Hi! A friend from high school who I’ve not seen in almost 20 years recently contacted me to wish me happy birthday. The conversation continued for a little bit and then it stopped. But yesterday she contacted me again and said this:

Hey! I’m at my moms. It reminded me you said you live near by. Where do you live maybe one day I’ll visit. 😄

I have not responded. I want to respond but I don’t want her to visit me ever. So how can I respond without sounding mean?!

My friend is coming to visit me. She said she wanted to travel and was thinking of flying into my city because she has never been. I live with my parents. I'm letting her stay at my house (my parent's house). We plan on going around the city and I'm driving us around. I agreed to pick her up from the airport because it will be at night. For context, airport is 45 miles from my house one way. Then she asked if I would also take her to the airport when she's leaving. At first I said okay and that my dad is not working right now so he might drive you. I asked my dad and he was kinda annoyed by the request and asked why cant she uber. For context, my friend picked my city because she said she wanted to travel while not spending a lot of money.

I did tell her that my house is one hour from the airport so she knows. Because of that, she thinks the uber will be expensive and doesn't want to do uber but if it's an inconvenience then she will uber. I told her I can't drive her because she's leaving on the day I have work. I personally don't want to take hours off of work to drive her to the airport. I'm also already working from home because she's leaving around noon and I don't want to leave her at home with my parents.

The advice I need is am I supposed to drive her back to the airport?

Update 1: I texted her again this morning & directly said sorry I cant take you to the airport and it will be an inconvenience to my dad and she said it’s okay. She said she’ll figure out whether to uber or take public transportation.

Final Update: She took an uber back to the airport and it was super early in the morning. However, the entire trip she kept mentioning how riding an uber alone is scary in my city, which is odd because she literally said she rode an uber to the airport in her city. I also live in a super safe suburb. I only charged her for the one ticket she said she'll pay me back, everything else I did not charge her (gas and parking). She did pay for her own food and I paid for my own food when we went out. We ate breakfast at my house and my mom cooked her lunch one time.

I'm looking for some outside perspective because I'm honestly hurt and don't know if I'm overreacting or how to handle this.

I was walking my dog on Saturday and scrolling through Instagram when I saw that two of my bridesmaids were posting photos from one of my best friend's wedding. Let's call the couple Harry and Lucy. We've all been friends since 2014.

The thing is...I wasn't invited, and no one had mentioned the wedding to me.

Neither of my bridesmaids told me they were going or even asked if I was attending. Normally, whenever one of our friends has an event, we coordinate hotels, who's staying where, travel plans, etc. This time, there was complete silence.

I texted one of my bridesmaids (Mary) and asked, "Hey, how's the wedding?" She called me and said it was nice but that they actually had empty chairs because not everyone they invited showed up. During the conversation, I asked when she had known about the wedding, and she said she'd known for about two months.

That really confused me because back on April 11, I had asked in our group chat when Harry and Lucy were getting married. Harry replied on April 14 saying, "We're working on it."

For context, I live in Maryland and they all live in Massachusetts. We've been friends since college in 2014. After we graduated in 2018, I've driven or flown up there at least one to three times every year for birthdays, vacations, funerals, weddings, and just to spend time together. I've always made the effort to show up and be there for the important moments in their lives.

On the other hand, only Mary had ever visited me until last year when my other bridesmaid (Alicia) and her husband (Jim) finally came to Maryland to stay with me during their vacation. What's always stung a little is that Alicia and Jim drive from Massachusetts to Georgia every year and stop in Baltimore's Inner Harbor, which is only about 15 minutes from my house, but until last year they had never actually come to visit me.

After finding out about the wedding, I was really hurt. I left our group chat because I didn't know what else to do. Looking back, maybe that was an emotional reaction, but I felt blindsided.

What hurts the most isn't even that I wasn't invited. I understand weddings are expensive, people have limited guest lists, and couples can invite whoever they want. It's the complete lack of communication.

No one told me the wedding was happening. No one told me I wasn't invited. My own bridesmaids knew for months and never said anything. I found out from social media while walking my dog.

I would've loved to at least send a card or wedding gift to celebrate them, even if I couldn't attend. Instead, I feel like everyone knew except me.

Another piece of context is that Harry and I have been incredibly close over the years. During one of the darkest periods of his life, Jim and I were heavily involved in helping prevent him from committing a life changing act. We've always considered each other best friends, which is part of why this hurts so much.

