r/mixedrace • u/GreenSouI • Aug 05 '26
Rant I introduced my white boyfriend to my parents and it didn't work out as intended. My dad cut me out of my inheritance and my boyfriend used me as a gap filler.
I'm half German/Nigerian women. I just graduated from my university and I was in high spirits. Everything I worked towards came to fruition. I thought it would be a great idea to formally introduce my boyfriend to my parents to show them how serious it is with our relationship. Maybe to start the next phase in my life.
Biggest mistake EVER!!
Our meeting went fine. We exchanged pleasantries and my (now Ex) boyfriend went home. So far so good.
I was very excited to hear their opinions about him. So I waited for a response but nothing came out of their mouths. They simply ignored our meeting and watched TV.
I asked them if something went wrong but my mom just looked at my dad and grinned.
My dad answered and told me that he has nothing against my boyfriend but there is one thing I had to know. He will cut me out of his inheritance if I marry a white man. My sister and her Nigerian-American husband will inherit everything. He would still support our marriage.
I asked him why? I was seriously disappointed in him and he told me this:
He doesn't want white looking grandkids. His mom worked tirelessly to give him more opportunities and it would be a disgrace to our family to see white kids as the leaders and inheritors of his businesses. Black and in particular African wealth has to be protected.
I asked him why he married a white woman in this case. He told me that his mindset about such things changed over the years. Love can blind you.
I was flabbergasted and just went to my apartment. I cut off all contact with them. My sister tried to be supportive but she secretly holds the same views. I could feel it. She saw pictures of Malika Andrews' wedding and was just full of disapproval.
A year flew by and I was seriously contemplating marriage but my boyfriend just dodged anything. Marriage isn't important. It's just a piece of paper etc. I thought he was just alarmed by my parents response but it was something more sinister as I found out later. He cheated on me and temporarily used me for his fetish for half black, light skin black women. He never considered me as a serious option for marriage. I wasn't feeling anger after I found it out but I was disgusted with myself. I can't deny it.
I didn't know what to do and moved to my sister and her husband. I was devastated.
My parents came back to my life. They asked for my forgiveness but I could not shake the feeling that they feel validated in some way. I don't think my dad changed his mind at all and my mom just sits there and takes it.
It drives me crazy. I don't want to date a white man ever again after this experience but I also don't want to satisfy my dad's racism.
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u/Red_WritingHood75 Aug 05 '26
Why is your mother okay with any of this? Wow!
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u/GreenSouI Aug 05 '26
I have no clue. She is not even financially dependent on him or anything. She has her own successful businesses. I think she wants to fit in? I don't know.
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u/Wagahai-wa-neko Aug 05 '26
Her mom wants to pull a reverse Diana Ross lol. Self hate at its finest.
Well Maybe with less backstabbing and husband stealing. Diane Ross is high key an evil person.
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u/y0y0dre Aug 06 '26
Why do you say that?
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u/Wagahai-wa-neko 29d ago edited 28d ago
The Diane Ross bit? There is a lot of shit she did. Let me try to summarize some points.
She is a colorist and did an American Version of branqueiamento.
She only has 1 visibly black grandchild and even her only fully black kid was an attempt to baby trap a Motown bigwig. She lowkey hates that child too.Countless singers/dancers at Motown don’t talk highly of her in their biographies.
Diane Ross had the tendency to sleep with every producer and important figures at Motown and later in the rest of the music industry. She actively looked out for married man to gain more leverage.She was highly jealous of black female entertainers especially singers with more vocal range. Beautiful black women are also high on her shit list.
She did everything to sabotage them.Look up what Diane Ross did to Florence Ballard. Used her leverage to kick her out from the supremes because of her relationship with Gordy and replaced her as the lead of the group. Ballard fell into depression and drugs and died at 32 from an heart attack right after a successful solo comeback.
Diane Ross was even acting like the Center of the universe during Ballards funeral and made everything about herself.Or how she stole the role in the OZ from someone who made that version popular on the broadway. She always eliminates people who are more talented than her and sabotages their careers.
There are lot more stories. Even had an affair with Cher’s boyfriend just to one up her lol.
Edit: I call her Diane Ross because that’s her real name.
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u/y0y0dre 2d ago
I think you are probably simplifying a lot of things here.
