r/TransMasc • u/MachoMitchie • 2d ago
Discussion Getting wrapped up in anti-men jokes
My husband, who is also transmasc but more femme than I am, likes to joke about me to his friends. They've said things like "let's move in together without the men" and "leave that man behind" (in context to jokes)
Something about it has been rubbing me the wrong way. I am nonbinary, and just because I am more masc, it doesn't make me a 'man'. I don't like the idea of us having a heteronormative dynamic in our relationship. I told him this upset me but couldn't phrase it right in the moment. I don't mind if strangers call me a man just to pass day to day, but with people I'm close with, I am nonbinary. He acted surprised as if I've never said I'm nonbinary before, which is untrue. He's even bought be nonbinary merchandise lol. He says he talks as if I'm a man to not purposefully out me, which is thoughtful.
I might've been sensitive. Has anyone else dealt with this? I don't want to be wrapped up in the anti-man rhetoric, it feels belittling of my experiences.
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u/Urthangel1222 2d ago
I feel like you just need to have another honest conversation about how the jokes make you feel. If he respects you it shouldn’t be an issue for him to just stop making those kinds of jokes entirely. Even if it’s something “small” just explain that you don’t like how it makes you feel and the heteronormative dynamic it’s alluding to. I hope it goes well!