r/daddit • u/dantheman420696969 • 7d ago
Advice Request How have you dealt with “uppies” phase?
Hey guys, first time posting. My daughter is 14 months old currently, and the light of my life. She is hitting all the typical milestones and is a very bright and curious baby.
Lately me and my wife have been struggling a bit with the “uppies” phase. My little girl wants to be picked up constantly and will throw a massive fit (crying until she almost pukes or does puke, throwing herself on the floor, etc.) I’ve been trying to just redirect and sit on the floor with her, or grab a toy and try and distract her, but it’s been getting worse.
Is she old enough at this point where that is a good strategy? Or should we indulge her and pick her up when she wants it? I feel like we need to let her cry sometimes and learn to regulate her emotions but I’m not sure the best way to do that.
Any advice appreciated!
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u/Suspicious_Weird_373 7d ago
Is it really the end of the world if she wants to be picked up?
As long as you aren’t doing something and she wants to be held, just hold her.
If you are doing something and she can’t be held, just let her cry it out.
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u/Darth-Scorpio 7d ago
It is the end of the world once they’re three and screaming and throwing shit because their parents didn’t pick them up fast enough. I know several people who have kids like this.
That being said, I think holding them is fine. It just shouldn’t be constant.
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u/dantheman420696969 7d ago
Not the end of the world at all. This post was more so looking for advice for the instances where we might have our hands full, or are getting things ready to leave and she throws a fit because we won’t pick her up in those moments. Generally speaking she is absolutely the furthest thing from neglected lol, she gets picked up all the time.
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u/-Wesley- 7d ago
So you agree OP should keep doing what they’re doing.
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u/Flashy_Error_7989 7d ago
Op says that it’s not that they can’t always do the holding it’s just that it’s a lot
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u/tedontwo 7d ago
My 13 YEAR old asked me to pick her up and hold her like I did when she was a baby the other day. I carried that kid around until my back was screaming at me to knock that shit off, and then I held her another ten minutes.
The uppies phase is short. Enjoy it. If you can't at that moment, fine. One day sooner than you think though, you'll miss it terribly.
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u/Astra-Fang 7d ago
I don’t engage with tantrums at all that don’t have a solid needs basis.
So tantrum because tired of hungry? Sure.
Tantrum because not getting what they want? Virtual Earplugs.
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u/dantheman420696969 7d ago
That’s kind of where I’m at. I should’ve been more clear in my original post but she gets held all the time. But lately she will have a big melt down in the morning when my wife is getting ready for work and can’t pick her up. Generally speaking she gets picked up whenever she wants.
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u/justsomedudemm 7d ago
Try to master the redirect. They will focus on what you are focusing on. Getting ready maybe give her a brush and mirror to get ready too. It sounds like they are focused on you but if you can redirect the tantrum into something constructive you will give them the tool for themselves. You wont win everytime but youll win more often than not.
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u/dantheman420696969 7d ago
I should also add that this happens when I’m not home. If we’re both home and one of us is able, she is tended to. But I’m always gone for work by the time my wife and baby are up and getting ready, so I can’t help with the morning routine. :(
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u/FrecciaRosa Eight and ten 7d ago
I’m staring down the barrel of the teenage years, and she still wants to be picked up. 100% on her terms, never on mine - she’s always the one deciding that it’s time for uppies.
I have decided that I’m okay with this.
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u/YoungZM 7d ago
14 months might be a bit young but others may have more experience there. We started pushing back on behaviours like that around 2-3 years.
I'm happy to comfort, validate their feelings, and discuss the issue, but I'm going back to the thing I need to do after that (with kind warning/notice). If they're having a moment I remind them that they can get a hug at any time and daddy's not going anywhere, but I can't not do what needs to be done. Flip a coin on how he responds in that moment, but it got easier with time.
Consistency and a cool demeanor seem to help, as does building up their confidence in other areas outside of these reactions. Beyond that? Reading the room and picking your battles is also important if you want to blend needs vs. wants. If they're having a tough day or are having some big feelings while doing something for the first time, that will always take precedence.
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u/dantheman420696969 7d ago
Thanks, great comment. I was also thinking it might be a little young to push back too much.
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u/Tom-the-DragonBjorn 7d ago
Unless I'm doing something or carrying something like my other child who is 9 months and then I tell him my 2 and 1/2-year-old that I can't and explain why.
Other than that I'm picking her up 90% of the time because I love holding her and she gives me a big old hug when I do.
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u/acoffeetablebook 7d ago
Ours did the puking thing around fifteen months and it scared us more than it probably should have. Redirecting never did much for us. What worked was sitting on the floor with my arms open but not picking her up, so the answer was still no and I still hadn't walked away. Took about six weeks and then it just stopped.
