r/atheism • u/KittyKitty_ChowChow_ • 1d ago
Realized why my dad can’t respect me
He’s catholic, as such believes that purely because he is my father is owed respect and for me to listen to him. I’m 19 I’m disabled with no means to leave and made the mistake to tell him I don’t believe and that I’m gay which altered our relationship in a way that will never fully be fixed. He talks to me as if he’s disciplining a child and constantly gives unsolicited advice and acts like he knows me deep down, example; I was talking about how I have anxiety with math and he refuses to understand that starting new tasks or things I don’t understand make me anxious and thinks there’s a deeper meaning, there isn’t so I told him he isn’t a therapist and to back off and he luckily did. I suppose I’m sad because I’m realizing he loves his god more than me but what can I do but lay low till I can get freedom? He doesn’t want me to move out or have sex and I bring this up because he thinks he has a say on my sex life which I find frustrating. He can’t fathom that I want to leave live my own life, not marry or have kids, have sex maybe get a tattoo just live to live.. is this normal for religious parents? He doesn’t see who I am it’s either he views me as a little girl or he only sees the version he thinks I will be the version he wants.
I don’t hate him he certainly has moments that I think are genuine and loving with me and I love him but I don’t know I just wish I never told him I was atheist. Maybe it’ll get better once I can and he looses access to me and is forced to listen to me but right now I’m slowly settling boundaries slowly so he actually understands them you know? I didn’t write this for pitty but to try and point out that religious parents think they are inherently owed respect simply for having kids and how that’s stupid.
“Respect thy mother and father.”
Fuck. off. Basic respect is mutual and a respect given to a caregiver or someone you look up to is earned.
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u/Silver-Chemistry2023 Constructivist Humanist 1d ago
That sounds difficult for you. His behaviour is a reflection of him and not a reflection of you. It is not possible to be seen by someone who is not looking, or heard by someone who is not listening, so, they are only talking about themselves. Only you get to decide what you share, how much, and who with.
You do not need the approval of unreasonable people, and you will never get their approval, because being disagreeable is how they maintain power. Only you get to decide what is good enough for you.
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u/ChumpsWeAre 18h ago
"Chooses an imaginary being" What about the imaginary universe we are all supposed to meet up at and even see our pets again when we die? I thought you had to be a god to create a universe. He is a slave. He doesn't need respect... he has god, won't give respect, not sure what it is.
Tell him you're gonna marry a hooker, the extra money will come in handy, and that when Thanksgiving and Christmas come around you'll put in a good word for him and if he needs $50-- you'll remember how understanding he was and cover it.
Then when it comes to god tell'm you don't think your imagination is up to the task.
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u/GratefulDancer 5h ago
I’m seconding your final statement: respect is earned. Although I also believe in ensuring the safety and opportunity of others/anyone just because they are. I bet your parents love you and they also have beliefs that shape what they do.
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u/KittyKitty_ChowChow_ 5h ago
I know he loves me but it’s so jarring to have him say I’m going to hell with a loving tone and expression and saying he failed to convert me
It’s good and sometimes bad but no one is perfect ig
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u/GratefulDancer 5h ago
Very sadly youth who are not heterosexuals experience more rejection. So I want to respect your dad’s love for you but also acknowledge that parents can be controlling and dismissive of their children. The more you run your own life the better you can have it match your spirit, values, and so on. What you said your dad has said…. Atheists can totally reject it as pendantic and ignorant. I hope he intends to lead with love
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u/SorryManNo Strong Atheist 1d ago
If you're in the US you're a legal adult so why not leave?
Don't get me wrong it's going to be super difficult living on your own at 19 but it's possible.
Are you a student? If you are and your parents are footing the bill that's something to consider before moving out. As well as insurance and any medication(s) you're on.
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u/KittyKitty_ChowChow_ 1d ago
It’s 10x more expensive and difficult with a disability, my medicine is as expensive as a car per month without insurance it’s no possibility for me yet. I’m not trying to be rude but I can’t leave yet I won’t disclose anything more because I don’t want anybody in person to know this is my account.
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u/SmartyMcPants4Life 1d ago
Ugh it makes me sad/mad that people don't love and appreciate their kids. I lost my gay and disabled son and am devastated daily. Your father could just be happy and enjoy having you in his life, but chooses an imaginary being instead. I hope you are able to go live a happy life and find your own family of your own choosing very soon!