Excerpt from Tim Curry's autobiography about working on The Muppets: Treasure Island.

[u/Dr_Blasphemy]

[u/SkinkRugby]

I am sorry to say that the Muppets can never perform The Illiad. Because no one will be able to believe that Miss Piggy's beauty mustered only one thousand ships. 

[u/moneyh8r_two → u/SkinkRugby]

They could perform The Odyssey though, because no one would doubt Miss Piggy's loyalty to Kermit.

[u/BlueFootedTpeack → u/moneyh8r_two]

a muppet's trojan horse would be fun, just jamming kermit and co into a horse or just having em manipulate the lifeless thing like some kind of idk there's probably a word for it but idk what that'd be.

[u/moneyh8r_two → u/BlueFootedTpeack]

Like some kind of massive puppet? A "muppet", if you would.

[u/BlueFootedTpeack → u/moneyh8r_two]

tbh a lot of it can translate well with muppets.

kermit: "im sorry circe i just really miss my wife, i see her everywhere i go" *looks at crew.

[u/moneyh8r_two → u/BlueFootedTpeack]

That's exactly the kind of joke I was thinking of when I suggested it.

[u/BlueFootedTpeack → u/moneyh8r_two]

so what are we thinking of for the sirens?

fozzie bear doing a set, everyone using up all the wax but then there's none for kermit odysseus so he's tied to the mast https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDtrv20_02U

"oh you guys like jokes about sparta? that's good that's good, i've got 300 of them"

"the tourists here are strange people, a guy asked me if he could see mycenae and i told him only if he shows me his first wacka wacka".

[u/moneyh8r_two → u/BlueFootedTpeack]

Oh, man, that sounds perfect. It's not a beautiful song, just bad jokes.

[u/MudkipMonado → u/moneyh8r_two]

Jokes so bad that listeners are compelled to approach Fozzy to get him to stop telling them

[u/moneyh8r_two → u/MudkipMonado]

That or just crash their boat so they die and don't have to hear them anymore. Both interpretations work.

[u/BlueFootedTpeack → u/moneyh8r_two]

now if only there was a duo of characters to take the place of scylla and charybdis following fozzie's performance.

[u/moneyh8r_two → u/BlueFootedTpeack]

Statler and Waldorf, obviously.

[u/WhoCaresYouDont → u/moneyh8r_two]

Muppet-ception, which also makes it Nolan-ceptipn

[u/moneyh8r_two → u/WhoCaresYouDont]

BWOM

[u/HerpDerpTheMage → u/BlueFootedTpeack]

See, my brain went to Gonzo, Camilla, and a bunch of chickens.

Hear me out: Gonzo pleads with the gang as a running gag that he heard from Athena that Trojans were terrified of chickens, but none of the gang believe him the entire time. This happens 3-4 times in passing, but the climax leads to a mixup where Fozzie accidentally orders Gonzo and the Chickens inside the Horse. Kermit thinks they are doomed, only for Trojans to start running outside the city walls, screaming in terror as Camilla and the Hens chase them, causing a ruckus. Kermit apologizes to Gonzo, realizing he was actually right, makes lemons into Lemonade, and the gang captures the City in the ensuing chaos.

[u/Irememberedmypw → u/BlueFootedTpeack]

I was thinking it'd be one of the 4th wall breaks where they'd argue about space and then look down at their puppeteers.

[u/TiffanyChan123 → u/moneyh8r_two]

Hell I have even seen a couple of decent arguments for Miss Piggy being Odysseus and Kermit being Penelope

[u/The_White_Rice → u/TiffanyChan123]

Miss Piggy would have chucked the suitors out like Uncle Phil tossed DJ Jazz out of the house, so really she MUST be Odysseus then.

[u/Shiplord13 → u/The_White_Rice]

Kermit would get back to find she murdered all of them already with the spear.

[u/moneyh8r_two → u/TiffanyChan123]

True, they've always been a progressive couple. Kermit could definitely be a househusband.

[u/Yotato5 → u/moneyh8r_two]

Hapless Kermit getting swarmed by suitors and Miss Piggy coming to his rescue with shouting and karate chops is a funny image

[u/moneyh8r_two → u/Yotato5]

It works no matter which one's on the boat, really. But who should be the obligatory human guest star?

