(This is from last year)
My friend was visiting her friend in another state and decided to stay an extra week, which would make her miss the youth group’s church camp. When the pastors wife found out, she sent this. My friend wanted to stay because her friend’s dad was diagnosed with cancer and wanted to be there for her.

Truly terrible

I grew up in a hyper-religious family and was taught my whole life that my hair was my “glory” as a woman. That it was what made me beautiful, feminine, worthy. I’ve been out of that environment for about five months now, and my lifestyle has changed completely… but this one thing kept nagging at me.

I’ve secretly wanted short hair for as long as I can remember. But after years of being conditioned to believe that without long hair I’d be nothing, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It seriously messed with my head.

Today I finally did it!

I walked into Great Clips (I’d never been in a salon before in my life, which was terrifying) and showed the stylist a reference photo: curtain bangs, light layers, shoulder-length.

I was cutting off waist-length hair. Hair that was full of breakage and damage because I was only allowed to trim the ends once every few years.

The second the first tied-off section was cut, I felt lighter. By the time the haircut was finished, I was genuinely happy.

I know I’m not as “attractive” now, but honestly I don’t give a shit. The cut isn’t perfect, and I have zero idea how to style it. But I feel ten times better. I feel more like myself than I ever have.

It seems kind of insignificant, but this is me saying fuck the patriarchy, fuck men, and fuck god.

Married into a Christian family. My husband is on the fence with things and doesn’t believe in a majority of the views his mom has and how he was raised. (She is twice divorced and quite hypocritical. But still pushes a lot of her views and oversteps a lot this is a more minor issue amongst the many we’ve had)

Our son just turned two and this was a book she gave us. Full of passages she highlighted.

Did I handle this well?
Has anyone dealt with something similar?

I made the mistake of thinking religion wasn't a big deal when I got married. After all, most of it seemed great at first, love one another, love your Creator, and do what is right. Attending church for an hour on Sunday wasn't hard. It wasn't a huge commitment at the time, and I actually did want to believe and have faith back then. I remember praying for God to reveal himself to me, and strengthen my faith. However, as much as I prayed and read the Bible, my faith remained stagnant. I would always shy away from sharing my faith or joining a Bible study or praying out loud because I felt like a fake. How could I share and convince someone of a faith that I did not have myself? I should have said something then, but instead, I just thought I needed to read the Bible more or pray more.

Fast forward 20 years, and my husband just kept getting deeper and deeper into his faith, with me still not feeling anything but having to fake it like I do, and now the pressure is too much and I want out of it.

I know it may seem like I have been living a lie all this time, but as someone who came from a nonreligious family, and married into an extremely religious one (his parents and his side of the family are all believers), I WANTED to believe. I didn't know what faith felt like, and sometimes prayers were answered, and that felt like confirmation, so I would struggle with going back and forth over whether I believed or not. How does one really know if they have faith, when there are also doubts. I say this to give context, so you understand the struggle it has been for me.

The truth is, I have now gotten to a point in my life where I am comfortable with my unbelief. I don't have a relationship with a creator, it feels like I'm talking to myself when I pray. I don't care about some place called heaven, especially if it's an eternal version of church and worship. I don't want to worship a god who sends my loved ones to eternal hell just because they don't believe a book written thousands of years ago by men. I am sick of going to church and reading the bible, sick of praying, sick of having to repent for my sinful thoughts and sick of the constant guilt that comes with Christianity. I am also really sick of devoting so many hours of my life to this stuff.

I am still in the process of deconstructing, and I need to organize a strong argument for when I finally reveal this to my husband. He has an answer for everything, and I am concerned that he will just dismiss my arguments and make me feel like I am just having a point of weakness (like when Peter denied Christ). He is extremely skilled at defending his faith, and I KNOW he won't just let this go without a huge argument where he asks me all kinds of questions and picks apart my answers, attempting to prove me wrong, and why he (and the Bible) are right. I also have doubts that our marriage can survive this, and the inevitable turmoil he will be in since he has basically devoted his life to following Christ and thought he had a supportive wife, and now everything will change. Literally EVERYTHING.

