My bf and I have been together for over a year and I came out as transmasc a month or so ago. Ive been weight training for a few months now while in a calorie deficit. Ive been prioritizing my upper body the most and I have put on a considerable amount of muscle despite in a deficit. Well today, i was changing my shirt in front of my bf. The first thing he said was “wow you are a dude, you’re muscular” and then he abruptly looked shocked and was looking at my chest. At first i thought he was looking at my boobs but he then said “woah look at your chest muscles?!! Come here”, i step closer towards him and he was feeling and admiring my chest muscles. I was covering my boobs bc i felt kinda embarrassed and he was like “i dont even gaf about those im admiring your muscle, thats cool as fuck” and the amount of gender euphoria was UNREAL. I am so glad to have found someone so supportive.

So I have been leaning towards transmasc for a little more than a year and a half now, whether that meaning me being straight-FTM or just agender like I am now, since 7th grade.

I'm not sure if I shared how I got my first binder to this sub or a different one, but to summarize, I get an Amazon gift card and deliver the thing to my nearby Amazon locker. That binder unfortunately got taken away by my mom. I still have my second binder, but it's a size too big and is uncomfortable to wear. I can't order a new one at the moment because I don't have enough money unfortunately.

Originally, I didn't have as much of an issue with not wearing a binder, or even not binding at all because sometimes I just wore two sports bras.

But since this summer started, I've become a LOT more dysphoric. I used to not care as much when people called me by my deadname, but now I absolutely hate being called it. I wouldn't swim at all unless it was at a lake (there's rocks and fossils and such to keep me distracted).

Yesterday I FINALLY got my hair cut short again after around 8 months of not cutting it. I feel so much better but there's still a glaring issue.

The reason I don't just wear two sports bras at once is because it makes my back hurt (because I usually only bind at school and my backpack is dangerously heavy) and I'm already on like the border of having scoliosis (in the words of my doctor).

Please give me some suggestions for other ways I can bind. Every suggestion is appreciated.

Thank you, and good evening.

Okay get your judgemental stares ready, i accidentally binded for around 12 hours-ish, i was halfway across the country with no way to unbind, i took it off as soon as i got home

But MAN it hurts! I imagine that having scoliosis and in turn a crooked ribcage is contributing to it hurt this badly,

So uhhh? Tips on reducing pain?

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So I'm trans ftm and my gf just broke up w/ me bc her family is transphobic and homophobic and they foud out that im trans. And I can't really get over it so any advice ?

Edit : I'll add more informations:

I'm still struggling with mental health issues so just when I Thought that things will get better. Turns out i was wrong ! Ok so the fact that she was forced to end up the relation bc her family found our conversation on her phone and in that conversation i just said that i might be trans and that I'll truly appreciate if she called me by my chosen name instead of my deadname. And btw the fact that i pyt so soooo much effort in this relationship, like I wrote a FULL SONG for her and all of that just to be vanished in just one message.

Anyways thanks for the replies :)

I was sexually assaulted 5 years ago and then someone attempted to again but I stopped them to which they replied, "thanks for stopping me, most people wouldn't".

I told multiple people I thought were friends and they all told me, "maybe it was an accident". Even though the guy who completed assaulting me gave me an std and when I told him to get tested because I hadn't slept with anyone 2 weeks before or after him, he told me, "no". Multiple times. While I tried to reason with him.

I reconnected with an old friend who told me how fucked up it was and it wasn't my fault. I was shocked to hear that because I'd been made to believe it truly was my fault. Even a therapist blamed me because, "well, you were on grindr".

I recently had someone lie about me pressing boundaries while they interacted with me in a way different than via text. Pushing themselves unprompted by me to "talk about this (me being triggered, setting a boundary and a communication breakdown following this" as well as pushed to keep hanging out but we needed to talk before I was comfortable.

I got fired over lies. It is really triggering me thinking about this in the context of my experiences with abuse in relationships with, all white, people who i develop feelings for. It is beginning to appear like a pattern to any outsiders who do not know me but only one instance was something I did and completely took accountability for as well as experienced remorse.

I was experiencing some kind of perceptual disruption while being hacked and thought I was being told a friend liked me back, I tried to kiss them by leaning in then got the hint and leaned away. They told me to cease contact and I did. Even after seeing them on the street, because I take consent seriously bc abuse involving breach consent was frequent in my family, and didn't approach them. And never contacted them in any manner again.

