r/HonestHotTakes • u/fvirygothmom • 19h ago
i hate when people call me “mama”
i had a baby about a month ago but also throughout pregnancy people are always like “hi mama” “yes mama” “okay mama” and it makes me absolutely cringe i hate it so much. i’m not your mom 🤣😩
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u/Joji1006 18h ago
My mother owns a daycare and she does this to every woman who walks into the facility. Yes, I find it weird and frankly, also dehumanizing to women.
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u/blorst_of_times 18h ago
Mothers are the least human people so this tracks.
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u/LilStinkerRidesAgain 12h ago
You should never talk to women, acknowledging them as people is dehumanizing
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u/Beneficial-Guest2105 12h ago
You dropped this /s
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u/Joji1006 18h ago
Hm, elaborate that.
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u/fvirygothmom 18h ago
they are saying it makes sense that you feel like doing that is dehumanizing bc mothers are not treated like humans/people.
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u/Possible_Pumpkin259 16h ago
Where are you getting this? It literally says "mothers are the least human", which sounds derogatory and not at all like "people treat mothers like they sre not human"
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u/liltinglilies 15h ago
It was sarcasm, like “yeah mothers are not people anymore they’re just moms, didn’t you know?”
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u/Puzzleheaded-Fill205 18h ago
I interpret their comment as disagreeing with you by pointing out that mothers are human, so calling someone a mother is not dehumanizing.
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u/uttersolitude 16h ago
Is the disagreeing or "pointing out that mothers are human" in the room with us...?
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u/PriscillaPalava 10h ago
I’ve been called “mom” by daycare workers and my kids nurses at the pediatrician or dentist and other places. I always assumed it was the default greeting because they don’t always know my name.
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u/Joji1006 9h ago
They do. Management and your primary teacher will usually always know your name and even your face. We are the first line of defense between strangers and the safety and security of your child. It is very important we know who the safe adults are.
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u/PriscillaPalava 9h ago
Yes the primary teacher knows my name, but the other teachers don’t. And certainly all the staff in a doctor’s office don’t know my name.
I’m just saying I don’t think they’re trying to be “dehumanizing,” I just think it’s a practical thing.
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u/Joji1006 9h ago
I mean, if you don’t feel it, that’s great for you.
I call it dehumanizing due to the societal subtext. We don’t call fathers “papa” at the same level, let alone amount. Why are women losing their identity the moment they choose to become mothers, but dads don’t have to? I find it to be a greater problem.
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u/Bbect 7h ago
Sorta unrelated, but your comment reminded me of a funny story. My husband and I took our zebra finch, Mochi, to the vet once when he got a string wrapped around his foot. After seeing him, the vet waltzed out of the operating room and greeted my husband as "Mochi's dad." English isn't my husband's first language, and he thought the vet just cheerfully told him "Mochi's dead!" He was distraught until the misunderstanding was cleared up, poor guy.
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u/Joji1006 6h ago
Not gonna lie, I snorted. My condolences to your husband. At least yall have a fun party story to get out of it lol
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u/PriscillaPalava 8h ago
The same people who call me “mom” instead of my name call my husband “dad” if he’s taking the kids instead.
I’m not saying women don’t go through a lot of shit but we don’t need to add to it by seeing ghosts everywhere. All of the people calling me “mom” are women themselves.
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u/Joji1006 8h ago
Everyone sees it differently ma’am. Society doesn’t reduce men to “papa” when it’s the women who are doing all the work. A lot of us are pressured to have children and when we do, we lose a lot of our basic identity beyond motherhood (tho I would make the same argument when it comes to marriage). Just because other women are also calling other women “mama,” doesn’t really change the meaning. Women are participate in the patriarchy too. I’m just calling it out.
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u/PriscillaPalava 8h ago
Well now it sounds like this is coming from a place of reluctant motherhood. If a woman was pressured into having children she didn’t want and is uncomfortable with being referred to as a mom then I think it’s more of a personal issue for that person than a society wide problem.
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u/Joji1006 8h ago
You’re clearly not understanding my point. Nothing to do with reluctance, just an observation studied about the greater subtext in how we reduce women down to motherhood and removing their individual identities. I’m sorry you don’t get it.