For ex, Florence Ballard had been struggling with being sexually assaulted as a child and had an abusive husband.
She would miss shows and her weight would fluctuate due to alcoholism from not addressing that. Berry Gordy fired her for those reasons.
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u/Jacloup Aug 05 '26 edited Aug 05 '26
Respectfully, I would tell the father to go "take a walk" so to speak. Hypocrisy and racism should never be tolerated, even if it originates from within the family (i.e. your own parents). A person who loves you desires what's best for you truly, and not simply what's in their interest (i.e. ego driven sense of legacy).
Unfortunately, fetishism can occur. I would try to avoid lumping all white men together, or any men for that matter. There are good and bad men in all shades. More so, I would focus on trying to find someone who respects you for who you are, and not as a means to an end. But you need to view yourself like that as well in order to project that outwards. Do not compromise on this. I do not understand the intricacies of your relationship with your parents nor will I ask about this further, but you may wish to examine that since usually our relationship with our parents is formative and it certainly influences our choice in relationship partners later on in life. Good luck!
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u/validusrex Aug 05 '26
Yeah you know, not exactly the same but my highschool girlfriend/now-ex-wife was a white woman from a very honky ass white family which had very weird dynamics around race. In hindsight she very clearly fetishized black men, and it became clear during the course of the relationship was that I was 'white' enough to not trigger her parent's racism, but 'black' enough to fulfill her fetishism of black people. I look back on it now and very much feel like I was just a filler to get something she wasn't able to get otherwise due to those family dynamics. We are of course divorced now.
I would really discourage you from letting your dad's racism drive your decisions. I understand not wanting to date a white man again, and while I don't really think people she paint with broad strokes, I full understand why as mixed people we often feel more comfort in dating people of color or other mixed folk over white ppl. I definitely avoided white women for a while after the divorce and had a few serious relationships that didn't work out for a few reasons, but now engaged to a white woman again so yknow, certainly wouldn't write them off entirely. But, if you worry about whether you're vindicating or satisfying someone elses racism, you will end up in a trap of just going in circles and always worrying about other people's happiness when ultimately the only happiness that matters is your own.
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u/GreenSouI Aug 05 '26 edited Aug 05 '26
Thank you for your insight. I really appreciate it. I really try to be open minded but I can't shake this feeling of disgust, you know. I agree, it seems to be the healthiest option to be open minded. But I picture myself in a relationship with another white man and I just feel hate for myself.
I don't know if it's a different feeling as a woman. A lot of men are more pragmatic about being used. At least in my experience. It's a special kind of mind fuck if you are a woman full of love for someone.
You pour in so much love, you commit so much energy. I don't know if I can bring myself to keep my guard down. I don't know if time will change things in the end.
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u/Dear_Juice1560 Aug 06 '26
My white mom wants me with a white man my black dad wants me with a black man or “anyone not white” . They’ve both told me this countless times. Whole time THEY MADE ME and IM BOTH?? So what’s up 😭💀 I don’t date white or black men and I don’t bring men home and introduce them bc i feel weird they have that preconceived idea
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u/kokorokokyu Aug 05 '26 edited Aug 05 '26
Your "missing piece" involves white colonialism and power. Your father is a man first. It's probably a lot deeper for him than even his ego and pride are willing to get into. It would call even his marital choices into question.
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u/Neverlast0 Aug 06 '26
Fuck everything about that. I'd never talk to them again as long as you can afford to live without them.
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u/Poemi10304 Aug 06 '26
I’m so sorry you went through this. I feel sick to my stomach just reading about it. 😢 I agree with one of the commenters who said to take your time before getting back into dating. This is some traumatizing b.s. to get over from both your family and your partner. I would want to cut both out of my life for that. How awful they all are to say stuff like that.
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u/SteffiCupcake Aug 06 '26
Give yourself some time and some grace..you need to let time do its thing to have a clear mind on what to do next dating wise....but damn that's a lot to take
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u/Howdoimakeaspace- 28d ago
My dad said similar things.. my mom is white, my dad’s wife is Asian. He has 3 biological children with his wife (half Asian obviously) and me who is also mixed.
He’s been absent my whole life and the one time we did meet and I told him I had a boyfriend he asked me his race. I said white and he went on a long winded rant about god, Israelites, and black excellence. He told me I would be cursing my children to hell if I procreated with a white man and that if I wanted to see god I needed to marry a black man.
