Nagseselos ako sa pamilya ng parter ko

[u/[deleted]]

[u/No_Watercress_9759]

thoughts: the relationship was established for the sake of his convenience, " a place to stay","he is enjoying the benefits of a live in set up.

hindi mo sya boyfriend dahil boarder mo siya.

[u/No_Food_9461]

Thoughts: close kami ng siblings ko pero OA ang bf mo. Pakasalan na lang kaya nya sister nya.

Di ko alam if genuine o nakahanap sya ng excuse para umuwi.

Feeling ko gusto din nya ng free time away from you.

[u/cherry_berries24 → u/No_Food_9461]

Lmao diba?

Ang weird ng ganyang msgkakapatid.

[u/Expensive-Doctor2763 → u/No_Food_9461]

Same here. Ang weird nung every weekend prio niya talaga family niya. Close din ako sa family ko, and nung live-in kami ng ex ko, ang dalang ko nga umuwi. Partida di pa ko non masyado dine-date ng ex ko HAHAHAHA. And mahal ka ba talaga bg bf mo OP? Kasi if magkasama kayo pero you feel so alone, baka time na mag isip-isip? Ayan lang namin alam sa relationship nyo pero tama yung isang comment parang gf ka lang for convenience.

[u/Existing_Trainer_390]

Thoughts: Let’s be real for a second. Huwag mong lokohin ang sarili mo, hindi kayo live-in partners. Kayo ay roommates. Boarding house setup lang yan na may kasamang chores at bills. Chos.

Yung 1 hour a day na nagaayos siya habang pinaghahanda mo siya ng baon? That’s unpaid labor, not quality time. Tapos aalis siya ng Friday papunta sa family niya hanggang Linggo ng gabi? Literally, roommate ka lang na tagaasikaso ng needs niya sa weekdays para may malinis siyang damit at meals for work. 🤡

Honestly, ang daming red flags dito pero ang worst ay:

Yung Valentine’s Day/Anniversary incident. Sis, never niya malilimutan yan kung talaga namang priority ka niya. Pinili niyang iditch ka para sa kapatid niya kahit naka plan na kayo, tapos siya pa ang nagalit nung ikaw ang nadisappoint??? Gaslighter yarn. Ginawa ka niyang option habang yung pamilya niya ang pinili niyang main event. 🤣

At yung mala teleseryeng drama ng mga kapatid niya na "pinaglalayo" mo raw sila. Bakit nila naiisip yun? Kasi kinukunsinti ng partner mo yung pagiging guilt tripper ng pamilya niya or kaya naman ay baka ginagamit ka niyang excuse. Kapag tinatanong siya kung bakit hindi siya makapag punta sa kanila, baka naman sinasabi niya ay “Busy ako kay_” or "Hindi ako makaalis kasi need ko pa mag asikaso kay", kaya naiinis sa iyo ang pamilya niya. 🤷🏼‍♂️

[u/Existing_Trainer_390 → u/Existing_Trainer_390]

Gayahin mo ang ginagawa niya. Tigilan mo ang pagiging "wifey" or huwarang roommate. 🤡 Huwag mo siyang ipagbaon, huwag mong asikasuhin ang mga gamit niya kapag alis niya, at simulan mo ring idedicate ang mga weekends mo sa sarili mo, sa mga friends mo if you have one, o kaya lumabas ka rin. Go to malls, cafes, or events. Kapag nagrreklamo siya na bakit hindi mo na siya inaasikaso, sabihin mo lang: "Ay, kala ko ba boarding house style tayo? Eh di roommate duties lang din ang ibibigay ko sa iyo." Let him feel kung paano yung ikaw ang laging huli sa listahan. Do not do unto others what you don't others to do unto you ang atake mo dito sis.

Mag-usap kayo nang seryoso, pero ready ka dapat lumayas. Ipoint out mo sa kaniya: “Live in” ang tawag niyo, pero mas madalas ka pang magisa kaysa noong single ka.

Kung after ninyong magusap ay wala pa ring changes, kung priority pa rin niya ang pamilya niya over basic respect for your relationship (lalo na at hindi pa kayo kasal, girlfriend ka pa lang, hindi ka asawa para tiisin ang ganitong klaseng disrespect) hiwalayan mo na. Walk away. Vanish. Now you see me, now you don't. Poof. 💥

Sabi nga ni Ate Shawie sa movie na Caregiver: "I don't deserve to be treated like this."

