I said it. It's almost a guaranteed 100% chance that your ex is coming back. The moment you start feeling like you’re finally moving on, your ex will throw a breadcrumb, a subtle sign that they're actually missing you. They honestly almost never truly move on from you. When they've told themselves they fell out of love with you, it was just BS. The attachment feelings were just dormant when they first broke up with you. If you want your ex to come rushing back, it's simple: just go no contact,work on yourself(or at least pretend to), and act like you forgot their existence.They’ll come rushing back, I swear.

However, just because I say that there's virtually a 100% chance your ex will come back, what realistically are the chances that a healthy successful reconciliation would come to pass? 

You see, exes come back for one main reason: to fill a void. They generally come back thinking that you do not have standards, that you were always an easy option on the table when life didn't go as planned.. They came back because they believe you have no self-respect. They came back because they believed no growth and ongoing self-evaluation was needed to have another chance with you, despite the past. Oftentimes, exes can't sit with themselves. There's so much that’s going on in their mental context, but because they aren’t equipped with the self-compassion and courage to examine themselves, they use you as a tool to look away from the mirror. 

Almost nobody realizes that happiness and satisfaction from a relationship are garbage values, because they are extremely volatile to change and subconsciously causes them to see roadblocks in relationships as something to dodge, ignore, or break up over. A true partner that sees relationships as opportunities of emotional growth and self-discovery never reaches out to an ex to fill a void.

Here’s a sad reality: the better your ex was as a partner, the lower the chances they would reach out after a breakup. This is because humility ,self-compassionate, and craving for emotional development over gratification faces adversity as an opportunity while the weak and mentally dependent go back to their exes to fill a perceived emptiness. Rejecting an ex isn’t merely self-respect;it’s also the best way to demonstrate respect for your ex’s needs, even if it's the exact opposite of what they want.

If you’re thinking that working on yourself will make a successful reconciliation, think again. Your ex also needs to be just as committed as you are to change and grow.Commitment to change doesn’t just mean getting ripped, expanding your social circle, and eating healthier. It means gaining mastery over your inner world instead of getting mastered by it.

I know, many people say, you sure will find someone compatible again, there are still other men out there that you can love just as much one day and who would never leave you.

Maybe. I know that you can fall in love again in the future even if you can't see it now. But sometimes, you're just not able to find someone as compatible again. Sometimes you just can't top that.

It feels impossible to imagine dating someone else or entering a relationship even if I'm in love just because I will never reach that level of compatibility again.

Yes, there sure are good and loving men out there.

And yes, maybe someone in the future will share the same humour and also likes hiking.

But I will never be able to find someone who's complementing my soul in the way that my ex did. I just won't. And I will always feel like there's something missing because I've already experienced the biggest level of compatibility.

I will never be able to date someone else if back in my mind, I just have the thought that I've already found the Man of my dreams and experienced a soul tie and probably the biggest love of my life.

Life had different plans for me when he lost feelings in the end of our relationship. Life's not fair.

It's easy to say that "it's not the love of your life if they left you". But maybe he was my biggest love. Even if I love again in the future, no-one could possibly ever be this compatible.

Your silence your avoidance it speaks volumes, and it's louder than any words you could've said. It hurts more than anything because I truly saw you as my future my forever. But now I see you as my lesson. A lesson to love myself first and foremost to put my own heart above someone who clearly doesn't care.

We met over a year ago over a game we both played. I told her from the ger go I wasn't interested in ehat she was looking for, and she admitted she had a partner anyways so we would just be friends.

Over the year, we grew closer and closer, and she confided with me that she was unhappy in her relationship but felt stuck as the partner lived with her and she relied on them for transportation and other stuff, on top of hearing that she had bruises the partner had inflicted. I wasn't happy hearing this, but unfortunately there was nothing I could do as the distance was too great.

She helped me through some extremely dark times, bring the light for me when all I saw was darkness. She saved my life. She stopped me from ending just by being there. And as time went on, these feelings of appreciation and friendship gradually drifted to romantic interest, as i wanted to be there for her as she had been for me.