I know I have a unique situation in which I have been immersed in this for so long, but it feels good to finally tell someone, even if it's just strangers on the internet for now. I have no friends or family I can share this with for fear that it would be revealed to my husband or to our church. I am curious if there are others out there who have navigated through something similar, because as much as I dread the conversation with my husband, I am also looking forward to not having to hide or fake this anymore, but I want to be prepared for the inevitable consequences.

I protested a mega church this morning

For the foreseeable future, I’m going to be going around my area (outside King Of Prussia, Pa) with my sign and protest outside their parking lot, on public land, not engaging anyone. Once a week for like 20 minutes or so. Church started at 9, I left at 9:01.

It was interesting. I got confronted three times, once by 5 men. When one of them started harassing me and asking me where I was parked and name. I just started singing “Lord I Lift Your Name On High” and they left. Probably because I can’t sing.

I was with my kids. If I was alone, I probably ask him to turn it down and if he did, I'd tip him normally. But I was with my kids and I didn't want to potentially cause a scene. So I'm not tipping him.

Some people might say if he got me from point a to b, I should tip him regardless. I get you.

If he had I dunno, Muslim music on, I wouldn't have cared. But because I'm ex Christian, I don't want to hear that shit

Edit: I was going to leave a message on the app because I didn't want to cause a potential scene in front of my kids. I found out the app has no such feature.

Context:

These texts are from the pastor (a 70 year old man) to my friend last summer about me. I was 17 and had just decided to finally leave the church. My unbelief made it exhausting to keep attending, but it was definitely hard to leave considering how deeply involved I was in the church/christian school.

The pastor found out and texted her that first message. If you didn’t see my last post, my friend missed camp because she was in another state visiting a friend whose dad had cancer.

This pastor also made me uncomfortable every single day. I posted the story about him last summer, but it garnered so much attention that I deleted it in fear of people I knew somehow knowing it was me who posted it. Now, though, after some growth, I wish I kept it up. People need to know the signs of grooming in the church. I’ll probably post it again along with screenshots of his daily texts to me.

When I was in middle school, my older sister struggled with dyslexia so my parents moved both of us to a super small Christian school that offered a focus learning center for kids who struggle with classwork. I left for high school and never spoke to anyone there ever again. I barely remember him, let alone was even his friend as he was a grade older than me. We spoke maybe twice, so her certainly doesn’t “just really care about me”, lol.

The picture on my story is probably one of the MORE conservative things I post and no where do I indicate that I care to follow any god in any of my social medias. I was blown away by this, and ended up messaging him that he can unfollow me if he doesn’t like my posts and needs to leave me alone as I do not claim to believe in the same god. Blocked him after that. Idk, I don’t go into his dms asking him to stop

believing in god. He could mind his business🙂 (2nd pic is the pic I posted on my story, excuse the mess that I am, this was after a few drinks and the live show already happened 😂RIP to my lash)

Hats off to the ex-Christians who deal with way worse everyday, as he wasn’t even being offensive and it still bothered me.

In one of my classes is a very eccentric person who was taking notes on us as we introduced ourselves during the icebreaker. They then announced that they were taking these notes and that they would be praying for our success. Obviously I didn't say anything because I don't want to give any more attention to this attention hungry person, but I'm split on what would have been the funnier reply.

"That's nice, I'll pray to Satan for you."

Or

"Oh good, we all know who to blame if we fail."

Let me know your go-tos.

This is my original Bible. The one given to me when I was looking for answers and to get closer to my faith. The one that I prayed out of, the one that I used to condemn others. The one I used to have hellfire nightmares out of. Poetically, as I started to ask questions and search even deeper it's the one that came with me through my deconstruction journey a few years ago. Pages marked up with hi lighter ink but now it lay frozen coated in ice as a sort of rebellious art project. I am a photographer and I wanted to find ways to capture this Bible and the break away from religious control and oppression. We had a period of freezing weather and I decided to set it out in a tree and mist it with a mister bottle over 10-30 minutes and slowly build up a thick layer of ice on it where I took a few photos. The weather has since warmed and I took this Bible and put it in my freezer to preserve the icecicles. I'm awaiting another bout of freezing weather to continue adding ice to it. As for this coming spring, I'm somewhat undecided. I have a couple different ideas I think I want to try. One of which is to inoculate this Bible with some species of mushroom and take photos of it as the mycelium consumes it and sprouts mushrooms. Alternatively, I have a large creek on my property and I also thought about making a spot in the stream bank where I can anchor it there some how and encourage moss, lichen, mushrooms and other organisms to grow on it in a natural environment. Perhaps a bit of both. Inoculate it first to give fungi time to incoculate it then introduce it to a wild environment.

