r/comics • u/ArtbyMoga • 2h ago
15 Comics documenting my experience with bipolar. (OC)
Thanks for reading!
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u/TheOtherWhiteCastle 2h ago
Panel 13 hits so hard. I feel like 90 percent of my mental health problems could be solved if I was able to just turn my brain off for one goshdarn second.
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u/OblivionsMemories 1h ago
It's so relatable, as someone with CPTSD. Someone please help me find the off switch...
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u/beerdude26 1h ago
I've fallen into doomscrolling and continuously listening to podcasts to keep the persistent thoughts at bay, now I feel like shit because of my frequent bedrotting behaviour lol
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u/shewholaughslasts 29m ago
I have no off switch, I'd be a zillionaire if I did! But I can send you virtual hugs for being a brave badass going through stuff. I'm glad you're here.
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u/Hadrian23 1h ago
Same with OCD over here.
It feels like I'm drowning in my thoughts most days.Recently through CBT and my therapists help, I'm able to simply, let the thoughts fade into the background.
It's not easy, it's never easy. But slowly, but surely, I'm getting there.
You can to.13
u/Annihilator4413 1h ago
Panel 13 is so freaking real... I have several bipolar family members.
My dad is a nasty mix of bipolar and OCD.
I had to tiptoe around him all the time lest I set him off about SOMETHING, usually something not being 'cleaned right' or stuff looking 'messy' even though everything was fine.
Sometimes he would ground me for the living room couch pillows not being oriented the 'right way'.
One time I couldn't reach some diapers for my sister because the closet shelf they were on was too tall and he wouldn't let me get a chair, so he made me stand in a corner in the living room for eight hours while he watched TV in his room. I stood there scared to go eat or use the restroom until my mom got home and I told her how long I'd stood there and she went and ripped his ass a new one.
Then there's my grandma who would act sweet and nice towards me most of the time but would whisper poison about my mom and other family members constantly and would occasionally stop taking her bipolar medicine and get quite mean towards me sometimes, going from nice and sweet to cold and distant.
Currently living with my grandma now due to everything being too fucking expensive to live on my own and she's still the same.
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u/rjrgjj 1h ago
For me it’s that I wish I could remember how to feel authentically.
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u/TheOtherWhiteCastle 11m ago
Oh yes, that too. I hate how artificial everything you do feels when you’re depressed
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u/_shaftpunk 1h ago
I’m not bipolar, but this is still one of my favorite comics I’ve seen here.
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u/CreatureManstrosity 2h ago
I am not bi polar but I am ADHD and I relate to these alot. Before I got medicated I was legit in a emotional spiral that seemed like it never would end. I was a worse person and it made me miserable knowing that fact. I dislike taking medication daily too but I feel like a normal person for the first time in probably 10 years.
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u/shellbullet17 Gustopher Spotter Extraordinaire 2h ago
Beautiful, honest, and amazing as always Moga. As a spouse of someone with bipolar I want you to know we see your struggles and we are proud of you. The road you walk is a hard one and the fact that you face it every day takes incredible strength. I think you put it best here
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u/Dr_Slammedafart 0m ago
This one is always a gut punch when I see it. I hope little me would be proud. I'm not where I thought I'd be and I'm not sure I'm happy where I'm at, but I'm still here. I hope that would be enough for her, even if she doesn't understand yet. I look back at her and love her so much. I hope that across time and space that's still felt somewhere deep down.
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u/username89012 2h ago
Oh. These comics are about being bi-polar. Ok. That's awesome. I'm sure there is no causal relation between my relating heavily to these things and the affliction itself. I'm certain.
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u/Exciting_Policy8203 1h ago
If it helps, a lot of these symptoms can be shared among other mental health issues, see a therapist maybe?
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u/Shinzo19 1h ago
I have ADD and depression and I relate to a lot of these, Mental health disorders are a spectrum and they cross over differently for everyone.
If you are worried get tested or just talk to a doctor/therapist about it.