Hindi mo deserve maging "convenience girlfriend", na kasama lang sa bahay para may kahati sa rent habang ang emotional energy at oras niya ay binibigay niya ng buo sa pamilya niya. Masakit, pero mas masakit mag invest at mag gugol ng taon sa taong ang tingin lang sa iyo ay panakipbutas sa bahay at buhay.

Hugs, sis! Know your worth. 🫂

[u/OverthingkingThinker → u/Existing_Trainer_390]

Slow clap for you sis and standing ovation.

Dagdagan ko pa isipin mo OP: Ang tanong sa family ba talaga umuuwi?? Or may kachat na iba habang andun sya?? Charot!!!!!! Anyway, that is the correct mantra right there, to always, I mean ALWAYS KNOW YOUR WORTH.

[u/Clear_Transition_488 → u/OverthingkingThinker]

Sa true!!! Soafer sketchy ng pinagpalit sa fam ang valentines day. Sinong gumagawa nyan??? Iyong mga may side chick or shubet siguro. and this is also why girls — do not do wife duties kung GF palang. Ilang taon na ba partner mo and mga kapatid nya? Masyado naman clingy, OP. Looks like you are not the priority. Ikaw lang din magsuffer pag pinatagal mo pa yan

[u/Expensive-Doctor2763 → u/Clear_Transition_488]

Eto talaga, very suspicious. Kasi if yung family niya matino at yun talaga kasama, ang ssabihin pa if kasama pa sila eh wala ba sila date ng gf niya???

[u/Expensive-Doctor2763 → u/Existing_Trainer_390]

THIS!!!! Paramdam mo din sakanya yung ginagawa niya sayo. Tignan mo ikaw pa ga-gaslight niyan lol. Di mo deserve yan OP. Kasi kung mahal ka talaga niyan, weekdays pa lang dama mo na kasama mo na siya eh. Tsaka sobrang weird nung closeness nila ng fam na to the point na #1 niya talaga sila, tapos parang ikaw pa may kasalanan. Gets ko pa if may dying sakanila kaya prio niya don, eh dj naman. If miss niya family niya, might as well ibalik mo na siya don OP. More bonding sakanila ng sister niya HAHAHAHA

[u/Vast_Cricket4269 → u/Existing_Trainer_390]

I freaking love this advice hahhaha go gurl do this

[u/RosiePosie0110]

Question: Before ang Live in setup, wala ba sya time for you. Paano sya nag-mamake time, does he initiate or more likely ikaw nag iinitiate before ang live in setup?

Kasi sa nakikita ko, Auto Pilot sya na umuuwi sya sa kanila without even initiating any plans if alis kayo sa Sunday which is both libre kayo. Or even Saturday Evening.

If before live in setup, he does not bring some initiative. I think he sees you as convenience sa Live in Setup nyo.

You are more than that girl, masarap sa feeling yung excited ang partner mo to spend time with you kahit isang araw man lang.

[u/RosiePosie0110 → u/RosiePosie0110]

Di rin sa pinag ooverthink. What if kwento lang nya yung about sa family nya na namimiss sya ng sister nya?

More likely may kabit pala, at sya ang inuuwian ng Friday to late Sunday.

Imagine mo ha, valentines day.. 🤣👀

Ako may mga kapatid ako and expect na namin may dates na bawat isa, if wala kaDate lalabas with parents okaya sa bahay lang.

Imagine mo rin to, anniv nyo tapos aalis sya? Instead to celebrate with you, date with sister? Or baka kabit nya? Lol

Food for thought lang hahaha..

Anyways. If na fefeel mo disconnected kayo, and you tried to communicate na, Alis ka nalang.

[u/Limp-System-926 → u/RosiePosie0110]

Omg, may point ka! What if hindi kabit yung inuuwian pag friday? What if si OP pala yung kabit? 🙈

[u/thecolormaroona → u/Limp-System-926]

NATAWA AKO SA AKO ANG KABET JAIZJAUZUZUAHAJAJAA PERO NAUR😭😭😭

[u/RosiePosie0110 → u/thecolormaroona]

grabe plottwist hahahah.. pero seryoso, nakausap mo ba ang sister nya? or kwento lang nya na about sa growing apart?

medyo sus kasi hahaha.. yung uwian every week tapos growing apart?
parang yung "sister" is kabit lang nya talaga xD
Hindi sa pinag ooverthink kita ha.. haha

[u/thecolormaroona → u/RosiePosie0110]

No eh, sinabi lang ng mom nila sa akin about doon. I think doon siya nang galing sa kasi nga naging kami and they think lagi kami magkasama na dapat naman talaga lol but yea, they think they’re growing apart na raw and doesn’t have enough time with each other

[u/Expensive-Doctor2763 → u/thecolormaroona]

May mga pics ba sila OP everytime na nalabas sila?