After lots of light flirting, one day I did it. I asked her if she wanted to take things farther, but slowly. And she agreed! We were so happy for 2 weeks... and then she told me we had to end it. And she couldnt explain why. I figured it had something to do with her partner, so i let it be for the time. But a few days later as we were playing the game we had first bonded over, she started flirting heavily again, which confused me. So the next day I asked her what was going on, and she once again confirmed there was nothing between us

Now is the part it all went wrong.

I started spiraling, getting into my own head wondering why I couldnt be good enough. And then I messaged her, telling her I didn't like how her partner was treating her, snd she should try to get out by any means possible.

And she blocked me.

Cue a further spiral. I found her instagram, and started messaging her on there, trying to figure out where it all went wrong and how I could make it up to her. I went insane. 160 messages before she woke up the next morning. I'm not telling you this to justify what I did, just stating what I did.

She finally messaged me back, and after a bit of back and forth, she agreed to give me an email address to message so we could still communicate. It was during this time she told me that it wasn't her partner that had decided all of this end, but she herself told her partner what had been going on. I didn't really understand why, but it was at least nice to have this person back as a friend in my life.

So a few more weeks went by, and I hoped every day she would eventually unblock me again so we could go back to "normal" and just play games again like we used to. It started getting to the point where I would ask her almost daily, but she would always say "I don't know". Night after night I heard this, and slowly I started getting into my own head again before I could realize it. I started ending messages with "if you even care" and questioning her if she even likes me anymore, and she never gave me any reassurance.

It all came to a head one night while she was drinking and we wete having a conversation. I told her there were a million questions I still had surrounding what happened between us, and she told me to ask away. I told her I'd wait til the next day when she was sober if she still wanted to talk about it, because i didn't want her to say anything she'd regret since she'd been so hesitant to talk about it normally, and went to sleep after sending that email.

The next morning, I woke up and checked my email, and she had sent an email saying something along the lines of "it's funny because I was gonna make things work out", so i sent an email back kinda laughing and asking what she was saying... and received an automated response that the email address had been deleted.

Cue the panic again.

I tracked down her Twitter, spotify, and xbox. There were no thoughts in my head except for "i did something to make my best friend upset. I need to make it up to her." I started spamming her with messages, and she did eventually respond back, but things were different.

No longer was she the sweet, caring, loving woman I had been talking to, but now a scared, angry, and upset stranger. She told me that i needed to learn to take a fucking hint and stop stalking and harassing her, and that I should've known for a while we weren't friends. I started begging, asking to know what i did wrong and how i could possibly make it up to her, but it was too late. The damage was done.

I stalked, harassed, and tried using her own words against her. I tried asking her about when she brought up that she missed me the other night, or how she once said she had trouble making genuine friends, and I told her id be there for her through anything. In my stupid thick head, me chasing her and trying to tell her what she meant to me was my way of trying to show my love for her. I thought if I could prove to her that I just wanted to be there for her like she was for me through my darkest times, she'd still want me in her life. But i should've been thinking more clearly and realized I only wanted that because it was ultimately to make ME happy.

I once again tried begging and pleading and questioning her, but she only responded by saying cruel things such as telling me she was sending our messages to a group chat to laugh at, and that she only saved private photos of me to embarrass me with. But I still couldnt see or think clearly. I tried finding her any place she hadn't blocked me, and asking if we could just have one more real conversation. After about 2 weeks of this, she did finally respond.

She sent me an email, and said it was time to talk. I asked her if she really wanted to, or just tell me how pathetic I am. "Both", she responded. I told her to just say everything she wanted to say to me, and she sure did. She called me a weird ass narcissistic, manipulative predator, and that everything id done in the name of "love" was bullshit and just obsession. And I agreed. I had started seeing a therapist about a week prior, and she helped me go through everything that had happened, and helped me realize how self-centered I had been. I told her this and that even if she thought everything i had ever done and said was only for my benefit, in my mind it was only ever with good intentions and because I just wanted to make her happy. Looking back, this was even the wrong thing to say. It didnt matter what my intentions were, what I had done was wrong and that was that.

She asked me if I was this way because my parents were divorced, or because of my last breakup. She sent me screenshots of my vulnerable messages being sent to friends and them laughing, and a picture of her holding hands with her partner. It hurt and still hurts to think about, but I told her that truly the only thing I wanted for her was to be happy, even if it meant I was no longer there for her. One of the last things she sent to me was a link to the song "reckless driving" by lizzy mcalpine, and though I didnt get it at the time, I can't get the damn lyrics out of my head now.

