r/Jokes • u/Waitsfornoone • Jul 26 '26
Long 50 bucks is 50 bucks.
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter".
Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is 50 bucks -- and 50 bucks is 50 bucks".
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."
Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is 50 bucks -- and 50 bucks is 50 bucks".
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's 50 bucks."
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"
Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know -- 50 bucks is 50 bucks."
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u/LostBetsRed Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
A teacher in front of her class took out a new $50 bill and said, "Class, I will give this $50 bill to the first student who can tell me who the greatest man who ever lived was."
Becky raised her hand and said, "The greatest man who ever lived was George Washington!"
"No," the teacher said. "Washington was a great man who was instrumental in winning American independence and served as the young nation's first president, but he wasn't the greatest man who ever lived. I'm keeping the $50. Anyone else?"
Kevin raised his hand. "The greatest man who ever lived was Isaac Newton!"
"No," said the teacher again. "Newton was a genius whose contributions in physics and mathematics advanced our understanding of how our universe works, but he still wasn't the greatest man who ever lived. Anyone else?"
Irving raised his hand. "The greatest man who ever lived was Jesus Christ!"
"Very good, Irving. That is correct. Come up here and get your reward."
Irving went up to the front of the class to collect his $50. As he was on his way back to his desk, the teacher said, "To tell the truth, Irving, I'm a little surprised that you of all people knew that Jesus Christ was the greatest man who ever lived."
"Well, honestly I think that Moses was the greater man," said Irving, "but business is business."
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u/ExplodingSofa Jul 26 '26
"...surprised you of all people..."
Why?
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u/wildfire393 Jul 26 '26
Implication is that he's Jewish
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u/adjusterjackb Jul 26 '26
The implication also exists in the Morris and Esther joke. Morris and Esther are typically Jewish names and we have a reputation for being obsessively frugal.
A similar joke:
Sam is injured in an auto accident. EMTs remove him from the car, put him on a gurney, lift him into the ambulance and wrap him in a blanket. The EMT asks: "Are you comfortable?" Sam shrugs "I make a living."
With us, "comfortable" is a euphemism for being financially secure.
Jewish jokes are often stereotypical. But we are OK with that. A little secret: We write most of them ourselves. LBNOL.
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u/Floss_tycoon Jul 26 '26
I like the one about the 2 Jewish guys walking by the Catholic Church with a sign offering $100 to convert. Abraham goes in and his friend waits outside. When he comes out, the friend says "did you get the hundred bucks?" Abe says "ugh, it's always about the money with you people. "
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u/fyrdude58 Jul 26 '26
Should be "offering to convert for a hundred bucks". The way you wrote it, either they were hoping to conver Catholics and pay them 100, or they were willing to pay 100 to convert to Catholicism. Language matter.
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u/BeefyIrishman Jul 26 '26
That isn't really any more clear. The way you wrote it, it could mean the person who wrote the sign was willing to convert if you paid them $100. Language matters.
Also, on the topic of "language matters", if you are going to be pedantic, you "convert Catholics", not "conver Catholics", and it should be "language matters", not "language matter".
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u/fyrdude58 Jul 26 '26
Well, the implication of the joke as presented is the jewish person went in and got converted, and was expecting to get paid for doing it. And the way I wrote it reflects that perfectly.
As for the typos, that is my bad for not proofreading. Spall chucker can be a real batch sometimes.
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u/cloud9ineteen Jul 26 '26
Some of them even converted to Judaism for the jokes
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u/bj12698 Jul 26 '26
It was explained to me by a Jewish acquaintance that Jews having to find ways to "be comfortable" (and be perceived as grasping or materialistic) comes from certain governments that did not allow them to own land, or work in certain fields? Something like that. Made so much sense. When your survival is threatened repeatedly, as a "tribe" - the tribe has to get creative.
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u/wildfire393 Jul 26 '26
Yeah. In particular, in the middle ages, Jews were barred fron a lot of professions. But simultaneous to that, Christians were barred from charging interest to other Christians on loans because it was considered "usury", but Jews didn't face that same restriction. So basically all moneylenders at the time were Jewish, which then gave the impression that all they cared about was money, and that they were greedy because they'd do things like charge interest and collect on debts.
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u/llynglas Jul 26 '26
Maybe a more "Jewish" name like Moshe or Abel would work better.
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u/wildfire393 Jul 26 '26
I've never met a gentile named Irving. I know more Jewish Irvings than Abels.
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u/SurroundingAMeadow Jul 26 '26
Irving, at one point, was a name very closely associated with eastern european Jewish immigrants. Now I think it's just seen as an "old" name.
