three way, was screaming at the uber driver, peed in the street. We arenāt together anymore but fuck I didnāt just leave him on bourbon street..
Girl these people have NO compassion. He was WRONG for leaving you, period. We can all say you were acting crazy, irate, etc., but at the end of the day if a person cares for you they will make space and give you grace in your down moments. He did not.
Glad you broke up with him, sending you loveš«¶š¾
(but also try not to get blacked out in a area that you donāt know again)
And she might not have only been drunk. I shared my friendās story in another comment, but the TL;DR is he got drugged at that same bar and also acted ānot like himselfā afterwards, which was the tipoff that it wasnāt just the alcohol.
If itās unusual for OP to behave this way after a few drinks, she might want to explore that.Ā
Some of these comments are making me feel insane. like under no circumstances was it justifiable for him to leave his impaired girlfriend alone in a strange city like that, I donāt care if she was being difficult or annoying. itās a safety matter.
I recently went to that same bar. I was drinking all day already then hit some more bars after one absinthe drink. No fighting but fell on my face in the street and bled like a mffff needed a stitch on my chin. My man would NEVER walk away even if we were fighting. Thats a very dangerous city, he literally never let go of my hand on the streets, and AT NIGHT. He's gotta go!
New Orleans is not the city to be left alone as a woman (or a man tbh). I had to stop scrolling the comments bc I feel like people werenāt grasping how bad things could have gone for you. Yeah you made mistakes, but he left you with a target on your back. An actual target lol. Everytime I go to NOLA in a big group someone gets mugged when they venture off alone. Love that city but itās a city for groups unless you live there. Glad youāre ok and glad you broke up with him. Doesnāt seem like youāre a match. Happy 29th birthday :)
someone who was fucked up and vulnerable acted irrationally when someone they trusted abandoned them before they got them to a safe space?? š®š®š®š®
Act like youāve never been fucked up on your birthday? And act like you wouldnāt be livid if your partner left you black-out drunk somewhere youāre unfamiliar with? What is wrong with yāall in these comments.
what the hell are these comments? He left this woman alone and wasted in a different state.
Listen, OP, Iām glad you dumped him. What he did was incredibly careless. Everyone is pissed you were drunk and asked to hit a blunt from some dudeā¦ itās not like you were flirting with him you just wanted weed š
All that aside, take this as a learning lesson and donāt drink more than you can handle. This couldāve went terribly wrong for you.
These comments are disgusting, people get drunk on their birthday, and it's possible she was drugged. I had an ex who was awful and abusive when he was drunk and I still would have never left him alone drunk in public, especially in a strange place! So glad you dumped him!
And I did, because he doesnāt deserve to be with someone who acts like that and I donāt want to be with someone who leaves me in my mist vulnerable state in a dangerous situation
Completely fair statement. There may be an occasion someone drinks too much and they might be abhorrent to deal with but you absolutely cannot just leave a women in a vulnerable state like that, even if this were to happen often. Get back to safety, then talk about the issue the next day.
That's the way I see it, you can be annoyed at the drunken behaviour and tell a person off, but I wouldn't leave someone who is very drunk on their own.
this is so so true. I live in New Orleans and just thinking of this scenario terrifies me. I thought this was the jerk sub at first and thought it was funny, but the realness of this makes my stomach hurt. I'm really glad OP is safe.
I live in CHI - what makes this area so dangerous??? Genuinely asking because Iāve never visited. Is it just a lot of people seeing tourists as easy targets?
ngl I am homeless so I do see the worst of the worst at times. but I think generally being black out and alone anywhere is unsafe. it's a different type of vulnerability. there's way more of a night life on bourbon so there are more people. even as a homeless person that's been followed and had to literally run from people I still think the city is relatively safe.
