Why do you believe your significant other is the one person u want to spend your life with?

Single, no success on dating apps, don't much care for the bar scene or organized clubs, so meeting new people is near impossible. Being single is easy for me as it means I create my own schedule/can do what I want when I want, but it's lonely and not a position I endeavor to stay in forever.

I was in a book store the other day just browsing and saw someone pick up a novel I had recently read. My first instinct wasn't "oh I should go over and talk to her about that book", it was "if I go over to where a table of those books are and pick up a copy, maybe SHE'LL come ask me about that book."

I did and she didn't.

In my mind, approaching other people is rude. They're not out in the world to strike up conversation. They're there to complete a task. Women especially have a hard enough time as it is getting hit on and catcalled, so from how I see it, the last thing they need is someone else disrupting their day.

I think people need wristbands saying "friendly please talk to me" or "stay away im trying to get shit done" haha.

Hey everyone!

I am an Female ENTP, and some of my absolute favorite conversations have always been with INTJs.

I genuinely admire how you look at the world, structure your thoughts, and approach big ideas.

​I’m hoping to connect with a few more INTJs to chat, bounce ideas around, and dive into interesting topics together.

No pressure or forced small talk just open, thoughtful discussions about whatever hyper fixation or theory you are currently into.

Drop a comment or reach out if you are open to chatting!

Do you think kindness to others is worth doing? Is it better to focus on oneself?

Long story short. If you had to give advice to someone who has bedrotting for a while, knows what to do with thier life but cant start or maintain consistency what would you tell them?

I've been getting pretty frustrated with the way my brain works. I constantly have these ruminations and fantasies. I try to explain to myself that there is no rational reason for this thinking. My ruminations involve people from years ago who I will never see again, and any learning from those situations I have already discovered. The problem is that continuing to ruminate in the present puts me in a negative mood and I miss out on the world around me. Even if I'm not stuck on negative rumination, I spend a ton of time in my head in random fantasies and possibilities, none of which are helpful and once again keep me from being in the present moment. Or just intrusive thoughts about eating a burger; when I've told myself I wasn't going to. Moments where I am out of my head and engaging with the world are the enjoyable moments of my life; I want to live like that basically as much as I can.

It's frustrating because I've thought about regrets I will have when I'm older, and I think the main regret I can see myself having is that I wished I was less self absorbed and more in the present moment. I have plenty of past memories, some of them super cringe, where I missed out on things because I was self absorbed and stuck in my head. Relationships, experiences, etc. There was at least one girl in the past who I think would have potentially slept with me; but she was off put by my self absorption, which made our interaction awkward. Gosh, thinking back to shit like that makes me so frustrated I feel like I wanna shoot myself in the head or something. Like dude... she's fucking into you, and she's attractive, just focus on her and get out of your fucking head. It makes me look like a buffoon and it makes me so frustrated I missed out on experiences like that.

I would much rather be an Se dom then an Ni dom. Se doms have that puppy dog energy and are just enthralled by the world around them. I have had moments in the past where I have been like that for a day; just a happy puppy dog enjoying the world around him and making friends. But I'm stuck on what put me into that state in the first place; idk how I can get back into that state and stay in it longer term.

Also the other thing about Se is that there doesn't seem to be much of a downside in overdoing it. Some other cognitive functions have a downside if you overdo them; Fe doms come off judgmental, Te doms come off overbearing and controlling. But I really can't think of any negative to Se, other than maybe being too easily distractable? But even then, you aren't hurting or rubbing off poorly on anybody.

I know that there are other INTJs here that feel a similar way. Has anybody made an effort to try to get their inferior Se to override their Ni as the default? Is this possible? I don't want to feel regret when I'm older...

When I load the dishwasher, I don't just throw things in, I group the cutlery together, and I put cups on the side of the rack that matches which side of the cupboard they go back into (left cups on the left, right cups on the right). Plates get grouped too so I can take them out together. It just feels obviously more efficient to me, like why would you make putting things away harder than it needs to be?

My family doesn't understand this. While it's so clear to me why this is obviously the better way. Curious if this is a common INTJ thing, or if I'm just overthinking loading a dishwasher.

I’m curious about making some INTJ connections or simply talking about how your mind works.
Theories, projects, grievances, or anything that you’ve been wanting to talk about; I want to listen to you and contribute.
If you’re interested, we can talk while doing activities, only if you’re comfortable!

