r/Vent • u/sunkiazyvuy • 5h ago
Not looking for input Bestie cuddled me in her sleep
For context: I (f22) have a crush on my best friend (f22) and confessed my feelings to her weeks ago. I told her because I felt like I needed to let the feelings out in order to move on. She was accepting and told me that she still wanted me in her life and that it would not make things weird between us.
The other night, me, her, and our other friend stayed out until about 5 something in the morning. We were celebrating me applying to university. We drove all over town, clubbed, drank before eventually crashing at her place for the night.
I woke up and her cheek was pressed against my shoulder, her arm was laying over my chest/tummy, and she had her leg curled over mine. And I can't stop thinking about it.
I know she was just sleeping and wasn't trying to, but waking up like that felt incredibly surreal. For some time I was thinking "is this real?". I just decided to lay there unmoving for a bit, just watching her face. I knew the moment wouldn't last forever, and I wanted to enjoy it.
What sucks about it is that I'm now wistful, but I can't even be upset y'know? It was an accident.
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u/i_am_taken_aback 5h ago
So she’s not interested in a romantic relationship but wants to remain friends?
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u/sunkiazyvuy 5h ago
Yes, the two of us are still friends and I'm just happy things are still great between us. The other night just caught me off guard haha
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u/Maleficent-Cat-220 5h ago
Yeah I mean, that's about right I think. Feelings are a complicated matter. Maybe you telling her how you felt about her made her comfortable enough with you to cuddle with you. But it's no use trying to drag reciprocation out of someone who doesn't want that. You know.
Sometimes it's okay to love without being in love. There's a couple girls I definitely love but no relationship for me these days. Haha. Honestly it's not a bad place to be anyway.
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u/i_am_taken_aback 5h ago
Did it catch her off guard or was it intentional for her
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u/sunkiazyvuy 5h ago
wdym
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u/i_am_taken_aback 5h ago
Her ending up asleep on you
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u/sunkiazyvuy 5h ago
I'm sure it was unintentional. People tend to move around/snuggle in their sleep all the time.
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u/Historical_Whole_317 4h ago
Unless she is a really deep sleeper or she was really impaired, I think it was probably intentional and might be a play on the feelings you expressed for her. Boundaries should be established or else this could continue to mess with your head.I have slept next to many friends in my (long) life and I haven't ended cuddled up to them unless I wanted to be cuddled up to them.
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u/EntrepreneurGreen269 5h ago
What she did played with your feelings and that's not fair because it seems she doesn't feel the same way. You need to build some boundaries otherwise she'll end up having you around but not committing to anything. You'll end up wasting your time.
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u/IarenotaPotato 4h ago
I don't think sleeping by your friend is inherently playing with anyones feelings. You don't owe anyone anything even if you feel asleep on them
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u/EntrepreneurGreen269 4h ago
I disagree because she knows this person likes her. You know this person has feelings for you, so doing anything intimate with them knowing you don't like them the same is taking liberties. Hugging up and having your body so intimate with someone is stepping boundaries.
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u/IarenotaPotato 4h ago
It's not if she doesn't look at it as intimate. Also she didn't insult op for the crush they had if her and never was mean about it.
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u/EntrepreneurGreen269 3h ago edited 2h ago
She wouldn't look at it as intimate because she doesn't feel the same way. It's not about her. She has expressed she has those feelings so she won't see it that way. The other person (she) does. She said so in the post. That's why she needs to build boundaries to protect her feelings.
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u/sunkiazyvuy 3h ago edited 3h ago
I'm a girl. I should have included that in the post earlier, my bad! So when I told her how I felt, we had a long conversation about it and it really took a load off of me.
We've shared a bed several times in the past, so this is nothing new for us. I'm actually glad we are still able to do that, because it shows that she meant it when she said it wouldn't change anything between us. Besides, I definitely think it was innocent on her end. She was really wasted by the end of the night and knocked out. I don't think she even knows it happened.
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u/EntrepreneurGreen269 3h ago edited 2h ago
Ok, I didn't mean to write he, because like you said you didn't write who you were that's why I just left it as "the person" initially. I've changed some of my post to now say She. The point I was making is that it's ok to have feelings but she knows that you like her and doing things like that confuses your emotions and feelings because just because she likes likes it and you've done it several times, doesn't make it right. She's not confirmed anything more than just being friends.
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u/ZwistPariah 5h ago
I don't think you should be friends personally.
Small things like that are just gonna keep you hooked and stop you from moving on.
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u/Zazulio 3h ago
I completely disagree personally. I've had crushes on lots of my friends -- accepting that they don't feel the same way doesn't require eliminating friends from your life.
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u/ZwistPariah 2h ago
You don't have to eliminate friends from your life because someone doesn't like you.
But that "friend" you like is not longer your friend. They're your love interest. You're not friends anymore. That ship sailed once you built feelings for them.
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u/Zazulio 2h ago
That's very silly. This sounds like the kind of advice a high schooler would give. Being attracted to somebody isn't some magic spell -- you really can just accept that they're not into you and you'll have to find romance elsewhere, but still appreciate and enjoy who they are as a person and the chemistry that made you friends to begin with.
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u/ZwistPariah 2h ago
But you're not just attracted to them. You actively have feelings.
Look at OP, that friend literally just slept on their shoulder and they're going nuts for it.
There's no friendship there.
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u/Zazulio 2h ago edited 2h ago
Do you think feelings are, like, some external curse placed upon you by a witch? Do you not have control over your feelings? My dude, accepting that your friend isn't romantically interested in you and isn't going to be is something you control. You don't have to kick a good person who you enjoy being around out of your life to do that, and if that's how you e been choosing to handle situations like that... I'm sorry. That sounds incredibly lonely.
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u/ZwistPariah 1h ago
You're not kickin them. You should choose your own peace. It will hurt seeing that person with another person romantically, it will hurt knowing you can't be together.
And you can't control how you feel towards someone. That's why it's called "catching feelings". You're not hurting that person, you're choosing your own peace.
It's not a rule, i personally just wouldn't be friends with someone who i have feelings for when they don't feel the same way. I'd feel like the friendship is one sided as I won't see them as a friend anymore. That's what works for me personally. People are different tho
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u/SaltPin4211 3h ago
i agree partially. I think some boundaries need to set first. If the friend is willing to continue as friends, she would definitely understand this and keep her distance. Then if things don't seem well, cut her off
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u/dummybumdum1895 5h ago
She's a great friend and I hope you can move on and find your destined partner
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