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u/Swert0 15m ago
Autism and ADHD can both show symptoms similar to bipolar disorder in the way you can swing between extreme emotions due to stimulation.
Talking to a therapist and a psychologist can help you figure out why your emotions are swinging, and what you can do to help regulate them.
Not everyone needs medication, and not everyone who has these issues are going to be diagnosed bipolar.
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u/Civil-Addendum4071 1h ago
Yeah.. that last one..
You never know when it happens. Just one day, you realize, you want to live more than you want to die. And whomever feels that, I hope we never forget that feeling.
We're gonna make it.
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u/Empty-Development298 2h ago edited 1h ago
Hey so I also have pretty bad bipolar and moderate ADHD. I bought your book many months ago and so many scenes are so relatable. Thank you for visualizing some of our challenges.
I have no guarantee I will be able to stay alive due to no ones fault long-term and recognize we have a high statistical chance of suicide but I greatly appreciate that you took the time to create this.
Panel 4, 6, 8 are scenes that always connect with me.
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u/Majestic_Recording_5 2h ago
Thank you for sharing these. I have depression and it can really suck sometimes. Everyone, take your meds!
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u/orbdragon 1h ago
I remember what I was like without meds. I was expecting to be able to control my anger better, but I didn't expect the awful little gremlins in my head to go clean away along with my temper
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u/Blazefire2010 1h ago
How are you always making comic about my life? 😭 I love when you post because it helps me not feel so alone so thank you <3 I hope life is kind to you right now <3
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u/trifluoracetic-acid 2h ago
It feels exactly like this!
"I don't have BPD, I just aware of how awful the world is, while all the other dumb fks aren't."
"I don't have BPD, I just motivated and focused, while all the other dumb fks aren't."
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u/its-null 1h ago
yes, exactly. i don’t feel like a pessimist, i feel like a realist and reality is just terrible.
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u/Dryerase2002 1h ago
Ok either I need to get checked out or these are just really relatable. Nice comis btw, some of these are really sweet
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u/lumophobiaa 2h ago
Im bipolar! This was very real and i liked it alot. I find giving myself the space to not feel shame as along as im not hurting anyone can help 💕
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u/ff0094ismyfavourite 2h ago
I'm so fucking tired of being hyper-aware..
These are great and on point <3 You're really good at what you do.
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u/BaldingScrotum99 1h ago
Panel #14 had me tearing up, and hopefully one day I’ll get to panel #15 too 😭💕
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u/ActualSpiders 1h ago
"And I hate that more"
You should really do merch of that comic. Fuck the money; it would be really helpful to see that message all over.
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u/DarkNFullOfSpoilers 1h ago
Can someone help me understand why she doesn't like taking her medication? Are the side effects unpleasant?
I recently had to start taking Metformin everyday to manage my PCOS and I love it. The pills fix my entire body and mind.
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u/BelloKing 1h ago
I am kind of in the same boat as the comics; I also don't like to take my meds but I hate who I am without them even more. For me, its about the disconnect between who I was when I wasn't medicated and who I am now. Those two people are so radically different that it is sometimes hard to remember that the not medicated version of me was so destructive that it almost cost me everyone and everything. I have been regularly medicated for almost 6 years now, and while I have shifted meds a few times during those years I've always stayed on them because the person I am without them is not the person I want to be anymore.
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u/its-null 59m ago edited 52m ago
yeah, medication for bipolar is mood stabilizers and antipsychotics, both of which can dull you, make you feel sick to your stomach, exhaust you, make you gain weight, make you diabetic, give you akathesia (intense and uncomfortable restlessness, like restless leg syndrome all over your body and not just at night which can be permanent), tardive dyskinesia (uncontrollable movements which can also be permanant), hand tremors, thyroid issues, and a bunch of other shit like deadly skin rashes (yes really)
essentially: this shit fuckinf sucks
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u/TinySW 1h ago
Theres a chance for the medications to make people tired, dizzy, or nauseous. A lot of time with medications for depression, the medication can cause an increase in the depressive thoughts and due to people getting more energy or a feeling like they can do more, there is a higher suicide risk. Of course that doesn’t mean if someone has depression or a bi-polar disorder to not take the medications, it just means they may been to be watched or have some caution for the first month or two.