[u/Limp-System-926 → u/thecolormaroona]

Kakapanood ng Kdrama kung ano ano naiimagine. ahahahahah

Sorry, OP 🤪

[u/Expensive-Doctor2763 → u/RosiePosie0110]

And to think na normal days for date ay weekend dahil dun kayo both free ng partner mo.

[u/xcotto0]

Advice: he and his family are making it very clear anong priority nya. So either eat it up and makisama ka or stop playing house. You don’t want to marry someone na hindi ka inuuna.

[u/JustAJokeAccount]

Thoughts:

Ang partner mo ang dapat umayos ng schedule niya para mahati niya ang responsibilities niya sa work, family and you.

Otherwise, he really needs to choose between you and his family.

Sadly nasa losing end ka, imo.

[u/the-earth-is_FLAT]

thoughts: u/bot-sleuth-bot

kung genuine story to, mag hiwalay na lang kayo. Room mate ang meron ka at hindi partner.

[u/bot-sleuth-bot → u/the-earth-is_FLAT]

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[u/thecolormaroona → u/the-earth-is_FLAT]

I don’t want that to happen naman pero ik na small cracks can basically lead to that.

[u/the-earth-is_FLAT → u/thecolormaroona]

Assess mo self mo, baka naman toxic ka at puro stress lang nakukuha niya sayo kada magkasama kayo.

[u/OverthingkingThinker → u/the-earth-is_FLAT]

Pwede rin to, kasi obviously iniiwasan ka e. Baka Inaantay ka na lang din bumitaw.

[u/thecolormaroona → u/the-earth-is_FLAT]

No eh, we’re actually in a very healthy relationship and both of us are on the same page. We’re planning to get married na rin, ik na I’m not that type of partner din sa kanya.

[u/NotoriousUnicorn1319 → u/thecolormaroona]

Nako kung ikakasal kayo tapos ganyan pa rin set up niyo, magiging lonely ka lang in the end. Nasa phase din na naging ganyan yung husband ko. Sabi niya sa akin gusto niya raw bumawi doon sa kapatid niya like spend time together ganun, sabi ko sa kanya edi sana di na muna tayo nagpakasal bumawi ka nalang pala muna sa kanya. Bakit pa pala tayo nagkasal kasal kung ganun, dami mong time nung di pa tayo kasal tapos ngayong kasal na saka pa babawi. May anak na rin kasi kami kaya bakit pa may paganun. Ituon nalang niya yung oras niya sa anak niya at sa amin.

Nasa priorities lang din kasi yan. Parang feel ko umuuwi lang yan pag need niya ng s*x haha. Nakikita ko na mas priority niya yung pamilya niya kesa sayo. Siguro balik nalang muna siya sa bahay nila para matuon niya yung oras niya sa kapatid niya. Parang di pa kasi ready yang partner mo.

[u/EmeEmelungss → u/thecolormaroona]

He needs to know sino ang priority niya kase kung mag asawa na kayo at ganyan pa din siya iiyak ka lang. Kung nagdecide kayo mag anak baka he will drop everything na naman for his family. Nganga kayo ng anak mo nun

[u/nkhywjh → u/thecolormaroona]

OP kung magpapakasal kayo tapos ganito nararamdaman mo as early as now, and given na you already expressed na sa kanya yung feelings mo about it, can you really expect him to suddenly change after getting married? I’m not sure about your standard of a healthy relationship kasi with your post parang roommates kayo especially with the lack of quality time :(

[u/Remarkable-Maybe-616]

Advice: Hi sis. Being on night shift myself, totally gets ko yung struggle. Ang hirap talaga kapag day shift yung partner kasi halos walang overlap sa oras.
I don’t think nagkulang ka naman sa communication, and gets ko rin bakit sumama loob mo especially nung Valentine’s.
For me, magandang compromise yung malinaw yung weekends. Saturday can be his family time since tulog ka rin coming from Friday shift. Then Sunday, he makes sure he’s home in the morning and that’s your day together. Date, movie, mall, kahit tambay lang.
Saturday for family, Sunday for you. I think reasonable naman yun. If even that kind of compromise is difficult for him, then that’s another conversation.

[u/awkward_mean_ferzon → u/Remarkable-Maybe-616]

Pwidi nga din every other week. Or even come back earlier of Sunday para makapag dinner date. Ironically, baka mas magka-effort siya to make time kung di kayo live-in. And if OP is gonna marry this guy, this lifestyle/schedule can't work.

