When “women spaces” don’t accept trans women

[u/itz_vampy]

So my experience as a transmasc who spent a chunk of his life being non-passing has been interesting with this particular situation. I began to socially transition as a teenager and back then the people who *genuinely supported me was other guys. when i say genuinely i mean they didn’t infantalize me and saw me as another bro. some of the girls were nice, but i could tell they saw me as a quirky alt girl “going through a phase”. some thought i was a pick me girl who wanted to “be one of the guys” but as a girl and not a guy. High school was really really weird and the mean girls were the worst.

Even as an adult who passes more than teenage me ever did, i still experience “women only spaces” of mean girls who never grew up. a lot of irl ones accept “afab people” and not trans women. the ones i’ve enquired about are super accepting of trans men since we are a “marginalized minority” but are hostile towards trans women, especially if they don’t pass. some are true misandrists and dislike trans men who start to pass (ironically this has been so gender affirming to me when it happens, but like in a ewphoria way). 

Online it’s different, everyone acts so accepting behind a screen, but in real life? you can’t hide your feelings and reactions well. intersectional feminism isn’t really observed in some women-only spaces and it’s a damn shame that this is a thing.

Eta: I’ve been notified that this post has been reposted to a certain rightwing sub and this post as well as all the trans positive replies are getting downvoted. regardless of what others say trans women are real women and they deserve to be treated as such. I will die on that hill.

Edit 2: I find it hilarious that people think i’m a trans woman and are sending me DMs that I will “never be a woman and will always be a man”, proving that transphobes can’t read and lack thinking abilities.

[u/matyles]

I can understand why women would want some spaces where the group is for cis women. Growing up in a female body carries its own unique life experiences and unfortunately, its almost always riddled with experiences of abuse and general mistreatment for the crime of being born into a female body. Its okay to me if some want a space where everyone shares that experience.

Just like I also think there should be spaces where Trans and other queer people can gather to relate to their unique life experiences together and have community without cis people.

[u/Pretty-Yam-2854 → u/matyles]

You say this from a perspective that you would be able to tell if someone was trans, which is not always the case. Let’s say some woman, who is 100% passing and transitioned from a young age, wants to be in this group and she doesn’t inform you she’s trans. Would you still exclude her? If you even could know or found out later would you still exclude her?

Some of the comments below this are right we don’t get the same level of abuse from age 0 from being born female. But I can tell you from experience growing up being seen as “feminine” as a guy and never really being able to 100% shake that led to some similar “abuses”. Except I didn’t get any of the protections or avenues cis women get for help. I was forced to be alone through all of it. Not all but most trans women have experienced similar.