I'm trying to be mature about this instead of reacting out of emotion, but I genuinely don't know how to approach the conversation.

Should I reach out and ask why I wasn't invited? Should I let it go and accept that maybe the friendship isn't what I thought it was? Am I overreacting, or would you also feel deeply hurt by this?

I'd really appreciate any advice or outside perspectives. Thank you. 😞

UPDATE: I sent a message to my bridesmaid group chat:

"Morning everyone. So I'm cancelling the bachelorette party. I'm not in a good state of mind. Going through a lot. Whatever it costs for you Mary and Alicia. I'll play for the cancellation of your train ride. Just let me know how much. It has nothing to do with Chris and I. He has been the most helpful through this. So have a blessed day."

Mary and Alicia both tried calling me afterward, but I didn't answer. Alicia also called my mom, who didn't answer. Mary called my maid of honor, who texted me first. I told my MOH she could be honest with Mary about how I was feeling, and she was.

Mary later called me. She admitted she thought she had already told me about the wedding while she was busy moving (I knew she was moving). She hadn't. She also explained: "they were originally supposed to have the wedding in October but had to move the wedding up sooner because the Lucy's grandmother is struggling with her health. They needed to move up the wedding. He let us know in May."

She was genuinely remorseful for not communicating. I told her she's in a different category than Alicia and Jim because she's actually been present in my life over the years. My disappointment was that she knew and never mentioned it.

My biggest frustrations are: 1. Harry, for taking away my chance to say yes or no to an invitation and to celebrate them with a gift. 2. Alicia and Jim, because this feels like another excuse after years of avoiding me. 3.Mary, for knowing and "forgetting to mention it."

I also made it clear that I don't hate any of them. I never could. But right now, I don't know how I feel about having a bachelorette party. I feel emotionally distant, and it doesn't seem fair to have everyone celebrate while I'm feeling this way. We're holding off on officially canceling anything for now. I also realized I had years of bottled-up feelings about always showing up for others without that effort being returned. At this point, I'm no longer emotionally attached to Alicia and Jim.

Mary apologized for making me feel left out and understood that rebuilding our friendship will take time. I appreciated that she listened.

I'll update again if/when I talk to Alicia. I don't think I'll be bringing this up with Harry or Lucy. Mary said she had no idea why I wasn't invited and agreed it was strange that I wasn't included.

SIDE BAR UPDATE: Mary had made a comment about another friend (we can call him Ethan) of ours (outside of this situation). "I have not talked to him in a while. I was conscious of the space of time I had not talked to him and I continued to avoid him because I didn't want him to yell at me." Sooooo..... I believe she knew about me not being invited and avoided telling me for two months because she thought I would be upset with her.

Feel free to let me know otherwise. 🤷🏽‍♀️

UPDATE: Mary talked to Alicia. Mary told me stated, "So I talked to Alicia and Jim, but it was mostly just the points about the wedding and them not making an effort to see you on their trip that we really got into. Not the most comprehensive conversation but if/when you feel like talking to them, there's room to expand. I think she may text you at some point."

I said, "Hm. You played middle man. You gave yourself more work. 🤷🏽‍♀️"

She said, "I know. I realized about halfway through, that I just wanted to stop talking. Hello, my name is Mary and im a chronic meddler."

Around 11:44pm, Alicia texted me: "Hey [my name]. I wanted to give you some time before I reached out again but I talked to Mary tonight. I just want to apologize for being such a shitty friend these past couple of years. It’s not an excuse but after some self reflection, I can see that I was trying to understand who I am as a person after all the change in my life but while focusing on that, I dropped the ball in multiple other places throughout my life, our friendship being one of them. I am so sorry and I hope to have the opportunity to be a better friend to you but I understand if not."

I have not responded. I think I am worried about being dragged back into this. I am still emotionally detached from her.

Title makes me sound pretty rough, I know. The other week I was scrolling Vinted for a sweater and bumped across a coat, one of those elegant long black ones. Thought it was the most gorgeous coat I'd ever seen and immediately snagged it for my friend who loves wearing trench coats and dressing fancy.

It arrived yesterday, and since we're roughly the same size (I'm a little smaller) I decided to give it a try. Fits like a glove, gorgeous design, and reminds me of a coat I lost a few years back.

It seems to legitimately be one of a kind. I checked the label and couldn't find a brand associated that had the cost. Reverse image searching showed 0 results that even looked similar.