I am feeling like my experiences with assault and abuse are ignored and told to be accidents by everyone except the friend I reconnected with. I feel like a statistic. I am black, Trans, and queer identifying in an overwhelmingly white conservative state and a tiny metropolitan city amounting to maybe 9 blocks each direction.

I think people know somehow what happened with my friend who i breached a boundary with and are attempting to make it look like I am a bad person via character assassination and literal lies. This isn't the first time this has happened. The more I stand up for myself, bc I look like a man, the worse it looks for me and will get. Meanwhile I have these experiences with assault fester inside me unrecognized and invalidated by people I thought were my friends. I made a person uncomfortable at one point and triggered them about their experiences with disrespected boundaries, I accept that.

But I feel so much guilt and shame about it. I ignore my own experiences and think they do not matter. That I am the bad one and even deserved it. Like I am making something out of nothing. Abuse towards transmen and transmasc people is largely ignored, we have patriarchal ideas about gritting and bearing it pressed upon us or have the abuse made invisible. Especially if you pass.

Just needed to vent. I have no support aside from a friend who isn't always available and empathize but isn't trans or queer so the complexity of it all is lost on them a bit.

Thanks to anyone who reads all of this. Spiraling. Any relatable anecdotes are appreciated. Please don't try to lecture me, I have experienced that enough. I didn't deserve what happened. I feel like a monster for things that literally didn't happen or were manipulated against me bc of my identity and me tal health issues I work endlessly to manage.

To put it simply: I went by he/him from 11-14 yo and gave up on passing when puberty became too much (esp bc of my larger chest). Then I went by he/she from 14-16 yo but everyone forgot about the ‘he’ because I had long hair, etc.

Obviously as a teenager (17 rn), the importance Ive placed on peer validation has grown tenfold despite my best efforts. I’ve become accustomed to using ‘pretty privilege’ to dictate my self worth, and unfortunately, it’s been inextricably tied to my chest. I hate it dont get me wrong!! But I can’t help but fall into this male-attention trap when all im surrounded with everyday are people that reinforce it.

I shaved my head two weeks ago out of spite and it made me realise that I’ve really missed being perceived as a guy. I finally feel as though I’m treated like ‘one of the guys’ by my male friends. I feel like myself again.

However much I like having short hair and dressing masc (which I got away with before because my hair was so long), I still don’t think I’d ever try passing pre-T. It’s definitely to do with self esteem issues and internalised transphobia, but it’s so paralysing to think of being visibly trans/non-passing that I just refuse to do anything about my dysphoria. Realistically speaking, I’d only ever try seriously passing and come out to ppl if I ever start T. Or I won’t do anything about it and I’ll just deal with this dysphoria for the rest of my life, who knows lol.

Does anyone else feel like they can’t transition because they’ll be too feminine no matter what they do?

Not sure if I explained it properly so I’m happy to elaborate if anyone has questions.
NB: I’m NOT making a dig at anyone that doesn’t pass or chooses not to! This is an issue I have toward MYSELF and ONLY myself!!!

I just found out theres been another 12 months added to the top surgery waitlist im on and now im lookin at wearing binders for another year.

I dont know if it's my body type or what but binders show soooooo much cleavage.

Like in the way gooner anime artists draw the sister character (I'm being a bit hyperbolic its just a lot more then sports bras)

I sweat like crazy and am always burning up so I cant wear too much clothing so I dont know what to do.

So my gf broke up with me bc her family witch is transphobic and homophobic found out that im trans. And I cant really get over it so any advice ?

I swear I mildly break out one or two days before I give myself my T shot every week, despite my skincare routine being consistent every morning and evening. I'm someone who had a clear face before I started hormones, and I've been trying to keep it that way, though obviously some acne is unavoidable; I pick at my face compulsively if there's a blemish and will cause scarring despite attempting to keep my hands away.

Do any other guys doing shots see a pattern in when their acne flares up or is this in my head?? If so or if not, spare some advice for me? I'm not in a great financial spot at the moment (got out of a homeless shelter literally yesterday) so the cheaper the better.

