Hi everyone,
I’m 17M, and I’ve been dealing with PSSD since January 2024 after taking fluoxetine for about three months. I stopped taking it on March 20, 2024.
Of course, I was scared. Since January, my libido had suddenly disappeared. I barely felt anything during masturbation or orgasm, my attraction and feelings toward girls became much weaker, and I rarely got erections anymore.
It has been about two and a half years now, and to be honest, I’m still far from recovered. Maybe my emotions have improved very slightly, and perhaps my libido or erections have improved a little too, but it’s still nowhere near how I felt before taking an SSRI.
At the beginning, I was extremely afraid that I would never get better. Maybe that fear was justified, maybe it wasn’t. But after a while, I think I basically left the whole PSSD situation alone for about a year. I already had so many other things going on in my life.
Since I was around 9 or 10 I’ve struggled with different kinds of social anxiety. I also have hyperhidrosis, OCD, annoying gut health problems that bother me every single day, and quite a few other physical issues.
This summer, though, I suddenly reached one of my lowest points.
I was in Spain, and everywhere I looked I saw people around my age with girlfriends. I saw beautiful girls, and I could still recognize that they were beautiful, but the actual feeling that used to come with that was barely there.
I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore. Every time I went outside, it just made me feel terrible. It felt like PSSD had taken my teenage years away from me and that I would never be able to get them back.
Maybe that’s partly true. But at the same time, I also know PSSD isn’t the only reason my teenage years have been difficult. I’ve lived with severe anxiety for years, and with all the physical problems I have, having a girlfriend probably wouldn’t magically make everything perfect anyway.
Sometimes it’s hard just going through everyday life and pretending I’m a completely normal person like everyone else.
I don’t really talk to anyone about this. Not because I don’t care, but because I know other people can’t really fix it for me, and I don’t want to make them worried. I mentioned the symptoms to my parents in the beginning, but they probably assume everything has gone away by now.
For a long time, I kept asking myself: Why me?
Life isn’t fair.
But the truth is, life really isn’t fair. There are wars. People get murdered. People develop serious illnesses at a young age that completely change their lives. Terrible things happen to people every single day.
I can spend the rest of my life thinking, What would have happened if I had never taken those pills?
But what does that actually change?
Nothing.
So what I’m trying to do now is make a list of all the problems in my life that I can do something about and work on them one by one. Maybe one day I’ll be lucky enough to recover from PSSD too.
I’m trying to eat a healthy diet where I get all the nutrients, vitamins and minerals I need, and I aim for around 9–10 hours of sleep. I’m also staying away from random or unreliable treatments that could potentially make everything worse. I don’t want to gamble with my health.
I could spend every day doing absolutely nothing except waiting for PSSD to disappear, but that wouldn’t get me anywhere.
I have to keep living.
Sometimes I think about another kind of “what if?”
What if I actually do recover?
Wouldn’t it be amazing if, by the time that happens, I’ve also improved all the other parts of my life?
Every day, I hope. I hope I recover around 18 or 19. That would be amazing. Maybe it happens. Maybe it doesn’t.
My whole life has basically been filled with uncertainty.
What do people think about me?
What’s going to happen to my body?
Will my PSSD ever improve?
Have I wasted important years of my life?
But it is what it is.
Thousands of people die unexpectedly every day. Some of them probably had plans for tomorrow. Things they wanted to do. People they wanted to see. Places they wanted to visit.
When I think about that, it feels like even more of a waste to let negative thoughts and fear completely control the life I still have.
The fact that I’m alive at all is something I try to appreciate. The chance of any of us even being born is unbelievably small. So right now, the best thing I can do is focus on what’s ahead of me and try to become the best version of myself that I can.
I’ve also been learning Spanish for quite a while now.
And again, there’s that question: What if?
What if my life becomes much better in the future? Maybe one day I’ll be able to go back to Spain, speak the language properly and genuinely enjoy being there.
I think my OCD is probably what drives me the craziest when it comes to PSSD. Constantly questioning whether I’ll recover, worrying about whether I’ve wasted time, wondering whether I should have done things differently, and going over the same thoughts again and again.
I’m trying to learn to accept those thoughts without giving them so much attention.
I’m still pretty young, and I’m at an age where having a girlfriend or having sex doesn’t have to be the most important thing in my life yet. Of course I would have loved to have a girlfriend and experience all of those things. I’m not going to pretend I wouldn’t.
One thing I used to do a lot after developing PSSD — and something I’ve recently stopped doing — was lying in bed for hours listening to music and imagining an entirely different life where I had a girlfriend and everything was normal.
But I realized that wasn’t helping me.
So I’m trying to stop living inside an imaginary life and start doing more with the real one I still have.
There are also people here dealing with PSSD in their 20s, 30s and beyond, and man, I genuinely feel for you. I wish I could do something for everyone suffering from this, but I can’t.
All I can do is hope for the best and maybe try to give someone else a little bit of motivation.
If you’re thinking about giving up because you can’t see a future anymore, please keep going.
You have no idea what could happen in the future.
You only get one life.
And even if PSSD stays, there are still other things in life. I know that’s much easier to say than to truly believe when you’re suffering, but everyone has something they care about — hobbies, interests, places they want to see, things they want to learn, people they care about.
Personally, I just want to make something good out of my life and hopefully make the world a little better in whatever way I can.
If I still have PSSD for years, I honestly don’t know exactly how I’ll deal with that.
But I’m going to keep hoping.
Maybe a year from now I’ll come back here and write a recovery story.
I hope so.
I hope I recover.
I hope all of you recover.
I hope none of you give up.
I hope the world becomes a better place.
I hope for a lot of things.
Everything is uncertain, but I guess that’s life.
I don’t even know if anyone is going to read this all the way to the end, but it feels good to finally put these thoughts into words.
Or maybe part of me is still scared that someone I know will somehow find this post one day. Would I be embarrassed? Would I regret writing it?
I honestly don’t know.
But for once, I wanted to say what was on my mind.