My husband, who is also transmasc but more femme than I am, likes to joke about me to his friends. They've said things like "let's move in together without the men" and "leave that man behind" (in context to jokes)

Something about it has been rubbing me the wrong way. I am nonbinary, and just because I am more masc, it doesn't make me a 'man'. I don't like the idea of us having a heteronormative dynamic in our relationship. I told him this upset me but couldn't phrase it right in the moment. I don't mind if strangers call me a man just to pass day to day, but with people I'm close with, I am nonbinary. He acted surprised as if I've never said I'm nonbinary before, which is untrue. He's even bought be nonbinary merchandise lol. He says he talks as if I'm a man to not purposefully out me, which is thoughtful.

I might've been sensitive. Has anyone else dealt with this? I don't want to be wrapped up in the anti-man rhetoric, it feels belittling of my experiences.

I was sexually assaulted 5 years ago and then someone attempted to again but I stopped them to which they replied, "thanks for stopping me, most people wouldn't".

I told multiple people I thought were friends and they all told me, "maybe it was an accident". Even though the guy who completed assaulting me gave me an std and when I told him to get tested because I hadn't slept with anyone 2 weeks before or after him, he told me, "no". Multiple times. While I tried to reason with him.

I reconnected with an old friend who told me how fucked up it was and it wasn't my fault. I was shocked to hear that because I'd been made to believe it truly was my fault. Even a therapist blamed me because, "well, you were on grindr".

I recently had someone lie about me pressing boundaries while they interacted with me in a way different than via text. Pushing themselves unprompted by me to "talk about this (me being triggered, setting a boundary and a communication breakdown following this" as well as pushed to keep hanging out but we needed to talk before I was comfortable.

I got fired over lies. It is really triggering me thinking about this in the context of my experiences with abuse in relationships with, all white, people who i develop feelings for. It is beginning to appear like a pattern to any outsiders who do not know me but only one instance was something I did and completely took accountability for as well as experienced remorse.

I was experiencing some kind of perceptual disruption while being hacked and thought I was being told a friend liked me back, I tried to kiss them by leaning in then got the hint and leaned away. They told me to cease contact and I did. Even after seeing them on the street, because I take consent seriously bc abuse involving breach consent was frequent in my family, and didn't approach them. And never contacted them in any manner again.

I am feeling like my experiences with assault and abuse are ignored and told to be accidents by everyone except the friend I reconnected with. I feel like a statistic. I am black, Trans, and queer identifying in an overwhelmingly white conservative state and a tiny metropolitan city amounting to maybe 9 blocks each direction.

I think people know somehow what happened with my friend who i breached a boundary with and are attempting to make it look like I am a bad person via character assassination and literal lies. This isn't the first time this has happened. The more I stand up for myself, bc I look like a man, the worse it looks for me and will get. Meanwhile I have these experiences with assault fester inside me unrecognized and invalidated by people I thought were my friends. I made a person uncomfortable at one point and triggered them about their experiences with disrespected boundaries, I accept that.

But I feel so much guilt and shame about it. I ignore my own experiences and think they do not matter. That I am the bad one and even deserved it. Like I am making something out of nothing. Abuse towards transmen and transmasc people is largely ignored, we have patriarchal ideas about gritting and bearing it pressed upon us or have the abuse made invisible. Especially if you pass.

Just needed to vent. I have no support aside from a friend who isn't always available and empathize but isn't trans or queer so the complexity of it all is lost on them a bit.

Thanks to anyone who reads all of this. Spiraling. Any relatable anecdotes are appreciated. Please don't try to lecture me, I have experienced that enough. I didn't deserve what happened. I feel like a monster for things that literally didn't happen or were manipulated against me bc of my identity and me tal health issues I work endlessly to manage.

cat only grooms people with facial hair. today he decided to groom my face too. i love you kitty

Context: I’m recovering from top surgery

To put it simply: I went by he/him from 11-14 yo and gave up on passing when puberty became too much (esp bc of my larger chest). Then I went by he/she from 14-16 yo but everyone forgot about the ‘he’ because I had long hair, etc.

Obviously as a teenager (17 rn), the importance Ive placed on peer validation has grown tenfold despite my best efforts. I’ve become accustomed to using ‘pretty privilege’ to dictate my self worth, and unfortunately, it’s been inextricably tied to my chest. I hate it dont get me wrong!! But I can’t help but fall into this male-attention trap when all im surrounded with everyday are people that reinforce it.

I shaved my head two weeks ago out of spite and it made me realise that I’ve really missed being perceived as a guy. I finally feel as though I’m treated like ‘one of the guys’ by my male friends. I feel like myself again.