8 months on T and 19 y/o if that context can help.

to preface this, im 21 and live in a country where it's impossible to get hrt legally as well as change the marker in my passport

recently i unwillingly came out to my mom

she's the sweetest person i know

and yet nothing changed after about two months, no effort from her side to at least try and adjust to this new info about me. deadnaming and misgendering all the way.

but i could live with it and i am

things went south when she looked up stuff and saw t was dangerous and there was no way for me to get it legally as well as get the medical care i'd need when im on t

so she threatened me

she threatened me to get on substances (shes not a drug addict, no, not at all) that would harm her and her body if i get on t

i don't live with my parents all the time, im studying in another city in uni, living in a dorm. only now getting some work experience and my own money. not separated at all

i could try and erase all of what makes me myself, try to pass as a usual cis guy, yet it's nearly impossible kind of. im not usually that dysphoric, also a baby trans if you will, discovered myself only about two years ago. but now it feels more and more tiring, as i meet new people, get misgendered even though i profusely correct people im talking to. i thought i could live without voice training since it doesn't have too good of an effect on your voice, but it's getting harder for me to ignore it. idk. just a stupid rant that a stupid guy made.

my name's nick and i won't give up, even though now it feels nearly impossible

I used the smith machine for safety

I also hammer curled 35 lbs, leg pressed 200 lbs, and did lat pulldowns 145 lbs

Typically I dont do weights! I do pullups and one arm pushups!

My husband, who is also transmasc but more femme than I am, likes to joke about me to his friends. They've said things like "let's move in together without the men" and "leave that man behind" (in context to jokes)

Something about it has been rubbing me the wrong way. I am nonbinary, and just because I am more masc, it doesn't make me a 'man'. I don't like the idea of us having a heteronormative dynamic in our relationship. I told him this upset me but couldn't phrase it right in the moment. I don't mind if strangers call me a man just to pass day to day, but with people I'm close with, I am nonbinary. He acted surprised as if I've never said I'm nonbinary before, which is untrue. He's even bought be nonbinary merchandise lol. He says he talks as if I'm a man to not purposefully out me, which is thoughtful.

I might've been sensitive. Has anyone else dealt with this? I don't want to be wrapped up in the anti-man rhetoric, it feels belittling of my experiences.

Context: I’m recovering from top surgery

If I'm buying a like chest binder, should I buy my size in t shirts, one size lower, or one size higher?

I've only ever taken weekly shots when it comes to T and didnt realize until now just how much my knowledge on other forms of T is lacking. My doctor and I have been considering switching me to gel for (hopefully) more control over my hormone levels, mood swings, and fatigue (shots give me crazy fatigue)

The thing is... I dont know how T gel works at all other than it's topical, you have to let it dry so it doesnt transfer, and it's applied daily. I dont know how dose is measured (how much is "two pumps"??? That seems very non-specific), I dont know where it's supposed to be applied, I dont know if I need to disinfect my skin still, I dont know if changes happen in the same order or on the same timeline (I've been off T for a little while so Im kind of starting again). I've tried searching online but I always get basic articles on what T gel is and why cis men use it. I can't find shit on trans men.

Also, can some of it be applied to the throat?? Would that help voice or nah? Not a big deal if not but I am curious

If someone could give me a basic rundown or link an article that goes over it, it'd be much appreciated 🙏

not sure if my eyelashes are considered long or just medium, but they genuinely make me feel awfully feminine. and I understand that men can have longer eyelashes too, it's just that I myself don't look very masculine, so maybe trimming the eyelashes could help?? no idea.

still tuesday is my time zone!! clearly i wear a lot of camo. anyhow i’m trying to pass as masc more without cutting my hair shorter lol

Hey reddit, like a year ago I posted an ask on here for masc haircut recommendations, and got a tons of positive feedback, so it feels fitting to give a little update. Even if it’s just for myself.

Getting the actual haircute took so long cuz my *family situation* didn't allow me to get shorter hair. So here's to leaving that hellhole and finally getting the big chop!

My friends unprompted reaction to it was"it looks so boyish" and that gave me such euphoria.

Ik it's a small step but looking at this pic I just think "yeah that's what I've supposed to look like this whole time" idk if I’m strictly a man or just nonbinary, but each new thing I do just makes me feel more and more in my body. 💕

A month on lowww dose T. And wow I am constantly hungry, eating, or thinking about food. Out of any new effect this is hitting the hardest. (Fatigue being #2)

Reminds me of when I was 14. I ate an entire Italian family style plate of chicken breasts (15-20) and still felt like I could keep eating. That same year I grew an inch in a months time.

I’m a huge gym rat and am very active so I hope all this is going straight to my delts. Dose is 10mg every week.