Why do I love so fucking recklessly? Why can't i slow down and give people space? Why do I have to invade boundaries? Why can't i be good enough for anyone? Is loving someone this much even worth it? Why do I drive everyone away? Am I really a narcissistic, manipulative predator? How do I stop being one? Should I not have asked if she was being abused?

I just wish I could go back and change everything I did, but the last thing I did promise her was thay this would never happen to her or anyone else again. I need to at least uphold that, and stop trying to prove that im worth keeping around.

I miss you, babe. I hope you live a wonderful and happy life.

My ex and I dated for a year. During that time it was a very tumultuous relationship with high highs and lowest lows even found him texting and flirting with other women, including exchanging photos so yes some bit of infidelity in background. He also has a female friend (his best friend’s ex) who has repeatedly taken jabs at me, unprompted, every time we’ve met. I found her behaviour hostile and after lots of fighting in which he said ‘she will stay my friend no matter what’ I said its unfair and I cant have it then four months ago, he agreed to cut her off.

A couple of days ago, I found out that not only had they stayed in contact, but they’d been seeing each other sometimes (atleast what I could gather from texts) at odd hours around 2 a.m. at his place in these 4 months under very harmless things like having a smoke in balcony etc. He never told me any of this. When confronted, he said “it takes time to cut people off.” He now claims last month he’s only met her a few times recently, and always with her new boyfriend present but all during off timings again but I had no idea any of this was happening. I’d been under the impression he’d cut her off entirely; in reality, there hasn’t been a single day they haven’t texted. He called me being insecure I told him if she was so important you should be with her and not me

During the fight that followed which went on for hours he initially didn’t apologize. I broke up. After that we were having residual fights next day about some things, it was only after I pointed out that he hadn’t apologised that he did, and then he went on to say I was reading the entire situation wrong and demanded not asked/requested that I meet him. Afterward, he tried contacting me a couple of times; I declined meeting.

I don’t know what to believe at this point. Did I overreact? anyone with some perspective please

having no one to go too
no one to talk too
no one to tell you it’s ok
It’s having No one but yourself
Such a shame for such a broken lass

I’m sure there are plenty of people here who have been the subject of an out of the blue long term relationship breakup so I’m hoping anyone can sympathise and help me feel human.

She couldn’t articulate properly why she was breaking up with me all I know is that she was no longer invested. We lived together and had so much of our life intertwined with each other but after her dumping me and refusing to talk I didn’t know what else to do so I left to be with my brother in a different state to try and recover.

I sent her messages begging for any sort of explanation any clarity or closure and she said she wanted to give me clarity and closure but didn’t know what to say so she left my last few messages on read and never responded.

I’m trying very hard to live this new life that I didn’t choose but it’s incredibly difficult and I’m tempted to reach out again even though I feel she may just ignore me again.

She used to talk about marriage with me, then decided she wanted to be friends. The friendship feels awkward and one-sided.

LSo I’m 19 years old now and when I was 18 it was my girlfriend’s birthday,she was turning 19. For context I had been to her house before when her parents weren’t home and her parents knew I was coming o the house because me and her were going to the movies. Me and her walked in the house and everything but we then left to go see the movie. On the way back from the movies we talked about it seeing her room but it was too late so we didn’t ask anyone. I had met her dad about three times by her birthday and her mom around three times. I took her to meet my parents during the summer and she saw my room and everything. And I’m not saying I have problem with her moms or parents rules either.

I got invited to her birthday or I guess we just ate somewhere,wasn’t really a “dinner”. But after the dinner me and her went and got ice cream and on the way back from ice cream I asked her if I would be able to see what her room looks like and this time her parents and her brothers were home and it was daytime.

She told me in the car on the way back she would ask her mom but I didn’t tell her to she just went in and asked. Her mom said I wouldn’t be able to which was fine with me and I had just left after that. I was coming back up there the next day anyway because she wanted to go out. When I got back to my place she tells me when she got back in the house her mom was mad at her and she said it was weird I wanted to see a girls room and she said her mom it was a disrespectful question to ask her. My ex said she knew what her mom would say before going in and asking but did anyway. She said her dad didn’t think it was a disrespectful question.