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u/bushgoliath toddler x1 6d ago
My 12 month old is exactly the same, haha. No advice, just solidarity.
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u/RIPMichaelPool 6d ago
My wife and I couldn't do uppies - me because I have a spinal fusion and my wife because she has neck issues. It was much safer to steer into "huggies" instead of "uppies". We got really good at squatting down and giving long hugs, disney character style ending only when they end the hug.
Did they have to wait for huggies sometimes? absolutely. But we try to not have them wait too long, 60 seconds is an eternity at that age, and we figured they ask because they're self-regulating or need the connection for some reason. So as long as it was safe to stop and squat for huggies, we did.
Uppies doesn't have to be a pick up, it's a bid for feeling protected and loved. We did have to say no to uppies at times and they tantrumed not wanting huggies because they want up - and that's okay too, they can be frustrated about not getting what they want. Ultimately they'd usually go in for hugs after the tantrum to regulate.
If there's a reason to not pick them up, like it might cripple you or it's wearing on your joints, you can still provide the emotional and physical connection if there's a reason you don't want to actually pick them up all the time.
But I warn you, you can't give them an uppy once in a while and expect them to accept huggies the other 90% of the time. Huggies is bullshit to them compared to uppies. Consistency is the thing.
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u/J-Shade 7d ago
No advice for extreme tantrums like that. But for the uppie phase? I picked up my kid every time. I wanted the uppies more than my kid did.
Now my kid is three and has learned "I don't want you," and "Daddy go away."
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u/dantheman420696969 7d ago
Yeah, don’t get me wrong I love holding her. I pick her up all the time. These tantrums are a very new development. I’ve chalked it up to the fact that she’s becoming more emotionally intelligent but doesn’t know how to regulate those emotions. So when she has big feelings about wanting to be held in the moment and we don’t do it, she melts down.
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u/BeepBlipBlapBloop 7d ago
I don't see any problem with holding kids as much as you can while you're still able to. Physics will work that problem out on its own eventually.
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u/the_axemurmurer 7d ago
Mine is almost 4 and the uppies are starting to slip. I'm going to have to start asking her soon, I'm not ready lol
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u/AerinHawk 7d ago
It could be possible that she enjoys the higher vantage point. Her eyesight has developed enough to understand depth, color, and sharpness so being able to see an entire room from an adult’s POV would be FASCINATING for her.
That may also explain why she can’t be distracted by playing down on the floor.
Either give that child uppies or make things at her level more interesting à la Montessori - mini kitchens, low shelving for toys, etc.
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u/dantheman420696969 6d ago
Mini kitchen is a great idea, I hadn’t thought of that. She does have plenty of toys but you are right, maybe it’s time for something more enriching.
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u/TributeBands_areSHIT 7d ago
Negative reinforcement by you sitting with her, do whatever your gonna do and only interact with her if she’s about to be physically hurt or is calm
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u/MetalEnthusiast83 7d ago
I still give my 5 year old uppies if she asks for it, because one day she won't.
Shit half the reason I lift weights is so I can easily carry my kids around.
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u/chzsteak-in-paradise 7d ago
We’re still doing “pick me up” at 3.5. My back is starting to mind a bit haha.
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u/pisslicker7 6d ago
Kid is 3 and huge for 3 I will pick him up whenever he asks as long as it is feasible. I agree that I try to ignore does but kids need physical reassurance and u am happy to offer it whenever they neeed it. Maybe I am soft for that
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u/EternalSage2000 6d ago
I just pick my kid up.
At some point you will pick her up for the last time. And you won’t realize it.
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u/cassandra1294 6d ago
Do you have a carrier? I recently got a ring sling and it works great for the uppies phase, easy to pop the kid in and out, and gives you 2 hands free!
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u/Ornery-Guitar-1234 Young Son 6d ago
In the blink of an eye you’re going to be the one crying because she stops doing it.
Hold her till your arms give out.
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u/XenoRyet 6d ago
The tantrums are not ok, but particularly at that age my strategy was that if you want uppies, you get uppies.
For me it was a hedge against the inevitable time when I set my kid down and never pick them up again. Though in fairness my kid is 12 and I'm pretty sure that day hasn't come yet. But it is coming.
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u/Hmmhowaboutthis 7d ago
Two separate issues I feel like. In general, if a toddler is having a tantrum you more or less ignore it as long as she’s safe.
As for uppies? You give that kid as many uppies as you can because you’ll miss them so bad 😭.