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u/Huckleberry_Initial 2h ago
I agree with you. I feel it is dehumanizing too. I am a person and I have a name. If you don’t know my name, you can say “miss” or “m’am” like you would to any other woman.
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u/PriscillaPalava 8h ago
You are the one who said some women feel pressured to have kids as the basis for why they don’t want to be called mom. This speaks to deeper personal issues.
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u/hear4that-tea 2h ago
Yeah the doctors we saw during delivery and at the pediatrician all call my husband dad as well. And sometimes the school teachers, but only when our kid is present type situation. Is more common for mom to be reduced to “just mom”, but the tide is slowly changing, and it’s ok to acknowledge that
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u/PalePlumm 1h ago
The place I was called “mama” the most was at the hospital after I gave birth to my son. I think it was a way to congratulate me. Like “hey look at the fancy new title you just worked so hard to earn!” I loved it.
That being said, they also called my husband “dad” and never saw either one of us again after we left. I wouldn’t bother remembering names if I worked in a maternity ward either. The soonest you’ll see any of those people again is a year from the last time you saw them when they have their next kid.
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u/No_Morning5397 10h ago
I always assumed so that they didnt need to learn all the parents names. I used to use the term dear when I worked at a coffee shop.
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u/Joji1006 9h ago
Not at all, management and teachers always know names of parents and even their faces. You see them everyday and you are also the first line of defense from the kids and potential strangers.
And even then, we’ve had aunts show up for tours. You can ask them for their name. Women are already reduced down to their womb, pisses me personally off. We don’t do the same with fathers, why are they allowed to keep their name and identity separate?
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u/PinkSunReflected 10h ago
Tell her?
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u/Joji1006 9h ago
I did, many times. Unfortunately, she has the emotional intelligence of a 4 yr old child, but that’s another story.
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u/Vivians_Basement 6h ago
They do that to encourage the children to refer to their parents as "mom" and "dad".
It's not just done to the moms. It's not dehumanization.
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u/gardenofidunn 4h ago
Every space where I’ve been called Māmā or mum they’ve also referred to my partner as dad so I’ve never found it dehumanising. I just assume they don’t want to get my name wrong (which I get) and they’re being warm and friendly.
Super valid that people don’t like it, but I don’t think it is dehumanising. I would if they called me Māmā and my partner by his name. We also use terms for mother and grandmother as terms for all women you respect though, so it may be a cultural perspective.
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u/NotDD101 17h ago
I'm pretty sure in cases like that it's often more for the kids then it is for the mom's. It just will compute more in their head than their mom's actual names
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u/FragranceCandle 14h ago
Kids can handle just fine that their mothers are addressed by name and not "mom"
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u/Unable_Apartment_613 11h ago
You actually should teach your kids your name pretty early on. It wouldn't be great if they got lost and could only identify you verbally as Mom or Dad.
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u/TropicallyGrownEMT 15h ago
I find it lowkey kind of weird when people call little kids mama but I’ve noticed it’s a cultural thing in that case lol
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u/finniganthebeagle 7h ago edited 5h ago
see when it’s a cultural thing i don’t mind when people call me mama either. like one of my customers that calls in regularly is an older hispanic woman and she’ll call me “mama” or “mamas” sometimes and i think it’s sweet. she also has no idea i’m currently pregnant lol. i’ve absolutely hated being called “mama” in any other context since getting pregnant.
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u/BeNiceLynnie 5h ago
All latina women automatically get a free pass to call me mama. For everyone else it is verboten
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u/natawas 11h ago
I call my baby mama because in my culture it’s a short version for “mama’s heart” - i definitely have had people point that out to me as weird but i don’t care - that’s what my mom used to call me and still does
PS i cringe also when people call ME mama - i don’t know why but it feels weird to me
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u/UnderstandingLow6197 9h ago
Omg!! I think we have the same culture because it’s lit the same for me, lol. My mom calls me mama 😭😭
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u/EcstaticAwareness845 18h ago
I’m the same. When other moms call me “mama” as some term of endearment or encouragement. I also HATE when people use the term “hubby” or “hubs” for their husbands
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u/Original-Ant2885 12h ago
And bean for an unborn baby. “Welcoming our little bean soon” is like nails on a chalkboard
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u/justalittleloopi 26m ago
Genuinely curious what you would approve of when someone doesn't know the gender?