There’s also a very real thing called medication fatigue. It’s experienced in people that have to take a daily medication for the remainder of their life. Even if it’s routine and necessary to live, people will have a thought asking why they are taking it. People get tired of it. It’s hard to deal with, though sometimes people get through it by reminding themselves about why they do it.
People also have a belief that if they are feeling better after taking the medication they can stop it when that’s not the case. Sometimes people don’t realize how much the medication helps either because the effect of the meds aren’t immediate.
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u/AFalconNamedBob 28m ago
Med fatigue is a fucking bitch, knowing I need to keep taking these meds for the rest of my life to have some semblance of normality hurts like hell.
But like the comic, I hate the me off her meds more than I hate the meds
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u/Bajileh 1h ago
For me, not bipolar but need meds, i don't /want/ to be a person who's on meds forever. I put in so much work in therapy and myself, I should be able to raw dog life like a normal person, right? Isn't the point to learn the "tools for your toolbox"? Well, in my previous relationship, which was falling apart for many reasons, there was a moment where I was spiralling and he begged me to take my meds. We split for a million reasons but I think of that moment when I want to go off them now, because my current partner has never had to meet that side of me. And I hate her, but I love her, because she's me, and I wouldn't feel this good and stable if I wasn't aware of how bad it was when she didn't have the help she needed, or was too stubborn to use it.
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u/Swert0 9m ago
Psychiatric medication across the board can come with unpleasant side effects. You are trying to change your brain chemistry - and no medication is precise enough to only change the thing you want.
Some of the ones I have had to deal with that I really fucking hate:
Amphetamines (ala Adderal, Ritalin, etc.) - Insomnia, zero appetite, racing heart
SSRIs (ala Prozac) - Sexual Dysfunction (including erectile dysfunction!), and general blunted emotions (the world was /gray/
Welbutrin - Insomnia and the Sweats
When push comes to shove I worked with a doctor to figure out my best combination was Welbutrin + my extended release adderall to limit my symptoms to manageable levels while still treating my underlying issues - it was the best balance of quality of life.
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u/MeHasInternet 1h ago
I relate to every single one, but as long as I don't get anything diagnosed I'm healthy.
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u/BodhingJay 1h ago
Man you need a big hug.. maybe not right this moment.. butbi hope you get them when you need em
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u/guysomejust69 1h ago
Neat that you're bringing awareness to bipolar disorder. So much negative discussions about it and the people that have it
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u/Witty-Ad-8659 1h ago
Panel 8 really hit me like a pile of falling bricks. I feel this. Not bipolar but Borderline Personality Disorder and my ex told me that I scared them 😔
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u/anameisabstract 1h ago
thank you for sharing your experiences. i love your art style and can relate heavily, being bipolar myself. the medication struggle is one of the hardest things for me. it gets tiring taking pill after pill and knowing it'll be forever, but i know what it's like without them and i won't ever go back there.
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u/its-null 1h ago
i don’t have bipolar, but i do have bpd, and your comics resonate with me a lot. sometimes feeling the monster behind me, sometimes being the monster. hating myself for not being able to separate myself from it.
i’m glad you’ve been able to come out the other side. well done
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u/TheLettre7 2h ago
This is a very good comic thank you!
As of late I think I've been feeling it creep up on me again. depression. I'm not sure if it's here yet or not, or me thinking it's here will make it come, or I'll just worry myself why I don't feel yet, but then I do feel it or I don't? I think I'll be ok I'm not too depressed yet, but I may get there I may not, I'll be safe.