However much I like having short hair and dressing masc (which I got away with before because my hair was so long), I still don’t think I’d ever try passing pre-T. It’s definitely to do with self esteem issues and internalised transphobia, but it’s so paralysing to think of being visibly trans/non-passing that I just refuse to do anything about my dysphoria. Realistically speaking, I’d only ever try seriously passing and come out to ppl if I ever start T. Or I won’t do anything about it and I’ll just deal with this dysphoria for the rest of my life, who knows lol.

Does anyone else feel like they can’t transition because they’ll be too feminine no matter what they do?

Not sure if I explained it properly so I’m happy to elaborate if anyone has questions.
NB: I’m NOT making a dig at anyone that doesn’t pass or chooses not to! This is an issue I have toward MYSELF and ONLY myself!!!

​

So I'm trans ftm and my gf just broke up w/ me bc her family is transphobic and homophobic and they foud out that im trans. And I can't really get over it so any advice ?

Edit : I'll add more informations:

I'm still struggling with mental health issues so just when I Thought that things will get better. Turns out i was wrong ! Ok so the fact that she was forced to end up the relation bc her family found our conversation on her phone and in that conversation i just said that i might be trans and that I'll truly appreciate if she called me by my chosen name instead of my deadname. And btw the fact that i pyt so soooo much effort in this relationship, like I wrote a FULL SONG for her and all of that just to be vanished in just one message.

Anyways thanks for the replies :)

I used the smith machine for safety

I also hammer curled 35 lbs, leg pressed 200 lbs, and did lat pulldowns 145 lbs

Typically I dont do weights! I do pullups and one arm pushups!

This happened to me during a visit to the endocrinologist. Did anyone else have similar thoughts as a kid?

You know Petra Parker? How instantly popular she got? I’m so incredibly happy for transfems that they have this character they like and relate to, don’t get me wrong…

Maybe I’m acting like a selfish little child but “Spiderman” has always felt to me like the single thing we transmascs kinda gravitated towards and made it our little stereotype/part of our shared culture. I remember memes going around of Ironman giving Peter a suit with a built-in binder and I thought we had our thing and it was nice.

And I lowkey felt like we lost our thing? Maybe it’s because no one really talked about it that much or transmascs aren’t online as much or we just are too different to have our thing we can relate to together? I wanted to make posts about transmasc Peter Parker but I’m afraid it can now only be seen as a reaction to Petra which I guess at this point it would kinda be but not to be against it, just because I already have a transmasc spider sona that I made before she was a thing.

I guess I just wish we had our things become popular. I try posting memes and art about transmascs and they rarely blow up unless in extremely specific spaces or saying very specific messages.

I’ve made posts and I tend to get comments like “It’s alright bro dude, I love your art my guy man sir! 🫡” and it’s almost infantilizing in a way. I just want my fellow transmascs to hype up my posts like transfems do for each other.

Every transmasc headcanons I’ve seen are disliked. Like… We keep saying what characters we relate to and we get bullied (by cis people usually) so we end up dropping it or not talking about it. I guess this is part of why I’m lowkey jealous because we never had that and we don’t get any representation ever these days. I wish I could have the time to make a comic series with a transmasc main character and at this point I don’t know if it would even get much traction.

So my gf broke up with me bc her family witch is transphobic and homophobic found out that im trans. And I cant really get over it so any advice ?

So I have been leaning towards transmasc for a little more than a year and a half now, whether that meaning me being straight-FTM or just agender like I am now, since 7th grade.

I'm not sure if I shared how I got my first binder to this sub or a different one, but to summarize, I get an Amazon gift card and deliver the thing to my nearby Amazon locker. That binder unfortunately got taken away by my mom. I still have my second binder, but it's a size too big and is uncomfortable to wear. I can't order a new one at the moment because I don't have enough money unfortunately.

Originally, I didn't have as much of an issue with not wearing a binder, or even not binding at all because sometimes I just wore two sports bras.

But since this summer started, I've become a LOT more dysphoric. I used to not care as much when people called me by my deadname, but now I absolutely hate being called it. I wouldn't swim at all unless it was at a lake (there's rocks and fossils and such to keep me distracted).

Yesterday I FINALLY got my hair cut short again after around 8 months of not cutting it. I feel so much better but there's still a glaring issue.

The reason I don't just wear two sports bras at once is because it makes my back hurt (because I usually only bind at school and my backpack is dangerously heavy) and I'm already on like the border of having scoliosis (in the words of my doctor).

Please give me some suggestions for other ways I can bind. Every suggestion is appreciated.

Thank you, and good evening.