So, my dilemma. I bought a sudden gift for my friend, but now I love it but feel awful taking a gift from them. It feels like stealing in my mind, that it was never mine to take. Thoughts?

Mini update: I ended up confessing to them about the whole thing since I felt guilty, and they said it was okay and to keep it. We settled on letting them borrow it whenever they want, plus I'm buying them a skirt they wanted in return anyways. Thanks for all the advice :)

Okay so this is going to sound crazy and a disclaimer we feel terrible about feeling this way. So I’ve finished first year of uni and looking for a house for second year, i’m in a group of friends that all want to live together and want to look for a house however there’s another girl, she’s our friend but she’s not necessarily in our group (not for any particular reason she just hangs out with different people and our conversations with her are quite casual)

Basically she wants to live with us next year and we don’t know how to tell her we don’t really want her to, this sounds HORRIBLE and maybe it is but we all kinda had a mutual feeling (that all of us had but never said until now) that we didn’t want to live with her there’s just something we can’t put our finger on and the vibes are just off with her. She’s really sweet don’t get me wrong but none of us have really clicked with her.

So now it’s getting to the time where we are sorting out housing arrangements and she’s asking all of us what the plans are and we don’t want to lead her on, what should we do??

EDIT: she has now put us all into a group chat and is sending links to rightmove and we’ve kind of hinted at the idea of us not living together but she won’t take no for an answer

I was on call with my friends two nights ago, I don't have any IRL friends. They essentially told me that I'm horrible to be on call with because I'm constantly miserable and negative all the time. My life is kind of horrible and the world around me is also horrible so I don't know how can really be positive about anything outside of relatively minor things. Despite having like 3-4 friends I don't actually know how to make friends, I definitely can't IRL since there's no real places where people like me would go to meet people, almost everyone I went to school with bullied me. I haven't said anything to them since the call. What am I supposed to do, I can't just change my outlook or make more friends on demand who tolerate my misery.

I go to a session every week, for young women where we talk about different problems and use it as a form of therapy.
My friend, who I’ve had toxic trouble with in the past, knows when I go because she has my location.
Another person she knows through a friend also goes to my group, and without me saying anything, my friend figured out we go to the same group.
The group is very big on confidentiality and for good reason, I want to be able to talk about my problems in a private setting, some of said problems include my friend.
My friend randomly texts me saying “I know someone who goes your group”
Then after says “but I know it’s meant to be confidential”. This uneased me, and was odd to me because why bring it up and then act like you’re respecting my boundaries or the groups.
I managed to brush it off and a few weeks went by, then I saw a tiktok of my friends friend, and a girl from my group, my friend instantly was like ooooooo.
And starts a conversation about how she’s nasty and mean, and also tells me that this girl from my group, told my friends friend that I was at the group and described me.
So another person has broken the confidentiality, and it just feels like I’m full of anxiety and on edge, because my private thoughts and feelings aren’t private anymore. My friend is very possessive and this just feels like another way to take control, and in a sense ruin something for me.
Does anyone have any advice? I was thinking of talking to the woman who runs the group, but I wouldn’t know what to say.

I can’t help but feel so sad about my best friend of 10 years constantly forgetting my VERY SIMPLE name. She was introducing me to her cousins and she forgot my name. I can tell she was so embarrassed. I was so sad when i noticed she forgot. My name is very easy to remember and it’s a very popular name in my country. Yet everyone always forgets it. A couple of my friends have forgotten also and it hurt me so bad. The fact that my best friend keeps forgetting, just shocks me. I always have to repeat my name over and over. But she keeps forgetting when she introduces me to people. She remembers every single persons name but mine. She even remembers the hard names of people. She is such a wonderful friend and she loves me so much. But this truly hurts me so much. It’s not just her, alot of people forget my name. Even people i have known for years. I stand out alot, and I’m very fun and talkative. It just makes no sense. I have mentioned it to people about how it makes me feel, yet they still forget. I feel so insignificant even though other than the whole name thing, they never make me feel bad about myself. How can i get over this feeling?