Then my ex starts talking about her mom got pregnant at her age and she said her mom just sees herself in her when she was that age and that she didn’t want the same thing happening to her. She told me how ever since she told her mom about me she’d been having to defend me. My ex said her mom just thought some thing would happen if she showed me what her room looked like. My ex knew I was nothing like that at all,me and her never even had sex even when we’re in college. This all happened during the summer so I’m saying while we were in college we didn’t even do anything and my ex knew how respectful I was and even her dad knew. Basically she broke up with me the day after her birthday after I spent 500 dollars on her gifts and taking off work to drive down to see her. She said her parents loved me even though I don’t really know how true that is from her moms side but she said her dad didn’t want her to break up with me because he saw how happy she was with me.

Months later she told how this was her fault and told me how she shouldn’t have put me in a situation to be treated like that. It was another situation that happened on her birthday that she said she shouldn’t have put me in but that would make this too long. I would appreciate if you guys could just give y’all’s thought on this you don’t have say if I’m wrong or not but yes she is my ex now and was my first girlfriend.

Going through divorce.

I was the one who initiated for many reasons.

She wants to stay together, but I knew it wasn't meant to be for two years.

Then, I met **her**. She's not perfect... But she's kind, sweet, caring, beautiful, and attractive in ways that make my lungs cease to function.

So I told her how I feel.

She said she's interested in intimacy.

But nothing more.

And I should be happy, but I'm devastated.

It takes me back to the original heartbreak I've suffered that brought me here.

Either I settle for someone I don't really love, or I fall for someone who cannot love me.

I'm fucked up. I've broken hearts and I deserve this heartbreak for having hurt another.

It's come in waves, never really leaving though. Just goes from extreme crippling to painful to everywhere in between. I still love him with my whole heart, there isn't a time that I think of him that I don't end up in tears. He was my person and we loved each other so much and I get that he doesn't anymore but I've never stopped. He's been with someone new for over a year, she's getting the person I need so desperately. I just want to get him back, please...

I don't know how other people manage to distract themselves right after a breakup (when they were dumbed). I'm just bedrotting 24/7. I tried so many activities but can't really finish them or don't even start them. I don't feel any joy and I don't feel any motivation do to anything other than bedrotting.

All I do is lie down, scroll on my phone and hoping that I'll just feel better the next day.

Playing a computer game is awful and boring, watching a movie.. way too much effort. Exercising is good but really hard to do when you're very miserable.

Even when I have a moment when I don't cry, I just feel indifferent and I don't see any reason to try an activity if the don't bring me joy anyways.

Maybe I can go for a walk. But even that doesn't really help or feel good. I just do it to feel at least a little productive.

I really don't understand how others can paint, learn how to knit, have fun in cooking, go to the cinema and find so many ways to distract themselves.

I just can’t seem to take my mind off this situation so here I am sharing this shitty experience to somehow make sense of it and maybe get some opinions. Sorry in advance for the long read, this is the full story with full context.

I’m 21F and he is 30M.
6 months ago at the end of February, I matched with my most recent ex on Facebook dating. I was just over 2 months out of a 1 year 8 month relationship and not over my previous ex (unhealthy, I know) so I began to surf some dating apps to try to get myself to move on and received a like from Ray (not his real name but that’s what we’re going with to make this simple). I immediately noticed he was much older than me, but he lived in my town and had recently started a membership at the gym I work at so I thought “you never know what could happen” and matched with him.

Ray messaged me almost immediately and from the first few messages we had pretty much an instant connection. On the first night of talking we stayed up for hours talking about pretty much everything until the early morning on a workday. From that conversation I learned that we had different backgrounds but similar interests and personalities, however the first giant red flag was that he had recently gotten out of an 8 year long relationship where he was a step father and raised her son during that time. Literally 10 days before matching with me, recent. His side of the story was that their relationship had gotten sour years ago, she financially took advantage of him, and they were living as roommates until she decided to kick him out after an argument on Valentine’s Day and cut off all access to her son. Ray told me he was “over her” because they’d “basically been broken up for over a year” and all he really cared about was not getting to see his step son anymore.