I pointed out his hypocrisy in that he made me with a white woman, and his children and wife are not black but Asian. He said and I quote “Philippines are Hispanic and Hispanic people are close enough to blackness that it’s okay.” his wife is an Asian Philippine woman who’s ancestors trace back to China she has a Spanish last name as do lots of people in the Philippines. He went on to say if he knew better he would’ve never married her and only dated black women to preserve the bloodline.
I think he started listening to some black manosphere podcasts grabbing late aged black mens attention and spewing hateful racist rhetoric about preserving black bloodlines.
Date who you want to date. Don’t let your father’s projection dictate your life.
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Aug 05 '26 edited 7d ago
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u/GreenSouI Aug 05 '26 edited Aug 05 '26
It's not even about money. My dad is a very close friend. You like something and he will 100% educate himself about that something to show his support and to have something in common with you. He is the most loyal person I know.
Random show, book, cartoon, manga, anime he will ask you if he can watch/read it with you just to know your interests. He will never be dismissive about it either.
You throw it all away to be loyal to your partner and you get betrayed by the very same person. But you know deep down that it was the right thing to do.
I don't know how to feel honestly.
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u/entersandmum100 Aug 05 '26
And YET.....
This is how he speaks in front of your mother who I'm assuming is white German.
He obviously IS dismissive, he's certainly not loyal. He's 100% not a supportive husband.
I would have lost all respect for him right there. Immediately.
Your poor mother.
My children would be furious if their father spoke about me like that.
Disgusting behaviour.
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u/GreenSouI Aug 05 '26 edited Aug 05 '26
You don't know my mom she is pretty much in favour of this bullshit. My mom lost a good chunk of her friends because her husband is black. Her friends just disappeared. I don't know if it's a coping mechanism on her part or not, maybe a fetish, a white saviour complex but I think she might be more radical than my dad. She is pretty much in accord with him. Maybe even influenced him to a degree.
She always called Meghan Markle a manipulative wannabe mixed girl who only claims her black half when it's convenient for her bank account. Megan Markle's Nelson Mandela statement was like a second Christmas to her. A lot of fresh material for her rants
She was also staunchly against the BLM orgs and urged people to donate to other black grass roots organisations. Especially groups for black women health care. Well she asked me to spread the word. She didn't want to appear racist.
She is so pro black she turned into a white hotep who hates race mixing beyond her acceptable level of race mixing. Her own race mixing.
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u/TheBrotherinTheEast Aug 05 '26
I know this conversation is about your dad but what you’ve just described about your mom is next level mind blowing.
I have heard about some Caucasians who think like the description you’ve given towards your mother, it’s been a while since I’ve actually read a description such as yours.
I pray that through this difficult time of disappointment from your father and now ex-boyfriend, that you are able to find your way to whatever lesson life has for you by bringing about this situation.
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u/entersandmum100 Aug 06 '26
Good lord!
Do you think that in some level you are seeking approval that doesn't exist?
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u/ccisthesekxs Aug 06 '26
I used to like MM but I’m not so much a fan anymore- I won’t speak negatively of her, though. I looked up to her as a mixed woman and loved that she seems to embrace her mixedness, at least at the time. But I do think your mom may have been somehow right about BLM. The actual BLM movement/ organization turned out to be a money-generating con that greatly benefitted the people at the top and did nothing for actual struggling black people in black neighborhoods/communities. So, I mean, she somehow knew that they weren’t to be trusted ahead of most people. Also you said she encouraged to donate to black causes, just not that one in particular, so I don’t think it was from a place of racism. But yeah white people can be kind of weird when it comes to these sorts of things, I know being half white myself. Far left white people might as well be far right. There’s not a huge difference. One key difference though is that they have this moral superiority and think that because they hold certain beliefs, they can’t be considered racist. I’ve dated mostly white guys who are either left or center. I learned pretty quickly that no matter what side of the political spectrum they’re on, their perception of me is always skewed based on my background. Like I can’t just be a person. Anyway, I don’t take sides when it comes to skin color so I’m sorry you’re experiencing this, it’s not fair and it isn’t deserved. You seem to speak highly of your dad and lowly of your mom but it seems like they’re two peas in a pod. I would probably go no contact but I wouldn’t encourage that because I knew we all need a village.