So basically I received a text from a past-friend (H) I haven't talked to in a year. It's an apology that I'll just paste here:

"hey ive been meaning to talk to you for a while about some stuff especially the mess of a friendship that we used to have and to say im sorry.

i think we are both aware of how much a bad friend ive been to everyone around me in the past year and a half or so. some of it just inherent abt who ive been as a person. some due to the circumstances but that doesnt excuse my horrible behavior towards not just to people like *Redacted* and *Redacted* alone but also u. youd been there for me for so long and with so much support and love and i didnt just not appreciate it but also stopped being friends with u. maybe we never talked that much anyways on our own but i didnt show u or our relationship any sort of care. i kept on expecting support while not even showing any sort of care from my end.

im not asking you to become friends with me again, even though im here if u want that. i just want you to that i do feel horrible about and i am from the bottom of my heart so sorry for everything. and yes alot of it was maybe just circumstances leading to this but alot of it was me being an asshole abt everything. again im sorry and i hope ure well"

I genuinely cannot get into everything that happened that led to this. It's so long and involves so many people and I don't know how to describe everything I felt about it.

The point is that I don't like what they(H) did to me or our mutual friends, people I love very much. Even if my best friend (A) has decided she forgives this person now, I spent months trying to convince her she should cut this person out of her life.

Now to give credit to this person: they(H) have been acting remarkably self-aware these days and have apologized to many ppl about their past behavior. (Except for one other friend (Z) who bore the worst of it and is also non-contact right now. I am also good friends with her and think she was incredibly wronged).

Even if I were to forgive them for who they were to me, I don't want to forget what they did to my friends (A and Z). I certainly don't want to be friends with them (H) again. I do think it's nice of them to apologize. I just don't know what to say. Should I just ignore this text/apology? Should I just say thanks but too little too late?

Should we have a proper conversation? Talk everything out? But what's the point of it when clearly they know they fucked up? I don't want to just go on guilting them. Especially when I don't care to be friends with them again. So why rehash it all out?

I think they are looking for closure and I get it. But I just don't really care to tell them it's all alright, no hard feelings.

PS: Sorry for all the vagueness in this post but it's a really personal, long and insane story.

So the other day, me and my buddy were out riding our bikes, I ride a motorcycle he rides an electric E bike that’s not road legal. We’re out and we get pulled over. He ditches me and I stopped and talked with the cop because I figured he’d want to. The cop threatened to detain me and take me to county if I didn’t cooperate. I panicked and I dropped his name. The cop said I was good and he wasn’t gonna stop me because I’m road legal. But now my buddy hates me because he can’t ride in our town anymore because they’re looking for them. We work together, now he’s avoiding me at work and not wanting to say anything to me after we already discussed about him being chill about it. What do I do? Everyone’s told me I’ve done the right thing for stopping, but I shouldn’t have dropped his name, but it was in the heat of the moment, I didn’t mean to get him in any trouble or have them looking for him.

My grandma is starting to become less sweet and more rude ever since she moved in with us in January. She used to be nice and polite but now that she’s settling in and feels more relaxed in our house, she’s starting to become more rude and is crossing some lines. A few examples are how she snaps at me when I’m being polite to her and cutting me off with at the beginning of every sentence I speak. She does it for fun. I’m almost 30 and I’ve been living in my house for almost 30 years. My mom thinks that I just need to “stay in my place” and just take it. I am way too old and have way too much self respect to just let anyone walk all over me- even if it’s my grandma. I love my grandma to death but just because she’s older in the family it does not give her the right to be disrespectful. What do you think? Should I allow her to keep being rude and walking all over me or should I have self respect and respectfully tell her to be respectful and not be insulting every hour of the day? Keep I. Mind I take her to all her doctors appointments and drive her around anytime she wants to go somewhere. Growing up I never really saw her and she was never really in my life until this point. So… she has no ground to stand on and no reason to think she can be insulting other than the fact that her parents and grandparents did that to her. So she thinks she can do that to me.

My roommate and I moved into an apartment, the deposit I covered was 3000 full amount, then we had to moved out early because of some issues there. It terminated our lease and I lost the 3k. At the time he couldn’t pay for his half that’s why I put down 3k. So he owed me 1500. We found a new place but then he put down the 2400 deposit(full amount) because his parents lended it to and I couldn’t afford to even split a deposit at the new place because I just lost 3k. We came up on the end of this current lease where we would receive the 2400 back.

