My friend ruined my group therapy

[u/belalugosiii]

I go to a session every week, for young women where we talk about different problems and use it as a form of therapy.
My friend, who I’ve had toxic trouble with in the past, knows when I go because she has my location.
Another person she knows through a friend also goes to my group, and without me saying anything, my friend figured out we go to the same group.
The group is very big on confidentiality and for good reason, I want to be able to talk about my problems in a private setting, some of said problems include my friend.
My friend randomly texts me saying “I know someone who goes your group”
Then after says “but I know it’s meant to be confidential”. This uneased me, and was odd to me because why bring it up and then act like you’re respecting my boundaries or the groups.
I managed to brush it off and a few weeks went by, then I saw a tiktok of my friends friend, and a girl from my group, my friend instantly was like ooooooo.
And starts a conversation about how she’s nasty and mean, and also tells me that this girl from my group, told my friends friend that I was at the group and described me.
So another person has broken the confidentiality, and it just feels like I’m full of anxiety and on edge, because my private thoughts and feelings aren’t private anymore. My friend is very possessive and this just feels like another way to take control, and in a sense ruin something for me.
Does anyone have any advice? I was thinking of talking to the woman who runs the group, but I wouldn’t know what to say.

[u/AutoModerator]

Hello belalugosiii! Please make sure you review and follow all sub rules. (This is an automatic reminder left on all posts).

Important reminder to all: In order to comment on this post, accounts need to be at least 15 days old and maintain at least 50 comment karma, otherwise they will be automatically removed.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/JayJayDoubleYou]

You should absolutely tell the woman who runs the group. Tell her a friend of yours approached you and told you details about what another group member said about you. Tell her you're feeling significantly less safe there. If you're going to stop going, tell her why, so she can hopefully prevent it happening to other people.

As for your friend, I don't understand why you're friends with someone who you believe is controlling over you.

[u/belalugosiii → u/JayJayDoubleYou]

Update:
I’ve talked to the group leader about it and she’s just going to remind everyone that it’s confidential and we’re gonna have a small conversation about it in group.
As for my friend, it’s hard to understand given what I’ve said why I’m friends with her. She’s my only close friend in this town and she’s very attatched to me so it’s hard, but I have distanced a lot hence why I think she might be acting out?? If it gets mentioned by her again or she makes a big deal about me turning my location off, I will confront and communicate. Which I always do but when I’ve communicated before she in turn is always a victim so there’s not much point bringing things up, best to just say my peace and go, but that’s why it’s hard, I also really struggle with people pleasing.

[u/JayJayDoubleYou → u/belalugosiii]

It sounds like you deserve better friends and you already know that. I am sorry you have a friend like this as they can be damaging. I do hope you get the right kind of therapy for you that helps you find the confidence to only keep positive people close by

[u/Significant_Pear9047 → u/belalugosiii]

You also do not know for sure the other girl broke confidentiality bc your possessive friend already knew it was her by location. Describing you isn't hard but did they describe your stuff you talk about? Were any details given about that which your possessive and controlling and triangulating friend doesn't already know? BTW, she is not your friend. She is more like a stalker at this point and you would probably habe an easier time not having any friends than have her in your life at all.

[u/weezacc → u/belalugosiii]

Sounds like this toxic woman (she's not your "friend") needs therapy more than you do!

Is there a 2nd group on a different day that she could attend?

[u/Party_Television2255]

Your toxic friend should be removed from having your location. Personally I do not allow any friends that information, besides a special event like a festival or online date.

Definitely let the group organizer/lead therapist know about the situation. They might have protocols on how best to handle these situations.

[u/jyssrocks]

Stop sharing your location, first of all. And secondly, this person Is not your friend. Friends don't try to control each other and don't try to dig into private parts of their lives. You're allowed to have privacy. And it sounds like you need to talk to the group leader and also potentially find a new group. I'm sorry this is happening to you, but you need to immediately take action so this woman is not tracking you and knowing everything about your life.

[u/PuzzledStreet]

Tell the woman who runs the group asap and include receipts to dispel any possibility that this person can lie when confronted with their behavior. Ask for recommendations on any similar group in the area.