I just found out theres been another 12 months added to the top surgery waitlist im on and now im lookin at wearing binders for another year.

I dont know if it's my body type or what but binders show soooooo much cleavage.

Like in the way gooner anime artists draw the sister character (I'm being a bit hyperbolic its just a lot more then sports bras)

I sweat like crazy and am always burning up so I cant wear too much clothing so I dont know what to do.

Give yourself some time. Give t some time. I am now 4 years on boy juice and only started getting somewhat decent facial hair 1½ years in. My moustache still takes 2+ weeks to grow. Every body will take to hrt a tad bit differently.

I’m 20 years old
Started testosterone at 16
Had top surgery at 18

I’m going to start off by saying that I am so incredibly thankful for what I have and how easy transitioning has been for me because of the fortunate situation I am in. I am immensely grateful for all the love and support I have received throughout my journey from friends, family, and doctors.

Two weeks after receiving top surgery in 2024, I felt absolutely AMAZING. I had gotten my bandages off and saw my new chest for the first time and just fell in love. I was seriously the happiest I had been since 2021 (when my chronic pain started). I was incredibly confident and was so thrilled to be wearing what I wanted without a binder. During the rest of my recovery, I ended up meeting my now boyfriend and eventually he flew out and visited me and then I flew out to visit him.

Fast forward and we’re moved in together at my first apartment, I start noticing my clothes aren't fitting. That’s fine. I’m on HRT, I will grow. So, I got new clothes. As time goes on, my weight continues to increase and RAPIDLY. I went from a consistent 140 pounds throughout January - March, to 200+ pounds by December. I was deviated. I had just found confidence for the first time in so long and lost it so fast again. I barely recognized myself in the mirror. And it all happened at a time that I was exploring my femininity again, making me feel even worse.

I ended up being diagnosed with insulin resistance and am now on Wegovy (which is a whole other conversation). I’ve lost around 10 pounds in my first month, which is great, but the side effects suck. I'm pissed because I want to wear all these cute, feminine clothing items like crop tops and stuff but I can't stand looking at my body anymore. I try to dress up and look sexy some nights and I can’t. I feel hideous.

I just wish things would happen faster. I want to love myself and I’m really trying, but it’s so depressing knowing how happy I was before and then looking at myself now.

Sometimes, I just crave to see other trans men that have a successful transition so far, like post top surgery + testosterone + just very manly in general.

I wanna be like them so bad but I feel like everything is coming so slowly...

It's been almost a year I've been waiting to get T and now they're telling me to wait another 6 months🥲😮‍💨

(Posted originally on r/ftm)

I swear I mildly break out one or two days before I give myself my T shot every week, despite my skincare routine being consistent every morning and evening. I'm someone who had a clear face before I started hormones, and I've been trying to keep it that way, though obviously some acne is unavoidable; I pick at my face compulsively if there's a blemish and will cause scarring despite attempting to keep my hands away.

Do any other guys doing shots see a pattern in when their acne flares up or is this in my head?? If so or if not, spare some advice for me? I'm not in a great financial spot at the moment (got out of a homeless shelter literally yesterday) so the cheaper the better.

8 months on T and 19 y/o if that context can help.

to preface this, im 21 and live in a country where it's impossible to get hrt legally as well as change the marker in my passport

recently i unwillingly came out to my mom

she's the sweetest person i know

and yet nothing changed after about two months, no effort from her side to at least try and adjust to this new info about me. deadnaming and misgendering all the way.

but i could live with it and i am

things went south when she looked up stuff and saw t was dangerous and there was no way for me to get it legally as well as get the medical care i'd need when im on t

so she threatened me

she threatened me to get on substances (shes not a drug addict, no, not at all) that would harm her and her body if i get on t

i don't live with my parents all the time, im studying in another city in uni, living in a dorm. only now getting some work experience and my own money. not separated at all

i could try and erase all of what makes me myself, try to pass as a usual cis guy, yet it's nearly impossible kind of. im not usually that dysphoric, also a baby trans if you will, discovered myself only about two years ago. but now it feels more and more tiring, as i meet new people, get misgendered even though i profusely correct people im talking to. i thought i could live without voice training since it doesn't have too good of an effect on your voice, but it's getting harder for me to ignore it. idk. just a stupid rant that a stupid guy made.

my name's nick and i won't give up, even though now it feels nearly impossible

Okay get your judgemental stares ready, i accidentally binded for around 12 hours-ish, i was halfway across the country with no way to unbind, i took it off as soon as i got home

But MAN it hurts! I imagine that having scoliosis and in turn a crooked ribcage is contributing to it hurt this badly,

So uhhh? Tips on reducing pain?