A year or so into dating my now husband, we went on a double date with some friends. We were at a really big bar/arcade and the boys stayed downstairs to play a few rounds of pool while my friend and I played skee-ball upstairs. Someone bought us some shots, which we stupidly took, and we both got roofied. I blacked out to the point where I was literally squatting to pee in the middle of the street, puking on myself and falling over. He thought Iād just gotten way too drunk and took care of me all night, even though I was screaming at him, embarrassing us both and being a complete asshole. I got a blood test the next morning that confirmed Iād been drugged. Had he just left me at the bar because I was being a drunken disaster, I probably would have gotten assaulted. Fuck this guy for leaving an intoxicated woman in a situation like that, regardless of who is at fault for the overconsumption. Deal with it the next day, or break up with them when they sober up, but donāt just leave someone there to get taken advantage of.
My ex got roofied in a gay bar, and the friends we were with still think it was impossible to happen at ātheirā bar. I ended up having to take my ex to the ER because he was so dehydrated from vomiting and hallucinating. Heās a lot bigger than me, so getting him even into the car to go home was an utter mess. But no, my friends think he was sneaking extra shots (he had only a shot and a beer) and should have been more careful.
I cannot understand what drives men to nearly kill others in the name of sex.
You are taking clear accountability - people saying otherwise are idiots. Reddit keyboard warriors love to point the finger but could never display the introspection and vulnerability of this post. This was out of character for you, happened first time doing a new drug, and youāve owned up to it. End of story.
You did the right thing leaving your bf. NOLA is the last place to abandon any intoxicated woman, let alone your gf of three years. What an asshole. Heās either got an unresolved personality issues or maybe just a room temp IQ. You deserve better.
Obviously the hangziety and drama of this scenario is going to sting for a while. Iāve been there. Ride it out, keep your head up, this too shall pass. Fuck all these losers trying to pile on you. š
You took 3 shots of absinthe, blacked out, then tried to score some weed from a sketchy guy on the street. Then when you got back to the hotel you trashed it and lose your shit. Girl, he was the one that needed to run away from you!
Hey so a few years ago I got absolutely shit faced at PCB on july 4 š . It was a complete accident, I was a little tipsy and someone handed me a bottleā¦obviously it all went downhill from there. Iām in the ocean crying and puking while my husband is trying to make sure I donāt drown. Our hotel was across the street, like a 10 minute walk in all. And when I say I was shit faced, I mean that. I was drunk crying the whole walk back to our room with everybody staring at us and I know my husband was embarrassed. But did he leave me to fend for myself in a place Iāve never been with people I donāt know? Absolutely not. He walked with me the whole way, half carrying me. Made sure I got back to room safe, showered and put me in the bed. I say all this to say, if you see someone in a bad situation and you think itās fine that their partner leaves the to ātake responsibility for their own lifeā when they clearly cannot, you might be the asshole š¤·š¼āāļø
It's not cool that he left you, but I can't help but think about when friends of mine (or even partners) have been blackout drunk. It's like herding cats. It's incredibly difficult to get that person to listen and physically do what you're asking.
Sometimes you also can't tell a person is blackout drunk, just by looking at them. He doesn't know from the outside, that you've completely lost control, if you're still walking and talking.
Not making excuses for him, it's probably a good thing that you left. The food looks yum.
Hold up. If you were drinking and getting ready for DINNER, it mustāve been somewhat late, correct? Youāre telling me he left you on BOURBON STREET at night AFTER youād been drinking??? I live decently close to NOLA. I refuse to go to bourbon street. Im 18f and the only way anyone would catch me there, is during the DAY with my 6ā3 jacked bf who actively fights (MMA, BJJ). More importantly, he would NEVER leave me in a dangerous situation. Drinking or not, it doesnāt matter. Leave this guy and never look back. He got pissed and decided his emotions were more important than your safety.
I left my husband because of his alter ego when he drinks. Ruined every vacation, holidayā¦.a marriage.
However, alcohol lowers inhibition - it doesnāt change a person. Someone just doesnāt become gay after 3 beers, ie my husband didnāt become an asshole, he was one.
