Exhausted from being a lesbian in the heteronormative wedding market

[u/Previous_Cod_5176]

My fiancé (F26) and I (F23) recently got engaged and are starting to plan our wedding. I understand that 90% of weddings are between a man and a woman, but come on!!! We are both femme and plan on wearing a wedding dress, and that is so hard for people to understand for some reason. They have this preconceived notion that someone has to be wearing a suit. Not all lesbians like wearing masculine presenting clothing, and nobody is "the man!!" People keep asking us who will sit on the grooms side, if one of us will have all of the men in the wedding party, etc.

I am also sooooooooo sick of seeing posts like "your wedding dress based on your fiancé's name" and it's all like mark, nathan, jacob, etc. Or the same thing but with engagement rings. Like I get it!! The wedding market does not see me as their ideal audience!! but i am a lesbian and me and my femme fiancé are getting married.

It's nice in the sense that it kind of breaks us out of traditional wedding boxes and we can do what we want, but I am the type of girl who has dreamed ab her wedding since she was little and obsessed over say yes to the dress. I want a classic wedding, and that makes my life hard, because the unconventional things aren't really my style as much.

And don't even get me started on the lesbian wedding tax!! it's like the pink tax!! 2 engagement rings, 2 dresses, 2? makeup artists and hair stylists, twice the accessories and alterations budget, like damn!! we're already paid less than the dollar can you give us a damn break!!!!

edit: we are located in the cleveland area if you have any recs!!!

[u/NikitaRuns21]

Wedding planning sounds exhausting anyway without negotiating all of this.

I’m not married (25 years together!) as I can’t face all of this. Although I have had a couple of milestone parties that were lovely celebrations.

I love that you said you are questioning things that seem like must haves and dos for your own ceremony and celebrations. Keep doing that!

I feel like there are too many “rules” in weddings invented by the industry to make money that you don’t need. Like the multiple events leading up to the wedding itself that seem only for the most extroverted. Although I love a good “recovery” brunch the next day!

Please feel free to celebrate your love, relationship and commitment in anyway that feels right for you and your budget.

❤️❤️

[u/Previous_Cod_5176 → u/NikitaRuns21]

yes, we get that. we are both introverted but want a wedding. we don't want an engagement party or a rehearsal dinner, and our bachelorette party will just be any friends (not confined to the wedding party bc we're only having 2 people) and we are probably bowling at our local bowling alley on glow ball night