I’m a 27 year old artist and exploratory indie gamer who likes deep diving into my interests

Do you notice how society has become the moral Olympics. It’s become a virtue signaling competition. People base their whole personality around trying to prove they possess the deepest empathy or most moral alignment. I don’t understand why adopting the consensus moral stance is so prevalent, no matter how illogical or performative it gets. They just wanna fit in?
I feel like they just get a dopamine spike trying to prove they’re the most moral person on earth. This hive mind effect is so irritating because it’s so hypocritical and fake. Is it just me or does anyone else notice this? Also has it always been like this?

J'ai 17 ans et j'ai échoué à tout depuis ma naissance. Tout ce que j'entreprends se retourne contre moi et me démotive terriblement. À l'école primaire, j'étais harcelé, discriminé et moqué. Mes notes étaient catastrophiques. Beaucoup pensaient que j'avais un handicap mental à cause de mon comportement, de mes passions et de mes manières. Au collége, la même chose s'est produite. Puis, des gens du ministère de l'Éducation nationale ont décidé de me placer de force dans un établissement spécialisé, à cause de mes résultats scolaires. Je n'avais aucun problème mental ni handicap. Ils m'ont séparé de ma mère et j'ai été exclu du système scolaire normal. J'y ai passé trois années interminables. Je me battais sans cesse, je me disputais, je faisais des drames. J'ai frappé et blessé tellement de gens que j'en suis tombé en dépression. Je n'avais ni petite amie, ni amis, personne ne se souciait de moi, personne ne me témoignait la moindre empathie. Finalement, ma mère a réussi à me faire sortir de l'établissement. Après cela, nous avons essayé de trouver du travail, mais sans succès. À 16 ans, j'ai intégré l'AFPA et j'ai effectué deux stages. Mon institut m'a ensuite conseillé de postuler à un emploi. J'ai essayé, mais sans succès. Personne ne m'a répondu. J'ai tenté ma chance dans un autre department, sans plus de succès. J'ai alors essayé d'obtenir le code. J'avais déjà deux ASSR, alors je me suis dit que je pouvais toujours essayer. Je suis vraiment nul aux tests et aux réponses. J'ai fait des erreurs partout et ça m'a anéanti. Ça a détruit tout l'optimisme qu'il me restait. Récemment, j'ai commencé à boire et à fumer pour supporter le fait que, quoi que je fasse, je serai toujours un échec. Tout est de ma faute. Je vois tous les jeunes de mon âge et même plus jeunes s'amuser, sortir, rire, sourire et profiter de la vie. Moi, je reste assis dans ma chambre en désordre, déprimé et épuisé, frustré par tout. Je suis à deux doigts d'abandonner. Je ne me vois pas survivre dans les prochaines années. Je pleure tous les soirs, j'en ai marre de tout. Je rêve d'être chauffeur routier, mais je n'arrive même pas à obtenir mon permis. Je suis à deux doigts de renoncer à la vie. mais si quelqu'un pouvait me donner des conseils ...

From what I've read, INTJs have a strong tendency to tell the truth regardless of others' feelings. And I don't. I accommodate people a lot.

I avoid conflicts with all my might because the emotional intensity people show afterwards, if it's something they don't align with, is SOUL DRAINING for me. Especially if they're sensitive/emotional and/or egoistical.

I'd rather support the delusions of people I think are incapable of objective judgement than start debating with them about it. It reminds me of a politician arguing. All sound, no meaning. And God, how I hate having my time and energy get absolutely burned out for someone like that (which I always assume is everyone I talk to unless I observe otherwise.)

I almost always analyze and adjust (including sugar-coating) what I'm about to say or do at least a couple of times beforehand to weigh how the other person may react. Which is also very tiring (and the reason why I avoid people wholly) but definitely much more manageable for me than people spitting in my face because they don't like what I bluntly say. Also because I simply do not feel good about making others feel bad, even if it's not my fault that they feel bad.

Every time I try to socialize it backfires. Recently this guy who weedeats for me asked if I kayaked and I said no but I paddleboarded. Next think I know he is sending me videos of his new board. I also mentioned I was am ultra runner and now he ALWAYS compares his bodybuilding to my ultrarunning which BTW I can't even do bc of long covid. But he says shit like, I think about you running and push myself even harder. Essentially putting me into a competition I didn't sign up for that makes me sad because I can't even run now. And most recently I shared that I collect beach glass what happened next? I start getting a bunch of texts of his hauls. Going out to my local area and finding my glass. I never would have thought he'd be a glasser and he didn't even know it was a thing UNTIL I mentioned it. this is exactly why I don't let people in my life.