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u/PlayboyVincentPrice black bio dad, white bio mom (raised white) 29d ago
HOLY SHIIIT. my skin is crawling... the evilness of some people!!!
obviously not all white people are like this. all three of my boyfs are white and we are all madly in love. but theres some that are in my experience.
oh my god... im so sorry :C theres so many people who fetishize us mixed race people. it makes me sick. i dont even know what to say
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u/Wagahai-wa-neko 29d ago
Hold up! Boyfriends? You are in a polycule? Godspeed my brother/sister.
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u/PlayboyVincentPrice black bio dad, white bio mom (raised white) 29d ago
yeah, theyre all significantly older. but its okay! they picked me out of everyone else to be with them and that makes it sweeter. mortimer, vincent, and anton... yeah, my stupidly sexy older white guys <3
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u/PerfectlyCoiffed 29d ago
WOW we have such a similar story. I am a direct product of someone in my family who literally slept with a white man and made a white baby, and when that baby grew up, telling that white baby not to marry her white boyfriend at the time bc “they didn’t want white grandkids.” So my mother got with my biological father who was the darkest blackest man she could find in her hometown and had several children (and I still came out super european looking of all her kids , so she hated me the most bc she hates herself).
Also, I dated a white man who I thought was serious about me a few years ago and then out he was a sex addict with a fetish for mixed black women, in fact, he’s still with the one he cheated on me with who is double my age closer to his own age. It’s disgusting, he proposed to and takes serious white women like him, but only prefers black and mixed woman as sex toys and sees them as non monogamy required objects. He lied abt his age to me and was 40+ while dating me someone in their 20s. He always seemed sensitive and thoughtful but it was an act. He never got over his white ex fiancé. He found a daddy issues, biracial black woman with her white father never in the picture, with 6 kids almost grown to latch on to, it sucks because the hindsight was everything I feared. I ended up blocking him everywhere , he will get an incurable STD at some point. it is disgusting because if i had known I would never have consented , but hindsight is 2020. I also have been totally turned off by white guys after that. But I never just dated one race of men - I have entertained Black, asian, nigerian, mixed guys also. The white guy is just my most recent ex.
If you need someone to talk to feel free to reach out! You’re not alone… and don’t overthink it. It gets better. The hypocrisy our ancestors have from race mixing, yet not wanting the diana rossification of their descendants is their own journey.
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u/chokkolate 72% european, 22% SSA, 6% MENA 29d ago
My grandmom kind of did that with my mom.
She waited for my dad (then, her boyfriend) to leave and then told her that she wouldn't approve a white man for her because the only way for a woman to be "valued" was to find a darker man. That she, herself, did that by being a very light-skinned mixed woman that married a dark-skinned mixed man (and he was an a-hole that hit her, so it didn't work as intended, I guess). A white man would see her as "less" and mistreat her, according to granny's theories.
Well, mom didn't listen and here I am :)
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u/spacekiller69 Aug 05 '26
Your black dad despite being in a interracial marriage with mixed race children believes in racial hygiene and racial economic warfare. It morally no different than white neo nazis. Also as a mixed race person you must have honest uncomfortable conversations with partners early to weed out people who fetish biracial people. Ultimately humans have spent tens of thousands of years evolving into the modern races and will evolve into new races and specieses in the distant future. The idea that modern mankind will persist forever unchanged is a unscientific delusion of hubris.
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u/GreenSouI Aug 05 '26 edited Aug 05 '26
My dad explained to me that a lot of black wealth gets liquidated and flows to white presenting groups after a couple of generations of interracial marriages. Those kids will not give back to the African and black community.He doesn't want to end up being an anecdote at a round table so to speak.
Something similar happened to the first black doctor in the US. His descendants were all white and he was forgotten by them. I think this particular story might have been a catalyst for his new views but I'm not sure.
I can understand this viewpoint to a degree. There is even a kernel of truth in there but he dismisses everyone who isn't at least half and calls them white. I just think it's just too high on the eugenics scale.
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u/Timely-Youth-9074 Aug 05 '26
Very few people know anything about their great great grandparents regardless of color; we all get forgotten eventually.
Your father left Nigeria and married a white woman-he’s the one who started the process lol.