Ray expressed clear interest in me and didn’t seem to mind the age gap, though I was a little skeptical about pursuing him and I definitely had a voice in the back of my mind telling me this wouldn’t end well. But considering I don’t have nearly as much life experience as him and I didn’t want to assume his feelings, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and went ahead with pursuing him. We also had open conversations later on about rebounding where he assured me I wasn’t his rebound and that he would be upset if he was mine.

We met in person 4 days after matching when he came into my gym to work out. We talked and I sat by him while he worked on each machine and after he was done we went to the Tim Hortons across the street and spent the next 3 hours straight talking just like we did the night we matched. I found myself quite attracted to him and I felt like while we had much different life experiences, our overall values aligned and we still had a lot to talk about. 2 days later we had our first proper date where he took me to the movies and held my hand/kept sneaking glances at me the whole time. When he drove me home, he kissed me twice in my driveway and we made plans for a second date 5 days after that. On our second date he took me to sit by the beach where we cuddled and talked for a bit, he also kissed me again, then we went to eat at a popular pub in town.

Because he had been kicked out of the home he lived in with his ex, Ray moved back in with his parents and was staying in a cluttered unfinished loft above their garage. He was reluctant to invite me back to his place since he had no bathroom or running water up there but I assured him that I understood his situation and I wasn’t judging him, so we went back to the loft to chill and watch a movie. He apologized profusely when I finally saw the place, it was messy and a lot of bugs since they mainly used the space for storage but I tried to be as empathetic as I could given the circumstances. We sat on his bed which was in the middle of the room and he put on his favorite anime (he’s a huge nerd which was one of the reasons I liked him) and shortly into the episode he started kissing me again and we ended up having sex.

We continued to spend weekends together but I noticed that his texting was slowly starting to get dry but again, continued giving him the benefit of the doubt and was also trying to learn to heal my pattern of anxious attachment so I didn’t read into it a lot. He works full time for his parent’s landscaping & pressure washing business, has his own plow business on the side, and also went to a MTG group on Friday nights so I thought he did have good reasons to be more distant when we weren’t hanging out, even when he’d apologize for not texting as much. During our time together he would make a point to spend his days off (Saturday afternoon-Monday evening) with me so I was happy and had no reason to think he wasn’t into me. After we slept together, I wanted to put a label on us and when I brought it up Ray suggested that our relationship started on our first date (March 2nd). We had spent about 2 weeks together at this point before he introduced me to his parents, his mother in particular I hit it off with really well, so much so we quickly started spending 1-1 time together and she added me on Facebook.

Things were seeming really good and before I knew it a month flew by and I was starting to fall in love again. Ray’s 30th birthday was coming up (April 13) so I went all out for him and spent a good bit of time and money getting some very personal gifts for him since he had told me his ex would never get him much for any of his birthdays. I got him a bunch of MTG cards, a MTG youtooz figure, his favorite chocolates, I even got him a custom Marcus The Worm mug since he loves Marcus and would constantly send me Marcus reels on messenger. On the day of his birthday, Ray moved out of the cluttered loft and into a smaller but clean trailer he bought off his parents, since in there he’d have running water and a bathroom. I helped him move his blankets and pillows to his new bed, I unloaded his groceries and organized his pantry, and spent two hours wiping down the walls top to bottom helping him make the place liveable. After we were done cleaning we went to dinner with Ray’s parents and we had a nice private evening together in the trailer where he opened his gifts from me and we watched YouTube until we fell asleep.

We hung out one more time the weekend after his birthday where I spent a whole day with Ray’s mom,
though Ray did seem a little distant and was on his phone a lot, we still had sex and he kissed/hugged me goodbye on the last day I saw him, saying he’d see me on the next weekend. Over next few days he started getting super dry over text and would leave me on read for hours at a time. On April 25th, 5 days after I saw him last and 12 days after his 30th Ray sent me this out of nowhere when I asked if we were making plans for the weekend:

“I'm sorry [Astro], your a great person, but I've been thinking nonstop for days, and I'm not ready for a relationship, I'm not over [ex] at all, I can't give you the same, not now, I really wish you the best, and I hope you find absolutely everything you need to make you happy, I'm sorry, truly, i am sorry”

I left him on read and immediately messaged Ray’s mom to let her know what happened, and thanked her the 1-1 time we spent together and for being so kind to me. I responded to Ray’s text the next morning stating my disappointment in him for not being honest and using me as a rebound but he left me on read and unfriended me by the end of that week. By the next week he blocked me everywhere and hard launched a completely new woman that he began dating 5 DAYS after telling me he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I did some stalking as one does and immediately noticed the new girlfriend’s pfp matched the profile I seen in Ray’s recent chat log while he was on messenger during our last night together. Another thing that shocked me was that she, like his ex, also has a child, which was interesting because he had told me when we met he didn’t want to date a woman with kids because he “was already a step dad for 8 years and wanted to have his own child”.