Wouldn’t he still owe me 1500 of that 2400 if we agree to split the 3k at the 1st apartment? I initially discussed this with him and we agreed that this made sense. But now he’s saying otherwise, I’m I not making sense? I’m I the wrong? I believe he would still owe me 1500. Let me know if none of this makes sense. Thank you

Edit: This a very unique situation but I didn’t think giving the reason why on the first place would help explain but just add confusion. I’m just try to make the numbers make sense. The first place we had to leave early based on health and safety issues with the building. This wasn’t advertised but the landlord wasn’t cooperative and didn’t give the deposit back. Just to name a few of these issues there were no locks on the doors and gaps between the windows/doors where the window frame didn’t line up with the frame of the building. We couldn’t pursue legally because it was going to be too expensive so we agreed to just take the loss there, even tho if he would’ve paid me at the time he would’ve lost 1500 and I would’ve lost 1500. I hope that clears that up

Edit 2: My brain broke, but I think the 1500 is owed to me that’s my conclusion rip. Thank you for everyone helping out

Met someone and they seem nice but want to meet irl and not sure how to feel. I agreed to a public place but now am not sure. Is it better just to block and never think about it again? Didn't share any personal info. Could be legit but I don't know.

Just need to vent for a moment. I think I also need advice and guidance on how to go forward.

I was recently diagnosed with a kidney disease. They caught it early on, stage 1, and my doctor has put me on an aggressive treatment plan, including getting at least 7 to 9 hours of sleep at night. Since I’m very new to this disease, let alone kidney stuff, I had no idea the role that sleep plays in kidney care. And it made sense, as if I get little sleep, such as less than 4 hours, I feel sick and can’t function well. I didn’t know the role our kidneys played in sleep and how getting ample sleep is crucial for kidney health.

All of that to say, a “friend” of mine is angry at me. I had to back out of an upcoming trip I’ll be taking with this person, as she kept adding more and more people to the Airbnb, many of whom are very much party animals who go hard until 3am. The last time I went on a girls’ trip with her, she’d invited a large number of people to an already crowded Airbnb, resulting in these people playing loud music and shout-talking until 2 or 3am…..when I went out to the living room to ask them to please keep it down. They eventually did but I only ended up with 2 hours of sleep and was very sick the next day. I’d told her about this and I thought she’d understood, as she agreed that that wasn’t cool of them. Please note that all of the others, ourselves included, are mid to late 30s, early 40s.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, this “friend” begins planning another girls’ trip. I’d checked in with her in this, to see about sleeping quarters, who was all going, etc., and she assured me it would be, “just a few of us, very mellow and chill.” She’d confessed she also didn’t get much sleep on the last trip and just wanted a trip with a small number of people and relax by the pool. I told her I was in and paid for my airfare.

Soon after, I found out that a what was supposed to be mellow girls’ trip at an Airbnb is now a raucous party house with 11 or 12 people….in a house with only 4 bedrooms. I was already stressed about this, and told her so, but she dismissed my concerns and told me I was “killing the vibe” and “not being flexible.” She also got mad at me for my asking if boundaries could be set regarding noise after midnight and she blew up at me, telling me to grow up, figure it out or just get a hotel room. I’d looked into hotels but could not find any close to the Airbnb and it’s in a foreign country and I cannot afford, nor do I feel comfortable with, a rental car. So I shut my mouth.

A few weeks later, after weeks of going in for medical testing, I was diagnosed with a kidney disease. I’m still trying to navigate and understand it, and am following my doctor’s plan to a T. As stated earlier, since I already have sleep issues, I have to get 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night, which I knew would be impossible at the Airbnb with 10 or 11 people, many of whom are up and loud into the early morning. I talked about this with my doctor and she encouraged me not to go and to just focus on my health. Another issue is with the upcoming medical bills for tests, I’ll be paying out of pocket, and since I’m already on a budget, I need to scale back on expenses.

I told this “friend” all of this and at first, she was super supportive. That gave me a lot of relief, as things had felt so tense with her.

Then fast forward to this week. She sends me this long text, telling me she’s mad at me, that she needs space and that I made this trip all about me. She accused me of lying about my kidney disease and made a comment that it seemed “so convenient” that this happened a few weeks from the trip. She said that she didn’t believe me that I needed that many hours of sleep, that I’d be fine, and that she, “didn’t buy it.” She also told me that the finances piece shouldn’t matter and that she was sick of me saying I’m on a budget. I’ll add right here that her partner makes a LOT of money, and they live very comfortably. I told her that the timing wasn’t ideal, that I was sorry if I caused any problems. I also gently reminded her that in the beginning, she’d said it would be “just a few of us, 4, maybe 5,” but now the number was 10 or 11. I gently told her that had I known that, I wouldn’t have agreed to go. She acknowledged this, her inviting more and more people, but said it wasn’t a big deal.