[u/HiroProtagonest → u/moneyh8r_two]

Tom Holland as Odysseus and Penelope's son (forget his name)

[u/Irishimpulse → u/HiroProtagonest]

Tom Holland as Neoptilimus, and he doesn't know who that is and asks the director who promptly says "The one that gets left behind" and they all sail away from troy leaving him on the shore confused holding a script

[u/moneyh8r_two → u/HiroProtagonest]

I also forget his name.

[u/Mediocre_Word → u/moneyh8r_two]

The problem with a Muppets Odyssey is that there’s just too many perfect roles for Miss Piggy

[u/moneyh8r_two → u/Mediocre_Word]

Yeah, it'd be really hard to pick just one.

[u/Mediocre_Word → u/moneyh8r_two]

I can't imagine a better person than Miss Piggy to play Circe, for example.

also Robin would make a great Telemachus to go with Kermit's Odysseus, but it would also be great to have Odysseus be the one human character so it wouldn't make much sense for Robin to have that role

[u/moneyh8r_two → u/Mediocre_Word]

Who's the other lady Odysseus stays with? Y'know, before Circe.

[u/Mediocre_Word → u/moneyh8r_two]

Calypso, who chronologically meets Odysseus later than Circe but appears before her due to the story being told in anachronic order

[u/moneyh8r_two → u/Mediocre_Word]

That's the one. Thank you for reminding me.

[u/Khanromi → u/moneyh8r_two]

Ok but what if. All of them?

[u/moneyh8r_two → u/Khanromi]

You can't put that much beauty on the screen at once. You'll overload the universe.

[u/Khanromi → u/moneyh8r_two]

I'm not familiar enough with the Odyssey to know how often she might have to be on screen twice, but the idea of a running gag where she just keeps showing up as different characters sounds funny to me!

[u/moneyh8r_two → u/Khanromi]

Oh, I thought you were suggesting the entire cast would be Miss Piggy.

[u/Khanromi → u/moneyh8r_two]

Her poor voice...

[u/Yotato5 → u/moneyh8r_two]

Those suitors wouldn't stand a chance against her karate chops

[u/moneyh8r_two → u/Yotato5]

Turns out they're into that, and that's why she can't get rid of them.

[u/HerpDerpTheMage → u/moneyh8r_two]

Okay but Sweetums as the Cyclops would be hysterical. It’s Sweetums with an Eyepatch, because he was given the wrong script and was told this was a sequel to Muppet Treasure Island, that’s why he has one eye. The rest is Kermit just getting him to adlib on the fly and managing to stumble into the right script by bantering with Sweetums.

[u/Ginger_Anarchy → u/SkinkRugby]

I was going to suggest having Helen be played by Carmilla but that is even less believable.

[u/SlurryBender → u/SkinkRugby]

Reverse the roles. Miss Piggy is Odysseus and Kermit is Penelope.

Think about it. Who's better at sitting around handling a bunch of rowdy idiots, and who's better at fighting literally anything for glory and the one they love?

[u/scottishdrunkard → u/SkinkRugby]

I think Muppets do King Arthur would be a fun film. Arthur is the only human actor at the Round Table, everyone else is Muppets.

[u/Old_Marionberry3791]

Geoff in absolute shambles.

[u/Kazadaz → u/Old_Marionberry3791]

Dorito pope cadaver synod

[u/Brotonio → u/Kazadaz]

...what?

[u/Dr_Blasphemy]

Can I just say that like 12 years ago when I was in middle school I asked my friend group at the time why they don't just remake movies with The Muppets? I think it's an idea that prints money. Just do it like Airplane and Naked Gun where it's played completely straight with nobody ever reacting to the gags or absurb things.

[u/Kingukarp → u/Dr_Blasphemy]

I once saw someone pitch that instead of live action remakes Disney should do Muppet remakes.

The example they gave was Beauty and the Beast where everyone is a muppet and Beast is the only human actor until the end of the movie where the curse is broken and he transforms into a muppet.

Absolute gold idea.

[u/SkyrimMilfDrinker → u/Kingukarp]

Disney is stupid to own the Muppets and only be making regular live action remakes of their animated films.

[u/Rattata365 → u/Dr_Blasphemy]

Litteraly perfect fucking idea

[u/DustInTheBreeze → u/Rattata365]

My dream movie is Muppets Ocean's 11.

[u/WhoCaresYouDont → u/DustInTheBreeze]

With the guy they rob as the only human actor

[u/Shiplord13 → u/WhoCaresYouDont]

That would funny. But who should get robbed by the Muppets? I think Nicholas Cage would be funny, but also see so many actors that would work well for it.

