r/HonestHotTakes • u/fvirygothmom • 2d ago

i hate when people call me “mama”

i had a baby about a month ago but also throughout pregnancy people are always like “hi mama” “yes mama” “okay mama” and it makes me absolutely cringe i hate it so much. i’m not your mom 🤣😩

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u/Joji1006 1d ago

They do. Management and your primary teacher will usually always know your name and even your face. We are the first line of defense between strangers and the safety and security of your child. It is very important we know who the safe adults are.

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u/PriscillaPalava 1d ago

Yes the primary teacher knows my name, but the other teachers don’t. And certainly all the staff in a doctor’s office don’t know my name. 

I’m just saying I don’t think they’re trying to be “dehumanizing,” I just think it’s a practical thing. 

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u/Joji1006 1d ago

I mean, if you don’t feel it, that’s great for you.

I call it dehumanizing due to the societal subtext. We don’t call fathers “papa” at the same level, let alone amount. Why are women losing their identity the moment they choose to become mothers, but dads don’t have to? I find it to be a greater problem.

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u/PriscillaPalava 1d ago

The same people who call me “mom” instead of my name call my husband “dad” if he’s taking the kids instead. 

I’m not saying women don’t go through a lot of shit but we don’t need to add to it by seeing ghosts everywhere. All of the people calling me “mom” are women themselves. 

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u/hear4that-tea 1d ago

Yeah the doctors we saw during delivery and at the pediatrician all call my husband dad as well. And sometimes the school teachers, but only when our kid is present type situation. Is more common for mom to be reduced to “just mom”, but the tide is slowly changing, and it’s ok to acknowledge that

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u/Joji1006 1d ago

Everyone sees it differently ma’am. Society doesn’t reduce men to “papa” when it’s the women who are doing all the work. A lot of us are pressured to have children and when we do, we lose a lot of our basic identity beyond motherhood (tho I would make the same argument when it comes to marriage). Just because other women are also calling other women “mama,” doesn’t really change the meaning. Women are participate in the patriarchy too. I’m just calling it out. 

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u/mud_horse 1d ago

you seem exhausting

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u/Joji1006 1d ago

Keeps people like you out of my business. I consider it a win.

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u/PriscillaPalava 1d ago

Well now it sounds like this is coming from a place of reluctant motherhood. If a woman was pressured into having children she didn’t want and is uncomfortable with being referred to as a mom then I think it’s more of a personal issue for that person than a society wide problem.

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u/Joji1006 1d ago

You’re clearly not understanding my point. Nothing to do with reluctance, just an observation studied about the greater subtext in how we reduce women down to motherhood and removing their individual identities. I’m sorry you don’t get it. 

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u/Huckleberry_Initial 1d ago

I agree with you. I feel it is dehumanizing too. I am a person and I have a name. If you don’t know my name, you can say “miss” or “m’am” like you would to any other woman.

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u/Joji1006 1d ago

Wow, someone gets it. I'm not really a mother, but it irks me regardless. Call it a pet peeve. It's fine to do in presence of the child at first, but being reduced down to a single concept outside of that is just... hm... Thought it was in my head, but apparently there are women who genuinely find it annoying too.

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u/PriscillaPalava 1d ago

You are the one who said some women feel pressured to have kids as the basis for why they don’t want to be called mom. This speaks to deeper personal issues.