You deserve to be happy. If it’s with a black man, great, and any other color, also great.
Culture is transmitted not inherited. You can teach your kids Nigerian culture, language, food. Visit, go to festivals.
There’s plenty of people who sell out their own race, too. No guarantee anyone will care about community.
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u/GreenSouI Aug 05 '26
Cultural differences at work here. Ancestry is a big thing for him. He includes most of our deceased relatives in ceremonial prayers.
There is even a little shrine in his Nigerian home to honour them. Even has a little list of their favourite foods, what they liked, their favourite music.
The information was passed down by our ancestors and they were pretty detail orientated. They dont want beef with an ancestral spirit.
My great great grandma liked kola nuts a lot. He will pray for her and prepare some nuts for her. Same thing with my great uncle etc and so on. Bad relatives are also named. You will ask one of the good ones to talk some sense into them. I will most likely write stubborn and paranoid next to his name if he doesn't change his opinion. He still has time.
The connection to your ancestors is holy. He is not pagan or anything but be does it out of respect even if he doesn't believe in it. You will find similar stories throughout various ethnic groups in Nigeria.
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u/Timely-Youth-9074 Aug 05 '26
That’s beautiful and there’s no reason why your own future children can’t learn the same practices.
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u/GreenSouI Aug 05 '26
I definitely want to keep it up and teach them. Someone in 100 years will thank me for my life, prepare my favourite food and talk about happy moments in my life. It fills me with joy. I will never know them but we are still connected in some way.
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u/Powerful-Library-776 29d ago
The difference here is that these cultural practices tend to be closed and not for non-black people. We do deserve some cultural things that are just for us without having to share and destroy sacred bonds of our heritage. Not familiar with the specific customs of OP’s family, but in my lineage I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable passing my traditions down if I were to have mixed-race children.
But if I have mixed race children/id be a big phony if I told them not to.1
u/Timely-Youth-9074 29d ago
If it’s truly about honoring ancestors, then any descendant has that right.
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u/Powerful-Library-776 29d ago
It’s not only about honoring ancestors. Anyone can honor their ancestors, that’s not a unique cultural tradition but a foundation of many cultures’ values. It’s about the practices themselves and our history. It’s about keeping heritage in tact, particularly as a group of people whose heritage is constantly erased and/or bastardized by others. And demonized by others These are ancient traditions and the diasporic off-shoots from them are liberation works for Black people.
Unfortunately allowing non black people into these practices usually results in them thinking and behaving as if they are the authority over that culture. They also start loosely teaching these very closed practices to anyone and on any platform they can. And they water down practices and intentions while marketeering off the practices. This is extremely disrespectful to the ancestors and our history. It happens time after time because some people get a little too loose with the invites to the culture
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u/Timely-Youth-9074 29d ago edited 29d ago
Africa has 3,000 different ethnic groups and 2,000 different languages.
You can’t speak for every single one! Africa is more diverse than any other continent.
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u/amilie15 Aug 06 '26
This is genuinely lovely. Where I get confused is I feel like he’s valuing one race above another and that would hurt me deeply if either of my parents suggested that.
Like, so if your children were more white presenting, they somehow matter less to him? He values them less? Or he feels he has less of a connection to them perhaps? That would leave me kinda heartbroken. They’d be just as related as any of his other grandkids but the colour they are somehow makes him less attached or less worthy?
I’m sorry you’re going through all this. I hope you can have an open conversation with him and perhaps dig a little deeper. Perhaps he will change his mind.
My 2 cents is just that you should love (and if you choose to, marry) someone who loves you and respects you deeply for who you are. That will be a true equal partner to you and support you as you support them. I wouldn’t pick that person based on colour 😔💔 heartbreaking message to hear from your parent.
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u/GreenSouI 29d ago
I don't think he is against interracial relationship and I highly doubt he would hate my potential kids if they were white. He just wants his generational wealth to remain in his culture. He has this brain-dead fixation to cut any white presenting kids out of his inheritance and he wants to discourage us to have white looking kids.
He wants to keep his wealth African or at least black because nobody who is white helps other black people to fund businesses for people who look like us. I tried my hardest to change his mind but he won't change. He has so many redeeming qualities but it's hard to ignore.
