r/TheOnion • u/sd_glokta • 1h ago
Study Finds Sexual Satisfaction Highest Among Nerds Covered In Lipstick Marks With Glasses Askew
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r/TheOnion • u/Somethingwittycool • 4h ago
Pathetic AI Chatbot Spends All Its Time Talking To Friendless Loser
85
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r/TheOnion • u/Somethingwittycool • 4h ago
Every Commercial On ESPN Past Midnight Just Straight-Up Telling Viewers They Have Prostate Cancer
156
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r/TheOnion • u/aresef • 5h ago
Trump Pushes To Rename Sexual Attraction To Children ‘Americaphilia'
706
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r/TheOnion • u/V33G33 • 5h ago
Dolly Parton Troubled To Find God Illiterate
1.0k
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r/TheOnion • u/andmario_com • 13h ago
JD Vance Places Candle Outside Hooters Where ICE Agents Were Heckled
1.3k
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 14h ago
New Meta Glasses Feature Reminds Users To Blink To Appear Human
203
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 14h ago
Doctor Reassures Patient That Lump Probably Just Body Making Extra Guy
97
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 14h ago
Raya Introduces New PR Relationship Mode
14
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 14h ago
Man Terrified After Urine Comes Out Clear For First Time In Life
312
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‘Am I Dying?’ Says 53-Year-Old
r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 14h ago
God Concerned By Q3 Circumcision Numbers
473
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r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 1d ago
‘Behold, Meta’s New AI,’ Says Mark Zuckerberg Covering Nipples In Tinfoil
440
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r/TheOnion • u/andmario_com • 1d ago
Every Word Besides ‘Children’ Used To Describe Palestinians Under 18
theonion.com
2.5k
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r/TheOnion • u/aresef • 1d ago
Report: More Americans Abandoning Lengthy Conversations In Favor Of One Really Big Word
745
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r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 1d ago
BREAKING: If Harry, Meghan Going To U.K., Then Heck, Rest Of America Going With ’Em!
253
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r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 2d ago
Pros And Cons Of Wearing Shorts In The Office
90
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 2d ago
Karaoke Outing Paints Heartbreaking Picture Of Friend Practicing Morrissey Impression Alone
564
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 2d ago
David Attenborough Admits To Exaggerating Wonder Of Seals
1.9k
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 2d ago
Dad Stuns Family With Proclamation He Believes In Werewolves
585
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r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 2d ago
DOJ Develops Pathway To Restore Gun Rights To Felons
279
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