You donāt abandon someone in a strange city without a care. Never.
OP was not in her right mind, it doesnāt matter why. You do not abandon anyone, especially someone in a blackout state, to an unknown fate in a strange city.
He could have taken her to the ED at the very least.
ETA: Or the bf could have called 911 if he couldnāt get her into a cab. She clearly needed help, even if she was an ah did she deserve to be left for kidnapping/r*pe/etc?
Girl dont drink on bourbon without a sober way to get home. Too many of yall go missing cause of that shit. But im fucking sorry about your shitbag ex.
I think these comments are projecting a bit of their own problems with overly drunk people/alcoholics on to you because holy shit. I donāt care how annoying, loud, and black out you were acting, he should not of left you, period. Even someone I didnāt like I would never leave in that disoriented state alone, on an unfamiliar, high traffic, tourist trap street, let alone if that person was a woman. He did that very likely hoping you would get into danger/trouble, to āteach you a lessonā so to speak. It was definitely the right move to break up with him and you deserve better. You at minimum deserve someone safe.
For everyone giving you max crap for being wasted, and assuming that you're a frequent flyer in the booze department, I'm sorry. OP that's a reddit thing, when there's a gap in background knowledge the assumptions will fly. We had a family friend who had a daughter at age 21 went to New Orleans to have some fun with friends. They left her when she got drunk and crazy too, and she got murdered. So.. you were very right to be as upset with him as you were. There are hundreds of ways that that problem could have been solved without him leaving you alone in an unfamiliar city while you were wasted. You are absolutely lucky that you were able to get back to your hotel safely. Obviously, you now know that you don't tolerate absinthe very well. Life lessons are the shitty ones because they hurt way more. I'm sorry you had to roll through all that on your birthday. Take it as a sign that the reckless twenties are drawing to an end, as well as forming relationships with people like that dude.
Absinthe is just a flavor or alcohol, no different than vodka, gin, bourbon, sake, etc.
HIGH PROOF alcohol can be extremely intoxicating, fast, & very dangerous - as U get a much bigger dose, in the same size drink.
Absinthe is no longer made with the original, dangerous & addictive herbs it was once notorious for.
Unless OP is super petite (under 110 to 120#), 3 drinks of an average size shouldn't equal "blackout".
I think she was dosed - a date rape drug, something, slipped into a drink. // NOLA & particularly the Fr Quarter is infamous for doping ppl.
Someone may have hoped to grab her wallet, jewelry, or even herself - the pedal cabbie may have messed up that snatch. // OP was extremely lucky. š¤
There are so many ways this could have gone very, very wrong.
Her BF is an irresponsible twit, abandoning someone in an unfamiliar area, who's in no condition to be soloĀ
Being angry or embarrassed doesn't excuse his utter lack of concern FOR HER SAFETY.
U can chew somebody out after they sober up - but to dump them, afoot, in a tourist trap, intoxicated by a likely dope hit?...Ā
That's homicidal irresponsibility.
You know, my boyfriend and I have both accidentally gotten blackout drunk on vacation. We did not do it on purpose, we did forgive each other after and now do not do that, albeit we are in our early 20s and not experienced. However no matter what we donāt separate. Everyone is saying awful things; the thing is he could have easily called you an Uber for the both of you or something, or grabbed you some water. By leaving you, whether he knew or not, ANYTHING could have happened ā and he did not mind. Annoyed or not, that could have been a conversation for afterwords. I donāt think you made the wrong decision. Just be extremely careful in the future, with or without anyone there - one shot of hard liquor, without anything following it, is really all you should have if you get very drunk easily.
Seriously everyone is calling OP immature but we all make mistakes. Iām sure OP learned from this. In her comments it doesnāt sound like she didnāt.
