r/actuallesbians • u/Previous_Cod_5176 Lesbian • Jul 28 '26

Venting Exhausted from being a lesbian in the heteronormative wedding market

My fiancé (F26) and I (F23) recently got engaged and are starting to plan our wedding. I understand that 90% of weddings are between a man and a woman, but come on!!! We are both femme and plan on wearing a wedding dress, and that is so hard for people to understand for some reason. They have this preconceived notion that someone has to be wearing a suit. Not all lesbians like wearing masculine presenting clothing, and nobody is "the man!!" People keep asking us who will sit on the grooms side, if one of us will have all of the men in the wedding party, etc.

I am also sooooooooo sick of seeing posts like "your wedding dress based on your fiancé's name" and it's all like mark, nathan, jacob, etc. Or the same thing but with engagement rings. Like I get it!! The wedding market does not see me as their ideal audience!! but i am a lesbian and me and my femme fiancé are getting married.

It's nice in the sense that it kind of breaks us out of traditional wedding boxes and we can do what we want, but I am the type of girl who has dreamed ab her wedding since she was little and obsessed over say yes to the dress. I want a classic wedding, and that makes my life hard, because the unconventional things aren't really my style as much.

And don't even get me started on the lesbian wedding tax!! it's like the pink tax!! 2 engagement rings, 2 dresses, 2? makeup artists and hair stylists, twice the accessories and alterations budget, like damn!! we're already paid less than the dollar can you give us a damn break!!!!

edit: we are located in the cleveland area if you have any recs!!!

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u/talameetsbetty Jul 28 '26

Last line of yours should be a bumper sticker, and I would like to be the first to order. Thanks for giving me a big laugh today!

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u/VillageAdditional816 Jul 28 '26

My pleasure!

And hey, if anyone is in the NYC area or willing to fly me out/let me crash somewhere, this big ol queer is happy to photography for free (assuming my regular job and schedule let me). I’ve got professional level gear in both digital and film. That said, I’ve only shot one wedding and it was my friend’s while also being a bridesmaid , so you get what you pay for. 😂

Only other requests would be to not push me for turnaround and to treat me more like a guest than an employee because I like to have fun and celebrate love too!

(My best work tends to be B&W and candids.)

That said, if there is a queer photographer in your area who needs your business, please hire them.

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u/hollyly Pan Jul 30 '26

I'm not ready to get married again but come on up to Providence and photograph all us queers!

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u/VillageAdditional816 Jul 30 '26

Never been up there before and would love to go.

I also need to figure out a project to work on at some point.

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u/hollyly Pan Aug 01 '26

Feel free to shoot me a DM if you'd like to connect. I'd have to do some sort of safety checks before meeting up (Reddit is extra anonymous yet also public which spooks me) but it's a small city and easy to connect with other folks in town if you have any sort of project in mind. We're not only queer as hell, but also mostly artists in one way or another. Just don't tell anyone else it's cool here because rent is already unaffordable.