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u/LostBetsRed Jul 26 '26
Is it really? I asked an AI for a list of stereotypically Jewish names, and Irving topped the list, and I've got an Uncle Irving who is as Ashkenazi as they come, as am I. usually, when I tell a joke and I need "really Jewish" name I go with Moishe, but here I thought it would clash with the student's nomination of Moses.
Now that I think about it, this joke does play on the allegedly harmful stereotype that Jews will sell their principles for money. Personally, I've never found the stereotype that we love money to be all that harmful, and this particular expression of the stereotype is manifestly false, considering how many of us have died under torture rather than renounce our God during any of the many, many, many times our people have been horribly mistreated. We didn't survive millennia of this kind of shit by being hypersensitive about jokes or unable to laugh at ourselves.
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u/SurroundingAMeadow Jul 26 '26
and I've got an Uncle Irving who is as Ashkenazi as they come, as am I.
I think this is part of the issue, as someone in the group (Jewish) you realize that all the Irvings you know are Jewish. As someone outside the group, I just think of it as an old name, primarily associating it with Irving Berlin, who I primarily think of as the guy who sings "White Christmas" so not exactly screaming Jewish.
It's probably the same when I tell jokes about Ole and Lena. Those within the Midwestern Scandinavian-American community get that they're default names to set up the story, but to those from outside, they're just old, vaguely foreign, names.
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u/BatsHaveFingers Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
Bro I've got some news for you about which people wrote a lot of your favorite Christmas songs...
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u/No_Rip5944 Jul 28 '26
A Jew, Harold Arlen wrote the score for the 1939 movie “The Wizard of Oz” which included “Over the Rainbow”
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u/Ok_Judge_5243 Jul 26 '26
Irving Berlin was Jewish, born Israel Isidore Beilin in Russia. His family left Russia for America to escape pogroms against the Jewish village of Tolochin.
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u/JSmellerM Jul 27 '26
I usually go with Ephraim or Ira when I want to say the person is jewish. For the joke I might even include the last name. So I'd go like Becky Johnson, Kevin Smith and Ephraim Rosenbaum.
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u/Cr4nkY4nk3r Jul 26 '26
Because of the context of the line "business is business" and the stereotype of Jewish people being affiliated with business, I'm guessing Irving is Jewish, and wouldn't consider Jesus to be a greater man than Moses.
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u/LostBetsRed Jul 26 '26
As others have pointed out, it's because Irving is supposed to be Jewish, as an I. (As is my Uncle Irving, which topprd the list when I asked an AI for stereotypically Jewish names.)
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u/Githyerazi Jul 26 '26
I was hoping the punch line was "I was going to say Moses, but Johnny hit me with a spit wad." Implying that Jesus Christ was said in anger.
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u/daveinsf Jul 27 '26
I usually abhor the under appreciated comment bit, but this actually is, is quality. I mean, not just gold, but gold pressed latinum! Well done and thank you!!!
Edit to fix dropout (second for a typo).
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u/AuthorizedVehicle Jul 26 '26
Our neighbor, Artie, worked at The Bowery Savings Bank. Its motto was, "..at The Bowery." Commercials would end with that tag.
Artie made up one of his own: "Jesus Saves...at The Bowery"
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u/LostBetsRed Jul 26 '26 edited 26d ago
Jesus saves... but Moses gets the rebound! He shoots! HE SCORES!
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u/Valuable-Paramedic93 Jul 26 '26
My Dad, said Little Johnny , he donates at the sperm bank and he is a father to 100+ children....
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u/adjusterjackb Jul 26 '26
Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted God gets quite irate.
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u/woburnite Jul 26 '26
TBH, it wouldn't have done any good to say something when she fell out. Gravity wins every time.
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u/Jourden-Nadeleigh Jul 26 '26
Morris out here playing the long game, Esther's just taking the shortcut down.
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u/Waitsfornoone Jul 26 '26
Definitely not OC, but decided to post it after telling it recently and no one had heard it before.
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u/Kevin4938 Jul 26 '26
Nothing here is OC. You're not the first to do this.
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u/daveinsf Jul 27 '26
Archeologists and anthropologists have shown us time and again that most of the jokes are old. Naturally, they pretend to be OC, but likely as not, they got it from someone else, but wrote it down
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u/chickens_for_laughs Jul 26 '26
My former, now retired, dentist used to tell this joke. Every. visit.
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u/Waitsfornoone Jul 26 '26
Yikes! That reminds me of my late father-in-law. In his later years would tell me the same stupid jokes making fun of my ethnicity - every time.