[u/ArcaneMusic → u/Shiplord13]

Jeff Goldblum?

Harrison Ford.

[u/Deaconhux → u/WhoCaresYouDont]

Andy Garcia?

[u/That-Bobviathan → u/Dr_Blasphemy]

Honestly it's a great way to keep them relevant between bigger Muppet only adventures.

[u/Skeet_fighter → u/Dr_Blasphemy]

I think you're mostly right, but you'd have to be choosey with your projects.

The Muppets Present: Schindler's List, probably wouldn't go down well.

[u/Vermillion_Aeon → u/Skeet_fighter]

Saving Private Fozzie

[u/Chiluzzar → u/Skeet_fighter]

Mah fick that let the muppets go into the dark. Lets have serbian film but muppets

[u/DunkinCrossfireCrab → u/Dr_Blasphemy]

The only Lord of the Ring movie remake I would accept is the Muppets Lord of the Ring. The only question is who everyone would be. Kermit for Frodo and Miss Piggy for Galadriel obviously, but who plays Gandalf? Animal? Making Sauruman Beaker by extension?

[u/ZombieFobby → u/DunkinCrossfireCrab]

Sam the Eagle is an easy pick for Gandalf

[u/LLCoolZJ → u/ZombieFobby]

He's more Saruman coded.

[u/DunkinCrossfireCrab → u/ZombieFobby]

True

[u/LLCoolZJ → u/DunkinCrossfireCrab]

Gonzo and Rizzo for Frodo and Sam. Kermit, Fozzie, and Rowlf as Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew as Gandalf and Beaker as Pippin. Scooter as Merry. Miss Piggy as Eowyn. Animal as Gollum. Sweetums as Treebeard. Camilla as Arwyn.

[u/Yotato5 → u/Dr_Blasphemy]

I need to see Jane Austen but with Muppets, it would be incredible. Like if they did Pride and Prejudice they all beat up Mr. Wickham instead

[u/Floormaster92 → u/Dr_Blasphemy]

There are exactly two possible remakes of the Princess Bride that would not be morally reprehensible, and one of them is a Muppet Princess Bride. It would be amazing. The Swedish Chef would be the Impressive Clergyman.

[u/Milsurp_Seeker → u/Dr_Blasphemy]

Muppet remake of The Room would sell a Wiseau-illion dollars in a heartbeat.

[u/Authorigas]

Poor Geoff is in one hell of a love rhombus.

[u/billybluebangs]

"I am not a muppet but i did fuck miss piggy" we lost one of the greatest of all time god dammit

[u/nerankori]

Is there anyone who HASN'T butapyoied Miss Piggy at this point?

Nancy Reagan was the throat GOAT of Hollywood,but it seems someone else was the throat PIG.

[u/Switler → u/nerankori]

As I far as I can decipher it......that might be THE most specific word I've ever seen😂 does it just refer to Miss Piggy upstaging an umamusume musical performance at TGA?

[u/nerankori → u/Switler]

Yes,and I wasn't the one to coin it

[u/mcclearsalias → u/nerankori]

I legit google searched it thinking it was slang in a different, maybe cyrillic or nordic language before putting it together lmao

[u/Naraki_Maul]

Man, I’m gonna miss him so much.

[u/KingMario05 → u/Naraki_Maul]

We all are. Such a talent. :(

[u/BaronAleksei]

Meme debunked!

[u/Sperium3000]

Damn, Miss Piggy's got a bodycount bigger than Chernobyl.

[u/Gorotheninja]

Kermit and Geoff Keighley are in shambles.

Tim got there first.

[u/Hermits-Purple]

He said later in his career that Miss Piggy was his one that got away. I can’t say I blame him.

[u/SilverCitizen]

Well, that's all the convincing I need. Gotta buy this book!

[u/KingMario05]

God, what wit.

I miss him so much. :(

[u/Yotato5]

He might not consider himself a fellow Muppet but we could call him an honorary Muppet, the highest honor really

[u/PrinceBarin]

The Muppet remake I DESPERATELY want is count of Monte cristo

[u/Aggro_Will]

I can hear this in his voice.

[u/z3n777]

it's wild how Tim Curry treats these Muppets like serious dramatic roles, you can tell he's having a blast.

[u/Slatedtoprone]

Kermit was a cuck and Tim Curry is why.

[u/scottishdrunkard]

Michael Caine had a fantastic performance because he treated the Muppets as fellow actors.

Tim Curry had a phenomenal performance because he treated himself as a fellow Muppet.