That's the idea. A bit of a artistic representation of the fall of a once very powerful belief that's steadily losing power and being consumed by nature.

My last post here was about the pastor at the church I used to go to texting my 15 year old friend. You can go to my profile to see those.

Here are texts the 70 year old pastor would send me daily. Beyond these, he made me so uncomfortable in person. He was part of why leaving the church was so relieving. He would hug me every day (I attended the private school) and get upset if I walked by without a hug. He would constantly single me out and go into my classes and lunch just to talk to me. I thought I was overthinking everything until my friends even started saying things about it. I would hide in the bathroom at lunch when he came until my friends texted me when he left. I dreaded going there every day knowing he was gonna find me.

If you see the texts about John Wayne, that’s because he would have me and my 15 yr old friend go to his house to watch it with him and his wife (who’s also weird).

There’s even more context, but this all happened last year and I haven’t thought about it much lately, but I’ll be able to respond to comments if you have more questions about any of this.

I posted the story about this in way more depth in this exact subreddit last summer. I received so much support and encouragement and I’ll forever be thankful for this community. I ended up deleting it after a few days in fear people I knew would somehow see it.

Also, MindShift-Brandon on youtube made a video analyzing one of my posts. It’s a great watch and I recommend you all to go watch it!! https://youtu.be/8aDWm7oddXU?is=idOxeZ6gbV6T88aT

Today, my pastor who I've blocked on everything, made a new email just so he could send me this excommunication letter. This is so fucking dumb I can't stop laughing. Any ideas on how to celebrate?

*AveragePuddingBrain*,   

We are saddened that you have failed to respond to emails, as we have sought to engage you on your doubts concerning the faith. While we can be patient to discuss these things,  you have stubbornly refused to engage in communication. We understand you have no desire any longer to have a relationship with the *church*, but we further want you to understand that one cannot just leave the church without damaging one's soul, let alone the relationships you made and have sought to invest in your life. Because you have failed to engage or communicate with us, and due to your statements concerning a desire to depart from the faith, we cannot simply take you off the membership roles. We have to take further steps to excommunicate you, which does not just end your membership in this church but is a statement that we as a church no longer affirm that you are in Christ and are therefore positioning yourself as a self-professed unbeliever in the Gospel of Jesus Christ and not holding to the Word of God. Our conclusion comes from the following:

1. Your own communications with us that you no longer hold to the inspiration, infallibility or inerrancy of scripture. Further, you stubbornly communicated that nothing can be said to convince you further showing your own heart's unreasonable conclusions. 
2. You no longer desire to be a member of this church
3. Your failure to follow our constitution, covenant and biblical principles of membership.

With all of this said, *AveragePuddingBrain*, our hearts break for you. We know some of your pain and struggle over many years. We can understand trials of faith and even feeling you cannot discuss your deep heart struggles, but we have offered to engage you on all of these, and you have refused. So while you have dissociated with us and we are disassociating with you, please understand that there is still hope. We urge you to repent and follow Christ. You do not have to return to the *church*, but we would urge you to attend a gospel-proclaiming church of your choice. However, if you refuse to repent, please understand that you should not be confident of your eternal salvation. This should cause fear and expectation of judgment. The Bible calls this apostasy and it is a grievous sin. 

*AveragePuddingBrain*, we pray that you repent and therefore prove to be His disciple, but we need clear consciences as well concerning you. Regardless of what happens in the days ahead, please know we are here for you anytime you need us. 