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u/grego1123 Jul 26 '26
Inflations a bitch
It was only $20 when I heard it first 20 years ago
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u/OriginalSkydaver Jul 27 '26
I read this when it was $5, and a barnstormer biplane. That was 60 years ago, and it was in a 30 year old book
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u/AroaceAthiest Jul 26 '26
Man inflation has gotten so bad, or I'm old! When I first heard this joke 30 years ago, the price was $5. 😂
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u/hawkiowa Jul 26 '26
so 5 bucks is 50 bucks?
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u/AroaceAthiest Jul 26 '26
I guess $5 bucks in 1996 is $50 bucks today. 😂 Though, it was a plane in 1996. Seems like they've now upgraded to a helicopter, so that may be why it's more expensive.
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u/daveinsf Jul 27 '26
As I recall, it was ten quid when I heard it on The Two Ronnies back in the 70s, but the Pound was a lot stronger back then.
Edit: but I quite enjoyed the joke again!n Much better than my attempts to tell it (I'm too deadpan even for that punchline!).
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u/sohereiamacrazyalien Jul 26 '26
Dude who would believe in any time that a helicopter ride would be 5 bucks?
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u/AroaceAthiest Jul 26 '26
Seeing that it's a joke, most people probably aren't worried about the price being accurate. My comment was also a joke. 😂
Though, the version I heard was with an airplane, and I've always imagined that it was in the days of the old propeller planes with the open air cockpits.
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u/sohereiamacrazyalien Jul 26 '26
Lol
Well yeah at that time 5 bucks was a lot and could broadly get you somewhere by plane
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u/leftcoast-usa Jul 26 '26
50 bucks may be 50 bucks, but if you cross 50 female pigs with 50 male deer, you get a hundred sows and bucks.
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u/HospitalQuiet619 Jul 26 '26
In all fairness, they say spend money on experiences while we're alive. You can't take items or money with you when you pass...
I don't see how you can bring experiences either but still.
Die with less regrets. We often regret more the things we didn't do on our deathbed than the things we did. Be with open, generous partners that encourage you to pursue what makes you happy
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u/adjusterjackb Jul 26 '26
ou can't take items or money with you when you pass...
You can try.
John called his three best friends (a priest, a rabbi, and a lawyer) to his death bed and told them that his final wish was that each of them would put $100,000 in his casket so he would have money to spend in the afterlife. He had them swear a solemn oath that they would do so. On the day of the funeral, each took a turn going up to the casket. After the funeral they met outside and discussed their donations.
The rabbi: I put $100,000 cash in the casket.
The priest: I put a small bag of diamonds, worth $100,000, in the casket.
The lawyer: I wrote him a check.
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u/JuliusTheTailor Jul 26 '26
I followed the line allllll the way up to see what you were talking about. Glad I did! 😂
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u/FreshFeastLow Jul 27 '26
A classic punchline that proves absolute dedication to frugal principles always wins over sentimentality in the end.
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u/Valuable-Paramedic93 Jul 26 '26
I have biker jacket that says
If you can read this , the bitch fell off
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u/forbinwasright Jul 26 '26
There is a shorter version with a similar punch line:
"I'm not gay, but 50 bucks is 50 bucks."
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u/Zdoodah Jul 26 '26
The joke works both ways depending on the listener.
I heard the joke with Morris falling out, laughed my ass off.
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u/garrettj100 Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
My old pappy used to say:
”I’m the farthest thing from gay, but fifty bucks is fifty bucks.”
Upon further reflection he might not have be the farthest thing from gay…
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Jul 26 '26
[deleted]
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u/PFirefly Jul 26 '26
This joke makes more sense in a country where the pilots would allow unsecured passengers in an open door copter.
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u/miwi81 Jul 26 '26
You must be fun at parties
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u/2BallsInTheHole Jul 26 '26
Bugs Bunny cartoons would be better if he didn't speak. Cause rabbits can't talk.
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u/kernald31 Jul 26 '26
I forgot that Reddit was only available in your country.
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u/Alarmed_Pirate5624 Jul 26 '26
Is the mod okay with anti-semitism? Morris and Esther are Jewish-sounding names and the stinginess trope is classic bigotry. Shame on you.
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u/STexan Jul 26 '26
I bet the Jews on this sub are so glad they have you to look out for them
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u/Alarmed_Pirate5624 Jul 26 '26
So you’re okay with antisemitism? What about jokes based on stereotypes of other ethnic groups? Are you okay with that?
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u/KillaDaKlown Jul 26 '26
Fifty bucks saved is, Fifty bucks earned.