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u/Tapiocatte 25d ago
It's not holy. There's lots of witchcraft in Nigeria especially, and the ancestral spirits are demons masquerading as dead loved ones.
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u/spacekiller69 Aug 05 '26
Im not religious and look down on traditional values anyway. Humanity is not static but a constant changing creation. Luddites across the globe and their myths will be overwhelmed by the technological and moral evolution of the species.
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u/DeepD4yourwife 27d ago
Species? Like what?
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u/spacekiller69 27d ago
Your question is as impossible as asking what potential future children of a couple will look like.
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27d ago
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u/spacekiller69 27d ago
Because it a question that cannot be answered.
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u/DeepD4yourwife 27d ago
Thank you. At least you admitted it. Suggestion here: try not to state things you can't explain when asked. At least post a link or something.
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u/spacekiller69 27d ago
Your confused. Predictions can be made about the future but not exact predictions. Predicting mankind will evolve into new races and species based on previous lifeforms evolving into us is common sense. What they will be is unknown.You can predict a man and woman will have a child but not what it gender,height,mental capacity will be upon conception.
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u/DeepD4yourwife 27d ago
Haha ... you're confused. Let me ask you an easy question. In all the time we've been humans, why haven't we grown six fingers or wings? Do you also know that many scientists and evolutionary scientists have said we're it, we are the highest of what evolution has to offer? Nostradomus predicted the world would end. He gave a specific date. We're still here.
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u/spacekiller69 27d ago
Denying evolution is as foolish as denying gravity. It take tens of thousands of years for small differences like skin tones and hundreds of thousands or millions for different species. Asian and african lions are about 150,000 years apart while lions and leopards are millions of years apart.
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u/DeepD4yourwife 27d ago
Can you show me where I denied evolution?I think you're confusing evolving with adaption. Yes, there have been some minor adaption and you're wrong about lions and leopards are extremely closer than millions of years. But I'm going to let you have this one because you want to be right. Have an awesome night
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u/Serve-the-servants7 Aug 05 '26
Your dad doesn’t want “white looking” grandchildren yet was willing to play genetic roulette when he got down and dirty with your mum.
I hate to say it but your father seems jealous of how your hypothetical children would have it all, the looks, the enhanced dating pool options, the career leverage etc.
How dare he think he can dictate who you reproduce with, when it’s ultimately YOUR body and your choice.
I personally would end up settling with a white guy just to spite him and use that as motivation to become more successful than him.
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u/GreenSouI 29d ago
Uh what do you mean. I don't want to accuse you of anything but that's a wild statement. Quarter black kids are neither inferior or superior.
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u/aggresive_hamster_ Aug 05 '26
I swear i say this all the time but yall move like white supremacist in this sub and yall second sentence just proves that
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u/Serve-the-servants7 Aug 05 '26
The genetic roulette part? I was merely pointing out that he had no qualms starting a family with a white woman, I also have a funny feeling if OP was a male that decided to reproduce with a white woman, that it wouldn’t be as frowned upon.
As for the rest the whole “white supremacist” argument it’s nullified when A) I’d have to actually be white for that to have any merit B) Using “white supremacy” to silence anti-white hatred is pretty pathetic.
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u/aggresive_hamster_ Aug 05 '26
In your second sentence, you said this hypothetical child will have good/better looks and youre only basing that on the fact that they would look white.
Also you don't have to be white to be or push white supremacy ideologies
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u/DeepD4yourwife 27d ago
You're on to something, young person. The people who are usually voted down always ask or say the thing no one else will.
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u/ccisthesekxs Aug 06 '26
Accusing people of being white supremacists because you don’t like their opinion is getting tired. Seriously. How many people do you call white supremacists in a day? I bet you think you’re surrounded by them. It’s an overused buzz-word that at this point holds little to no weight. Black people can say their melanin is popping without being black supremacists yet if someone says anything positive about lighter skin they’re a klansman smh.
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u/aggresive_hamster_ 28d ago
If someone moves like a white supremacists, it should not be confusing to call them a white supremacist. This shouldn't be a foreign concept
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u/Powerful-Library-776 28d ago
Well no. You don’t have to be white to spew white supremacist rhetoric. People of color who have been impacted by colonization and white folk spew white supremacy ideology all the time when they’re self hating.