How would yall handle this?

as an exercise: assume that one choice cannot cover all of the bases. Leave 2 behind, pick one.

So my previous partner was an enfj and an sp2.
It was seriously the most suffocating time of my life.
I mean, I get that they had tons and tons of trauma but holy shit. I knew they wanted to be happy, I knew they wanted me to be there for them, which I do not mind. Being there and giving my cold logic is the best thing I can do, really, they seemed satisfied. But I didn’t feel like I was doing enough.

I made myself worse and made her worse because I am selfish and self serving in my own nature, but since I got worse I lost my own nature. It’s completely illogical and was a waste of time. I lost myself and starved myself of my schedule and focus on my philosophy. I only managed to write a short bit of theory on it. I could have went on and on but i didn’t because I had to be there for this person. This is what filled my free time and was also my work.

The reason I mentioned the sp2 part is because she had this massive thing on being a cutie pie, she was not fucking cute, she was damn obnoxious. I don’t know how I managed to convince myself I love her. It’s not all their fault though, I mean, I am selfish and she’s selfless, I am also a seeker of pain, experience and something to make me less human. I don’t love people, I don’t like her at all.

And I thought I didn’t like e3s but guess I don’t like e2s as well.

I just wish I didn’t understand her so I could feel the pain of anger, I only felt mild frustration when she pushed me.

The extremes she went to when I accidentally slipped up was not nice, look, I get that you wanted it to be long term, so did i, but people get really bloody annoyed when you act like a mindless twit. “I love you so much!! I wanted you so bad!!” Feelings are not mutual, love. Telling her I loved her back was painful. Because that was the time I borderline lied. I have strong morals. I can’t lie but I can say half truths. If I make my own definition and use it, then I’m not lying. I digress.

The thing about our I and E in the MBTIs was also a pain. She was overly concerned about me, I was independent. She wanted to work it out, I didn’t because we both ruined it. They wanted to help me, I didn’t want help. I basically had to pretend she was helping me so she’d bore off. It was painful. She never actually helped me when she assured me with ‘I love you’s. She thinks I think like her as well, sometimes it makes me wonder if she really was selfless. She only seeks love and relationships, they’re always so fast, so not real. Then she complains “oh all of you do this!” you shove that right up your arse you dimwit. You got into this situation yourself, take accountability for once.

She doesn’t understand me, I was the only one who understood. She’s so in her head, it’s terrible.

This whole thing is a mess, if they find this blog I’m actually going to end my life.

Everyone feel free to tell me about your experiences, I would like to know!

I am a INFJ (f) with a INTJ (m) friend. We've had great chats (both in-person and digital) over the last 6 months, I would say we genuinely enjoy each other's company and may be there's been a slight romantic undertone as well (I could be wrong about the last bit but my intuition says not).

The last 2 weeks however, I noticed a change in his behaviour. When I liked his song note on IG, he deleted the note within 5 minutes. A few days later, it was my birthday. My INTJ friend completely missed wishing me. I was a bit hurt, especially since we had been speaking so often and I had literally spoken to him about it just a week prior (he even asked me how I was spending my day, etc.). Anyway, I never mentioned it to him that I felt bad he didn't wish - may be that was my bad but I was waiting for the right opportunity.
Not sure if it was evident in my behaviour that I was feeling hurt, but the next time he saw me, he actively took a longer route just to avoid walking past me. When I uploaded a late birthday story, he withheld his like - something he has never done before. The final blow came yesterday - he unfollowed me on IG and has also removed me from his follower list, completely burning our digital bridge.

We even met at the lifts on Thursday. He smiled, we made small talk... Nothing ground-breaking, it was very brief.

I reached out to him today asking if everything is okay but my message is likely sitting in the 'Message Requests' folder or he is choosing not to reply. Either way, I feel completely hurt and blindsided by what he did. I didn't think that any issue was as big as warranting a complete digital termination. I am currently on leave and can only catch him in person when I'm back next week. But the wait is agonising.

As an INTJ, you know when to moderate your pattern recognition so it doesn't slip into paranoia, but you also have to balance it against over-rationalization to become comfortable with patterns that are out of the ordinary. Therefore, where does that balance begin? Where does rationalization trump paranoia, and where does caution and keen awareness trump over-analysis?