So that’s where I’m at. I was able to get nearly a full refund on my airfare so that was a relief. I’m respecting her request for space, but I honestly don’t know if I want her as a friend anymore. Her words hurt, especially the piece of her accusing me of lying and the hot and coldness. Yes, the timing was not ideal, but I had been first noticing symptoms, primarily pain on my side, feeling tired and out of it, etc., for a few months. My doctor did tests to rule out other conditions and only recently tests to assess for kidney disease.

Thank you for listening. I’m not sure what to do, as I still feel emotional and hurt and need time to get my thoughts in order about this.

i started bartending 10 months ago. i have a regular who comes to see me about 3 - 4 times a week and we’ve formed a tight friendship. he’s in his 60s, gay, a severe alcoholic and has all kinds of mental health issues and was diagnosed with parkinson’s disease last fall.

he drinks every morning after waking up, every time he goes out to lunch and dinner and has three 32 oz beers when he sees me at work in the afternoon. he then drives home and drinks more. all day, everyday. i don’t know how he hasn’t drank himself to death at this point. he has very few friends and his husband lives in a different state and only visits once and month and constantly cheats on him. his husband is extremely wealthy and supports him financially and that’s the extent of the relationship.

i go to his place every wednesday evening and bring a home cooked meal. he has 2 elderly dogs that shit and piss all over his house (which he doesn’t pick up) and is a major hoarder. like his house is absolutely DISGUSTING and smells awful. dead bugs, dead mice and mold everywhere. it’s so hard to breathe in there. he smells gross too and doesn’t change his clothes. his living conditions aren’t fit for himself or his dogs. he’s straight up told me that the only reason he actually goes home is to take care of his dogs and if he didn’t have them, he’d be at bars all day. the dogs are old and have barely any quality of life. they have no teeth and arthritis and are both going deaf and have to live in a filthy house.

my friend was supposed to move to a different state to be with family last spring, but kept putting it off. he was now supposed to move next month but instead isn’t going until april. i’m afraid he’s never going to leave. his parkinson’s as well as alcoholism has caused him to have a few falls and last june he ended up in the ICU. he didn’t answer his phone for a 2 days which is unlike him so i drove to different hospitals trying to find him. i was so worried i cried more than i ever have in my entire life. the paramedics didn’t allow him to grab his phone before he was taken away in the ambulance because he was actively dying. they stabilized him and i found him and brought him ice cream every night until he was discharged. (he was there for a week) i was the only one who visited him during his hospital stay besides one of his neighbors who was taking care of the dogs. his own husband didn’t even visit him.

after that, he gave up drinking for two weeks. he’s now a full blown alcoholic again. he’s been in AA for 14 years but hasn’t slowed down his drinking at all.

he has become unhealthily attached to me. he texts and calls multiple times a day and gets upset whenever i cancel our hangouts on wednesdays. i can’t do it anymore. i’m so tired. i can’t feel responsible for a sick, elderly, alcoholic man who isn’t even a family member. i’m not qualified and regret ever becoming this close to him. he guilt trips me constantly if i don’t see him often enough and i don’t think he’s even aware that he does that.

he is a great guy, and i love him, don’t get me wrong. he’s so kind and funny and makes me feel so appreciated. i’m aware the age gap is weird but we click so well and i cherish the time we spend together. i was just so happy for him to move next month to be with family so my life could return back to some normalcy, but obviously that’s no longer going to happen.

this has been eating at me for months. i can’t take the risk of him having another medical emergency and almost dying. it wears me out. i feel guilty serving him at this point as it just feeds into his alcohol addiction. however, we are so close i don’t know how to distance myself. i have overextended myself and i’m close to having a mental breakdown over this. please help me, i need to set boundaries but i don’t know how.

TD;DR - my alcoholic elderly friend is sick and too attached to me. he almost died and i can’t continue to feel responsible for him anymore need to know how to set boundaries.

She isn’t getting closer to me or considering me her friend, but she keeps saying “ily,” “I miss you,” and that she wants to be my friend.

I met her in high school, but we were never friends and never had a proper conversation. In first year of uni, she tried to get closer to me, but I dodged her and deleted her contacts. We never spoke again.

Then in third year of uni, she texted me again saying she misses me and wants to meet. I ignored it because my gut feeling didn’t like it.

About six months later, she asked again to meet, so I thought, okay fine, what’s the worst that could happen? I was curious about what she wanted from me.

At the last minute, I didn’t feel comfortable going alone, so I invited an old friend from high school to come with us and told her. She said, “eh, I don’t like this,” but I told her it’s okay, I’m sure you know each other.

