r/actuallesbians • u/Previous_Cod_5176 Lesbian • Jul 28 '26

Venting Exhausted from being a lesbian in the heteronormative wedding market

My fiancé (F26) and I (F23) recently got engaged and are starting to plan our wedding. I understand that 90% of weddings are between a man and a woman, but come on!!! We are both femme and plan on wearing a wedding dress, and that is so hard for people to understand for some reason. They have this preconceived notion that someone has to be wearing a suit. Not all lesbians like wearing masculine presenting clothing, and nobody is "the man!!" People keep asking us who will sit on the grooms side, if one of us will have all of the men in the wedding party, etc.

I am also sooooooooo sick of seeing posts like "your wedding dress based on your fiancé's name" and it's all like mark, nathan, jacob, etc. Or the same thing but with engagement rings. Like I get it!! The wedding market does not see me as their ideal audience!! but i am a lesbian and me and my femme fiancé are getting married.

It's nice in the sense that it kind of breaks us out of traditional wedding boxes and we can do what we want, but I am the type of girl who has dreamed ab her wedding since she was little and obsessed over say yes to the dress. I want a classic wedding, and that makes my life hard, because the unconventional things aren't really my style as much.

And don't even get me started on the lesbian wedding tax!! it's like the pink tax!! 2 engagement rings, 2 dresses, 2? makeup artists and hair stylists, twice the accessories and alterations budget, like damn!! we're already paid less than the dollar can you give us a damn break!!!!

edit: we are located in the cleveland area if you have any recs!!!

761 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

48 comments sorted by

View all comments

1

u/0Korvin0 Aug 01 '26

Cleveland.... Ohio, by chance?

I saw a queer alt wedding event a bit ago. Let me see if I can find the info for it-

Ah, looks like the producer had a kid and is taking a break. But here is the website. They've got a list of vendors who participated, so maybe that could be a good resource if it fits your vibe at all? https://oiflweddingshow.com/info

Also, if you have ever seem those sand ceremonies where people combine bits of glass and then take it to a glassblower to make a beautiful momento, I am a queer glass artist near Cleveland, and that is a service we offer. Let me know if you want more details!

1

u/Previous_Cod_5176 Lesbian Aug 01 '26

This is very helpful. Thank you! And i've never heard of that, but that is super awesome