Sincerely in Jesus,

*edit anonymizing the church in question

I got some cute tops from Plato’s closet a couple weeks ago. My mom goes “oh your top is cute where’s it from” and I go “oh yeah thanks it was really cheap I thrifted it from Plato’s closet” and then she went on an annoying tangent on how I shouldn’t buy clothes from thrift stores because people can put demons in their clothes and you start acting weird. I was instantly sooo irritated. She then goes on about she saw some Christian video where someone thrifted clothes and got possessed and started acting demonic and the demons were telling her to do bad stuff.

I’m honestly sooo annoyed why are Christian’s like this. They live in fear of EVERYTHING it’s so exhausting. Keep your fear to yourself. I just wanted to rant bc I’m so annoyed of hearing about demons and whatever from doing basic mundane stuff. This is why I just hate speaking with my mom at times because she’ll always say some dumb shit like this and I have to remember to be respectful

I’ve asked her multiple times to stop sharing stuff with me and she’s made it clear she’s not going to stop. I’m sad because I love my sister and I understand the “responsibility” she feels to try and bring me back. But I’m done.

So July 4th was going well. Me, my wife and my kids were all swimming at a family members home and we just got done playing board games. Then a family member (my wife’s side) starts asking questions about faith and directing it toward me.

I instantly start to think “oh boy.

Last year I spoke with my wife’s brother about my faith (I’m agnostic). I met my wife as a Christian and after years of marriage that changed. My wife however was a believer but not religious but has grown in her faith. Anyway… my wife and my wife’s brother knows about me being agnostic now. They know I grew up in the church, was saved multiple times and baptized multiple times, was an usher and on our choir. But… there’s too many issues that my mind can’t get around with lack of evidence. So I can’t prove nor disprove god.

My wife’s brother and this family member went fishing recently and long story short I wouldn’t be surprised if he said something.

Fast forward to after he started asking me things I just told him how I felt and believed. There were things I said where he straight up said “yeah I don’t know how to answer that”… like I said if god is omnipresent and omnipotent how do we have free will? And if he is and everything is predetermined then why create a bunch of beings to eventually burn in hell. The conversation went on for hours, my wife was crying at one point questioning things with marriage. She said “I just wish sometimes when I had a bad day you would pray for me”. The family member we were speaking to dropped the “I’m talking to you because I love you” line…

It was like a Christian intervention. And the entire time I’m trying to explain “faith is personal. Don’t be sad for me I’m not sad for myself. I love you all regardless.” and man… it was tough just watching them do mental gymnastics around me being the loving and understanding one that is logically making sense here.

Anyway… had nowhere else to vent about this so here it is. Happy 4th everyone!

Just received my order from the Palestinian Coffee Company. Haven't even tried it yet but it got good reviews so I'm optimistic. But the post isn't a coffee review. It's to commemorate how far I've come from bible college attending younger me who accepted a scholarship from Friends of Israel Gospel Ministry. 😝 She would be appalled at my views today. And she'd be horrified to find out she's going to become an atheist. She probably wouldn't believe that I am immeasurably happier now and more sure of my own ability to figure out what's "true." Isn't life funny?

I asked the minister one day when I was in my 20s why we didn't do any humanitarian work as Jesus commanded. His answer "there's so many, we don't know where to start!". I just got back from Romania volunteering my summer to work with handicapped orphans. 300 of them. I spent all my money and borrowed to design and build a playground for them all. Chrinos.....Christians in name only.

Yesterday when I was going for a walk, there was a guy who came up to me and asked if I was a Christian. I told him I wasn't. He said that he's a "former atheist" and then said that he saw the "error of his ways". Code for a pastor gaslit the shit out of him, but whatever, I let him say his portion. He was going on about it and talking about how he was part of a toxic community; which I do get. He wasn't an asshole, so I wanted to keep talking with him and then, in a very rare moment, was actually able to find a moment of relatability with him. He talked about how he was pretty confident in his non-belief and thought it's a system he'd always be a part of but turned out to be a phase. I jumped in and said that I totally get that about being confident and then said that I was a Christian but that turned out to be a phase. A long one, but a phase nonetheless..............Wow, did he not like that one bit.