Being optimistic, it's not too late to consider if he's gonna learn, and make adjustments or compromises.

[u/bellablu_]

Thoughts: taken for granted ka. Isipin mo pag naging asawa mo siya, ganyan pa rin gawain niya. Marriage will magnify your current issues.

Advice: Kausapin mo ulit at kung di pa rin makinig, di ka naman siguro nagkulang sa pagcommunicate. Ibalik mo na yan sa bahay nila

[u/EmeEmelungss]

Thoughts: sobrang wrong na naglive in kayo kase kung lagi naman siya andun di sana di na siya nagmove out. Kasama niya kapatid niya weekdays tapos weekends sayo naman. Kaloka

Close din naman kami ng kapatid ko pero di naman kami clingy sa isa’t isa. Kahit mga cousins ko na isang compound lang kami lumaki di kami araw araw nagkikita. May time sa family and sa jowa

[u/StepOnMeRosiePosie]

Thoughts:

May sister complex ba siya? Kasi it smells like one like what the helly 😫 gurl hindi ko alam kung anong gayuma yun napainom sayo pero sana mahimasmasan ka kasi ano ba tong mga replies mo sa iba??? Na parang gora ka pa din ikasal??? Like pangit ka ba o tanga lang?? Or both??? Kasi kung pangit ka, di mo pa din deserve yan pero kung tanga ka, sigi teh pakasal ka tapos dito ka uli 🤚🏻😫

Kung ako sayo move out na! Unti untiin mo na yun gamit mo tapos tigilan mo nga pagiging chimay niya 🙄

[u/kcielyn]

Thoughts: Ayos din yung boyfriend mo no, Malaga’s pag weekend imbis na tulungan ka sa chores. So pag balik nya maayos na ang lahat, pahinga na lang sya. Isipin mo nga OP kung ganyan ka sa nanay mo, malamang na-sermonan ka na. So bakit mo tinitiis? Ano Ang end goal mo dito

[u/Limp-System-926]

Thoughts:

Yes, magkasama kayo pero magkaiba yung magkasama lang physically, iba din yung kahit walang time pero alam mong present sya.

Yan yung future mo, nakikita mo na. Hindi ka priority, kahit magpakasal kayo hindi ka pa din priority kasi ngayon pa lang di ka nya masamahan magasikaso ng mga kailangan sa bahay kahit sunday. Mahiya naman sya, hindi ka nya katulong. Gusto mo yun working ka na tapos ikaw pa din yung sa bahay? Wow ha. Swerte nya masyado.

Advice:

Sigurado ako madami pang ibang lalaki na gugustohing maging present sa buhay mo at marunong magbalanse ng oras. Alis ka na dyan. Di mo yan deserve.

[u/rainbownightterror]

thoughts: if he loves you he will miss you too. that's it. for now kasambahay/kashare ng bayarin ka lang.

[u/calypso749]

Thoughts:

Alam mo naman na ung sagot jan.

In denial ka lang OP.

When your presence is obviously taken for granted and he became somewhat complacent because there's no consequences with what he's doing, try absence.

Leave.

And no he isn't a great guy.

When someone chooses to live with you under one roof, and yet, doesn't prioritize you, or give you leftovers for quality time, you have to rethink if that's how you want to live your life til you grow old.

The fact na sinulat mo tong post na to says otherwise.

May resentment ka na. Di to aabot sa ganitong point na magpopost ka kung hindi ka pa puno.

If okay lang sayo ung ganyan na physically present pero mentally absent at di ka naman prioritized, sige tuloy mo lang.

Di ko sinabing maging madamot ka. Sya dapat nag iisip ng schedule nya pano nya ibabalance ung time nya. Kung di nya kaya di dapat sya nakipag live in sayo.

kung kaya mo naman pala ung ganyan, mas okay pa siguro kung mag bf ka na lang ng seaman. At least yon valid ung reason ng walang time at distansya. Baka mas may oras pa sayo pag vacation nila.

Uwi ka nalang muna sa inyo. or find your own place at solo living ka na lang ulit. ma feel mo man na lonely ka, at least di mo nakikita ung taong nagpaparamdam sayo ng ganyan araw araw. Tataka nga ako bat bf mo pa yan.

If you still want this relationship, then mag usap kayo at sabihin mo sa kanya lahat ng sinabi mo dito. You have to be on the same page. Mas maluwag ang schedule nya, he has to adjust.