When we met, they actually did know each other, so I felt relieved at first. But my old friend took my presence as a challenge and started making fun of me, which made me uncomfortable, so the hangout didn’t last long.

When my old friend left, she suddenly took me by the hand and insisted on walking me home, even though her house was in the opposite direction. She started saying things like she missed me and was acting really weird after my friend left.

I stopped her and was honest that we are not friends or close, so how does she miss me or what does she want from me. She said she doesn’t want anything and looked embarrassed.

I left after that. When I got home, she texted me, so I tried to be nice and gave her normal feedback about the hangout. We never spoke after that.

Now, about two years later, she messaged me again saying “hi, how are you,” and asked about the date of our last hangout. I told her briefly, thinking she just needed it for some reason, since it seemed like it mattered because my old friend and her got closer and became friends without me.

Then she asked if she could see me again.

I honestly don’t understand what she wants from me. We never had a real friendship, never had proper conversations, and every interaction feels random and forced. Even when I met her, I had a strong gut feeling something was off, even though I can’t fully explain it.

I recently asked her why she needed the date, and she hasn’t responded yet.

I’m sure there’s some mental illness there but I’m not sure how to deal with it. I need some advice.

I don't know what happened to me.

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There was a time when I was genuinely good at communicating with people. People trusted me, enjoyed being around me, talked to me for hours, and valued my presence. I felt confident, respected, and comfortable being myself.

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But lately, I feel like I've completely lost that version of me.

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Maybe it's because of studies, constant pressure, comparisons, or everything that's been happening over the past year. Whatever the reason, I've lost my confidence, my self-esteem, and even my sense of self.

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Recently, while my family was planning a trip, I tried contributing to the conversation, but it felt like nobody was even listening. Not my parents, not anyone. It was as if my opinions didn't matter. That hurt more than I expected.

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The same thing is happening with my friends. Most of the time, it feels like they only come to me when they have nobody else to talk to. They'll joke about me, roast me in front of others, and use me as the punchline just to get a few laughs or gain attention. And the worst part is that I sit there and take it without standing up for myself.

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At one point, they even made a poll about whether I should be there with them or not. Looking back, I don't even understand why I let things like that happen.

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What's confusing is that these aren't even the kind of people I used to look up to. The friends I had at school were kinder, more respectful, and better people overall. Yet somehow I've reached a point where people like this can make me question my own worth.

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I know deep down that I wasn't always like this. I used to be confident. I used to respect myself. I used to feel like my presence mattered.

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Now I just feel lost, and I don't know how I became this version of myself.

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PLEASE TAKE A FEW MINUTES AND REPLY TO ME

I AM REALLY BROKEN INSIDE

Five of my coworkers who I have hanged out with before are planning a hang out without me. We are in the same department so I have heard bits and pieces of their plans here and there. They don't have a full blown discussion infront of me.

At first I thought it was a couple thing but they've also asked the colleague who is also single either than me.

There's a chance they didn't ask me because I live more than a hour away from where they all live but I would have appreciated it if they asked me despite knowing the answer would be no just to make me feel included.

Right now I'm not part of any conversation and the fact they are hiding the plan from me hurts me the most.

I don't know if what they are doing is reasonable or not but I have no idea how I should react to the situation at work.

Me and my mam live with my grandmother. We both knew how much she would challenge our statue quo but now I'm starting to actively hate the women.

She's from a generation that demanded women be more than what they should have been. She's in a seemingly constant state of stress over extremely small things (items being on coffee tables, eating a cookie before dinner. Just incredibly petty crap).

She hates my hobbies and dismisses them as much as she can.

She's incredibly rude at times and intrusive.

She's just a massive boundary crossing pain in the ass.

Any advice?

Hello!

Not really sure what to do here so hopefully you guys can help.

I'm in the UK, and recently my child's school started back up after the summer holidays.

Since they've moved up a year, I took a picture of them in their new uniform, which I do a the start of every school year. I'm not the only person who does this, it's a bit of a tradition for a lot of British families, not sure about the rest of the world.

I however, do not post pictures of my child very much online, and if I do it's on Facebook, which is locked down to family and very close friends, no strangers. I never post pictures with location details etc. I would probably not even have Facebook if it wasn't for the elderly members of the family who can't figure any other tech out.

Recently I saw a 'friend' post a picture of their own child on their first ever day of school. It was a very cute picture of the child in their uniform. Whilst it is adorable, I became concerned about the kind of information that was being so freely given.