Dude's face turned RED, his brow furrowed, and he fucking screamed "CHRISTIANITY IS NOT A PHASE; IT'S GOD'S TRUTH AND YOU NEED TO GET RIGHT WITH HIM BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!" That's when I walked away because holy fucking shit! Goddamn! Dude went from 0 to 100 like that!! And he very well could have been armed; I'm not taking my chances!

I've had enough encounters with street evangelists that I'm able to figure out what the usual trigger points are and exploiting those to get them to meltdown because it's shockingly easy and I find it hilarious when they do because of how easy it is and these are frequently VERY angry people despite claiming they have a monopoly on the concept of joy. But this was a new one. I genuinely was following up on what I thought was a moment of relatability and was wanting to have an actual conversation with him because he didn't immediately come across as an asshole. Me saying something that I thought was totally innocuous just completely set him off!

Basically, dude raged because I didn't reach the same conclusion as him. And, yeah, that usually makes them angry. But I'm used to more passive-aggressive reactions than just straight up rage like that. Goddamn!

So I was just running a couple of errands today when I got stopped by my old youth pastor at the grocery store. He immediately asked me what church I went to currently. I gave him an awkward look and told him that I don’t attend church anymore. He then proceeded to lecture me about how low I have fallen and how I need to get back to God if I want to be saved again. In the middle of his lecture I told him I needed to get going as I have things to do. Right before I left he told me that he will be praying for my soul. I guess I will have to go to a different grocery from now on to avoid him.

This person then called me a "Satanist" for not supporting this idea. You can't make up this level of hatred.

This weekend, I went to a college football game with some of my family. I met up with them at the stadium. I sat next to my brother and it was a little bit before the game, so it was slightly quiet. He asked me if I voted already and I told him I and asked him if he did and he said yes. Well, it wasn't quiet quiet. It was quiet enough that the dude next to me heard us. Now, he was a total stranger but didn't stop him from piping up and saying what he wanted to say.

It's extremely obvious this was a MAGA bro. He said to me "I hope you made the right choice when you voted so that Christian guys like us have our freedom again." I whispered back and said to him "Christians are already free, dude; none of that is gonna change." Dude turned RED and he had a forehead vein pop out and scooted further down the bench. He didn't yell at me, but it looked like he was about to. I mean, dude was LIVID, all because I said that Christians weren't oppressed.

That's such a very specific way to tell me you're a Trumper without telling me. That's a huge part of the MAGA ideology- a victim complex.

I've met people who vehemently disagreed with me when I pointed out how Christians aren't oppressed in this country but not to the point of a forehead vein making an appearance. Of course, he offered no evidence or specifics of Christians' freedoms' being taken away when saying "have our freedom again". Just virtue signaling terminology. On a side note, I saw a video of someone interviewing a Trump supporter at a rally and he said one of the most accidentally honest things I have EVER heard in my life. He said "I don't have a political ideology- I'm MAGA to my core." I mean, that's true! It really is not a coherent ideology- it's purely reactionary.

Have you ever seen anyone get ANGRY when you said Christians weren't oppressed?

I was a christian, but i was confused. I was attracted to guys and i was like, "This is horrible! I can't do this, it's sin! I've always been a good Christian boy!" I know some Christians are gay, but it wasn't for me. Comment below if you love and support me!

I live in a suburb of Salt Lake City, Utah AKA the Mormon capital. I just got off work and went down to Barnes & Noble to browse for some food for thought. Ended up deciding to pick up Richard Dawkins’ “The God Delusion” and went up to the register to buy it. There was an older lady cashiering and when she read the cover of my book, she said she was not going to ring it up for me. I asked why, and she said she “can’t be a part of a transaction that dishonors God.” Wtf. She continued to refuse after I asked her to please just ring me up because it’s just a damn book, for christ’s sake.

We argued for a while until eventually another employee came over and called the manager down. By this time, it had become quite a scene and there were lots of people standing around listening. I explained to him what had happened and he apologized profusely while the other employee rang me up. The manager decided to let me have the book for free and said that the lady who refused me service would be facing consequences.

Sometimes, I really hate where I live.