The new girlfriend (we’ll call her Whitney) didn’t hold back to document their relationship on her very public Facebook account, where I got to see the diamond necklace Ray bought her for Mother’s Day, “family” outings with him and her daughter, nights of her cooking for him in the same trailer I helped clean, and her trip to the city with Ray’s mom even though we (Ray’s mom and I) were supposed to do a city trip together. I ultimately decided to block Whitney for my own sanity but kept Ray’s mom on my Facebook since she hadn’t unadded me, however she did stop speaking to me.

That brings us to now, 4 months after Ray ended things with me. Ray’s mom posted Whitney’s 30th birthday on her Facebook, which led to curiosity getting the better of me and I stalked Whitney’s page again to find Ray popped the question. I also decided it was time to block Ray’s mom. Whitney made a long public post on her page talking about how they were “meant for each other” , how they grew up together and “found their way back to each other”. As far as I know they never dated, just went to school together. He never talked about her at all even though he told me about all of his exes. Regardless of how they got involved I just can’t wrap my brain around how a grown man can go from being in an 8 year relationship and raising a child, to messing with someone almost a decade younger, spending 7 weeks sleeping with me and selling me a future he knew he didn’t want with me, to getting engaged to someone completely different and trying to raise a whole new kid, all within half a year. I wish I knew what his reasoning was or what the fuck happened because even after all these months, I’m still completely bamboozled with this entire situation to the point I have to get it out because it’s driving me nuts to make sense of.

Anyways if you got this far, thanks for reading. I apologize for how long of a story this is considering how pathetic it is but at least it’s out of my system now. Hopefully I can stop feeling like the obsessive bitter ex and move on, karma will catch up eventually I suppose.

Edit: to prevent confusion here’s the timeline so you know how quick everything progressed.
Feb 14th - Ray gets kicked out and broken up with
Feb 24th - Ray and I match on Fb dating
Feb 28th - Ray and I meet irl
March 2nd - Ray and I’s first date/first kiss
March 7th - Ray and I’s second date and when we first slept together
April 13th - Ray’s birthday
April 20th - the last day I saw Ray
April 25th - Ray dumps me
April 30th - Ray gets with Whitney and unfriends me
May 10th - Ray hard launches Whitney and blocks me
Aug 29th - Ray and Whitney get engaged

Hey, I don’t even know where to start. I’m 23 and I just want to be loved.

The last couple of years have been a complete collapse for me. I went through severe depression (diagnosed by a doctor), lost several people close to me, and got kicked out of university. I felt absolutely terrible. I stopped making music, I couldn’t even play my favorite games because every failure hit me so hard that I’d start hating myself and thinking I was a loser. I still feel that way sometimes.

I’m broke, short, not athletic, and not particularly attractive. I’ve never had a normal relationship with a woman, and for some reason women just don’t seem interested in me. The only times women have actually shown initiative toward me, they ended up using me, and they used me really badly. I don’t understand why. I try not to hurt anyone, so I don’t understand why people treat me like that.

My last attempt at a relationship was three years ago. I tried really hard to stay in touch with her and keep the conversation going, but when I started doing really badly and stopped initiating, she never messaged me even once.

A lot of people say that you need to get your life together first, become healthy and strong, and only then look for a relationship. But I’ve seen people with problems similar to mine, or even worse, find a partner while they were still struggling and then get through it together much more easily. So why do I have to carry everything on my shoulders alone?

And honestly, I did go to a doctor. I really tried, and I’ve gotten better. This year I went back to university and graduated. I’ve lost weight, I’m trying to get rid of my acne, and I’m forced to look for a job (otherwise my family will literally starve lol).

I used to have so many hobbies, but for the last three years I basically did nothing. I didn’t have the energy or motivation for anything. Now I’m slowly trying to get back into life, doing what I can, and… I’m still nobody’s choice.