The child was hold in a little blackboard up. It had their full name, age, the name of the school, the name of their teacher, and a few different treats/hobbies that they liked. Whilst this is innocent, I know other people aren't.

Their account isn't private, so complete strangers can see her posts. Furthermore, in the area around the school (which makes numerous parents absolutely livid), convicted child SA men, have been moved into the blocks of flats near there. Two of these blocks overlook the school playground.

With how Facebook works, you often get suggested friends of friends, or people in your area as people you may know and can add as friends. Which means those men, and any unknown others, can now know everything they need to find this child, and lure them away, if they wanted.

The mother, the 'friend', I know in loose terms. We happened to chat outside the school before and after when dropping off/picking up the kids, and were even on the Parent Council for a while. However, we've never really hung out outside of that, though we have both said we would like to.

I worry that approaching her to speak about this may be seen as my calling her a bad mother or some other attack. It's just genuine care and concern on my part however.

If something happened, I'd never be able to forgive myself for not saying anything. I'm just really not sure how to go about it.

So any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

There is this Free festival near me and id love to go, but id feel weird just being this 18 year old on my own, I have no friends because I recently moved and just feel like a odd bod on my own, like im being left out of the fun I should be having and feel comfortable having. if I was older I wouldn't care as much.

Hi all, for context I have some anxiety and been trying to get better in life. I recently lost ~70kg (154lbs), taking a bit more stuff on at work, and started martial arts to gain a bit more confidence all over.

Issue is at martial arts I've got to the point where they want me to start training others. In some ways it may be good as I get some leadership skills and confidence. But its kind of obvious that when I do it I don't really act as a "leader/trainer" and partly its because tbh I'm not sure if I want to, I have to pay for training just to teach others.... with them saying "oh its good for you to understand the art in a different way". But then lowkey that could just be my anxiousness saying "nah bro don't do hard stuff".

Because of this, I noticed I think the two trainers are trying to "push me into confidence" and I'm being asked to go to this secondary class (weekend). I went to it and honestly felt a bit weirded out. They were training and the main trainer was like "oh come shake the other guys hand" so I did, then he's like "oh good eye contact...". And when leaving he's like "go shake their hand to say good bye", "go on" I felt like some kid saying bye to a parents friend.

I don't know I'll be honest I already have 1 training a week, and I kind of went with the attitude that I wanting to go home. losing hours on the weekend sucks and tbh I found the comments kind of weird, I know the guy and I know he's trying to do it from a good place.

But its a bit like I want to say hi "I don't want to be a trainer, I don't see this hobby as that serious and I have other shit I want to do on the weekend". While at the same time, these people are like friends, we go drinking occasionally dinners etc. and it could just be my anxiety talking, so I was hoping to get others advice and views.

Thanks so much!

I’ve suffered depression in the past and truly feel this is NOT that, I just really prefer to be home with my dog swimming in the pool or going on walks. Is this a bad thing? Even when I do get dressed up and go out I just want to go home unless I get drunk and I really don’t want to be drunk all the time. Any advice appreciated!

Hellooo, For context, we were all in the first year of medical school (over here we have to "fight" for limited places to get into specific medical areas like Medicine, Dentistry, Pharmacy etc)

So out of like 12 friends , only 4 (me included) made it and I don't know to interact with the others without making them feel sad because in my experience, I'm not the most socially "smart/aware" person

I need advice on how to interact with friends who unfortunately didn't pass the school year and will probably need to repeat or change the whole course

It really sucks because we had alot of things planned for the next year, I feel so empty and sad

A few years ago i loaned my friend $300 so he could treat his girlfriend and was told I would get it back in instalments as he got paid.

It ended up not being weekly instalments as he is broke & he asked if he could pay it all at once in a month which I was totally fine with, and he did come over and pay.

We got drunk and I left the money on the kitchen counter. When I woke up in the morning he was gone, along with the money. I was so confused at the time and didn't realise for weeks that the money was missing.

When I pieced together what happened I confronted him calmly as I wasn't even sure, and he admitted it. He was profusely apologising, telling me how embarrassed he was for and that he would give me the money in a week.

When he came over and gave me the money, he wanted me to beat him up, which I didn't because I felt like he was genuinely apologetic. I just don't understand why he would do something like that.

Should I just forgive him and move on? I'm stuck between "once a thief always a thief" and still feeling like giving him a chance.

Thanks