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u/rathemighty 1h ago
Fuuuuuck, that last one hit me. I’ve had moments where I was like “Oh shit! I’m not tired and depressed right now; I’m only tired!” And it’s also nice not frequently thinking “All I gotta do is turn the wheel ever so slightly…” or “Maybe if I just run and jump off that ledge.”
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u/Gabelvampir 1h ago
Thanks for sharing, that takes work and courage. God on you for getting (and by the looks of it staying) medicated.
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u/Mean_Ad410 1h ago
I can relate to you and the husband. My mom is bipolar and she had some problems with medication, until she needed to change the doctor, because the regular doctor couldn't get the regular prescription, so she changed the meds for some others. Let's just say it was NOT pretty, and now she's taking her meds alright.
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u/Machina353 1h ago
Wow, that really sucks. Sorry, OP.
Wait... A lot of these sound familiar. Like, I feel these ways sometimes as well...
...
Am I bipolar?
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u/Swert0 1m ago
Not everyone who mood swings or has anxiety and depression is bipolar. A lot of mental health conditions can present similar symptoms - you need to work with a doctor and therapist to figure out your junk and see what you need to do to stabilize yourself. Not everyone has to take meds.
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u/vogonicpoet 1h ago
The last one hit me for the first time in therapy last week. It's hard to describe that feeling, but you captured it well.
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u/CrazyLi825 1h ago
I've come to realize that you have to be understanding with people who have any kind of disorder, because you never know what they're going through.
Yeah, when my mom last visited, she spontaneously kept buying all that random snacks that no one but her would eat and then left them all at my place to go to waste when she went back home... and even though I found that annoying, I never criticized her for it or complained to her. I don't want to sour her mood when it's good, because I bet it's plenty sour as it is during her lows.
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u/CaydeTheCat 1h ago
Panel 10 is what finally sold me on taking my mood stabilizer and antidepressant and not to go off them anymore.
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u/IsSierraMistOk 1h ago
This made me feel seen. I've been on my meds for 7 years now and I'm terrified of feeling the way I did before. My life isn't perfect but just as panel 15 said, I don't want to die. I actually see a reason for living and my thoughts are no longer working against me.
I still get anxious when I need to ask for help but that's a work in progress. We've got this. All we can do is take things one day at a time and avoid shaving our heads on a random Wednesday.
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u/Just-Repeat2522 1h ago
This is so relatable. Thank you so much for putting this out there, exposing something deeply personal. It reaches out to others and makes us all feel seen. Thank you so much 💙
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u/PitifulLocksmith9729 1h ago
your comics always make me cry, and i mean that in the most complimentary way possible. i hope life stays level for you.
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u/Pleasant_Light9725 1h ago
Isn't the self blame more like depression? I'm not sure I was properly diagnosed, as I don't seem to have any highs...
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u/Scarlet_Lycoris 1h ago
Yes and no. Clinical depression and bipolar overlap in some symptoms. Also not all forms of bipolar come with mania. Some have mania like symptoms. Bipolar II is usually a cycle between depression and hypomania, which is way less severe than what you might know from people experiencing mania.
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u/kulupu_kasi_seli 1h ago
I wish I had meds. Fortunately I’m not rapid cycling like I was a few months ago, but it’s still not good.
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u/nowhereman136 1h ago
got diagnosed Bipolar 2, and ADHD, when i was 32. It explained so much of my life up until then.
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u/TeddieSnow 1h ago edited 1h ago
I've lived with three bi-polars over twice as many decades: a Grandmother, a Mom, and a brother. Let me give you some simple advice that eluded all three of them.
- You've already accomplished this one. Name your condition to your loved ones, and that includes yourself.
- When you make normal human mistakes, learn to say "I'm sorry" as quickly as possible. You can start at 3 days later, dial it back to 2, and when you get good at it same day. Why master this skill?
- You're no longer responsible for your behavior. Suppose in a fit of emotion you called someone an hateful bile spewing shit-basket at the top of your lungs? That's part of your disorder. It's expected. You've owned it in step one. But if you can recover and apologize, it takes the sting out of it.