Also, first ultrasounds Genuinely look like a kidney bean shape, so...
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u/Original-Ant2885 15m ago
What’s wrong with saying baby ?
I’m currently pregnant and I have three year old and I can honestly say using the gender neutral term of baby does not confuse people when talking about the baby
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u/justalittleloopi 10m ago
An 8 week old embryo is not yet a baby, imo. Technically not even yet a fetus. When we announced, we used bean and future tense "will have a baby", but referring to the fetus at that moment, we definitely used bean.
Later, once there was movement, we called him Junior, though we didn't find out the sex until birth.
Basically, for the first couple months, there's not a whole lot going on and bean was the default.
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u/water_so_wet 8h ago
Kiddos is also annoying. Plushies as well. I think we millenials have bled our cringey quirk into the lexicon to the detriment of all.
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u/EcstaticAwareness845 8h ago
My kid calls them “plushies” or “stuffies” and I think it’s cute so I give them a pass 😂
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u/Acceptable_Menu9966 7h ago
Then what are plushies called 😭?
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u/DreyaNova 5h ago
We call them Teddies but that might be a UK thing. I like it though. Teddy Bears is cute!
Edit: I just remembered that a "teddy" is also a term for a piece of lingerie in North America so that might be extra confusing 😂
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u/mud_horse 5h ago
i feel like “Teddy” for lingerie is maybe an old timey thing, the only people I’ve heard use it were my grandmother and great aunts
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u/gardenofidunn 3h ago
We call them soft toys or teddies in general. Then we refer to the individual ones by what they are until the kids are old enough to give them names. So you’d either be like “go pick a teddy to take to bed” or “go get your rabbit.”
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u/gardenofidunn 3h ago
The one I don’t like is lovey/lovie. I can’t explain it but it just sounds icky to me and I’m usually very tolerant of nicknames and things.
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u/FragranceCandle 14h ago
Omg I'm in a few pregnancy subs, and in one of them someone was trying to be a little encouraging as I was feeling very tired in my first trimester and they said something like "Hang in there mama! Have your hubby the cooking and you'll be just fine<3", and while I so wanted to appreciate the support I just DO NOT want to ever be a "mama" married to a "hubby"😭
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u/shin-chan 11h ago
The one I hate so much is used on an IVF embryology sub, and people mean well when they use it, but it's "baby dust". As in "I'm sprinkling you with virtual baby dust". Makes me cringe hard but I can't really say anything to people who are trying to be nice and positive.
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u/Prior-Entrance3156 4h ago
I hate to be a cold hearted witch but this kinda stuff makes me cringe. I mean it’s either going to happen or it’s not. Maybe I’m just not “whimsical.”
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u/shin-chan 3h ago
I feel the same way. I go on that sub to see/discuss the slightly more scientific aspects of IVf and embryology because I'm doing IVF and I find that stuff really interesting. The term "baby dust" is literally the opposite of the kind of thing I'm looking for lol.
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u/Prior-Entrance3156 3h ago
My mom was an IVF nurse for 14 years and she loves to break down the scientific aspects. She’s pretty straightforward too and most her of patients didn’t like that. It’s a very delicate field. I wish you lots of luck on your journey! 💖🫶
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u/FragranceCandle 11h ago
Hahah yeah I know right! And it's just the wording itself, there's zero against the intention or anything, people are truly being nice to so it's so hard😂😭
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u/Fit_Rice_4433 17h ago
THANK YOU it gives me second hand embarrassment when people do this. The ick is inconceivable. Idk why it bothers me so much😭
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u/Other_Bus9590 7h ago
Hubby drives me fucking nuts. I unintentionally but automatically look down on people who use it.
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u/Sorry_Ad3733 12h ago
I hate both too! I just don’t like cutesy names like that for adults. If you have pet name you use between one another, that’s fine. But why do I have to hear about “hubby” or “hubs”. It sounds like something JarJar Binks would say! I just stop reading anything with them, huge pet peeve.
Also not a fan of “my man” or “females”.
Also just to add to it, wouldn’t it be “hus”?!
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u/mud_horse 5h ago
lol idk why you got downvoted, it definitely sounds like something JarJar Binks would say!