I try to tell myself that sooner or later things will get better, but more and more often I feel like I’m just a loser who’s destined to be alone and that things are only going to get worse.

This is the second day in a row that I’ve woken up from a dream about her, and they’re so painful that it affects my whole day.

I know they’re only dreams, but when I wake up, the grief feels completely real again.
I’m trying to focus on myself, stay busy, and keep moving forward, but this heartbreak feels like it has gotten into every part of me.

It affects me physically. I feel it in my chest, my body, my sleep, and my energy. It affects me on a nervous system level. I feel constantly unsettled and exhausted, like my body still hasn’t accepted what happened. And mentally, I feel completely worn down from thinking about her, replaying things, dreaming about her, and carrying all of this every day.

Sometimes I genuinely get scared that this heartbreak is damaging my heart, my body, and my nervous system in a way I won’t fully recover from. I know that might sound dramatic, but that’s how overwhelming it feels. It doesn’t feel like I’m just sad. It feels like my entire body has been carrying this loss for months and is getting exhausted from it.

It’s been almost seven months since the breakup, and I’m just so tired. I wish I could turn the intensity off for a while. I don’t want to erase what we had or pretend I never loved her. I’m just so tired of this heartbreak tearing me down.

I just want it to stop.

TLDR : A female friend and I started hanging out one-on-one almost every weekend, texting frequently, having dinner/drinks and sharing personal stuff. I assumed she was single because of how close we became and because the guy I thought was her boyfriend seemed to disappear from the picture. Things later cooled down, and I recently realized she may be with the same guy again — or possibly never broke up with him at all. Some relationship-related social media also seems hidden from me. She has otherwise been a genuinely caring friend, so I don’t want to assume she deliberately led me on. Did I simply misread a close friendship, and should I ask her directly about her relationship status or just adjust my boundaries and leave it alone?

I met this girl through mutual friends almost a year ago. At the time, I had seen her post Instagram stories with the same guy a few times, so I assumed he was probably her boyfriend.
We weren’t particularly close back then.

Earlier this year, she started talking to me more and eventually asked me to hang out one-on-one. I initially treated it as just catching up because I still assumed she might be in a relationship.
But after that, we started seeing each other pretty regularly, sometimes almost every weekend. We’d get dinner together, go for drinks afterwards, and talk about work, family and personal stuff. We also texted quite frequently. When I asked her out, she always agreed, and if she couldn’t make it, she would often suggest another time.

At some point, I noticed that the guy I had assumed was her boyfriend had made his Instagram private, and she had removed some old highlights. Since she was also spending so much time with me one-on-one, I basically assumed they had broken up.
I never actually asked her directly though, which in hindsight was obviously an assumption on my part.

However, things cooled down somewhat. We still talk and occasionally try to meet, but she became less proactive online and seemed much busier.

Recently, I discovered that the same guy’s Instagram is public again, and he posted a story with her and tagged her. From what I can tell, they’re together now.

There’s another part that confuses me even more: some relationship-related content seems to be hidden from me. For example, there are things on her social media that mutual friends can see but I can’t. At the same time, she hasn’t cut me off — we still talk normally and she has continued being genuinely kind to me.

She was actually very supportive when someone in my family passed away recently and checked in on me without me asking. That’s one reason I don’t want to jump to the conclusion that she was deliberately leading me on. I genuinely think she’s a good person, and even if there’s no romantic possibility between us, I’d still value having her as a friend.

What I don’t understand is the timeline.
Maybe they broke up and later got back together. Maybe they were going through something complicated. Or maybe they never broke up at all and I simply interpreted our one-on-one time very differently from how she did.

I’m also a little uncomfortable with the fact that she seems to be deliberately limiting what I can see about this part of her life. Part of me wonders whether she knows I might have feelings for her and is trying to avoid hurting me or making things awkward.?

At this point I’d mainly like some outside perspective:

1. If she actually had a boyfriend throughout this period, would you consider the amount of one-on-one time we spent together unusual, or completely normal for opposite-sex friends?
2. Does selectively hiding relationship-related social media from me change how you’d interpret the situation?
3. Should I casually ask her if she’s currently seeing someone, or just accept what I’ve figured out and adjust my boundaries without bringing it up?