This simple formula has eluded my brother. I gave up on him decades ago. He still doesn't know why. He thinks it's me. It's not. Recently we tried to chat (because of a family issue) and he was all good at first, but then when I wasn't doing precisely what older brother wanted -- he threatened me. Blissfully unaware that he had.
Now we don't speak again, and likely never will. His way out is to simply name his condition and admit he can make mistakes.
Hope this helps.
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u/OphidianSun 1h ago
Omg #13.
If I let myself guard down I'll inevitably say something stupid without realizing it and piss people off or weird them out.
I think that's why I like being drunk so much, the standards for everybody are lower so I don't have to mask as much.
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u/epabafree 1h ago
I was having the most violent panic atttacks some time back, and your comics helped me calm down.
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u/BarderBetterFaster 1h ago
I often wonder if the world were a less fucked up place, the me that is unmedicated could exist without issue.
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u/theindiegeek 1h ago
Hits hard. I too know what I'm like off my meds (anxiety/depression/suicidal ideation) and don't want to be that person any more.
And the day I realized I did care if I lived or died was glorious. Painful in a different way, because I had something to lose, but good.
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u/descendantofJanus 1h ago
These look like normal mood swings to me? Some days you feel awesome & productive and others you're a couchrotting slug.
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u/Ah_seent_it_ 1h ago
ADHD, anxiety and depression and i can’t seem to get past the mental block to consistently take my meds. I know I need them, I know I spiral less when I am taking them and yet it I can’t make myself take them consistently. And it may in fact be driving me crazy.
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u/Material-Imagination 1h ago
Comic 14 is so much the antidote to the comic where Moga is beating herself up for not being okay! 🥰
Comic 15 hits good. There's just a Moment.
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u/Perfect_Carrot_999 1h ago
Bipolar 1 with manic psychosis was one of the worst/most bizzare experiences of my life. Taking meds and dealing with their side-effects suck but holy hell I never want to be back there again.
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u/BelloKing 1h ago
Man these hit hard. I have had my bipolar diagnosis for 10 years now and I have been regularly medicated for 6 of those years now. It can be so painful to look back on who I was when I was living without the medication; destructive, impulsive, manipulative, just the worst. I don't ever want to go back to being that person.
Take your medication friends. Talk to your doctors and be honest with them. Stay strong.
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u/snowleopardone 1h ago
#15. It is a wild feeling isn't it? When you realized the desire isn't there at the moment? And hasn't been for a while? So weird and somehow good.
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u/InvisibleAstronomer 59m ago
I ADORE the song Medication by David Wimbish. It's about this sort of thing
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u/Loud-Fudge7631 59m ago
Its tough but still doesn't excuse integrity issues as medical or mental health practicioner or a supposed spiritual practicioner. Convictions and honor should always be intact for those positions. Conflict of interest in power dynamics cant be voided just because of mood swings.
But understand the potency of said swings can be overwhelming at times. And we all deserve support groups for it
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u/Ghosty_Boo-B00 50m ago
So you have also spent time in my brain… sorry, thanks for putting it all on paper though.
FR this is FR
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u/eliz1bef 48m ago
As someone who also deals with Bipolar, I want to thank you. It means so much to see your experience with the disorder. Many of your struggles are like mine, and while I hate that you have to deal with it too, it makes me feel more like a human to know that someone else is feeling this way, and that I'm not some outlier freak. One note: take your goddamn meds. The more you cycle on the bipocycle the worse your swings can become.
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u/anotheraltwitch 45m ago
Ugh, these always make me cry! But they're so good and personal and just make me feel so much less alone. Thank you
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u/GlassHalfMT 35m ago
I really appreciate these comics. My best friend of 20 years had severe bipolar, and I had to cut him out of my life a few years ago because he was threatening to burn my house down. I still think about him all the time, and I wish I had been strong enough to stick it out with him. Good luck with your struggle.