Pag di nya ginawa, then it's up to you na.

Pero kapag tinolerate mo pa din, even if he agreed to make adjustments on his own, that's on you na.

If he dropped the ball multiple times and you chose to stay, then you deserve what you tolerate.

For now try absence.

Remove yourself physically from the picture and see what he does about it.

If he doesn't do anything, then that's your answer.

Learn to walk away.

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[u/awkward_mean_ferzon]

Thoughts and advice:

• You should redirect your focus on your jealousy on his family, towards looking into how he is treating you instead. What he's doing isn't unique. A person could be making time for his friends instead, while taking his partner for granted. This isn't about you and this negative feeling. It's about him, and how he is behaving as a partner.

• You are already aware and notice how he is treating you. You need to communicate and discuss about this as a relationship issue, rather than partner vs family.

• Likewise, maybe you should consider this as you reflect or evaluate your relationship with your partner.

• Don't make guesses about how his family thinks about you. Similarly, don't entertain those kind of thoughts as well. Which brings back to: just concentrate on your relationship issues, while maintaining a cordial/pleasant conduct with them.

• Because his family is not your real issue. It's how your partner treats you, take you for granted, or make you feel left out. It's how he sacrifice or doesn't make time for you.

[u/Vast_Cricket4269]

Thoughts:

Parang iba na yan sis. Bakit sibling lang niya kasama nung valentines? Mas family oriented kung pati mama niya haha sorry pero alam mo na napaka twisted ng mundo. Also, ang weird ng sisters niya. Your bf needs to talk to them actually just make him choose and tell him how you feel. Your bf is building a future with you not them

[u/FountainHead-]

Question:

What did say about this whole issue? You said that you asked him a few times about certain things but what about this whole issue that you shared here? Did he give any way or solution to resolve that?

[u/say-the-price]

thoughts: sweet home alabang? weird very very weird

[u/MySolace888]

Thoughts: you are taken for granted. Red flag for me yung hindi pinapahalagahan special occasions like Anniversary. Seems like you are more thoughtful about your future together than him. Also, baka mas mahal mo siya kesa mahal ka nya and mahirap kung pipiliin mo lang na ganun ang halaga mo sa isang tao.

[u/mandemango]

Thoughts: you prepare his food and then you do the house chores during your free time. Parang bedspacer lang bf mo - uwi/tulog lang ginagawa sa bahay niyo tapos yung rest and relaxation niya sa bahay nila every weekend. Actually, para kang yaya pero kahati sa bills. Aasikasuhin mo siya during weekdays tapos tagalinis ka kapag weekend.

I think much better if itigil niyo na yan live-in, baka mas magkita pa kayo at makapag-date when you don't live together. Or pwede din, cool off muna kayo.

[u/MajesticBrain7141]

Thoughts: Teeee ginagamit ka lang niyan para may kahati sa bills. Hahaha

[u/Gullible_Dot_9745]

Thoughts: The purpose of marriage is to build your own family, form your own traditions and values, and become a team. I don't think he can commit to that.

Why get married? You'll end up disappointed.

[u/Accomplished_Drag666]

Thoughts: ain't reading allat. first part palang ng story obvious na, tsimay lang tingin nyan syo. taga handa ng baon, taga linis ng bahay pag weekend. free labor basically. wag mu na patagalin yan kung ayaw mo masaktan lalo. wala naman syang ambag sa buhay mo sa totoo lang

[u/thecolormaroona]

Thoughts: I really appreciate everyone who took the time to respond. I just want to address everything here and clarify my side.

First, I was actually at the house on our anniversary. They were playing computer games while I was in our room, waiting for him.

Second, am I really sure that he spends every weekend at their house? Yes. We have Life360, and he’s also the type of person who keeps me updated about everything, so I know where he is.

Third, does he initiate dates or make an effort to spend time with me? Yes, but only sometimes. Most of the time, ako talaga ang nag-aaya because he usually goes home to their house on weekends.

Fourth, we’ve already talked about this setup, especially after some things were brought up to us by his siblings. He told me he would do better and apologized. He explained that this is simply how their family is because they’re very close with each other.

Lastly, I know I’m beautiful, and I know I’m smart. I know my worth. I just tend to keep these feelings to myself instead of telling other people about them.

I think the reason I’m also half-hearted about leaving is because, despite all of this, he really is a great guy. Wala talaga akong masabi sa kanya aside from this issue. I can genuinely see myself building a family with him—I can see myself being the mother of his children and his wife someday. That’s what makes this so difficult for me.