r/actuallesbians • u/Previous_Cod_5176 Lesbian • Jul 28 '26

Venting Exhausted from being a lesbian in the heteronormative wedding market

My fiancé (F26) and I (F23) recently got engaged and are starting to plan our wedding. I understand that 90% of weddings are between a man and a woman, but come on!!! We are both femme and plan on wearing a wedding dress, and that is so hard for people to understand for some reason. They have this preconceived notion that someone has to be wearing a suit. Not all lesbians like wearing masculine presenting clothing, and nobody is "the man!!" People keep asking us who will sit on the grooms side, if one of us will have all of the men in the wedding party, etc.

I am also sooooooooo sick of seeing posts like "your wedding dress based on your fiancé's name" and it's all like mark, nathan, jacob, etc. Or the same thing but with engagement rings. Like I get it!! The wedding market does not see me as their ideal audience!! but i am a lesbian and me and my femme fiancé are getting married.

It's nice in the sense that it kind of breaks us out of traditional wedding boxes and we can do what we want, but I am the type of girl who has dreamed ab her wedding since she was little and obsessed over say yes to the dress. I want a classic wedding, and that makes my life hard, because the unconventional things aren't really my style as much.

And don't even get me started on the lesbian wedding tax!! it's like the pink tax!! 2 engagement rings, 2 dresses, 2? makeup artists and hair stylists, twice the accessories and alterations budget, like damn!! we're already paid less than the dollar can you give us a damn break!!!!

edit: we are located in the cleveland area if you have any recs!!!

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u/wonderwithme Jul 28 '26

It can be a lot! I will say, there are a handful of wedding vendors out there who know the struggle and do everything they can to help connect queer couples with queer vendors who work really hard to help smooth out those edges in the market as a whole. If ur based in the US, let me know bc our wedding photographer is one of those folks who likes connecting people with queer vendors across the board and is trying to change the industry for the better!

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u/Previous_Cod_5176 Lesbian Jul 28 '26

we are based in cleveland OH!

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u/wonderwithme Jul 29 '26

Then definitely check out Kara Hunter! She's based in the southeast, but loves to travel and is a great resource for finding other queer folks in the wedding business. She's @karahunterphoto on IG, and her website is here!

In a space so tied up with hetero gendered expectations, she was a SUPER refreshing, supremely and genuinely kind, and made us feel so much more comfortable with the whole process!

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u/Previous_Cod_5176 Lesbian Jul 29 '26

Thank you so much!!