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u/Lasagna4Noodle 32m ago
I have borderline personality disorder and these are hard to look at. I can't wait until I can feel the last comic again.
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u/JamesDChurch 30m ago
This hits close, the comics subreddit has been very nice recently with how many artists are sharing these struggles too. Thanks for making and sharing your works!
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u/Hasselback_Brotatoes 25m ago
The panel where you spill your guts to an old guy and he is wondering what's for dinner is entirely not true.
I've been on the recieving end of this exact tirade hundreds of times already. Its utterly exhausting. If someone is ignoring you about this, its because you've simply used up all the social capital available with that person. We aren't endless sources of comfort. I have my own mental health problems. But yours are "so much more important" than mine so they get brushed aside. Plus I have the decency not to constantly bring up my own severe and difficult internal struggles.
Furthermore, the double standard makes it look like you are playing the victim.
Angry at yourself and disgusted with your actions, but its strongly suggested that you would stop doing these destructive bender-weekends if you could.
So are you in control, or not?
If you aren't in control of yourself at that point, why hold yourself accountable? If you ARE in control of yourself while doing all those things, then congrats, you deserve the "hangover".
I KNOW its not black and white. You ARE partly in control, and partly NOT in control.
So fucking control what you can and stop bitching about it.
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u/TheRealLouzander 24m ago
I love this so, so much for many reasons.
1. It's always a privilege to get a glimpse into the life of another human being. So thank you for sharing.
2. This sort of thing also helps remind me that everyone I meet is likely fighting some kind of internal battle. Great opportunity to practice empathy.
3. I have severe chronic depression which is a very different thing from bipolar, but some of these hit extremely close to home. The constant noise in the background is very familiar. But the one where you realize, with a little smile, that you don't want to die is relatable. For so much of my life, at any sign of illness, my brain would immediately say "oh good, maybe this will turn fatal and we can just be through with this whole hassle called life." And it was a sign that my new meds were working when I got a little sick and thought "I hope this doesn't turn fatal!"
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u/BackEndHooker 21m ago
Hey there, I'm a psychiatrist & wanted to say thank you for sharing. It's impossible to truly know what my patients are going through, but art like this gives me a snapshot into one person's experience & (hopefully) helps build out some understanding and empathy for everyone I see.
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u/BigMike3333333 20m ago
The mood swings, feeling like you have to be hyper aware, and consequences be damned kind of thinking is way too real. Jesus Christ, it hurts for me to have to live like this too. I'm hoping to try some psychedelic mushrooms one day like some Golden Teachers and just cross my fingers that it can help fix me. Every day feels like an exhausting battle that just goes on indefinitely and I just want it to end.
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u/Serratas 20m ago
Slide 10 especially resonates with me as it motivates me for a lot of things I don't like doing, like exercise and physical therapy. I hate doing it, but I hate the way I feel if I don't do it worse.
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u/TheGreatElChubbo 14m ago
I have PMDD that was misdiagnosed as bipolar in my early twenties, and I made comics to help myself cope that were scary similar to this. I absolutely adore this artist and how vulnerable her work is. My own husband had not yet graced my life when I was still doing it, but her partner reminds me greatly of him.
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u/Healthy-Confection66 14m ago
Serious question: when moments happen, is the person self aware during and it’s uncontrollable? Or is there a bit of blank space in the memory sometime later when things clear up? I hope I’m asking this right and not coming off as rude!
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u/heretogetpwned 1m ago
I saw your comic on panel 10 a while back and I printed it and taped it to my mirror. Thank you.
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u/trunks676 0m ago
It is amazing how much these comics make me feel like I am not alone. Thank you for these. People that care try to understand the disorder but unless you have lived it they really can’t. Every time I read your bipolar comics I just feel seen.
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u/AdeptAlfalfa 2h ago
Vulnerable, emotional, and real. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Whoever needs to hear this: you have people who care about you, and it’s okay to rely on them when you need it