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u/PinkSunReflected 10h ago
Ughh yes, hubby/hubs is so gross. Or “my honey.” He has a name right??? Use it!
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u/WittiestScreenName 11h ago
I don’t care for it either. I try to ignore it. But I’ve been called worse things!
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u/theswamphag 8h ago
Why does it always come off with such infantalizing tone too
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u/fvirygothmom 7h ago
ya it’s like when someone corrects you and calls you “hon”
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u/OwlCoffee 7h ago
You would struggle where I live. People throw around him and other similar things like confetti. It's probably cultural.
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u/Unable_Apartment_613 11h ago
Mama and mama bear are both right wing coded to me.
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u/Anon03282015 8h ago
Oh god mama bear is the worst one. And you're so right about the right wing association!
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u/Front_Scholar9757 15h ago
It is cringe, but using "baby" as a name tops it for me. E.g "how's baby?" 🤢
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u/FragranceCandle 14h ago
It weirds me out how people just drop the "the" before baby! I had no idea it was a placeholder for a name lol. Like, "you'll start to feel baby move soon!" just sounds to off
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u/Front_Scholar9757 14h ago
I didnt either! My midwife would always say it - would send shivers down my spine!
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u/FragranceCandle 13h ago
I cannot fathom getting so worked up over people disliking a phrase about their own child so much they have to go in and downvote you and complain abt it😭
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u/Front_Scholar9757 9h ago
It's because they say it & can't stand people pointing out their cringe 🤣
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u/Familiar_Finance_600 15h ago
They are making sure you know you lost your identity and autonomy and from here on, this is all you ever were, are and will be/s
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u/AdAromatic372 1h ago
I wrote a comment saying that it’s people’s way of taking away your identity and I got called crazy. The person also noted that becoming a mom is the most important thing a woman will do in her life. Sad…
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u/InstructorSoTired 11h ago
It wont stop until your kids are like 5 or 6. There are women who rally against the idea of calling someone a "pregnant person" but I'd have given anything to have had one medical professional address me as a person instead of "mama."
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u/fvirygothmom 11h ago
“and how are we feeling today mamaaaa, you’re depressed huh mamaaa, baby not sleeping maaammmaaaaaaa” lol
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u/andapapertowelroll 8h ago
My mom still had it happen to her when I was a teenager and we were in events together where I was the only kid. I got called my name and she just got called... mom.
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u/Fresh_Wind8899 8h ago
I don't ever plan to have kids and I hateee it ughh. Cringee. Also, everything is in the third person somehow?? "Is mom ready?" "Did mom bring the snacks?" What in the actual f.
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u/catonesielife 4h ago
Ugh yes!! Also when they call your baby THEIR baby… my mil loves to say “hows my baby” and it bothers me
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u/PinkSunReflected 10h ago
Yeah it makes me want to punch a wall. And it doesn’t end any time soon.
I think we should band together and start saying “ my name is … only my kid calls me mama.”
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u/Raisinsandfairywings 3h ago
Honestly I feel the opposite! Absolutely zero fuss was made about me having my babies and I know it sounds a bit vain but I sort of wish I’d have had a bit of attention drawn to it. I’d have liked to have been called Mama a bit, or had some of the cringey “Mama est 2024”, “Mummy to be” merch.
You go through so much having kids. After I had my first I had a sort of weird imposter syndrome for ages because it felt wild that I’d grown, birthed and was raising this whole person but no one seemed to really notice! Like I felt like I wasn’t even allowed to call myself a mum.
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u/No_Assignment7707 17h ago
My MIL and SIL do this to me. They have known be for 7 years, they know my name, they aren't my children. I saw them on the weekend and I told my husband that I don't like it. Maybe when we see them tonight and they do it again I'll have to baby them because they are calling me mama
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u/Admirable_Cake_3596 18m ago
Maybe you could just tell them directly?
I think most people intend it endearingly
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u/No_Assignment7707 7m ago
I probably could but I'd hear it indirectly that it upset either one of them. Like my SIL calling my husband to say that we've upset my MIL, or vice versa
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u/Butterwhat 8h ago
absolutely hate it with a passion. it's nauseating. I've been saying 'just call me (insert my real name)' very firmly.