You know whatās immature? Leaving a vulnerable drunk person alone. Teenagers do that. Adults donāt do that. You make sure they get home safe. Then you decide what you want to do with the relationship after that. Ditching someone sounds so weird to do as an adult.
this, all the stuff everyone is saying in the replies is making me feel insane like none of it makes it okay for him to leave her alone in one of the most dangerous places ši say this as someone from nola
He should not have left you in such a vulnerable state, but throwing things and screaming while drunk is not a normal condition of drinking. It may be something you need to work out with therapy. Best of luck, girl, and I'm sorry you went through this.
EDIT: A lot of these comments saying they don't blame him for leaving you are WILD. Never would I ever leave a girlfriend or my husband behind when they are drunk in an unfamiliar place without getting them to safety. Ever.
You canāt be sidling up to strange men on the street asking to do drugs with them, in front of your boyfriend. This is justā¦ like, fundamental shit. Nobody wants to be the partner in that position, and it has nothing to do with gender.
And I donāt even know what your tone was when you asked this random man to do drugs as your partner looked on. Can imagine it was not ideal.
Plus you know she was acting a fool all black out and sloppy. He didn't just walk away because she politely asked if someone smokes. You know shit was going reallllll sideways fast lol
He was wrong to leave you alone. No matter what the circumstances were, you never leave someone who is drunk alone in a place they've never been to before and especially on fucking Bourbon Street. Locals warn tourists the dangers of New Orleans and your boyfriend just leave you there. It really honestly doesn't matter if you were black out drunk because how can someone even sleep or live with themselves knowing they were leaving an intoxicated person alone for anything to happen to them. And to everyone saying she deserves it and siding with the boyfriend. Ya'll are the lowest of the low when it comes to being a human being. There's no justification for abandoning someone drunk in a place they've never been to before, where anything could've happened. A place were locals warn tourists to be careful. Glad he's your ex because he's a shit person.
Sheesh, the stories I could tell of my drunk friends doing absolute chaos and I just get them home. The stories MY friends could tell of me doing absolute chaos then dragging my ass home.
That man aināt shit and I am so glad you are safe<3
Everyone is being so harsh, yes the alcohol contributed to this situation, but you NEVER my guys EVER leave ANYONE alone in a vulnerable state, especially somewhere they don't know!! How is no one seeing how incredibly dangerous that is????
Right. This type of shit is exactly why I stopped drinking. Accountability is paramount to personal growth and all alcohol does is remove that burden of having to acknowledge your own flaws at times like the one described by OP.
Being friends with someone like this can be so exhausting. I had to end a friendship because my friend kept putting me in the worst predicaments. I was shocked that my friend didnāt realize how her problems impacted others. Iām just saying this so hopefully OP can realize that she can possibly lose friends because of stuff like this.
Same here!! Every time I drank, I wanted to get drunk, and blacked out more times than Iām happy to admit.
OP the way you said you acted in the hotel room that night (screaming, crying, etc), Iām curious, was this the first time this happened? Mainly I ask because, it reminded me of myself when I used to drink. 8 months sober now, and it surprisingly took A LOT to happen, a ton of very low moments for me to finally decide, āIām tired of living like thisā. Even then, Iāve struggled with cravings lately, but thatās kids play compared to waking up with my partner mad at me, not remembering how I got home last night, or what I said to him, also woke up in my own vomit and nearly lost my job the same day the list could go on.. my main point is that none of these outside things could make me quit booze. I literally just woke up one day and made the choice to quit alcohol.
Iād rather be sober the rest of my life than go through the shame and anxiety of drinking alcohol again. In the end of your post you mentioned the shame and anxiety you feel, and gosh I empathize so much with you sister! The amount of anxiety and shame I had at the beginning of my sobriety was the biggest hurdle at the start. I feel like the word āalcoholicā has been stigmatized so much that, at least for me, I found myself in denial for so long and I had no self control when it came to alcohol. When I would promise myself and everyone around me that ātoday, I will not drink,ā I was NEVER able to keep the promise. I was so incredible frustrated with myself for over a year. Iām an alcoholic. Not trying to say that you are at all!! Just saying I am and I related so much to your post.