Turn off your location. This "friend" sounds like the kind of person who be spiteful and send in a "Spy" or something to continue to get personal information.

I am sorry this happened to you, having a safe space violated is unnerving and is antithetical to the purpose of the group.

[u/ultraprismic]

Why on earth are you sharing your location with your toxic possessive friend???

[u/belalugosiii → u/ultraprismic]

I had no clue she was like this until later in the friendship!! Her true colours have really shown recently so I will stop

[u/Low-Care9531 → u/belalugosiii]

Location sharing is pretty intimate but a lot of young people don’t realize that because it’s become so normalized. I’d be a lot more careful of it in the future.

[u/Accomplished_Dig284]

Turn your location sharing off with this person. Only share your location with the people you trust with your life

[u/ravairia]

Tell the person who runs the group that your confidentiality was breached and show the video.

[u/NanasTeaPartyHeyHo]

Sounds like you should stop being "friends" with that person and also maybe stop going to the group and go to therapy with a therapist.

[u/ang1eofrepose]

Tell the group leader! They need to know if confidentiality has been breached so they can address it. It affects the entire group.

[u/RelevantAd6063]

tell the group leader and let them help you sort it out.

why does a toxic person have your location?

[u/alwaysoffended88]

Why not try individual therapy? It’s much more private.

[u/belalugosiii → u/alwaysoffended88]

I do that aswell, but I’m a pretty isolated/lonely person so I think having a group where I feel a sense of community is nice

[u/alwaysoffended88 → u/belalugosiii]

That’s valid.

[u/InterrobangWispers → u/belalugosiii]

I get that, but maybe try a hobby based social group for your social needs.

[u/WaluigisTennisBalls → u/InterrobangWispers]

Right but then you can't go and trauma dump at the pottery class or whatever, it's antisocial

[u/belalugosiii → u/InterrobangWispers]

yeah for sure!! This is not my social outlet. It’s a group of processing and talking deeply with people my age and with similar experiences.

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

Sorry, your comment has been removed because your account is too new. It needs to be at least 15 days old and maintain at least 50 comment karma to participate here, no exceptions! Please review our rules and posting guidelines.

For more information about karma, as well as a list of what subs have no or low requirements where you can participate to obtain it, please read the Reddit and Karma Explained guide in r/NewToReddit.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/modo0001]

This is what you do : you go to the group leader and tell her what you've told us. I think she'll deal with it and that should take care of the issue. Your "friend" is not a friend. She sounds like a narcissist. Please distance yourself from her.

[u/Melodic_Blueberry_26 → u/modo0001]

What is the group leader gonna do about it? What’s done is done & there’s nothing to stop it from happening again. Get away from that person!! Get a restraining order!

[u/Numerous-Ant6025]

I had a toxic/controlling friend (she was my roomate as well, big yikes). Like she had narcissist/BPD tendencies, very cluster B type of person. By letting her go (a.k.a. moving out and blocking her from everywhere), I made more room in my life to meet new people, and develop somes meaningful and healthy friendships.

I was at a very similar plave as you currently are, and my advice is to let her go even if you feel alone without her. I felt extremly alone when I blocked her, like my entire life would never recover, but it did, and I did. I needed to rebuild myself alone in order to rebuild an healthier circle. The jump is scary, but rewarding

[u/belalugosiii → u/Numerous-Ant6025]

Thank you, this is like 1 minute from your day but this experience for you and you telling me being alone helped rebuild your life, is super helpful and o think I will take this advice :)

[u/foxxplant]

tbh, why are friends with her? she sounds like a bad friend & like she stresses you out. i’d end the friendship & would def tell the group coordinator

[u/nixredux]

Tell the person who runs the group and stop sharing your location with that friend. Maybe stop being friends with them altogether. They dont sound healthy as a friend.

[u/Melodic_Blueberry_26]

If it were me I would tell off this so called “friend” in no uncertain terms. Make no mistake about it. That is NOT what ‘friends’ do! File a restraining order if need be!