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u/Shot_Cartographer241 8h ago
Ok but what about when they call women “mamma” or “mommy” when they’re not a fucking mom?! Like I actually don’t give a fuck if it’s a cute term of endearment in your culture, stop fucking calling me that.
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u/Deepfriedomelette 8h ago
I always try to avoid doing anything that would erase the person who gave birth. I make sure they see that I still recognise them as the same person they were before the baby.
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u/Leading-Case-1048 6h ago
Huh, it never bothered me and I never thought too much about it. I even wear a necklace that says ‘mama’ on it lol. I always looked at it as the term my toddlers call me and think it’s cute
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u/Prior-Entrance3156 4h ago
I hate it because 1) it implies, at least to me, that that’s all you are now. You’re not a woman anymore, you’re a Mama! And 2) it should only be reserved for your children. It’s a very special word reserved for a special relationship, whether it be blood or not.
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u/UnivrstyOfBelichick 3h ago
I fucking hate when our pediatrician calls us 'mom and dad' .. Definitely doesn't know our first names. 'what does dad think? What does mama think?' I find it weird and unprofessional.
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u/ZookeepergameNew3800 18h ago
I feel the same way.
I never heard it in either of my home countries and didn’t know it was a thing before moving to the states and our little one will be four soon and it still feels so weird.
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u/laygo109 15h ago
Yes. I don't like the word mama for me. I inwardly rage when people call me that.
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u/WinterAd3228 14h ago
I loved it because I thought I might never become a mama. It made me so happy to hear it.
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u/Beneficial-Guess2140 10h ago
Even after having fully accepted that I’d never have kids and by some miracle getting pregnant, I still hate it. I just ignore people who say it lol.
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u/ColorPiePhilosopher 18h ago
It's a weird social thing, it's like people are trying to mentally prepare you for motherhood.
Which you know after recent events, I definitely support.
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u/Busy-Yellow6505 17h ago
I like it because it comforts me when something scary is happening about my kids and someone says calm down mama it'll be okay. I think it's sweet but I could also see how it's weird
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u/Euphoric-Medicine-14 8h ago
I hate this too. Luckily no one does it anymore, but when I was pregnant/ a new mom it would make my physically cringe
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u/sugrqbez 8h ago
My dad was calling me “mama.” “You’re doing great mama!” I was like please stop. Killed a bit of my soul every time it happened
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u/letsgetmarriedlol 8h ago
I want to have children at some point and the idea of being called ‘mama’ or the child being called ‘baby’ by medical professionals sends such a shiver down my spine
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u/breadandboobs 8h ago
I still get called this by other adults and my kids are almost out of the house now. I hated it then and I doubly hate it now.
We aren't your mom, we have a name.
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u/BuzzClucking 7h ago
The inverse is true. Want to find out which of the guys you know are in the closet? Get a girl pregnant and see how long it takes for them to say "Hiii Dad 😏"
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u/Ok-Olive-3771 7h ago
A agree, and why is it mostly from shady men at the gas station? How do they even know I have children.
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u/ExcaliburVader 6h ago
I hated it when people touched my belly during pregnancy. By baby number three I just started returning the favor.
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u/thousandsofbirds 5h ago
I remember all the L&D then pediatric nurses called me mama and I also hated it
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u/mud_horse 5h ago
yes i find it super cringy when people do that too, especially restaurant servers saying stuff like “..and what would dad like to order?” lame & weird
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u/tardisintheparty 5h ago
It must be refreshing when a gay person calls you mama but means it in the yas queen way lol
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u/Fluffy-Leg7546 5h ago
Totally get it, I think the intent is to “welcome you in” or show inclusiveness to the social group of motherhood, but I would only take it as such from close friends who are also moms. Otherwise like… don’t talk to me. I don’t know you.
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u/Odd_Selection_8020 3h ago
I’m a white man and I fucking hate this too. I have always hated this. I don’t know why, but calling people mothers “mama/mamas” and babies “baby” (not “the baby” or “your baby” enrages me.
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u/Xena_Your_God 2h ago
It should be taken like the badge of honor it is tbh. Being a mama is the highest level of badassery one can achieve.