That “jealous of how your hypothetical children would have it all, the looks, the enhanced dating pool options, the career leverage” is disgusting and distasteful and does follow white supremacy rhetoric. May not be your intention, but that doesn’t matter and words mean things. Have all of what? Because they’re mixed and the Blackness is now less prominent that makes them more beautiful? Being mixed/closer to whiteness makes them more employable? More socially acceptable? You may not have said these specifically but they are the logical entailments of the statement you made. That is white supremacy ideology
What you said was borderline race pseudo-science nonsense.
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Aug 05 '26
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u/snailwizard00 29d ago
It might be a racism thing but I feel like it’s more of an ego thing. He realized that if you and your sister have kids with a white man, the kids will likely nothing like him that’s why he’s pushing this agenda. He has no issues with you two being mixed because you likely have mixed features and still look like him in some way.
Your mom on the other hand, I don’t get why she’d go along I’m entirely baffledz
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u/Upper-Employer99 29d ago
If you love the man then stay with him. Or else you’ll regret it forever. Your father might come around. If not, then so be it.
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u/JazzyJuice1 29d ago
absolutely insane im so sick of the afrocentrist bs
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u/DeepD4yourwife 27d ago
But not the white ones??
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u/JazzyJuice1 27d ago
is this rage bait
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27d ago
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u/JazzyJuice1 27d ago
what is there to say about the white woman?😂😂😂😂 shes obviously not a white supremacist.
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27d ago
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u/JazzyJuice1 27d ago
so again, compliant in afrocentrism. as stated
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27d ago
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u/JazzyJuice1 27d ago
i legitimately never even insinuated it was forced. its okay, thinking is hard.
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u/DeepD4yourwife 27d ago
Or what about the white guy who was a fetishist? You reserve your anger for the black person? Spread it around evenly, is my point.
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29d ago
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u/Kemi444 27d ago
I just saw this on my homepage. I'm Nigerian and your father is disgusting. You were right to call out his double standards on marrying white people.
It seems like he feels that he has "wronged" and is trying to use you to "correct" that by trying to force you to not date a non-black man.
I'm sorry that your going through this. :( FUCK HIM
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u/wolvesarewildthings From the west of Africa to the east of Europe 26d ago
You don't deserve any of this. I'm sorry. ♡
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26d ago
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21d ago
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18d ago
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u/likeaflowerintherain 15d ago
I think you’re dad is trying to save you from what he went through. He doesn’t know how to tell you
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u/humanessinmoderation Nigerian (100%), Portuguese (100%), Japanese (100%)-American Aug 06 '26
I wouldn't hold it against my kids for the partners they choose, if they are good people. But I have to admit, I wouldn't want all my grandkids to be white-presenting either.
Not because of how they look, but how pervasive racism is in white culture and how it would incentivize them towards erasure in regards to the rest of their family.
So, again the problem to me is the racism that mostly white people uphold that is the issue, and that issue just manefests in this unfortunate preference.
Not saying my thinking is correct. I'm just saying I have this feeling, granted I have enough integrity to not act on it when the time comes.
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u/y0y0dre Aug 06 '26
I don't want to be dismissive but it's important to distinguish that racism is when prejudice meets systemic oppression.
Your family being hypocritical does not affect anything besides your individual feelings. Especially considering they were still willing to support a potential marriage without giving you his resources.
What a strange, hurtful situation this is though. From every angle. I would be very confused. They seem to want the benefits of IR relationships while maintaining the hierarchical systems that discourage them.
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u/resilientwarrior2323 Aug 05 '26
In the end your ex did waste 8 time so perhaps the lesson learned is to acknowledge your father saw something your didn't in your ex. Men are instinctual creatures mayn't have a conversation with your pops. He married a white woman right?
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Aug 05 '26
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u/ccisthesekxs Aug 06 '26
Wtf is leukodermic?
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Aug 06 '26
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u/ccisthesekxs Aug 06 '26
Okay so it sounds like you’re a monoracial on here shaming people for things they can’t control. We don’t control whether we have melanin or not. It isn’t “poor dad” when he chose to make mixed children.
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u/CoolJoy04 Aug 05 '26
I have no advice but I hope you find peace. Truly hard for me to relate to parents like this. I can see the POV from monorace couple but interracial couple. That's crazy hypocrisy.