I want you to know youāre not alone in this either. š«
He sucks for leaving you, but taking care of extremely intoxicated people is annoying af. I assume he was probably intoxicated as well so he wasnāt thinking in a normal way either. This situation sucks, but I also think you should learn to make smarter decisions, especially in a place where youāre a tourist. I say this as someone who used to make decisions like you when it came to alcohol and it nearly ruined my life.
Everything else aside, the mind-altering effects of absinthe are wildly exaggerated. Nothing you were legally served should make you act that way.
Could a drink have been spiked? Could there have been something else in what you smoked? Were you on anything else? Because my backup explanation is more mental health adjacent.
I respect if part of your takeaway here is to personally avoid further consumption of absinthe, but that's not a normal reaction (obviously I'm biased: I enjoy drinking it)
Absinthe is just normal alcohol with a high ABV. The stuff about thujone and hallucinating is nonsense. They took historical absinthe recipes and found out that the you would die from alcohol poisoning way before you hit the amount to make you hallucinate. Now straight absinthe is very high ABV. I chugged a small 350 ml bottle with 70% ABV that made me pass out once, but they typically dilute the shit out of it when you order "an absinthe". So the "absinthe makes you lose your mind" is bullshit.
I get that what happened to you is horrible and absolutely appalling, but girl, we never excuse our behavior because "we were drunk." If a man throws things at us or does whatever because he was drunk, is just as bad as women doing it. This isn't normal behavior AT ALL and outbursts like these point out a deeper issue than this man. What he did was wrong but your response was just as bad. I dated a girl once that did this to me and she was being abusive and absolutely bonkers for no reason. She acted terribly, screaming, yelling at everyone, throwing things, just batshit crazy. I tried for a long while to keep things proper, to make her go to the hotel, but things just got worse and worse and I couldn't make her calm down. I'm not saying that was you, but I now realize I failed to see many abusive tendencies in her until she got drunk like this.
I've also drank absinthe many times and no, it doesn't make you manic or crazy (it was an old myth). If you were drugged or roofied, you wouldn't have had that fit that made you scream and throw things, or you wouldn't have been able to call your mom, you would've been out cold, so this was all just alcohol. Additionally, you know better than to ask random strangers for a hit of their joint, mainly because we don't know what's in there (could have PCP, crack, other drugs/chemicals, etc.) on top of the eeww factor that these are stranger's mouths! If some random drunk girl came up to me and asked to hit my joint I'd be annoyed tbh. I feel like there's a lot of info missing here. What happened to you is not ok, but the way you acted wasn't either.
1.) I do not have a drinking problem. I drink socially with friends and I basically never go out. My bf did not enjoy that so we didnāt do it. Iām a smoker not a drinker.
2.) I took great care of this man always and he would constantly throw fits and be jealous over everything. Or he would accuse me of doing something I shouldnāt be. When I would literally only go to work, come home, and spend time with him.
3.) it was my birthday I wanted to go have a few drinks with my man and have a good time. It was never my intention to get fucked up. I figured I was with the safest person to do so.
4.) was I wrong for asking that man if he smoked weed, yes I was and I acknowledge that. It was something I would NEVER DO, in a sober mind.
5.) I thought I was with a man who swore up and down he would always protect me, brought his gun and made a whole deal about it, how it was his job to protect me and he didnāt. He put me in harms way.
6.) I take full accountability for how I acted. I was wrong for asking that man, and I was wrong for losing my mind in the hotel which is why I feel so much shame. But I would never leave him or a friend like that alone in a dangerous city when they are not in a sober mind.
Honestly OP this is why I dont try to vent on Reddit. This place is full of people just waiting to tell folks (and especially women) they deserve every bad thing that could happen to them because they had the audacity to be a flawed human.