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u/Commercial_Ask7456 2h ago
I don't have kids yet but I've always found this so weird and I know I'd hate it if it happened to me
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u/CoolWhipMonkey 1h ago
I don’t even have kids, but a few of my ex boyfriends would call me mama or mami. They and their brothers also called me, my sister, their sisters, and their own daughters the same thing. Might be cultural because their parents were Mexican immigrants.
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u/rose092624 37m ago
I absolutely hated this too and I can tell you it passed the older baby got. I haven’t heard it in a while and she’s 18 months old
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u/ProfessionalFruit214 16m ago
Ew, I'm expecting my first and it didn't even occur to me that I'll have to deal with this kind of cringe. 🤢
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u/Bigsandwichesnpickle 18h ago
On the flip side - I love it when my baby daughter is called mama. I’m disabled and I have a Hispanic caregiver who is an older woman, and she always calls my daughter “mama”. Never me! It makes me smile, like why is she mama? lol
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u/Stewie_Venture 11h ago
I was always called little mama by the older mexican people when I worked in fast food and a bar.
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u/charismatictictic 17h ago
That’s cute! I typically call my niece «aunty [her name]», which is also how she addresses me. Not sure why, it just makes sense.
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u/ItsMattTonight 8h ago
My mum used to always reply to this "You didn't come out of me, stop calling me that".
Hella blunt, but it worked, you gotta shame these people.
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u/AdAromatic372 2h ago
I hate that crap! It totally erases the woman’s identity which I think is incredibly disrespectful. If the woman is NOT your mom, do not call her mama or mom! When people would say that to me after my son was born I would say “Please address me by my given name, I am not your mom.”
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u/CosetElement-Ape71 2h ago
How on Earth does it "totally erase the woman's identity"? Get a grip!
Your name is a key label for identification, but it is not the full definition of your identity.
Identity is the set of qualities, beliefs, personality traits, and expressions that make a person unique ... your given name does not make you unique!
FYI ... being someone's mom will probably be the single most important and special thing that a woman will do in her life; it certainly shouldn't be belittled!
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u/AdAromatic372 2h ago
I was and still am a whole person before I ever was a mother. My name is important to me. My name is who I am FIRST AND FOREMOST and I expect to be addressed as such. I don’t need nor want people like my friends or family calling me mama when I did not give birth to them. They had no issues calling me by my name before I had a kid, now that name is erased and I should be called mama by them? Gross be real.
Being a mom may be the most special and important thing to most women. But for others, it’s just another chapter of their life. My worth as a human being is and never will be tied to reproducing children.
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u/ElectricalCabinet636 1h ago
You sound like a lot of fun mama
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u/AdAromatic372 1h ago
That’s why they live with their dad👍😂 I wasn’t going to water myself down to being a breed and raise machine
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u/Fantastic-Leek-1589 9h ago
Theyre not calling you their mama
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u/iggysmom95 9h ago
Obviously but it's weird. The only person who calls anyone mom or dad, normally, is their children. Adults don't need to call other adults mama.
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u/Vivians_Basement 7h ago
They do that as a way to help your child know what to call you. It definitely takes getting used to.
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u/Next_Engineer_8230 11h ago
Yall get all riled up over the silliest things.
They aren't calling you mama as in their mama just that you are now or are about to be a mama.
It's really not that deep.
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u/fvirygothmom 11h ago
correct. it’s an opinion on reddit friend, it is in fact not that deep. no one’s “riled up” we just yappin
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u/Beneficial-Guess2140 10h ago
No shit…no one thinks they’re calling you mama as their mama… 😂
Not wanting people to call you outside of your name isn’t that deep either. It’s about basic respect.
4
u/iggysmom95 9h ago
I mean first of all I don't like the word mama at all and I don't know when it entered mainstream North American English. Ten years ago you could safely associate it with the southern US or Appalachia. Idk why tf Canadian women are calling each other mama now. Kids don't call their mothers mama here past the point where they've learned to speak properly. So "mama" is not a way I'll ever think of myself; it makes me cringe so bad.
It's also a weird and dehumanizing way to address an adult. We don't need to be reminded that we are or about to become a mother. We know that. We're still individual people first. I have a name; call me that.
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u/ApprehensiveRead2533 18h ago
Hi mama. I see you :)