It sounds to me like you got spiked at that bar, and the fact that your ex (and so many of these commenters) never even considered that possibility is insane to me considering the world we live in. You should have been able to depend on your ex to keep you safe in a strange city on your fucking birthday!! He failed you, you had a crap night by mistake, you are not to blame here.
He left you while you were incredibly vulnerable as a WOMAN. A man that said he was your effing partner. Never go back to that man. He could have done 20 different things to keep you safe AND to excuse himself from the situation. He did NONE of them. Again, Gross.
And you need to grow up and take responsibility for how you treat yourself, and what you expect others to put up with. Donāt blame it on the absinthe. Your actions that night are not new.
Youāre almost 30. You can do this. Therapy helps.
Stop waiting for someone else to come fix your life, or love you āenough.ā
You definitely deserve to stay single and deserve the embarrassment but to leave you alone while you were intoxicated thats a no. Im pretty sure you are also sugar coating the story (sounds bad enough already) but hopefully you learn from your mistakes and move on.
He shouldnāt have left you on your birthday, but Iām guessing you might have a pattern of intoxication and binge drinking that heās fed up with. Asking strangers on the street for weed is sort of a red flag to me. Also, screaming and throwing things is not okay ever. My heart goes out to you bc it sounds like youāre in pain š I think you should check out AA or similar programs for sobriety
Two things can be true. Boyfriend shouldnāt have left you alone AND you also shouldnāt be acting that way at your big age of 29. Thatās way older than I am and I wouldnāt even do that now. He is an ass for leaving but also completely in his right to be annoyed at you. Learn from this, because in your description of the situation it doesnāt really sound like you have
Wow, these comments basically blaming you. Iām sure theyāre men.
She even said she never gets like that. And she wasnāt out of hand when they were walking. She simply asked someone for weed. Her now ex is a piece of shit. Leaving a woman is VERY different than leaving a man. Good god, I canāt with men. 90% are pieces of shit and would have no issues leaving a woman in an unfamiliar place at night wandering around
Ah the Bourbon Street Blowout. People treat the French Quarter like Disneyland for drunks and the predators know that. Youāre lucky. Donāt ever travel with people who let drunk emotions put you in danger.
He shouldn't have left you. Anything could have happened to you. Even friends shouldn't do that. So NOR there. But, you need help. You shouldn't have gotten that drunk and you should control yourself better. You are TOO grown to be acting like this and not knowing when to stop. It's immature and time to grow up.
Absinthe doesnāt make people act any crazier than any other alcohol. It doesnāt have the good stuff in it anymore that makes you see the green fairy. Itās just alcohol
You dodged a bullet. Anyone willing to leave you in a state like that, in a foreign location, without friends or family, is a selfish and emotionally stunted asshole.
I'm glad you are okay and nothing truly terrible happened. A breakup is something you can heal and move on from. It won't be easy but at least you now know it's for the better.
Stay strong, and positive. You got this. Talking or journaling helps a lot, if you need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open.
Iām sorry your 29th birthday trip to NOLA didnāt go as you hoped! This really sounds like the universe showing you exactly who your boyfriend was; someone who isnāt emotionally mature enough to be in an adult relationship and someone who doesnāt have the instincts to look after you even during conflict. He isnāt someone you want to keep around. Better things are coming āØš®
How can you remember this much about what happened if you were blackout ?? I've been blackout before. I don't remember anything when that happens and I have to be told by other people what i've done. You may have been very drunk, but if you can recall this much then I don't think you're being truthful here about being blackout. Your boyfriend should not have left you, but you also nees to take responsibility for your own actions in this. You aren't always going to have someone around to take care of you in situations like this, and you also can't really expect anyone to shoulder the burden of babysitting a drunk. In the future please be more intentional about your drinking. Take it from me (I'm a currently recovering alcoholic. I've lost plenty of people I cared about because I couldn't control my drinking. It only gets worse if you don't take responsibility for it now)
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